Jumping Off Into a New Future

Our family is jumping off into a new future. In many ways we are unprepared. While eager to see how the changes play out in our lives, there's an abiding hesitancy that is hard to push down. Change is uncomfortable, unwieldy. To a certain extent, none of us wanted to move into the new, the untried. Yet, I know it will be good for each of us in the end. For now, we feel discombobulated!

Last week, John and I became empty nesters. We loaded the car full to the brim with belongings and moved our youngest, Sean, into a tiny Purdue University dorm room. My Facebook feed, as usual, knew exactly what was going on, and inundated me with images of magazine-worthy dorm rooms, sentimental articles, and lists of what to bring. As if the emotions weren't already tender, I had to wade through the detritus of on-line advice and eloquent parental good-byes (one woman lined a whole hallway with her son's childhood toys saying good-bye).

When we took Bryce to Purdue, he ushered us out of the room as soon as the last item hit the floor. Perhaps it was because we had his 8 and 10-year-old brothers in tow. That transition was painless. Bryce was eager to go. We still had responsibilities at home. Thankfully, Purdue isn't far away (as my sister pointed out, since she was a 20-hour drive away from her college kids). Plus, Bryce had a girlfriend back home, so I drove to Purdue way too often to bring him home for weekend visits.

This time is different. Sean is our last to leave. I have always called him "my sweetness and light." Sure, he was busy with friends, school, activities, and work during his final year at home, but he moved in and out of our lives daily. Now, the house is far too quiet. My role is done. My identity is blurred.

I'd love to think this might jump-start me back into writing consistently. Somehow, I doubt it will. Neither noise nor time keeps me from the writing. I'd love to find a new activity. In a Facebook group, a woman asked for short story suggestions as she had just taken up a post leading a book club in an assisted living facility. Now that sounds perfect!

Perhaps I need to get a job. We will have expenses we were not anticipating and there's the Purdue bill, as well. Somehow, I doubt anyone will hire someone who has been out of the workforce for 18 years. My gig was good, even if it was unpaid, often had lousy hours, and sometimes felt thankless.

Of course, there's a freedom now, too. The first night, John and I window-shopped at a flea market. I've been wanting a vintage sewing box to store my now-minimized sewing supplies. Then, we popped into a bakery, hoping for a strawberry pie. Alas, they only had strawberry-rhubarb (too tart for me). Finally, we ate out for dinner. It was better than going home to the now-quiet-house.

We can make more effort to get away for a weekend. Perhaps we'll take that trip to Mackinac Island. Even if it is just away to our old standbys (Nashville, IN; Rockville, IN for the Covered Bridge Festival; or even closer towns), it will be good to travel and spend time in the couple identity we have reclaimed. I have a few friends I've wanted to visit or invite. The possibilities are endless, really. I should cling to that when loneliness and quiet threaten to overwhelm.

So far, all of this is focused on Sean, John, and me. But, Trevor is at his own crossroads. I try not to divulge much because his story is his own and sometimes isn't as tidy as people like to hear (or I like to tell). We continue to pray fervently for God to use him in a mighty way. At the end of July, we moved Trevor into a halfway house in Lafayette, so our younger two are living in sister cities. 

He has been on a long and challenging road this past year (one we have traveled both from a distance and alongside). Not a single day is assured. He told us once that he has skirted death at least ten different times. We try hard to fight the urge to protect him from his testimony. God has a plan and He is the only One capable of getting Trevor where he needs to go. God's plans are always for our good and His glory.

So, we are each heading off in new directions. We step into the unknown timidly, but with the assurance that God walks with us. An empty nest. A college education. A chance to transition into a life of sobriety, maturity, and purpose. 

My Wheaton College class selected a verse of scripture that I still know and embrace. I may be using it out of context, but I cling to this promise nonetheless:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 - NIV)

How Not to Celebrate Milestone Anniversaries

This week, my husband and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary. Well, that's not entirely true because we barely celebrated. To be honest, I cannot remember a single time we've done anything remotely significant to memorialize our milestones. Still, I'm blown away by the fact that we've reached these milestones and I'm grateful to God for getting us through obstacles and challenges that might have foiled other couples. Marriage is hard work, and we've seen our fair share of difficulties. I just wish we exhibited more gumption in celebrating that hard work. It deserves more than we give it. Don't make our mistakes!

At our 10th anniversary, we were fresh on the heels of a year and half long separation. I couldn't find a lick of evidence remaining on how we celebrated our 15th anniversary in 2005, between the births of our second and third sons. I know I was pining for a third child. I wanted to give our middle son a closer sibling, a shorter gap than the 8 years between our first two sons. For our 20th anniversary, I did not mark the occasion with a blog post. It seems we went away to our annual  Wisconsin Bible camp, CBLI. Often, John would drive out to the camp and we would go out for dinner while another camper kept an eye on our sons. It appears he did not drive up that year (a bit farther from IN than it was when we lived in IL - or perhaps that was the year he went to leave, only to find a flat tire on the truck).

I did recognize our 25th annniversary with this blog post, but cannot remember doing anything significant to celebrate it. Our 30th anniversary fell in 2020. Yes, you guessed it! We didn't do anything to celebrate. I made up this list of 30 small ways to observe our anniversary and we ended up not completing more than a handful of those 30 ideas. We have prayed together more in the past five years than ever before! (Praise God! That is more important than a wealth of celebrations!) We had dinner out and a trip to Dairy Queen. We exchanged cards and he filled my gas tank (fairly standard stuff). Finally, we watched one of our favorite romantic movies, Somewhere in Time, set in the location we had hoped to visit to mark our 25th (Mackinac Island).

At the beginning of this year, I sent John an email bursting with ideas for possible celebrations. I am mindful of the fact that he doesn't care for travelling. Indeed, as I age, even I'm finding long trips less and less appealing. I long for the comfort of my own home and dread hours in a car on highways. I outlined ideas for lengthier trips to Michigan and Ohio. I tried to find areas with special bird sanctuaries since that is something that appeals to my husband. There were smaller trips to Illinois or right within our state of Indiana.

Then, on May 1st, our lives turned upside down and complications at home made all efforts at planning a trip impossible. We still hope to get away at some point, but I fear, like the list of 30 small observances, in the end we will be proof to all of "how not to celebrate milestone anniversaries." I guess the key is SETTLE. Assume big outlandish efforts out of the question. Follow the path of least resistance.

A few days before our anniversary, we had an argument. I had visions of no celebration at all, but John made an effort, nonetheless. Thus, for our 35th, we drove to a small town a half hour away, stayed in an average hotel, and visited an expensive restaurant. Apart from the meatloaf (perhaps I should have selected that), I couldn't find anything appealing to me, so I settled for a burger and sweet potato fries. We did splurge on peanut butter pie for dessert and, even though we didn't need it, it was amazing!

I know I sound whiny. The disappointment is palpable. I had longed to take a trip to Barcelona, Spain, to see the La Sagrada Familia because it was expected to be completed in 2025. Alas, our passports have expired. International travel feels out of the question. (Sadly, even interstate travel feels out of the question.) Moreover, due to the pandemic, the deadline for completion of that landmark was pushed back. When I searched for the new completion date, AI gave me this as an answer:

"The Sagrada Familia in Barcelona is scheduled to be structurally completed in 2026. This completion will mark the end of over 140 years of construction, with the final touches being added to the Tower of Jesus Christ and the Chapel of the Assumption. While the main structure is slated for completion in 2026, some decorative elements and the controversial entranceway are expected to continue until 2034, according to Dezeen." 

For now, I'll have to settle for this 15-minute YouTube tour of this magnificent Basilica. Hey, in watching, I can forego the stressful flights, the expensive lodging and food, and the exhausting hassle of travel. Of course, I'm sure this is nothing like what my son exclaimed when I asked him his favorite destination from their European travels. He said the eye could not help but move upward and it had to be experienced in the flesh. 

Perhaps when our family crisis calms to a trickle we will make more of an effort to mark the momentous milestone many couples these days only dream of - 35 years of hard-fought matrimony. In this day and age of disposable relationships, we have much to thank God for! We cling to him with eyes on further milestones together. We just don't do well at celebrating these achievements. If you have any advice to counter our abysmal example, please feel free to share. Maybe we can make a go of it yet!

Book Review: Catching Foxes - Highly Recommend

Several months back, I mentioned my desire to send my son and future daughter-in-law a pre-marital discussion guide. The one I wanted to send, written by Gary Thomas, was called Nine Essential Conversations Before You Say I Do. At the time, they were not seeking pre-marital counseling, but my husband urged me not to send the book. He argued they were both very busy and would not have the time to read the book. Moreover, I think he didn't want me inserting myself into the process. Fair!

Thanks to certain changes in their lives, they sought pre-marital counseling from a mentor couple in their church, the Eastside Community Church. I asked what book they were using and then went online to see if I could access it through my library. The book they worked through is called Catching Foxes: A Gospel-Guided Journey to Marriage by John Henderson. Now, I'm wondering if God intended the book as much for me as it was for their journey. I listened to this book during my treadmill time and completed it the day prior to our (my and John's) 34th wedding anniversary.

Amid a chaotic and stressful week with our prodigal, I requested prayer from my Facebook friends. Things did not go well. They played out the opposite of how I believed God willed. Mistakes were made, and I was angry that my opinions were ignored. I allowed resentment and bitterness to take hold of my heart and soul. It doesn't surprise me that God used this book, Catching Foxes, to draw me back and reveal the pride, arrogance, and sin within my own heart.

I was right in the sections on marital roles/responsibilities and resolving conflict. How timely! God used this book to open my eyes to my lack of trust in Christ. I went in thinking I knew exactly what should happen. When that didn't happen (and I felt part of this was due to the behavior/decisions of my husband), I justified my anger because if things had gone my way, it would have fallen out in God's will. This was believing somehow that my will was God's will. This was placing my trust (and then disappointment and discouragement) in my husband's ability to do what I felt he should in the situation. I had my trust centered in the wrong place. I asserted my will for my own desires, not in submission to what God allowed to play out.

Of course, I sometimes need a 2x4 upside the head. So, in my devotions, I came upon a passage in Matthew 12:25 - "a household divided against itself will not stand." In my personal Bible reading, I came to Psalm 112: 7 - "He shall not be afraid of evil tidings, his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord." Then, not even knowing the dynamics of my situation, my good friend, Anne, wrote to me:

"Our devotions lately have become so meaningful as we have been reminded of God's faithfulness, His work in us, and His weaving of our life story for His glory. I am not so good at the trusting part of this, but so often want to do things my way, and then pray for God to affirm the choices/decisions that ultimately I am making instead of relying on Him to meet all of my needs! (Ha! What an eye opener it is when I realize that I'm basically saying, 'I'll take the wheel on this one!')"

The Gary Thomas book I wanted to send is very good and practical. Catching Foxes is very gospel-focused. Indeed, the Nine Conversations book helps a couple think about how to prepare their relationship for marriage. Catching Foxes goes deeper and helps a couple recognize attitudes and positions in Christ necessary for the arduous task of staying married. Getting married is simple! Can be fun! Staying married depends upon a reliance on Christ and a dedication to live for His kingdom. It demands a self-sacrificing focus that fixes its gaze on Christ instead of self or spouse. I highly recommend this pre-marital workbook, not only for young couples starting out, but for us older folk, who just might need a brush-up course on surrendering one's will and one's marriage to the Lord.

Prayer Update: Importunate Prayers

One thing I loved in P. T. Forsythe's book, The Soul of Prayer, was his insistence that importunate prayer is vitally important. What does the word "importunate" mean? It means "persistent to the point of annoyance or intrusion." The Bible urges us to petition persistently. God encourages and honors importunate prayers. Of course, our persistence relies upon His will and our acceptance that His will occurs in His perfect timing. But, God begs us to lay those precise and persistent prayers at His feet.

I came across an author/pastor named Scott LaPierre. After subscribing to his newsletter, I also happened upon a video of a sermon on importunate prayer that he preached a year ago. If you don't have time to listen, I'll summarize some points I gleaned. LaPierre emphasized we must be persistent and not give up. We must cry out to God day and night, recognizing that we are helpless to remedy our situation and are at the mercy of God's ruling. He cited Romans 12:12 (be constant in prayer), Ephesians 6:18 (pray at all times), and 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (pray without ceasing). Importunate prayer requires a receptive disposition toward God. We may be tempted to lose heart because it is hard work (a spiritual battle), but what a privilege to labor (Romans 15:30 - strive together, enter the fight in prayer to God on my behalf).

I will admit, my husband and I have not always prayed together. When we encountered our prodigal son's path and then entered the pandemic period, it propelled us to concerted prayer together. We don't pray together every day, but when we do, many of our prayers have been importunate prayers. Those we pray on behalf of our sons are perhaps the most importunate prayers of all. We do, indeed, pray for them day and night. We are, indeed, aware we are helpless to remedy the issues that sometimes plague our children. Thus, we surrender to God's timing and ruling in their lives, while begging for His mercy and His grace.

We can grow discouraged. Many things have not changed that desperately need changing. Yet we experienced recent confirmation of the validity of strenuously importunate prayer. We received an answer that blew us away. Despite full belief in God's ability to do the impossible, when it occurs, we cannot help but marvel and praise Him over and over again. Especially so, because so many elements of the answer lined up with the exact precision of our prayers.

Our oldest son is approaching marriage. He and his fiancée have a September wedding planned. Having grown up in the church, my heart ached for them to be married in Christ and to have a minister officiate the wedding. We earnestly prayed that a coworker would invite them to church, that they would go, and they might enjoy attending. We prayed this church would preach solid Biblical encouragement and guidance. We prayed that they might seek righteousness.

A few weeks ago, our son called and outlined some changes occurring in their lives. He said a coworker invited them to church and they've been going for two months. They took the membership class and even asked a pastor to officiate their wedding. That pastor required pre-marital counseling. In the counseling, the pastor confronted their cohabitation, and they agreed to make changes. Our son is splitting his time between two co-workers' homes until after the wedding.

John and I flew to Dallas this past weekend for a brief visit. The highlight of our time was our attendance with them at Eastside Community Church on Mother's Day morning. As we drove in the parking lot, attendants directed traffic. I'll admit, I was concerned it might be a mega-church where they water down God's Word to appeal to "what itching ears want to hear." (2 Timothy 4:3) Instead, we praised God for a powerful sermon with theological depth and a call to action to combat sin in our lives. 

The pastor addressed two weighty concepts: justification and sanctification. He likened it to the house-flipping shows, explaining that when you accept Christ's act on your behalf cancelling your debt of sin, it is justification and is equivalent to God taking ownership of the house (your heart). You now belong to Him. Yet, there is still much work to be done and often we balk at allowing God into the closets of our lives, where we desire to hold on to sin. Sanctification is like the renovation process. God moves in and cleans things out and beautifies them. He talked about how your inclinations and desires change, following Christ's example. He wants us to be holy, as He is holy, but that requires giving up sin that infests our lives.

I loved, too, that he preached from a passage about Zacchaeus. Zacchaeus dynamically altered his life after exposure to Christ. Greed gave way to giving. The pastor emphasized we are called to follow hard after Jesus, not after the crowd. This world encourages you to follow the crowd and its opinions. If you focus on Jesus and His commands, the crowd may call you "judgmental" or "unloving." It is always best to follow Jesus rather than the crowd.

The final blessing was when they passed around communion. After the pastor emphasized that those who have been justified are welcome to take part in communion, my son and his fiancée joined my husband and me in taking communion. God knows their hearts. May they continue to be drawn into deeper relationship with God. May they hunger and thirst for righteousness. May God continue to renovate and sanctify.

Oh, how I needed that affirmation of His ability to answer our laser-specific prayers! We continue to struggle with our prodigal. We plead for wisdom on how to address issues we cannot ignore. The other day I was reading in the Old Testament, the passage about Saul. In 1 Samuel 10:6 it says, "And the Spirit of the Lord will come upon thee, and thou... shalt be turned into another man." (KJV or in NIV it says "you will be changed into a different person.") Verse 9 says, "And it was so, that when he had turned his back to go from Samuel, God gave him another heart." That is my prayer for my son. I pray fervently that God might send the Spirit of the Lord to fall upon him and change him into a different person!! We offer audacious prayers, begging God to make him a soul-winner and a minister for the Kingdom. Do it again, God! "Is any thing too hard for the Lord?" (Genesis 18:14) "With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible." (Mark 10:27)

Other prayer needs also persist. My mom entered the hospital with internal bleeding they could not address. They reduced it and sent her home, but told my dad to consider contacting hospice. She has grown difficult (at one point, refused to budge and sat down on the ground - because of my dad's heart surgery recovery, he had to call nurses to assist him in getting her up and into bed). For now, hospice comes in once a week to assess her, but at some point, my dad may need to place her in a facility where she can receive round-the-clock care.

My dad was rushed to the hospital earlier this week because of pressure in his heart that made him feel as if it were about to explode. Fearing clots, they placed him on blood thinners. They ended up doing emergency catheterization and placed two stents. In doing this, the doctor determined that all four bypasses have failed. During this time, my mother was in the apartment alone, with nurses checking on her occasionally. Before my sister could arrange to go down, he returned home from the hospital, but we are still awaiting an update on what further steps will be required down the road. It is so hard to be too far away to get there quickly or assist more fully.

Sean also had an episode of heart racing one night (keeping him awake until 2 a.m.). The doctor ran an EKG, but found nothing. However, blood tests said his kidneys were not functioning well. He stopped the NSAID and all supplements and it was back to functioning normally within two weeks. He is in physical therapy for the knee injury.

John has an upcoming follow-up appointment regarding his persistent bulge. I pray we will finally get some answers to this perplexing problem. 

I'll end this encouragement to importunate prayer with two things. First, I encourage you to invite someone to church. You never know. You might help answer someone's importunate prayer. Second, on a lighter note, I'll leave you with a photo of my youngest and his date for prom (another answer to prayer):

Pressing Prayers Follow-up

The need for prayer continues, but here's a brief follow-up to my recent pressing prayers:

My parents - My dad's quadruple bypass heart surgery on February 22nd went well. He had three 99% blockages and one 70% blockage. His continued vitality is a gift to our whole family. My sister went to stay with my mother during the week of his hospitalization. Thankfully, some gracious church members came over for a few hours each day, allowing Dawn to visit my dad in the hospital. He assumed he would be in the hospital for a week and then return fully capable of providing my mother's care.

As Dawn's departure date approached, we realized he could not manage this on his own while recovering from open heart surgery. Thus, I scrambled to schedule a last-minute flight (the most expensive kind, sadly) and I went to provide their care for the second week after his surgery. As Dawn was preparing to leave, she was greatly distressed to learn that their assisted living facility requires a post-surgery stint in a rehabilitation facility. I was extremely grateful for this development. 

He was transported to a rehab facility that is aligned with their community and is only 1/10th of a mile away. Thus, two days after I arrived, I walked my mother over (in her power wheelchair) to his facility, picked him up and walked them back to their apartment, pushing him in a wheelchair (forming a hilarious wheelchair parade) while carefully avoiding ruts in the sidewalk. He had hoped to pay his March rent while home, but the bill had not yet arrived. So, he ended up coming to visit 2 more times before finally returning home for good on the day of my departure.

Given the stress and strain of caring for my Alzheimer's-afflicted mother, I was grateful that he was receiving excellent care separate from the apartment. Believe me, I had my hands full. Plus, I now have an increased awareness and appreciation for all my father does to meet my mother's care needs. Her schedule of meds, meals, bathroom trips, and eye drops was exhausting. We survived several messy challenges and a few Alzheimer-induced episodes of agitation. Humor helped get us through. I had packed slogan t-shirts exclusively. Every few minutes, she asked to read my shirt again. 😂

While I was grateful for the time spent with my mother in their apartment, I was thrilled to return to my quiet, unharried life at home in Indiana with my boy gang. She was cooperative and thankful for my care, for the most part. She did not remember who I was (apart from a few instances when she answered that question correctly), but seemed to sense that I was someone special to her and someone she could rely on to meet her needs. A few times, she said, "You take such good care of me." Twice during the night, when coughing spells would overtake her, I was able to rub her arm and pray with her. The cough went away after both prayers. Praise God! I was also blessed by her reaction to my book. I brought one along with me and read to her the words of dedication, thanking her for her spiritual, emotional, and literary encouragement. She seemed lucid and genuinely touched. When I read her a few of the poems, she responded with appreciation. How much really got in, I don't know. But I tried to communicate that piece.

I believe my mother is at the point of needing the professional, round-the-clock care of an Alzheimer's ward. My father still seems hesitant to make that change. He doesn't want her over-medicated (although, her current meds are already at a level that I struggled with). He wants to give her the comfort of his continued presence. Yet, I think he would still be able to visit with her for a majority of the day, while knowing her more intense needs are met by nursing professionals. I also gained respect for the nurses who provide tireless care. Those who came in to bathe my mother were patient and loving, even as she fought them. 

For me, the most difficult episode came toward the end of my visit. It was already stressful enough because my ride to the airport was scheduled to arrive at 3 p.m. This hinged on my father's anticipated release at 11 (always in question, because those facilities don't often sign you out when expected) and my brother's arrival (driving from KY) at 1 p.m. Thankfully, as hoped, my dad returned around 11 and my brother arrived shortly after noon. Because of prostate issues, my dad was still using a catheter and the line had ruined his few pairs of pants. Thus, at 1:45, he suddenly remembered he wanted Mark to take him to purchase new pants and pick up one of my mother's prescriptions. Within moments, he went from sitting snuggled right next to my mother on the couch, to shuffling out the door and off to the store and pharmacy.

If you've ever encountered an Alzheimer's patient, you know that abrupt changes can trigger agitation. This was agitation on steroids. She did NOT want me there and let me know it with a barrage of vehement words. She resented my not allowing her to go with her "friend." Even though I understood that her verbal attack was simply her Alzheimer's raging, it is hard not to feel emotional in such situations. Then, she grabbed up her walker and threatened to go find her mother. I followed her at a distance and tried to text my dad to request his return. No response. She was about to enter someone else's apartment. I talked her out of that and eventually she tired enough to sit on the hallway bench. Eager to get her back into her apartment, I suggested we look for her mother in her apartment. She went in, closed the door quickly behind her, and locked me out. 

Thankfully, a nurse at the nurse's station unlocked the door and encouraged my mom to sit on the couch. I scrambled to put on her favorite musical, Meet Me in St. Louis (something that always occupies her thoroughly), and avoided any eye contact until Mark and my dad returned (at 2:50 p.m.). When I gave hasty good-byes, my mother looked up with sad eyes and said, "Oh, you have to go???" She had no memory of her intense railing against me. Such is the disease.

Although my dad sailed through the first two weeks of recovery, he is experiencing more fatigue now. His body is working full-time to repair from the invasive surgery. Thankfully, my brother was able to provide assistance for two weeks. We continue to pray for his recovery and the best possible arrangements for care for both of my parents.

Meanwhile, on the home front:

John - At my husband's doctor appointment, the hernia surgeon said it was NOT a hernia, but rather just a weak area in the abdominal wall. Of course, the bulging didn't occur while in the doctor's office. After a few weeks of further bulging and discomfort, John called again and requested further testing. With his prior hernia, 6 years ago, he didn't experience the pain he is having this time around. It continues to bulge and to cause radiating pain in his lower abdomen. He underwent an ultrasound, but that was not helpful in identifying the source of the pain either. For now, he has been told twice now, "Monitor the pain and take a photo when the bulge appears." It is frustrating to have no answers and face continued pain. He now wears a hernia belt, and that helps somewhat. We will persist in praying for God to give the doctors wisdom to ferret out the source of this issue. Our spring visit to Texas is tentatively scheduled in May. Praying we will not have to alter those flight arrangements.

Trevor - In addition to January's loss of Trevor's car, he was experiencing dissatisfaction with his fast food job. Then, in February, he lost his job. This (in addition to his insistence on repairing his beloved car) added further turmoil. We are praising God that he was able to find another job after a few weeks of looking. Now, if we could get the damaged car off our lawn (next to the driveway), it would be marvelous. He has a friend with some mechanical skills and they attempted to replace the part where the wheel bent away from the axle. If they can get that repaired and replace the tire that took the impact of the hit to the bridge, he's hoping (since the car still starts) they will be able to move it into the garage. These challenges have wrought a change in him and we suspect there may be something going on, of which we are unaware. We continue to pray for his job and car situations, and for the sense of responsibility these issues require. We also pray for parenting wisdom as he remains living in our home.

Sean - While I was gone in Florida (assisting my parents), Sean suffered a knee injury after playing basketball with friends. He has joined male volleyball at school, so instead of resting it, he was jumping on it and causing more stress and strain. We finally scheduled a doctor appointment and he was instructed to take an NSAID, stay off the leg for two weeks, and ice it twice a day for a half hour. We continue to pray for the knee to heal properly so he can participate in the rest of the games in the volleyball season. Thankfully, he has not had another episode of accidental almond ingestion.

We praise God that He remains constant and available in every crisis and challenge. May His love guide us through each trial, and may we give Him all the glory!

Pressing Prayers

Photo by Piron Guillaume on Unsplash

January and February 2024 have kicked off with a bang. From Trevor's car accident (and other sundry issues) to medical complications, we're in the thick of things. We have many pressing prayers daily. If you feel so inclined, join us in petitioning God for His best will for us in these areas:

John - My husband had a hernia six years ago. We have a hilarious story from that time. After the surgery, the nurses were performing some post-surgical procedure on my husband. The head nurse came running down the hall in concern, saying, "No, the correct patient is a 54-year-old man!" Ha! They had to inform her he was the 54-year-old man. Thankfully, he has a full head of thick, dark brown hair, with nary a gray to be seen. His mother had been the same. Despite her age, she maintained youthful-looking hair without the aid of dyes.

Sadly, John now has a hernia on the other side of his lower abdomen. We are praying for skilled hands in repairing this issue through surgery. We pray he will remain in sound health before, during, and after these procedures. Our eldest son and his fiancée gave us a gift of airline credit to arrange a visit to them in Texas sometime this spring. We had to postpone setting dates until we can determine when John will be back up to snuff and ready to travel (not his favorite thing to do in the best of times).

Sean - Sean had a scare the other night. He struggles with taking large pills and wants some new supplements that are not available in gummy form. Thus, he asked me to get him some thicker liquid to help swallow a pill. I gave him some Bolthouse Farms Chocolate Cherry Fudge Smoothie. He was thrilled to find that the pill went down with ease in the first gulp. A few seconds later, he said, "Wait, was there almond in that? My lips are tingling and getting puffy." Sure enough, it contained almond butter. 

When his almond allergy flares, he finds it difficult to swallow or talk and even gets chest pains. I ran to get him some antihistamine, but all we had was outdated by 2 years. Still, he took the pills (with milk) and waited for them to ease the symptoms. He doubted they would work. Sensing he was uncomfortable and concerned, I googled how to know when an almond allergy requires a trip to the ER (I'm a catastrophizer by nature).

My sister called during this, and I asked her to pray for Sean. My phone was on speaker and she said a prayer aloud for his comfort and healing. As soon as she finished, Sean said his chest felt better. The power of prayer manifest before our eyes and ears! Praise God! We now are considering getting him an epi-pen to keep with him, just in case.

My sister  - Dawn had a car accident last year and has been struggling with pain in her thumbs ever since. Facing the lengthy recovery time for a surgery, she opted to go with the less invasive shot therapy (I believe it is a steroid shot). She said the pain is excruciating. She had it done once before and did not get through the full procedure. I prayed for her throughout the morning. She called to say a nurse practitioner administered the shot after applying topical anesthetic, and it was far less painful than last time (praise God!). 

I know it is more than I could endure! How I pray I will never face the intense pain of such medical challenges. My most pressing difficulty is with a constant need to clear my throat. I've battled this for 5 or 6 years now and no doctor visits bring any answers or alleviation. Still, it is like comparing a blueberry to a watermelon.

My dad - In late January, my dad had a heart catheterization scheduled. Once again, my mind flew to worst-case scenarios. I urged him to find someone to come care for my mother and not to assume he would merely be gone for the 4-6 hour procedure. Thankfully, he came through that procedure and the cardiologist put in four stents. At his follow-up appointment, the cardiologist showed him a video revealing the severity of his blockages (70-99%) and recommended a quadruple bypass. He will have open-heart surgery on February 22nd.

My mom - Of course, anything that interrupts my mother's normal routine means potential upheaval for her Alzheimer's symptoms. My dad requested my sister stay with her during the week when he will be in the hospital. What a daunting task! I am praying for all of them - my dad, my mom, my sister. It will be a trying and tenuous time! For now, I'm not on the docket to help, but that may change at any time. I am on my knees asking the Father to watch over my loved ones and bring healing and peace.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Anticlimactic Anniversary Celebration

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

In 2020, we struggled to come up with suitable ways to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. In the midst of a pandemic and tied to home by a prodigal, we created a list of 30 anniversary activities. That was a wash! We still haven't snagged time around the fire pit or held hands on the porch. How easy are those? In 2021, we made a brief daytrip to Indiana's largest waterfall - ha! Last year, we did the best we've done in a while. We took an overnight to a beautifully decorated and cozy cabin nearby. This year, August came and went with no festivities. When I happened upon news that Celtic Thunder would perform in Nashville, Indiana, it sounded like the perfect solution. I love Nashville, Indiana, with its quaint charm and delightful shops. Alas, the concert was anticlimactic, at best.

Last year, I discovered Celtic Thunder's You Tube videos from their PBS performance. Immediately, I fell in love with their songs, their sound, and their theatrics. The Nashville concert left me deflated and unimpressed. Thank goodness Damien McGinty performed, or it might have been a total loss. He exhibited his characteristic enthusiasm and charm. Why was the staging so bland? Not a lick of appeal, but just a plain black stage with no embellishment. Where were all the beloved songs? I had hoped for "Toora Loora Lay":

"Home from the Sea":

or "A Place in the Choir":

Instead, the only two classic hits were "Galway Girl" and "Seven Drunken Nights." Moreover, I find it offensive when secular groups sing songs glorifying drunkenness shortly after crooning "Amazing Grace." (No belief, why sing it?) Why the predominance of political Celtic content? Most Americans love Celtic music for its flavor and lilt, not its political elements. While there were a few upbeat songs, many were somber airs of death. 

They are a fantastic group and I wish them well. I merely hope they continue singing together in the caliber of former performances. For now, I'll stick with watching my You Tube favorites. Although, I may ask for a CD for Christmas so I can listen when I'm in the car. (My CD player near the treadmill has bit the dust, so I suppose I should ask for that, as well.)

2021 - Gifts for Me Beneath My Tree

I received so many lovely gifts this Christmas. Thought I'd share them with my book and/or Britain-loving readers:

This lovely tissue box holder - from my sister, Dawn. An excellent addition to my book room.

Don't know where I'll hang this gift from my husband. Book room? Devotional desk downstairs? Although it would change the rhythm of the caption, this year I hope to bump the first word to the last word and, in order of importance, pray, then read, then eat.

Bryce bought me these books by Andrew Peterson. I so enjoyed Adorning the Dark (borrowed it from a mega-church library nearby) that I asked for my own copy. He obliged and also purchased the newest book by Peterson, The God of the Garden. I'm looking forward to another inspiring read about creating for God's kingdom.

Love this Writer's Block pencil holder from John!

John also recognizes my love of London - 😁

I can't wait to work that puzzle and use a recent $5 acquisition - this lovely end table with removable trays, where I intend to store the categories of shaded puzzle pieces. I also found that delightful White Mountain cereal puzzle at a garage sale for only $3. Score!

Blessed beyond measure!

Wading Through Car Woes

For the past three or four months, we've had cars in the repair shop almost continuously. I had joined my Bible Study Fellowship group in September, but car trouble continues to plague us. For now, I am considering joining an on-line group, despite my discomfort with Zoom. That's saying something. The silver lining is that my sister suggested we join an on-line group together (how she can swing that when Salvation Army officers hit their busiest season in the weeks leading up to Christmas, I don't know).

In September, the Pontiac needed a cylinder repair. Shortly after that repair, it began leaking oil. We took the car to two shops before it was finally fixed. Then, Trevor's car broke down not far from our house, just a week after a thorough check declared it in great shape. We had it towed, and the mechanic said it was a blocked fuel pump. While his car was in the shop, he drove the Pontiac to his girlfriend's house. When he went to come home, that car wouldn't start (the other cylinder). The repair costs overtook the value of the car. Thankfully, we sold it (only for a few hundred dollars - ugh) to the mechanic in a repair shop we frequent all too often. The mechanic's son had just totaled his car, so he was needing a vehicle for a teen. Still, it cost us well over $200 for the lengthy tow all the way from the girlfriend's house to the mechanic's shop nearby. 

Because the Pontiac gave up the ghost on us, I had to take my retirement money out early and purchase a used vehicle to replace the Pontiac as the car I drive. 

This 1-owner, 78K miles, Chevy Malibu is a very smooth ride and a joy to drive. However, within a week of having this new-to-me car, the engine light came on. Groan. The issue is deep within the engine, requiring a dismantling that will cost around $500 just to get to the part. Given the troubles with Trevor's car, we are holding off on that repair because the mechanic said it is not an urgent repair.

After the fuel pump repair, Trevor's car was in the body shop for well over a week to repair the damage from his collision with a fox. Not long after getting the convertible back, he drove to his girlfriend's house and the car would not start when he intended to return home. This is always a major pain because his girlfriend lives so far away. To avoid towing it all the way back to our regular mechanic, we had it towed to a shop near them.

This time around, it was the starter. However, given supply delays and staffing issues, the car was in that shop for over a week (requiring lots of trips back and forth to take and pick up the boys from school). The same day the car wouldn't start, he also informed us that when he turned on the defrost, the windshield cracked. We had noticed a small crack after the fox collision. However, the insurance wouldn't cover that because we couldn't prove it was a consequence of the fox. Oh joy! Yet another period without his vehicle.

Bryce has been dealing with car woes, as well. In September, during a drive home from work (he lives in Dallas now and has a lengthy commute to his plant), his brakes went out. Luckily, he wasn't going fast, and he discovered an auto shop right off the interstate. They diagnosed a blown vacuum pump. In October, his car began to shudder. Somebody mentioned a free diagnostic test at O'Reilly Auto Parts. They fixed the issue. Praise God.

Car troubles are taxing emotionally. Trevor has started a new job at Pizza Hut and needs reliable transportation. All told, John says we have spent $10,000 in car towing and repairs over the last few months. Still, even with these car woes, we have so much to be thankful for. I'll take car issues over health issues any day. Yes, it has been expensive, but God has provided for our every need and He is greatly to be praised. Plus, the repairs have seemed to be by honest mechanics. That, too, is a blessing in this day and age. We've never been unable to get where we absolutely need to go, so we'll continue to wade through these woes and withstand discouragement by trusting God to provide.

Scaled Down, But Celebrating Nonetheless

Last year, amid the pandemic and prodigal parenting, we ditched plans to visit Mackinac Island to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. I created a list of 30 small ways to celebrate. Alas, we only tackled a third of them. I wanted to be more intentional about snagging even a small way to get out and celebrate our 31st.

Thankfully, school resumed on the day of our anniversary. We were told on-line schooling was no longer an option this year. Thus, both boys headed off to school for the day, Trevor driving them in his convertible. We packed a picnic lunch and drove to Cataract Falls, Indiana's largest waterfall. Ha! Having been to Niagara Falls a few years back, this "largest waterfall in Indiana" was miniscule. Still, it was lovely and peaceful and we had a fantastic day together.

We explored the upper falls and a graffiti-scarred, covered bridge. I found this very disheartening. Why, oh why, must people feel the need to leave their mark on something of beauty? Various names, dates, and declarations of love marred every inch of the interior walls of that covered bridge. Some misguided individuals even attempted to use this criminal activity to pronounce their faith. Seriously? You write on property that doesn't belong to you, saying Jesus matters?? Even worse, those statements were then altered to say "Satan matters" - ugh! John kept trying to get me to ignore the blights, but I was discouraged by those violations.

The weather was perfect. With a cool breeze and a shady picnic table, we ate without being accosted by too many bees or bugs. Then, placing our trash back in our vehicle (another pet peeve, I won't get started), we headed off on a hike to the lower falls. 

It is amazing how many people ignore signage and do whatever they want. We saw individuals wading with their children in the water, stepping behind prohibiting signs to get closer to the falls, and fishing off the other side of the rock walls (how did the guy get there?).

Still, we had a perfect day of precious time together. After all that invigorating exercise, we returned home, and I took a brief nap. We ended the day, with a date night out to eat.

To cap off our celebrating, we drove to Urbana this past weekend for a brief visit with my mother-in-law. We attended a matinee performance of an amateur play based on the Oz stories, but with a feel of fan-fiction. Our friend, Heidi, did a fantastic job as the music director. It was fun to listen to her accompaniment, to see the ballet portion of the performance, and to hear some songs, anyway. We will have to go back again because our brief catch-up with Heidi in the hall after the performance whet our appetite for a lengthier visit. Given the recent uptick in murder and crime in Indianapolis, we delighted in the opportunity to take in a play in a safer environment. All in all, our celebrations outpaced last year!

Celebrating a 30th Anniversary During a Pandemic

Even before the pandemic restrictions descended, we had doubts about our intentions to spend a few days together on Mackinac Island to celebrate our 30th anniversary. A prodigal child raises many potential scenarios we didn't want to chance. Despite vast improvement in our son's attitude and demeanor (his ranch internship has been a very positive contribution to his life), we still were too hesitant to ask anyone else to take responsibility for our children.

So what does a couple do when hindered by parental obligations and pandemic obstacles? Well, we rethought strategies and downsized plans. In the end, I developed this list of 30 little loving acts to celebrate our milestone. Let me tell you, 30 is a big number, so several seem repetitive, but I managed to eek out 30 nonetheless:

Photo by Johannes W on Unsplash

1. Spend ten minutes on the morning of our anniversary drinking our coffee together on the porch (depending on the time, we might even catch a sunrise).
2. Pray together for the future of our relationship.
3. Pray together for the future of our family.
4. Time together alone on the first day of school (with one at school and the other at his ranch job, we'll snag one hour - a blessing we've rarely encountered since this pandemic started).
5. Dinner out at our favorite restaurant, Tequila Sunrise (mmm, I can already taste the spinach and portabella mushroom quesadilla - since we're cheap... and old, we'll wait and celebrate on their senior discount day - ha!)
6. A trip to Dairy Queen on our anniversary night (we'll be able to bring some home for the boys to celebrate their last day of summer break).
7. Watch a travel movie (we may not go to Europe physically, but we can virtually).
8. Ask Trevor to do a photo shoot and either make a commemorative fridge magnet or photo collage.
9. A trip to Donaldson's Chocolatier to pick out a small box of dark chocolate.
10. Listen to a virtual concert together.
11. Brain-storm a list of locations for a future anniversary trip when the stars align for us.
12. Write a will! (Cannot believe we haven't done this yet - so important - must tackle soon!)
13. He'll listen to some of my recent writing (perhaps not his favorite thing to do, but it means the world to me).
14. He'll give me a neck massage.
15. I'll give him a neck massage.
16. He'll give me a foot massage.
17. I'll give him a foot massage.
18. Ask him to fill my gas tank (a task I tend to dislike).
19. Exchange our anniversary cards (and I will give him a small engraved wine-stopper I bought for him).
20. Hide 3 little love notes saying what we love about each other and then find them.
21. Take a walk, holding hands.
22. Make a small time capsule to set aside until our 40th anniversary - document what is important to us now, things we enjoy, etc.
23. Watch our wedding video together.
24. Renew our vows just between the two of us.
25. Take time together to answer the New York Times' 36 Questions That Lead to Love - to discover new things about each other.
26. Create a playlist of songs popular in 1990.
27. Take five minutes to recap the past year - the good, the bad, the changes, the challenges, the blessings, the way God has moved.
28. Take five minutes to set 3 personal goals and 3 couple goals.
29. Watch a romantic movie (we completed this one early, watching Somewhere in Time, a favorite romantic movie that takes place on our intended destination, Mackinac Island).
30. Use the fire pit (purchased but yet unused at this point) to sit outside by a small fire and enjoy each other's company.

I sent these suggestions to my husband and was thrilled when he accepted the idea. I told him we could substitute out some of his ideas because these are all very Wendy-centric (ha!) but he said the list was good. His only tweak was to change my idea of accomplishing all of this in a week. He wants to focus on one or two each week. Instead of celebrating for a day, we'll celebrate for several months. 

I still have my sights set on Barcelona in 2025 (to view the Sagrada Familia). It should be perfect timing, really. Our youngest graduates from high school in May 2025. An excellent way to begin the empty-nesting stage! 

Coveting a Writing Space

I work at two different desks throughout the day. In the early morning, I head downstairs to my tremendously cluttered downstairs desk to have my morning devotions, do my Bible Study Fellowship reading/questions, and write my daily two pages of free-writing. Usually, at that time of the morning, my husband is upstairs reading his e-mail on the living room computer and so I have enough isolation to get my morning work out of the way easily.

After the boys have been delivered to school (and I've completed my treadmill time and any morning cleaning), I sit at a small desk in the dining room to begin the day's writing tasks. It is a pleasant enough location. The window in front of the desk overlooks the backyard sanctuary where my husband feeds the birds and other critters. For the most part it is quiet in the mornings, until my husband comes up to get himself a morning cup of tea and, around noon, comes to make his lunch (almost always, talking to me, while doing so). Once the boys return home from school, any work at this upstairs desk is out of the question and there is much foot traffic downstairs because the boys and John generally work out then.

In my head, I have long dreamt of having a special writing sanctuary - a small amount of space to work undisturbed. Oh, what joy when I stumbled upon a listing for this playhouse:

It is a 12 x 10.5 x 10.5 foot structure on 2x4 runners, listed as in decent condition (under a few pine trees for cover) offered for FREE. The inside looks sound, as well:

My mind whirred with possibilities: a small couch in the lower area, along with an easy chair and a book shelf. A small desk and chair in the loft below the window for writing. I didn't want to mention it to my husband until I had called a specialty shed-moving company to get an estimate of how much it would cost to move this small playhouse from the current location to ours, but he came up and noticed me perusing the photos longingly and my hopes spilled out to him.

He had plenty of arguments against my schemes: what if it leaks or is in really bad condition? - photos can make something look good, when really it isn't; what if you go to the trouble to transport it here and then you never use it? - realize, Wendy, it will be doggone hot in the summers and freezing in the winters; what if it falls into disrepair? - this FREE writing shed could cost us a bundle to have someone come tear it down and remove it from the property; where would you put it? - it would look horrible close to the house and yet a truck would rut the yard (especially in current ground conditions) in getting it to a further location; how would you get a fan or heater out there to make it more comfortable? - running electricity to it would cost money, as well; and, finally, why can't you simply move your downstairs desk to the guest room where there is less foot-traffic and fewer interruptions? I can think of another argument he left unsaid: why should we invest money in a writing shed, when nothing you write ever profits us a dime? Now, he is in a foul temper with me just for asking.

I went ahead and secured an estimate. The man I spoke with (very cordial and talkative) estimated it would cost $500 to move the shed, if the ground is level in their yard and in ours. He was literally shocked to find someone giving a playhouse like that away for free. He said they generally cost well over $10,000 to build. He declared, "there won't be longevity on that." I thought he meant the structure wouldn't last long, but he clarified: "someone will snap up that deal right away and, from the photos, it looks as if it is quite sound."

I listed my husband's arguments, and he admitted that my husband raises some valid points ("pictures talk pretty, but can hide a whole lot of ugly," the truck would certainly rut the lawn in these conditions, "FREE isn't always free"), but said he'd snap it up if it was his decision. He even mentioned some things that could be done to enhance the shed, should we buy it and hire him to transport the thing. To avoid rutting the yard, I suggested it might be positioned next to the barn (which would either mean a longer walk to use it or a drive to park by the barn gate, but would place it closer to access of electricity).

But, knowing my husband's fierce opposition, I decided to honor his opinion and his feelings on the matter. My bubble burst. To give the dream a decent burial, I wrote this post. The pipe dream lived in my head for a few hours and then dissolved. It was fun while it lasted. Now, I'm off to tackle the clutter atop my downstairs desk. We shall see if moving it to the guest room provides the isolation my writing requires. Then again, perhaps the clutter can stay. These famous writing workspaces aren't exactly immaculate. I can deal with the paper distractions, just not the people distractions.

What about you? If you are a writer, what would your dream writing space look like?

A Ring Story

My blogging friend, Amy, recently posted a photo of her wedding ring because a library patron had complimented her on it and she was struck again by how much she adores her ring. I have to say, I love my rings. Yes, you read that right. Rings - I have two sets of wedding rings.

When my husband was preparing to propose to me, he asked if he should give me the ring his ex-fiancee had picked out at a ritzy Chicago jewelry store or if he should get me my own ring. Worried I might throw it back in his face someday ("You couldn't even get me my own ring but had to give me a castoff ring!"), I told him I wanted my own ring, but allowed him to pick it and surprise me (only telling him that I liked her ring quite a bit). He went ahead and bought me one and presented it to me on the night he proposed. Even though I loved it, eventually I simply took to wearing his ex-fiancee's ring because I like it more. I love the bypass pattern of diamonds on each side of the solitaire.

Sadly, about six months ago, I began to notice that I could barely get her rings off my finger (okay, I know they're not HER rings - they are MY rings - her loss). Worried that I might be unable to remove them at all one day, I took them off and began wearing an amethyst ring I used to wear on my right hand. I'm a no-nonsense kind of girl, with very simple taste and it didn't bother me that I wore something other than a wedding ring on my left ring finger.

However, three weeks ago, I decided to join a Bible Study Fellowship class again (after having put in three years of study with BSF back when Bryce was in preschool and kindergarten). When it came to meeting the new women in the study, I began to feel naked about the absence of my wedding rings. I took the rings to a jeweler to see how much it would cost to re-size them, but it was going to be $100 and for that, I'd rather diet and lose the weight - ha! In a burst of inspiration, I realized perhaps my own ring and band would fit better than the preferred set. Alas, I could not find them.

I tore apart my room. I'm known for my clutter and my disorganization and it certainly wasn't the first time I had lost something of importance. I couldn't bear to tell John that the rings were missing. I mentioned the loss to Trevor and asked him to pray. Every day he would come home from school and ask if I had found them. I went through every ring box in my jewelry drawer. I scoured the dresser drawers. It had to be there. I always used to keep them in a glass ring box on my dresser. It was completely mystifying and very unsettling.

Then, last week, I went to take Bryce's girlfriend, Madisyn, out for lunch. I asked if I could take a twenty from John's wallet and when I went to get the cash, I noticed my rings in his valet box. Relief flooded over me. When I asked John why the rings were in his valet, he explained that I had put them there when I purchased the amethyst ring because I said I was afraid I might lose them if I left them in my glass ring box on the dresser top. Am I brain dead, or what?

So, I mentioned the lost rings on Amy's post and posted this photo of my rings:

The ex-fiancee set is on the left and my own set is on the right. I was thrilled when one of Amy's followers said "Both are classy!" I don't think of myself as a classy kind of girl. I'm simple. But, it felt good that someone else identified my jewelry as "classy." Just like Amy, I still love my wedding rings and can't help but glow when someone else admires them, too.

New Landscaping

My husband loves working outside. He had quite a vision this Spring for what he wanted to do with the outside of our humble abode. To begin with, we had a landscaping company remove the mulch, which was always a problem and something ground squirrels and other pesky critters tended to tunnel through. Once a family of skunks tunneled a hole through the mulch near the front porch and we had to call in a critter rescue company to remove the momma skunk and her five babies. Thankfully, they got them all and now those holes are more difficult to create. This is because we replaced the mulch with rocks.

I will admit, when I first saw the rocks I balked. It looked horrible. It was dusty and gray and the rock cover blended in with the color of the rocks on the house and I didn't like it one bit. My husband assured me that the landscaper said we would feel this way. He said nobody likes the looks of the rocks until the company gets a chance to blast the rocks with water, which brings out the variance of color in the rocks. He was right. They looked better once they had been wet down some.

But, the rocks were just the beginning. John went out and purchased loads of flowers to grow around the house and he has created a beautiful oasis in our front and back lawns. While we were gone at camp he added a few more touches. He put in an arbor gate on the front walkway (not sure how I feel about that one):

Then, he put in a beautiful fountain, which makes such a comforting noise whenever we sit on the front porch, waiting for the bus to come.

In the back yard, he has created a little sunflower garden. He is constantly complaining about things chomping on his flowers. They come to chomp because he puts great time, money, and effort into feeding the birds, squirrels, coons, skunk, deer - we have them all).

He had to go away for a few days to care for his mother when she had surgery on one of her eyes and he asked me to water his plants for him. I was filled with trepidation because I kill plants. I have the blackest thumb around and never know how much is enough or how much is too much. Somehow the flowers survived my few days of care and the house looks like such a peaceful kingdom, thanks to the efforts of my wonderful husband. I know my mother will enjoy seeing these photos since, due to her own health issues, they didn't manage to get up to Indiana for a visit this summer. It's not as good as a visit, Mom, but it gives you an image in your mind for what the place is looking like these days.