Jumping Off Into a New Future

Our family is jumping off into a new future. In many ways we are unprepared. While eager to see how the changes play out in our lives, there's an abiding hesitancy that is hard to push down. Change is uncomfortable, unwieldy. To a certain extent, none of us wanted to move into the new, the untried. Yet, I know it will be good for each of us in the end. For now, we feel discombobulated!

Last week, John and I became empty nesters. We loaded the car full to the brim with belongings and moved our youngest, Sean, into a tiny Purdue University dorm room. My Facebook feed, as usual, knew exactly what was going on, and inundated me with images of magazine-worthy dorm rooms, sentimental articles, and lists of what to bring. As if the emotions weren't already tender, I had to wade through the detritus of on-line advice and eloquent parental good-byes (one woman lined a whole hallway with her son's childhood toys saying good-bye).

When we took Bryce to Purdue, he ushered us out of the room as soon as the last item hit the floor. Perhaps it was because we had his 8 and 10-year-old brothers in tow. That transition was painless. Bryce was eager to go. We still had responsibilities at home. Thankfully, Purdue isn't far away (as my sister pointed out, since she was a 20-hour drive away from her college kids). Plus, Bryce had a girlfriend back home, so I drove to Purdue way too often to bring him home for weekend visits.

This time is different. Sean is our last to leave. I have always called him "my sweetness and light." Sure, he was busy with friends, school, activities, and work during his final year at home, but he moved in and out of our lives daily. Now, the house is far too quiet. My role is done. My identity is blurred.

I'd love to think this might jump-start me back into writing consistently. Somehow, I doubt it will. Neither noise nor time keeps me from the writing. I'd love to find a new activity. In a Facebook group, a woman asked for short story suggestions as she had just taken up a post leading a book club in an assisted living facility. Now that sounds perfect!

Perhaps I need to get a job. We will have expenses we were not anticipating and there's the Purdue bill, as well. Somehow, I doubt anyone will hire someone who has been out of the workforce for 18 years. My gig was good, even if it was unpaid, often had lousy hours, and sometimes felt thankless.

Of course, there's a freedom now, too. The first night, John and I window-shopped at a flea market. I've been wanting a vintage sewing box to store my now-minimized sewing supplies. Then, we popped into a bakery, hoping for a strawberry pie. Alas, they only had strawberry-rhubarb (too tart for me). Finally, we ate out for dinner. It was better than going home to the now-quiet-house.

We can make more effort to get away for a weekend. Perhaps we'll take that trip to Mackinac Island. Even if it is just away to our old standbys (Nashville, IN; Rockville, IN for the Covered Bridge Festival; or even closer towns), it will be good to travel and spend time in the couple identity we have reclaimed. I have a few friends I've wanted to visit or invite. The possibilities are endless, really. I should cling to that when loneliness and quiet threaten to overwhelm.

So far, all of this is focused on Sean, John, and me. But, Trevor is at his own crossroads. I try not to divulge much because his story is his own and sometimes isn't as tidy as people like to hear (or I like to tell). We continue to pray fervently for God to use him in a mighty way. At the end of July, we moved Trevor into a halfway house in Lafayette, so our younger two are living in sister cities. 

He has been on a long and challenging road this past year (one we have traveled both from a distance and alongside). Not a single day is assured. He told us once that he has skirted death at least ten different times. We try hard to fight the urge to protect him from his testimony. God has a plan and He is the only One capable of getting Trevor where he needs to go. God's plans are always for our good and His glory.

So, we are each heading off in new directions. We step into the unknown timidly, but with the assurance that God walks with us. An empty nest. A college education. A chance to transition into a life of sobriety, maturity, and purpose. 

My Wheaton College class selected a verse of scripture that I still know and embrace. I may be using it out of context, but I cling to this promise nonetheless:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 - NIV)

May 2025 Kicks Off With a Bang

In the beginning of May, our lives took an unexpected and difficult turn, ramping up the daily stress levels significantly. I cannot discuss those details, but will instead shift my focus to my youngest son, Sean. On May 3rd, he and his girlfriend Claire attended their senior prom. He was decked out in a black tux with an emerald green vest. He purchased matching emerald loafers specifically for the occasion. We were thrilled to learn that Sean and Claire were voted Prom King and Queen for the evening.

On May 4th, they took a trip to King's Island for a post-prom activity with other friends. We had been praying for their safety for this trip. Praise God, they were indeed kept safe! While approaching the entrance, a driver in a jeep in front of them slammed on his brakes. Even though they were only going 10 mph, they slammed into the jeep. While the jeep was unaffected, Sean's car hood was bent. There was also a large hole where the jeep's hitch punctured Sean's bumper. We were very concerned that some internal damage may have made the vehicle unsafe for driving home. Thankfully, they drove home safely and Sean was able to continue using his car until we took it in to a body shop for repairs last week. 

This is very difficult for us now, because it renders us down to one car for the whole household and I become chief chauffer. Just before his car went into the shop, my husband detected a grinding noise coming from my vehicle. So, there was uncertainty that my car would remain viable, as well. I had hit a very large pothole on the way home from my trip to Patti Callahan Henry's author talk in Franklin, IN, last month. That resulted in replacement of the struts. Perhaps the grinding sound is related to that. We will not find out until after Memorial Day weekend and Sean's H. S. graduation.

On May 12th, the school held a Scholarship Night. Both Sean and Claire earned scholarships.

Sean has been accepted into the engineering school at Purdue University. While we are thrilled to see him follow in his brother's footsteps there, some of the requirements gave a great concern. Sean has always exhibited allergic reactions to immunizations. Although the doctor's office would like to label these as "localized allergic reactions," in my opinion, they are widespread. He runs significant levels of fever, exhibits pain (from the kindergarten shots, to the point of being unable to walk), and the shot site often swells up to the size of a grapefruit and is hot to the touch. Once again, as before, we were not allowed to make the decision of what is in the best interest of our son. The university health office denied our requests, with doctor verification, for a medical exemption. If something devastating had happened as a result, I can assure you, we would have pursued legal representation. We prayed God's covering over him and are extremely grateful that his reaction this time was limited to discomfort, mild swelling, and a touch of fever for several days.

We are also grateful for God's protection and care during recent events with our home. On Friday evening, during a touch of bad weather, I heard a loud boom and saw through the kitchen window that a huge limb from one of our trees had come down. It could have done so much more damage than it did. Thankfully, it fell between the kitchen and garage portion of the back of the house. It did pull down the power line, but the line didn't snap (praise God!) and crews were able to come out later in the night to free the line from the tree and rehang it. It took out John's bird feeding sanctuary area. It hit the corner of the porch roof and the corner of the kitchen roof and the corner of the garage roof. It bend down the gutters. Here are the indoor photos I snapped (again, I apologize for being a horrid photographer):

If you are a praying person, please remember us in your prayers as we navigate the rest of this month and upcoming summer. I can honestly say that it is only through His grace that we are enduring the path we have been called to walk. You may also wish to join Judy Douglass for Worldwide Prodigal Prayer Day on June 2nd, 2025. Judy is the author of When You Love a Prodigal and the host of the When You Love a Prodigal podcast.

Spring Break 2025

When Sean appealed to join his friends for a spring break trip, I lacked enthusiasm. Still, both Bryce and Trevor went on spring break trips for their senior year in high school. They went with friends. Sean wanted me to accompany him, since none of his friends had room in their cars or accommodations. So, I located a cute little inexpensive Vrbo studio apartment. I intended to sleep on the (pictured) loveseat and give Sean the queen bed. 

Our arrival was harried. After many flight delays, we didn't arrive until after 11 p.m. and then the Uber driver could not get us to our accommodation because the roads were blocked for a seafood festival. We ended up walking a block in the rain. The Vrbo did not have the same loveseat. Instead, I spent four nights on this reclining loveseat.

According to my fitness watch, I snagged good sleep every night regardless of an inability to lie flat. The little apartment was adorable and cozy. Our only difficulty was with the set-up for the bathroom - a flat floor with no lip around the shower area to keep water from flooding the whole floor. This we remedied with a towel on the floor outside the shower area.

The seafood festival was fun, but I ate more Mexican food than seafood. Here's the last of 3 bountiful tacos I purchased for $6:

And a photo of a fabulous chicken, spinach, and mushroom quesadilla at a restaurant:

I spent a bit of time enjoying the back patio overlooking an inlet of water. 

For the most part, though, I sat in the little apartment and read. That was fine. Sean had a blast hanging out on the beach with his friends. On the last day, we checked out at 11, walked around, and got seafood. Good thing I saved on the tacos, because his market price fish and chips cost $25. Nothing like fresh fish! (Sorry, no photo.) We took an Uber to the airport around 2, but thanks to bad weather in Indiana, our flight was delayed repeatedly and didn't take off until 9:15 p.m. We learned later that a tornado actually touched down in the neighboring town and took the roof off a few warehouses. John said the sound was ominous. We are grateful to God that none of our tree limbs came down, we didn't lose power, and John arrived safely to pick us up around 11:30 p.m. I'm glad to have had the happy memories of a trip with Sean.

Delightful Reading Comics

Please forgive this filler post of delightful reading comics. My own reading has somewhat stalled out. Indeed, most days I'd even rather work on my purging tasks than pick up a book. Sob! Thankfully, that will be remedied soon. For my youngest son's spring break, he begged to visit Florida with his friends (who go every year - we can't afford that). He and I head down soon for a few days (not the whole week, like others), and I'm certain he will spend all his time with his friends leaving me alone in our Vrbo accommodation. I can't really hang out on the beach because my fair skin would burn quickly. Still, I will have ample time and plenty of Kindle books on my phone.

Stay tuned for my quarterly reading compilation post. It will have an abundance of suggestions (including 3 I highly recommend), in case you, too, are leaving on a spring break trip.

Finally, an image of a coffee table I'd love to own and put in my book room. If you ever see one up for sale, let me know. This one was supposedly made and posted on Facebook by Nerd Forge, although I couldn't find an active website for them (probably some AI-inspired spoof to make one think this kind of thing is possible and whet all our book-loving appetites):

Senior Night and Belated Anniversary Trip

Our oldest son blessed us with a visit for the weekend of Sean's Senior Night football game. Bryce arrived at midnight on Thursday. Despite my early-to-bed, early-to-rise nature, I'm usually the one who drives to pick him up. I enjoy the time talking with him in the car. He worked remotely on Friday (from the quiet privacy of my book desk in our guest room). A bunch of buddies from his football days invited him to tailgate with them prior to the game.

John and I made our way to the end of the stadium where the parents of seniors lined up. Is it bad to say I'm glad this is my final senior night? Ha!

Bryce sat with us during the game and regaled us with tales of his honeymoon travels (some flight delays and missed reservations - especially one for a cool pool experience near the runway of a NY airport). They had a wonderful time in the Maldives.

After the game, we waited for Sean to exit the field and snagged photos of him with Bryce and him with his girlfriend Claire.

On Saturday, Sean and Bryce drove up to Purdue to view the campus. This was far better than the campus tour I took with Bryce during his senior year. Bryce was able to show Sean all around the engineering buildings and campus hot spots. Sean hopes to attend Purdue for a degree in aeronautical engineering.

Tuesday before Senior Night, John and I finally got away for a brief trip to belatedly celebrate our August anniversary. We hiked in Turkey Run State Park the first day. John wanted to hike Trail #2 (one marked "moderate"), but I convinced him to take Trail #3 because everything on-line says it is the most scenic of the trails. Trail #3 was very rugged, just as the trail marker indicated. Not to mention, it sprinkled with rain twice during our trek, making the rocks slick. Again, following on-line advice, we went counterclockwise. This meant we had to go down (backwards, which felt very perilous) the ladders on the trail. Yikes! Although, it was fun, I ached for 3 days following our hike. (This selfie was taken at the end, when the sun finally dried things up.)

The next day, we spent walking around the Covered Bridge Festival in Rockville, Indiana. We visited some antique shops (with no intent to buy anything, as our goal is to downsize in the near future). Then, we returned to our favorite baked potato station. I also bought an order of corn fritters. It wasn't an extravagant anniversary celebration, by any means, but it was better than our 2020 celebration plans. Ha! 

Watching my Youngest Soar

Sean is now considered a senior in high school. How can my youngest be at that point? Where did the time go? The upcoming year will be full and challenging, but he has ended his junior year on a good note, receiving straight A's in both terms, even for the AP level classes (AP exam results don't arrive until July). He's whip smart and has a weighted cumulative GPA of 4.101 out of 4.

Bryce and Elizabeth needed to attend a wedding in Austin, Texas, over Memorial Day weekend. They invited Sean to join them there, so they could show him the University of Texas. My nerves were a mess (he's never flown alone before and my brain always goes to things that could go wrong), but I wanted him to enjoy the opportunity. Thus, we secured non-stop flights on 2 different airlines (Southwest on the way to Austin and American on the way back to Indianapolis). As I dropped him off, I verbally attempted to walk him through the process of getting to his gate and onto the plane. 

Somehow, I neglected to emphasize how important it is to get to the gate ASAP. Twenty minutes before boarding time, I received a text saying he had gotten a bite of lunch and was approaching long lines in the security area. He shaved a full year off my life - ha! Thankfully, despite this laid-back approach, he arrived at his gate with ten minutes to spare. He said several things made the first flight horrible. A woman with a husband and 2 kids approached and demanded that he move from his aisle seat to the middle, so her 10-year-old son could sit in the aisle seat in front of the row she selected for herself, her husband, and the other child. Not wanting to create a scene, he complied and wedged himself (the biggest of the 3 passengers in that row) into the middle seat and rode uncomfortably the whole 2-hour trip. With his phone on airplane mode, he was bored and also said the pilot's flying was erratic. Once he landed in Austin, he had to wait 3-1/2 hours in the airport until Bryce and Elizabeth could pick him up (they couldn't leave Dallas until after work).

They were having a wonderful weekend (lots of delicious meals out, a lengthy walk around the University of Texas campus, and a break from the oppressive heat in an outing to Barton Springs). Then, the weather forecast sent me into a tizzy. With severe storms expected in Indy on Sunday (Indy 500 race day), I worried they might cancel his flight, stranding him alone in Austin (with Bryce and Elizabeth already returning to Dallas). The next available non-stop flight didn't depart until 6 p.m. on Monday. At 17, would he be able to check into an airport hotel on his own? Would the airline pay for the overnight accommodation? Would he be able to get himself to the lodging and back to the airport? 

All those concerns were for naught. The flight remained in "on-time" status. He arrived well in advance and boarded at the appointed time. This flight was more comfortable. He made a friend in the young 30-something man seated next to him, who helped him get a movie on his phone through the free in-flight Wi-Fi. 

I was a bit chuffed because they no longer allow you to sit and wait for your arriving passenger on the arrivals deck. Instead, they force you to continue circling the airport until you see your passenger standing there. I could understand that, if there was a bottleneck of traffic, but it was ridiculous because the entire arrivals deck was empty, with maybe 5 cars picking someone up. Not only a hassle, but unsettling for an unaccompanied minor, unsure if he's even waiting in the right place. Of course, Sean said it was fine. I shouldn't worry, yet I do.

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In looking up the meaning of "chuffed" to see if I was using it correctly, I discovered that the British use of this word and the American use are diametrically opposed. I use it in the American sense of greatly displeased or irritated.

Pressing Prayers

Photo by Piron Guillaume on Unsplash

January and February 2024 have kicked off with a bang. From Trevor's car accident (and other sundry issues) to medical complications, we're in the thick of things. We have many pressing prayers daily. If you feel so inclined, join us in petitioning God for His best will for us in these areas:

John - My husband had a hernia six years ago. We have a hilarious story from that time. After the surgery, the nurses were performing some post-surgical procedure on my husband. The head nurse came running down the hall in concern, saying, "No, the correct patient is a 54-year-old man!" Ha! They had to inform her he was the 54-year-old man. Thankfully, he has a full head of thick, dark brown hair, with nary a gray to be seen. His mother had been the same. Despite her age, she maintained youthful-looking hair without the aid of dyes.

Sadly, John now has a hernia on the other side of his lower abdomen. We are praying for skilled hands in repairing this issue through surgery. We pray he will remain in sound health before, during, and after these procedures. Our eldest son and his fiancée gave us a gift of airline credit to arrange a visit to them in Texas sometime this spring. We had to postpone setting dates until we can determine when John will be back up to snuff and ready to travel (not his favorite thing to do in the best of times).

Sean - Sean had a scare the other night. He struggles with taking large pills and wants some new supplements that are not available in gummy form. Thus, he asked me to get him some thicker liquid to help swallow a pill. I gave him some Bolthouse Farms Chocolate Cherry Fudge Smoothie. He was thrilled to find that the pill went down with ease in the first gulp. A few seconds later, he said, "Wait, was there almond in that? My lips are tingling and getting puffy." Sure enough, it contained almond butter. 

When his almond allergy flares, he finds it difficult to swallow or talk and even gets chest pains. I ran to get him some antihistamine, but all we had was outdated by 2 years. Still, he took the pills (with milk) and waited for them to ease the symptoms. He doubted they would work. Sensing he was uncomfortable and concerned, I googled how to know when an almond allergy requires a trip to the ER (I'm a catastrophizer by nature).

My sister called during this, and I asked her to pray for Sean. My phone was on speaker and she said a prayer aloud for his comfort and healing. As soon as she finished, Sean said his chest felt better. The power of prayer manifest before our eyes and ears! Praise God! We now are considering getting him an epi-pen to keep with him, just in case.

My sister  - Dawn had a car accident last year and has been struggling with pain in her thumbs ever since. Facing the lengthy recovery time for a surgery, she opted to go with the less invasive shot therapy (I believe it is a steroid shot). She said the pain is excruciating. She had it done once before and did not get through the full procedure. I prayed for her throughout the morning. She called to say a nurse practitioner administered the shot after applying topical anesthetic, and it was far less painful than last time (praise God!). 

I know it is more than I could endure! How I pray I will never face the intense pain of such medical challenges. My most pressing difficulty is with a constant need to clear my throat. I've battled this for 5 or 6 years now and no doctor visits bring any answers or alleviation. Still, it is like comparing a blueberry to a watermelon.

My dad - In late January, my dad had a heart catheterization scheduled. Once again, my mind flew to worst-case scenarios. I urged him to find someone to come care for my mother and not to assume he would merely be gone for the 4-6 hour procedure. Thankfully, he came through that procedure and the cardiologist put in four stents. At his follow-up appointment, the cardiologist showed him a video revealing the severity of his blockages (70-99%) and recommended a quadruple bypass. He will have open-heart surgery on February 22nd.

My mom - Of course, anything that interrupts my mother's normal routine means potential upheaval for her Alzheimer's symptoms. My dad requested my sister stay with her during the week when he will be in the hospital. What a daunting task! I am praying for all of them - my dad, my mom, my sister. It will be a trying and tenuous time! For now, I'm not on the docket to help, but that may change at any time. I am on my knees asking the Father to watch over my loved ones and bring healing and peace.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Christmas Greetings 2023

(I found this beautiful image on Facebook, but no idea of attribution)

This will be an unusual Christmas for us, our first without all of our children gathered together under our wing. Bryce and his fiancée will be in California visiting her sister. It will feel quite strange without him. In an effort to lighten my mood, I decided to post some Christmas shirts I'd happily wear, some shopping signs, and two Christmas cards my sons gave to me when they were much younger. Hope this makes you smile, as well.

From the Piper and Ivy website, I noticed these three holiday t-shirts:

We cut back on our Christmas spending this year. I didn't send cards (nor did I receive many - a tradition that is passé). In light of that, here are two hilarious signs (one I found on Facebook; one I took myself when visiting Nashville, IN):

And for your holiday pleasure, the cards my sons lovingly presented back in the day:

The one from Bryce is impressive because he declared the extent of his affection - ha! The one from Sean makes me laugh because it reflects their sibling bond back then.

May you and your loved ones gather together and enjoy happy, fun, and funny times together, perhaps bedecked in your favorite holiday attire. May you recognize the significance of the season as we celebrate the birth of the Son of God who came in human form to walk a path to the cross to atone for our sin and reconcile us to the Father. May whatever grief this year has brought, be eclipsed by gratitude for what God has given.

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Additional bonus - here's a beautiful Christmas letter and photo I saw on a Facebook post from Alexander McCall Smith (author of The #1 Ladies' Detective Agency books) - well worth sharing:

A Christmas message from Alexander:

Dear Readers,

Here we are, once again on the very doorstep of Christmas. And in the room beyond that doorstep, is the New Year, ready to declare itself with soaring rockets and the linking of hands in song. The song that we sing in Scotland to mark the end of one year and the beginning of another is, of course, Auld Lang Syne, the words of which are attributed to Robert Burns. He certainly wrote a version, explaining that he had taken the words from an “old man’s singing”. Many songs are composed that way: inspiration comes from a snatch of song heard on the lips of another, and this is then worked up into a polished version.

Most of know the first verse or so, and then fade away a bit. But the later verses are very moving. I always find myself choking up a bit when I hear the words of this song, in particular the verse that runs: “We twa ha paidl’d i’ the burn/Frae mornin’ sun til dine/But seas between us braid hae roared/sin auld lang sine.” That means, more or less: we two have paddled in the burn together all day in the past, but since those days broad seas have separated us. That strikes me as being so poignant: time may separate us from old friends, as may distance, but we don’t forget our old friends and what they mean to us …

Sentimental? Of course it is, but there is nothing wrong in feeling sentimental about friendship, and love, and the simple cherishing of others. We need not apologise for wanting an end to acrimony and division; we should not have to explain why we yearn so desperately for people to love on another rather than shower invective on those with whom they may disagree; rather than to fight with one another; rather than to spend more and more money on working out new ways of killing one another. Oh, how we long for the moment when those who are currently sworn enemies take a deep breath and say that they want to be friends rather than enemies. Of course, that’s easier said than done, but until people start taking the first step and acknowledging the humanity of their enemies, there is no way out. Our poor planet will otherwise be condemned to endless arguments over territory and its control.

And it’s not without precedent. It happened in Northern Ireland, where old enemies set aside ancient resentments and agreed to stop trying to settle scores. It happened in South Africa, where Nelson Mandela, that most gracious of men, urged people to put aside the past and embrace one another. It can be done, even if at the moment the talk all goes the other way.

What would Mma Ramotswe say about the times in which we live? She is the wisest of people: what would she say this particular Christmas if one stopped her in the street in Gaborone and said, ‘What do you think, Mma, about what’s going on in our poor world right now?”

She would look up at the sky, I think, and say, “It is very bad – yes, it is very bad at the moment.” But she would not leave it at that: Mma Ramotswe has never been one for moaning, complaining, or shaking her head in disapproval. So she would go on to say, “We must remember that you do not change people by shouting at them.” And we would listen to this, and realise that she is absolutely right. You do not change people by shouting at them, you change them by telling them that you love them. That works. It just works. Mma Ramotswe is right.

Years ago I wrote a poem that included a line that I once used in the title of one of the Scotland Street books. The original said: “But what can I wish for you? Wish for love over Scotland, like tears of rain – that is enough”. We took part of that line and has it engraved in coloured glass in a window in our house in Edinburgh. Here is a picture of it.

I see that inscription every morning when I walk downstairs. And I stand by it, I think, although I might broaden it a bit to include a wish for love over other places too – where you live, where you are reading this right now; where people who are frightened and bereft live; where people who are unhappy for any of the many reasons why people are unhappy live; for all those places.

May I wish you all joy and happiness this Christmas and New Year.

With love,

Alexander McCall Smith