The Trouble with Boys

So many of the difficulties that we face with Trevor and Sean were not issues when it was just Bryce. I guess there is less trouble when the male child population in your home is one. When you shift from "boy" to "boys," somehow the trouble quotient escalates.

Here are some recent troubles:

Boys are destructive. Bryce wasn't destructive. My two little guys together are like a tornado of destruction. It may not be equal to the force that just ripped through the southern states, but it is still DESTRUCTION.

One weekend, not long ago, I managed to snag some moments alone and visited a garage sale. I was thrilled to locate four adorable Christmas ornaments in a box marked "50 cents each." I give each boy a special ornament which reflects something particular to them for that year. This coming year, Bryce has decided to go out for football. I purchased two nice football themed ornaments.

Then I spied a fabulous fishing ornament. It was one of those moments where you see an object and think, "Oh, I've got to buy that ... it is just too cool to pass up!" It is a sign saying "The Perfect Catch - Pull for Photo" and below the sign hangs the head of a fish connected to a spring connected to the tail of the fish.



I showed the boys the clever ornament. I emphasized, "YOU ARE NOT TO PULL ON IT OR IT WILL BREAK !"



I'm sure you can guess. The following morning I woke to hear the sound of my husband in the shower. There were the two boys pulling the spring beyond all restoration. They have ruined my clever ornament. I am really hoping that I can find a comparable spring and fix the thing, but we shall see. Little boy heads are on platters!

Boys fight. When I just had Bryce, I didn't have to deal with this element of the male persuasion. He had no one else to fight with. If a friend came over and a fight broke out, it was usually verbal and minor.

Enter the plural - BOYS. These two boys are starting to come to blows far more often than I can take. It arises out of the most ridiculous moments. Fists are flung. Often Sleepy Bear is wielded as a weapon. They cannot both sit on the couch without kicking each other in a constant battle to sit with their legs fully stretched out.

One day, I left them playing a game of "Don't Break the Ice" and went to the bathroom. When I returned, the little mallets meant for poking the ice were being used to beat each other. Groan.

Thankfully, there are equal amounts of true companionship between them. They may duke it out, but they usually let the fights go and move on fairly quickly (pretty sure this is a blessing of boys).

Finally, boys are highly impressionable. They recently watched a television show where an addicted gamer refuses to leave his gaming console and rigs up a device to handle restroom duties. Bryce has been using protein shakes after his workouts and the container is so large that it doesn't fit in the kitchen trash can. Instead, I placed it next to the trash. Next thing I know, Trevor walks off with the large container. I am expecting him to think up some form of art. Alas, I was wrong. He turned on the PlayStation, popped in a game and began playing, with the container near his feet. A few moments later, he declared, "I'm in obsessive gaming mode." I watched in horror as he peed into the container and went back to gaming.

We also have had some bathroom issues when it comes to baths. Usually, if they have to go during a bath, I hand them a small bathtub cup and then transfer what they produce to the toilet. However, now that Trevor takes a shower, I have told him that it is perfectly fine to urinate in the shower, since it will just go down the drain.

Sadly, I failed to specify that when you urinate in the shower, you should do so near the drain, not at the other end of the bathtub, say against the opposite wall. Hmph! My irritation was so great that I declared Trevor would clean the mess up. But somehow he was called away to some other thing (probably a disaster that Dad discovered) and I failed to remember to have him clean it.

So, the next night, I send Sean down to the bathtub, telling him I'll be there in a moment to begin running the water. When I enter the bathroom, I realize that son number two (hmm - not a good choice of words for this discussion) has inspired son number three. Instead of just peeing at the back of the shower, Sean decided to see how high against the back wall he could aim the flow. Let me tell you, it was pretty high and a gigantic mess because he also nailed the bag of tub letters they use to create words on the wall.

Boys! If one thinks of something, the other is sure to carry it just a bit further. Not that my boys really seem to need any inspiration. They come up with crazy antics just fine on their own. That's just life with boys for you!

Book Review: The Gift of Fear

Several weeks ago, I attended a free seminar on protecting children from child abuse. In the novel I began writing for the 2009 Nanowrimo, I have a character that is a victim of child abuse. Thus, I thought it would be beneficial to glean some insights into the statistics and the common characteristics of this situation.

The speaker of the day mentioned this book, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence, by Gavin deBecker. It turned out to be a fascinating read. Plus, when a Bible study member requested prayer for her daughter who was being harassed by an ex-boyfriend, I was able to suggest the book for wisdom on how to handle the persistence of this individual.

Gavin deBecker is the nation's leading expert on predicting violent behavior. Responding to a childhood rife with violence, deBecker became an astute student of the clues that lead up to moments of violence and criminal behavior. He argues that "true fear is a gift." Our intuition is meant to alert us with signals of impending danger. Listening to our intuition is key.

Far too often, we tend to refute our own intuitive feelings about something. When something seems unusual, instead of looking at it more closely, we discount our concerns as being ridiculous.

Because violence and assaults are scary and intense, oftentimes people will distance themselves from the violence another family has endured. They do this to make themselves feel immune to the dangers with an attitude of "this would never happen to my family because we ..."

As Gavin deBecker put it:

"Even having learned these facts of life and death, some readers will still compartmentalize the hazards in order to exclude themselves 'Sure there's a lot of violence, but that's in the inner city'; 'Yeah, a lot of women are battered, but I'm not in a relationship now'; 'Violence is a problem for younger people, or older people'; 'You're only at risk if you're out late at night'; 'People bring it on themselves,' and on and on."

Plus, we often respond to threats (such as the threat of a harassing ex-boyfriend) in ways that further engage the violent individual. The author clearly outlines tactics used to bait you into their devious schemes and escalating intentions. He outlines how to make accurate predictions about another person's behavior.

In addition to the wealth of stories he presents as he outlines the clues for survival, Gavin deBecker also provides resources for those observing signals of danger. He provides a list of questions to present to your school to assess their diligence in providing safety for students.

This was a captivating and informative book. I would recommend it for individuals who have been through an assault and wish to review their moments of denial of intuition and for those who are involved in manipulative relationships (especially those who remain entrenched in the dialogue when they should cease all interaction). But, really, anyone interested in observing human nature and how we respond to intuition and danger would gain something from this book.

Book Review: The Saturday Big Tent Wedding Party

Once again, I've allowed too much time to get between my reading and the writing of a review. This was a fantastic installment in the Number One Ladies' Detective Agency series. In fact, when I finished listening to it (was amazed to find our library had it already), I couldn't go on to another audio book because I was still so caught up in the story.

In this episode, we watch Mma Ramotswe take on the case of a suspicious individual wanting to get to the bottom of the killings of two of his cattle. In this perplexing case, the client himself may be a suspect. It is obvious that a timid child knows more than he is saying, but can Mma Ramotswe get the boy to speak honestly and openly?

In the meantime, back at the office, Mma Makutsi is preparing to wed Phuti Rhudiphuti and is searching for the perfect pair of shoes. She is also eager to confront Charlie, the apprentice who has often sparred with Mma Makutsi (calling her a "warthog") and who is rumored to have gotten a girl pregnant.

The only thing that felt out of place in this novel was the inclusion of Mma Makutsi's arch-enemy, Violet Sopotho. She is running for a government seat and the whole thing seems unlikely and unnecessary to the progression of the story. The topic is introduced at the beginning and then left cold until the very end, when it is summarily tidied up.

Still, I fully enjoyed this book and cannot recommend the audio version of this series enough. Lisette Lecat does a fantastic job of bringing the various characters to life and carrying the tone of the novels, with their rich descriptions of Botswana and the rambling considerations of "Botswana morality." Once again, I will eagerly await another installment to see more of the lives of these characters unfold.

My Three Greatest Gifts in Life

Fantastic Drumming at Butler Recital

This past week, Bryce, my oldest son, turned 15. Like everyone, I'm saying "where has the time gone?"

When I posted a photo of the three boys as my Facebook profile, someone commented, "Since when is Bryce practically a grown-up?" In a blink.

We headed to Butler University this morning for Bryce's final recital after a year of study with his graduate student instructor. He had to be there early, so I walked around the building with the little boys, trying to wear them out so they would sit quietly during the recital.

I think I was expecting 7 to 10 individuals to perform. When we returned to the room and took our seats, I glanced at a program that listed TWENTY FIVE names of participants. I will admit, I thought there was no way in the world Trevor and Sean would manage to sit quietly. They surprised me and did tremendously well. I think their favorite participant, apart from their brother, was a sweet little four year old who played the violin with his father.

But the loudest, longest and (biased opinion) most fantastic was big brother, Bryce:

Book Review: Healing Sands

This was yet another great book in the Sullivan Crisp series by Nancy Rue and Stephen Arterburn. They make a great team of writers and I am hoping there will be another book in this series.

In Healing Sands, Ryan Coe is a divorced photo-journalist trying to reconnect with her sons after a year's absence on a project in Africa. With her ex-husband in the arms of another woman and her oldest son shutting her out, her life oozes bitterness and anger. It certainly doesn't make things any easier when she discovers her own son on the other end of the lens as she is shooting a crime scene. In the midst of her drive to find the truth and clear her son, Ryan finally realizes that she needs some help in dealing with her internal rage.

This was another plot line that just kept me turning page after page. While Ryan is chasing clues to unravel the crime her son stands accused of, Sullivan Crisp is chasing clues to the whereabouts of the woman who gave his deceased wife such bad counsel.

I would say that I figured things out well in advance of the climactic conclusion. Plus, I felt that the character of Ginger (the ex-husband's new interest) could have been fleshed out more. If she had been given a few sympathetic traits, then I might not have struggled to believe that she would be his replacement choice. However, she was a peripheral character and the main character was very well drawn.

All three of the books in this series offered realistic modern struggles of life coupled with solid counsel and a demonstration of how God can heal our woundedness. And really, who doesn't have woundedness and need healing? I know I certainly do!

The Big Splash

It is that time of year again ... the time when my little boys go for swimming lessons. Last year, every single class was excruciating because Sean was so fearful of the water. He dreaded going and begged me to let him stay home.

This year, we pulled into the parking lot and Sean recognized the location and said, "Oh no! I didn't think we were coming back to THIS place. I don't want to go." Thankfully, by the end of the first lesson his whole outlook changed. He has loved going every time.

Today the students all lined up to jump from the diving boards. I had to bust a gut laughing at Sean. The adorable little girl in front of him was hesitant to jump (when they were practicing jumping from the side). The instructor would call out "3-2-1- Jump!" and the girl would swing her arms and bend her knees, like she was trying to work up the gumption to jump. Over and over this went on, and Sean stood behind her with his little hand on her back, telling her "Come on, come on. Come on! COME ON!" In my head I was praying that he wouldn't push the sweet thing in.

After the class was over, the little girl's grandmother spoke up to me, saying, "Your little guy was quite a jumper!"

I explained the thoughts going through my mind as her granddaughter was avoiding the task. She chuckled and said, "And I was thinking in my head ... Go on ... give her a push!" We both had a good laugh at that!

Here he is, jumping with exuberance: