Book Review: Becoming Mrs. Lewis

Once again, the titles of my current reading seem to parallel. After meeting Patti Callahan Henry at her author talk in Franklin, Indiana, I was eager to pick up this historical fiction based on the life of Joy Davidman, C. S. Lewis' wife. When I worked at the Marion E. Wade Collection at Wheaton College, my time was focused on transcribing the letters of C. S. Lewis. I didn't really stop to think about Joy Davidman. Even when I met her son, Douglas Gresham (researching his book, Lenten Lands), I didn't consider Joy. Then Dr. Lyle Dorsett, my supervisor, wrote his book, And God Came In. I received this book, with Lyle's signature, as a Christmas gift in 1984.

I had such a great time briefly discussing Patti's research at the Wade (now called the Wade Center). How fun to think she may have opened a binder and read words I transcribed! Or perhaps she actually saw my own handwritten scrawl. There were times I could not decipher C. S. Lewis's words. Both he and his brother, Warnie, were born with a congenital defect of a missing joint in their thumb. I would type up a passage and leave a blank space where I couldn't decipher the words. Then later, sometimes with the help of other eyes, I would go back in and print the missing words. It was my favorite job ever, since I often would happen upon great insights in the correspondence I transcribed.

This book held a similar message to the one I gleaned from Ellen Vaughn's biography of Elizabeth Elliot. I think many people hear the name C. S. Lewis and imagine a saint on a pedestal. Neither Elizabeth nor "Jack" (as he was known) were saints. They were ordinary individuals with faults and quirks and a rare gift for sharing insights through their writing. In Becoming Mrs. Lewis, we learn how he acquired his nickname. We learn how and why he held Joy Davidman at a distance, despite a growing love building between them. 

Joy, too, held a brilliance of writing ability. Jack described her work as "flaming." He was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. She started as a friend, someone with whom he could say, "What, you too?" I loved the descriptions of their playful, literary banter. Joy was an amazing woman. She knew several languages, had a photographic memory, could discourse on a variety of subjects, and was quite frank. Yet, as with Jack, she was not perfect. The book highlights how her passion for writing led to great difficulty settling into a "housewife" role. She suffered because of her poor choice in marrying another woman's husband, who turned out to be an alcoholic with a violent temper.

As a reader, you can see the train heading for a derailment. Why did Joy leave her wayward husband with her attractive, driven cousin to care for her sons while she took a trip to England for her health? Given her husband's abuse (and especially his demeaning comments against her writing), is it any wonder that she was drawn to a man like C. S. Lewis? And, given Lewis' background, it is easier to understand why he took so long to assert his love for Joy. This aspect gives the book tremendous pull, as the reader waits, with bated breath, for the two to come together.

I think my favorite endorsement for Patti's book is this blurb by the New York Journal of Books: "Patti Callahan took a character on the periphery, one who has historically taken a back seat to her male counterpart, and given her a fierce, passionate voice. For those fans of Lewis curious about the woman who inspired A Grief Observed, this book offers a convincing, fascinating glimpse into the private lives of two very remarkable individuals." Joy had a fierce, passionate voice in a time and era when women's voices went unheard. Her vehement determination to protect her sons was admirable. I'm grateful to Lewis for shepherding them after Joy's death. I'm also glad to have met Douglas while working at the Wade Collection. How sad to hear from Patti that Douglas is now dealing with dementia! How sad to have to tell her that Lyle (a beloved father figure for me) is also struggling with dementia. God carries us each through trials and triumphs. He uses the good and the bad in our lives for His glory. Praise God! 

Mid-month Mention: Fasting

One of my goals for 2025 is to fast more. I have spent time in prayer and fasting in the past, especially when issues grew intense with my addicted son. I'm not good at fasting. Still, I believe God is pleased when we not only bow our head to praise and petition Him, but also forego food to intensify our attentions. Indeed, I feel it is essential to pull down strongholds Satan may have on our loved ones.

When I was a teen, I babysat for a couple of children living in a Christian commune house in Chicago, near my home. I think there were two families and two single men, all sharing one roof. If my memory is correct (who knows), one of the single men talked with me about his fasting routine. He fasted one day a week. This is what I hope to build up to. It would be so cool to speak with him now, though I doubt he's still living there and may not even be living at all, as he was at least ten or fifteen years older than me.

To begin with, I am reading a chapter every other day in a book I had on one of our many bookshelves (oh, the purging that needs to be done there, sigh). I must have picked it up at a thrift store for the whopping price of 50 cents. May it be worth far more than that to my soul! It is called God's Chosen Fast: A Spiritual and Practical Guide to Fasting by Arthur Wallis. With a copyright of 1968, it is almost as old as me.

I recently took notes from Wallis' chapter on regular fasting. I want to avoid turning my regular fasting into a thing of legal bondage, as the Pharisees did in Luke 18:11-12. Wallis warns, "There is always the danger that any spiritual exercise that is done habitually becomes an empty form, a ritual devoid of any spiritual content." I will strive to fast without show and with focus on using the extra time for prayer for my sons. It was encouraging to read Wallis' example of the benefit of a public fast called for by the King of England in 1756, and again in the Second World War. Wallis observes, "Wherever in Scripture we read of a public emergency being met by a national call to fast, we find without exception that God responded in deliverance." May this bolster my heart! As Wallis states, "Fasting is calculated to bring a note of urgency and importunity into our praying, and to give force to our pleading in the court of heaven." We have seen awesome results of importunate prayer in the past. Now, again, may my humble prayers on behalf of my sons be fervent and effective.

I found a few other books on our shelves to tackle: R. A. Torrey's How to Pray, and Andrew Murray's The Ministry of Intercessory Prayer. A third book is written by a man I deeply esteem and love, Dr. Lyle Wesley Dorsett. I'm somewhat surprised my copy doesn't have his autograph. I have mentioned before that the Dorsetts took me under their wing during my time at Wheaton College. When I walked into the Wade Center to apply for a transcriber job, Lyle interviewed me and suddenly asked if he could take me next door to the Special Collections to introduce me to his wife, Mary. When I met her, Lyle spoke up. "Mary, doesn't she look just like our Erika might have looked one day?" They had lost their 10 or 11-year-old daughter just a few months before. I spent many happy afternoons in their home and they even took me along on an oral history interview trip in Scotland after my stint with the Wheaton in England program. Lyle's book, E. M. Bounds: Man of Prayer, must have been in his heart and mind during my association with him, because it was published in 1991, just four years after I graduated. As I read and as I pray, I will continue my intercessions for Lyle and Mary, who are battling dementia and cancer, respectively.

If you are interested in fasting, Bill Bright has a 7-step article on the Cru website.

Someone named Vlad Savchuk is encouraging a 21-day fast this month. I found this introductory YouTube video on his Fast Forward Challenge. Or you can watch his video of a Beginner's Guide to Fasting.

Have you incorporated fasting into your prayer time? Do you have a fasting testimony? Who knows, maybe sharing your testimony of victory through fasting might spur another individual on in their quest to seek God's forgiveness and healing in dire circumstances.

Book Review: The Borrowed Life of Frederick Fife - Highly Recommend

The Borrowed Life of Frederick Fife has been called a "funny and moving," "charming and clever," "sweet, touching life-swap adventure you won't want to miss." It is a great debut novel, billed as perfect for fans of two of my favorite novels, A Man Called Ove and Remarkably Bright Creatures. I'm a sucker for redemptive stories and this one was a good one. The willful suspension of disbelief, while taxed, was worth it for this zany tale of mistaken identity. Kindness goes a long way in a world full of hurt and pain.

82-year-old Frederick Fife is in a rough patch. He misses his deceased wife. His money and his house paid for her cancer treatments. He is facing homelessness when an odd series of events thrusts him into a world he doesn't deserve. Bernard Greer and Fred bear an uncanny resemblance. Thus, when Bernard disappears at a park outing, nursing home nurses take Fred home, thinking he's Bernard. Fred tries to set the record straight, but because Bernard typically responded with dementia-addled comments, nobody will believe Fred. Thus, he settles into Bernard's life, loving the care he receives at Bernard's nursing home. Bernard was grumpy, blind, and incontinent. Fred is endearing, lucid, and well-meaning. He is a man of integrity and kindness, intent upon remedying Bernard's blunders from the past. But how long until his mistaken identity comes to light? And is he really not hurting anyone by his deception?

I related to the issues Anna Johnston addressed within these pages: "grief, dementia, social isolation, cancer, and addiction" (as quoted in the author's extensive and interesting acknowledgements). I loved how the story lines merged. The beauty of Fred's intervention in broken lives made me wish for a Fred in my life. This was a lovely, feel-good story, even when things seemed beyond belief. Readers will root for Fred and his willingness to ride the fortuitous wave in order to help others around him. The book illustrates how older adults are often invisible or overlooked. It highlights the deep need we all have to belong and to forgive. It is a tale of second chances and redeemed brokenness. Magnificent! When they make this into a movie (some hints within the closing pages), I'll be there in the first row!

Book Review: The Memory Library

What a fabulous idea! The mother in The Memory Library has an established habit. Every year, she purchases a book for her daughter's birthday and writes an inscription inside. The only problem? She cannot give the books to her daughter. Years ago, they had a falling out and the daughter now lives on another continent and has little to do with her.

Kate Storey weaves a touching story of the tenuous mother-daughter bond. Sally Harrison has been building a library for forty-two years. Sadly, that library, intended as a gift to her daughter, lies in ruins. Sally's memory is not what it once was. After leaving the tub to overflow, the water seeps down into her beloved library. Add in a fall that fractures her arms and Sally desperately needs her adult daughter, Ella. When Ella arrives (out of duty), she harbors all the resentments of the past. But will time together seeking to repair the library draw the two of them back together? Will it bring past truths to light?

I wished to have a daughter, or at least a child, who loves books as much as I do. With sons who are not readers, this is a pipe dream. What a cool idea, though! I loved how the inscriptions shared reasons for each book's choice and what the mother hoped the daughter would draw from each tale. This book was a love story to books and their power to change lives. I bought the e-book after reading about it in a Book Bub newsletter. Sadly, it wasn't as absorbing as I had hoped. It took several tries to get caught up in the tale. I'm glad I stuck with it. The story is worth the time, if only for exploring the fabulous idea of gifting books.

Book Review: Tree. Table. Book.

As soon as I saw this new title from Lois Lowry (Newbery award-winning author of The Giver), I put my name on my library's hold list. I read Tree. Table. Book. in one day. Lowry weaves an intergenerational tale of an 11-year-old girl, Sophie, whose best friend is her 88-year-old neighbor with the same name, Sophie. The young Sophie is anxious because the old Sophie is experiencing cognitive decline. Older Sophie's son is coming for a visit to take her to the doctor for some tests. Young Sophie decides she will test her best friend all on her own, using the Merck Manual. As she prods Sophie's memory, she learns stories of her past that have been long kept hidden. While the story is heart-wrenching, it provides a touching account of a child's encounter with dementia. Lowry once again taps in on deep emotional truths and presents a flawless story.

When the Way is Fraught With Grief and Fear

I am in the throes of grief and anxiety. This week has tested me sorely, and I have felt isolated and alone in the midst of it all. Yes, I cling to the Lord, but that doesn't hold the fears and sorrows at bay. Sometimes the trials pile on in ways that feel overwhelming and unendurable. While I cannot share all of what plagues our lives at the moment, even the smaller details loom large on my heart.

I will back up some, to Wednesday, 6/18, when my husband finally could address the pain and discomfort he has endured for months. We arrived at 9 to prepare for his 11 a.m. hernia surgery. Sadly, just before they wheeled him to the OR, the power went out in the hospital (and, we learned, all over Danville, IN). They do not perform elective surgeries when they are on back-up generators, so we waited for the power to be restored. The wait was excruciating for John because he had consumed nothing since the night before. This left him parched and unable to receive any liquid. Once they restored the power, we faced new delays. They had to reduce the humidity that had grown in the OR rooms during the outage, and every surface had to be re-cleaned. They didn't wheel him back until 3 p.m.

Praising God that the surgery went well, and he woke from it. Apparently, there had been three hernias to address. Recovery went far more quickly six years ago, when he had hernia surgery on his right side. That is probably because of age (after all, he is over 60 now) rather than the number of hernias found. The pain in that area persists. He assumes it is from the mesh inserted that is still healing with scar tissue to settle in place. He gets stabbing pains, especially when trying to get in or out of a car. I asked him to check with the doctor to see if they consider such pain normal, but he wanted to wait for the follow-up appointment in several weeks. Thankfully, he called on Friday, but they have not yet returned his call. We continue to wonder why his body is in such pain after the hernia repair.

Meanwhile, my mother was declining. She forgot how to eat and my dad had to feed her meals. She struggled with breathing, so they reduced many of her meds and put her on oxygen. On Saturday, 6/22, she was no longer chewing and swallowing the food, so they instructed my dad to stop feeding her solids. By Monday, 6/24, her body began shutting down (high fever and swelling) and they said if anyone wanted to come see her before her passing, they should come soon. 

I felt torn. Much as I would have wanted to have some final moments with her, I doubted she would recognize my presence or absence and going then would mean two trips to Florida (on top of all the many flights we have paid for this year to Florida and Texas). I did not go. Of course, some may have felt we should all rush down there, but the distance and cost made it challenging. Moreover, I prefer memories of her in a communicative state, instead of the bedside vigil with her barely breathing. (Albeit, my last day with my mother did not leave pleasant memories, so I cling to the happy moments we shared during my week of caring for her in March while my father recovered from heart surgery). My sister flew down immediately and my older brother arrived the following day.

During all this, we were dealing with intense chaos at home (prodigal related and marriage related). The marital friction only compounded my feelings of isolation and loneliness in approaching my mother's departure. I no longer have the outlet of counseling. The troubles with my son often seem more than I can bear. My husband and I are not in agreement as to the best course of action, so instead we retreat into inaction, clinging solely to prayer (begging God to intervene where we seem incapable).

As for my mother, there was the uncertainty of when the passing will occur. They said she had pneumonia. What if she battled and rallied, only to linger in hospice for a long time? That is not an unusual occurrence. The waiting and the uncertainty added depth to the grieving process.

My mother passed away on the afternoon of Thursday, 6/27th. Although she has been mentally gone from us for almost a decade, I grieve her loss nonetheless. We shared a special bond, joined by our love of writing and reading. She was the most supportive individual I have had for my writing. She read my blog religiously and encouraged me to keep plowing away, when public recognition of my writing has seemed out of reach. Even apart from my writing, she boosted my spirits by always writing back to my letters (something she said she appreciated from me, as well). We shared books we had read and loved. We often read books at the other's recommendation. She nurtured, she loved, she encouraged, she uplifted me. She listened without plowing straight into instruction and advice.

I wish I could be more like her. She never felt ill-will towards others. Despite a reserved personality, she expressed love and encouragement to those around her. Her voice, reading anything, was eloquent and sweet. Her handwriting, impeccable, with precision and beauty. My handwriting used to be like hers, but over time, mine has become a scrawl. And her laugh! What a beautiful laugh. It tinkled with joy.

I spent some time re-reading some emails I still have on my computer. Her sense of humor shines through. When a paint can fell on her head, requiring six staples in her skull, she regaled me with details of the event: "The doctor comes in and tells me that everything looked fine - I still have a brain... They did let me take a shower... but couldn't let the shower hit directly on the area. It was hard to do because I had so much blood in my hair. I looked like a 'punk rocker' with red hair sticking out all over. Unfortunately (no make that fortunately), we didn't take a picture. So that's why I didn't write yesterday." 

After a kidney stone interrupted their trip to a St. Louis Salvation Army conference, she ended her letter with "Love, your cast-in-stone Mom." Another time, she wrote, "We have two books we've bought regarding selling things on E-bay, but apparently just having the books in your house does not accomplish anything." Ha! I can relate. Sometimes she responded with humor to my faux pas: "Regarding the movie [you intend] to show John, please don't look for one called 'God is Dead' because that would not be a good movie. The movie was called 'God's Not Dead' and hurrah for that!"

In February 2016, when she failed to write me back, I feared I had offended her. I wrote to her, "I worried I offended you by asking how you were doing with the ability to retain what you read. I hope you are doing very well. I so enjoy talking about books with you and when the dementia was first diagnosed, I felt such incredible sadness that we might lose the tender bond books give us." She assured me she was not offended, but all correspondence with her evaporated after June 2016, so my fears came true. Our bond over books dissolved.

My dad captured this beautiful image of her in 2022. She is in the dining room where she so often smiled and greeted others with repeated messages of love and encouragement.

This is the last photo I took of her when her mental acuity was fully intact. It was from the vacation Trevor and I took to visit my parents in Florida during the spring break of 2015.

This is the last photo I had taken of the two of us together during my visit to care for her in my father's absence while he recovered from his heart surgery.

Here is a link to a video I have of my mom reciting a poem for another individual's celebration of life. It seems fitting to share this video and these words upon her own passing. I apologize because I could not figure out how to increase the volume. It is very soft, but the words, and my mother's fine reading are sweet. (You can click on the CC - closed captioning - button and the words will appear for you, to make it easier.)

As difficult as the grieving process may be, the troubles in our home loom far more threatening. If you are a praying person, please lift our family to God's throne. We need His intervention desperately. We are hanging by a thread. That careless and flippant phrase rises to the surface: "God never gives you more than you can handle!" Not true! Indeed, He gives us more than we can handle to remind us we cannot handle things on our own strength. We have a thorn in the flesh and nothing will remove it. But may God grant us grace to live with what we've been called to carry and wisdom to pray and act in ways that are pleasing to Him.

Compilation: Science

Photo by Robina Weermeijer on Unsplash

In skimming my book reviews over the past decade, I found 20 science reads, most of them focused on the brain or genetics. I list them in no particular order:

1. The Emperor of All Maladies by Siddhartha Mukherjee - hefty tome on cancer
2.  The XX Brain by Lisa Mosconi, PhD - preventing Alzheimer's in female brains
3. The Body by Bill Bryson - an often humorous field guide to the intricacies of the human body
4. A Molecule Away from Madness by Sara Manning Peskin - when brain molecules go errant
5. Biohack Your Brain by Kristen Willeumier, PhD - boost cognitive health, performance, and power
6. Remember by Lisa Genova - the science of memory
7. Twelve Weeks to a Sharper You by Sanjay Gupta, MD - guide to building a better brain
8. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, MD - healing from trauma
9. The Circadian Code by Satchin Panda, PhD - the importance of what and when you consume
10. An Elegant Defense by Matt Richtel - the science of the immune system
11. The Aging Brain by Timothy R. Jennings, MD - preventing dementia and sharpening your mind
12. She Has Her Mother's Laugh by Carl Zimmer - the science of heredity
13. The Genius Factory by David Plotz - the science/history of genetic engineering
14. The Gene by Siddhartha Mukherjee - hefty tome on the science of genetics
15. Mozart's Brain and the Fighter Pilot by Richard Restak, MD - enhancing your brain's potential
16. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot - powerful impact of HELA cells
17. The Human Blueprint by Robert Shapiro - the science of genetics
18. The End of Alzheimer's by Dale E. Bredesen, MD - prevent and reverse cognitive decline
19. Brain Maker by David Perlmutter, MD - how the gut heals and protects the brain
20. The Teenage Brain by Frances E. Jensen, MD - explores the challenges of undeveloped adolescent brains

If I had to select my five favorites from this list, they would be: The End of Alzheimer's, The Gene, She Has Her Mother's Laugh, The Body Keeps the Score, and The Circadian Code.

Pressing Prayers

Photo by Piron Guillaume on Unsplash

January and February 2024 have kicked off with a bang. From Trevor's car accident (and other sundry issues) to medical complications, we're in the thick of things. We have many pressing prayers daily. If you feel so inclined, join us in petitioning God for His best will for us in these areas:

John - My husband had a hernia six years ago. We have a hilarious story from that time. After the surgery, the nurses were performing some post-surgical procedure on my husband. The head nurse came running down the hall in concern, saying, "No, the correct patient is a 54-year-old man!" Ha! They had to inform her he was the 54-year-old man. Thankfully, he has a full head of thick, dark brown hair, with nary a gray to be seen. His mother had been the same. Despite her age, she maintained youthful-looking hair without the aid of dyes.

Sadly, John now has a hernia on the other side of his lower abdomen. We are praying for skilled hands in repairing this issue through surgery. We pray he will remain in sound health before, during, and after these procedures. Our eldest son and his fiancée gave us a gift of airline credit to arrange a visit to them in Texas sometime this spring. We had to postpone setting dates until we can determine when John will be back up to snuff and ready to travel (not his favorite thing to do in the best of times).

Sean - Sean had a scare the other night. He struggles with taking large pills and wants some new supplements that are not available in gummy form. Thus, he asked me to get him some thicker liquid to help swallow a pill. I gave him some Bolthouse Farms Chocolate Cherry Fudge Smoothie. He was thrilled to find that the pill went down with ease in the first gulp. A few seconds later, he said, "Wait, was there almond in that? My lips are tingling and getting puffy." Sure enough, it contained almond butter. 

When his almond allergy flares, he finds it difficult to swallow or talk and even gets chest pains. I ran to get him some antihistamine, but all we had was outdated by 2 years. Still, he took the pills (with milk) and waited for them to ease the symptoms. He doubted they would work. Sensing he was uncomfortable and concerned, I googled how to know when an almond allergy requires a trip to the ER (I'm a catastrophizer by nature).

My sister called during this, and I asked her to pray for Sean. My phone was on speaker and she said a prayer aloud for his comfort and healing. As soon as she finished, Sean said his chest felt better. The power of prayer manifest before our eyes and ears! Praise God! We now are considering getting him an epi-pen to keep with him, just in case.

My sister  - Dawn had a car accident last year and has been struggling with pain in her thumbs ever since. Facing the lengthy recovery time for a surgery, she opted to go with the less invasive shot therapy (I believe it is a steroid shot). She said the pain is excruciating. She had it done once before and did not get through the full procedure. I prayed for her throughout the morning. She called to say a nurse practitioner administered the shot after applying topical anesthetic, and it was far less painful than last time (praise God!). 

I know it is more than I could endure! How I pray I will never face the intense pain of such medical challenges. My most pressing difficulty is with a constant need to clear my throat. I've battled this for 5 or 6 years now and no doctor visits bring any answers or alleviation. Still, it is like comparing a blueberry to a watermelon.

My dad - In late January, my dad had a heart catheterization scheduled. Once again, my mind flew to worst-case scenarios. I urged him to find someone to come care for my mother and not to assume he would merely be gone for the 4-6 hour procedure. Thankfully, he came through that procedure and the cardiologist put in four stents. At his follow-up appointment, the cardiologist showed him a video revealing the severity of his blockages (70-99%) and recommended a quadruple bypass. He will have open-heart surgery on February 22nd.

My mom - Of course, anything that interrupts my mother's normal routine means potential upheaval for her Alzheimer's symptoms. My dad requested my sister stay with her during the week when he will be in the hospital. What a daunting task! I am praying for all of them - my dad, my mom, my sister. It will be a trying and tenuous time! For now, I'm not on the docket to help, but that may change at any time. I am on my knees asking the Father to watch over my loved ones and bring healing and peace.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Book Review: 12 Weeks to a Sharper You

Once again, I was in the library with only moments to spare for perusing the audio selections. This book, by Sanjay Gupta, MD, was short and looked interesting. I needed a short book because I was due to leave on my FL/TX trip soon. This is a very practical and accessible guide to making changes for your brain's health. Each week focuses on establishing new habits in things like diet, sleep, movement, and challenges. Since I waited to write this review after returning from my trip, my brain is not as sharp - ha! I did jot down a few notes after listening. Here are my brief blurbs from the book:

- "Forgetting is as important as remembering."

- "Neurons wire together if they fire together."

- "If you've met one Alzheimer's patient, you've met one Alzheimer's patient."

If brain health is important to you, this is an excellent book with practical steps to improve not only your brain health, but by extension, whole body health. I think with my recent trip I tackled one of his suggested goals: try to do something scary every day. If you don't stretch yourself, you'll never grow. Take care of your brain; it's the only one you'll ever have!

January's Traveling Mercies and Memories

In late December/early January, my sister proposed a joint trip to visit our parents (who live in assisted living in Largo, Florida). I had not been down to see them since my father's January 2020 fall, when he broke his arm while they were still living in their own house in Pinellas Park. Over these past three years, I have been grateful that the Lord has provided protection and care for them in this stellar facility, Cypress Palms. They receive wonderful meals, excellent fellowship and stimulation, and regular assistance for daily needs. My parents love it there, and I am thrilled to know someone is always near if they need help.

I think my reluctance to visit stemmed from a pandemic-induced discomfort with flying. Add in the December breakdown of Southwest (my preferred airline, because they fly non-stop) and I was still very hesitant to make the trip. But I longed to see my parents (and my sister) enough to brave the difficulties associated with travel. Then, I decided, if I'm getting on a plane to visit my folks, I might as well get on one additional plane and stretch the trip out with a visit to my oldest son, Bryce. January isn't the most appealing month to travel, but it was cheaper than waiting for March or April. Facebook friends I was praying for asked if they could return the favor by praying for me, so I mentioned my anxiety over my upcoming trip. Thanks to their intercession and God's gracious hand, the trip went almost without a hitch.

My Southwest flight from Indy to Tampa left bright and early on January 24th and evidence of God's hand surrounded the experience. On the return drive from dropping me at the airport, my husband said he saw a huge bottleneck of traffic on the other side (the one leading to the airport). We just missed this mess, and I made my flight with enough time to fit in my morning prayers (for my FB people). When I arrived in Tampa, I was prepared to wait for my sister's Dallas flight to arrive a few hours later, however her initial Lubbock flight was still on the runway, enduring 5 full hours of de-icing attempts. It was clear she wouldn't arrive soon, and I didn't want to drag my dad out with my mother to the airport twice. I had searched for alternative options just the day before and happened upon an express bus that could get me all the way to the Largo Ulmerton Road Park and Ride. Just as I found the 300x bus stop, the bus pulled up, and I made a snap decision to climb aboard. You can't beat the 300x bus! For $2.25, I was on my way to Largo!

My parents were at lunch, so I walked to the Wendy's next door and purchased my lunch while waiting for them to come for me. During that first day's visit, a routine played out again and again. My mother, seeing me sitting in their living room, would say, "Oh, what's your name?" I'd answer, and she'd reply, "I have a daughter named Wendy." We would point out that I am that daughter and she would smile and say, "Oh, you are? I love you!" Five to ten minutes on, it would repeat. Thankfully, she wasn't all that ruffled by our visit. I had feared we would overwhelm her, especially with two of us interloping into their territory. When Dawn's two flights finally landed her in Tampa, she took the 300x, and I stayed with my mother while my dad ran to pick Dawn up from the park and ride lot.

Dawn had already expressed some concern about my 4-5 a.m. waking time, which is 3-4 a.m. for her body clock. However, we stayed in a lovely hotel, Home 2 Suites, with a perfect room set-up so that my early morning rising didn't bother her. I so appreciated the curtain dividing the room.

On Wednesday, after a brief morning visit, we left to find lunch and to shop for some clothes my dad wanted Dawn to purchase for my mom. We landed at an outstanding Mexican restaurant, Los Magueyes Mexican Grill, in Largo. I highly recommend it if you are ever in Largo! My chicken and spinach quesadilla (with the accompanying salad, sour cream, and guacamole) was packed full and so delicious that we determined to return (Friday) for another meal before our 3-day visit was done.

By the time Friday, our departure date, rolled around, my mother was remembering us a bit more. During her afternoon scheduled bathing time, we drove to Clearwater Beach to see the ocean. Although we didn't have time to do more than snap a few photos, it was lovely.

My parents then took us to the Tampa Airport. My American Airlines Tampa to Dallas-Fort Worth flight went well, and Bryce was there waiting for me in the pickup lanes. He wanted to take me to a Mexican restaurant in Rockwall, TX, on the waterfront, but since I'd already had Mexican twice, he settled on an interesting restaurant/bar with plates adorning the walls and ceiling (Flying Saucer on the Lake).

Saturday we went to Bryce's girlfriend's parents' house in Plano, Texas, for a delicious brunch, where I met Elizabeth's parents, grandparents, and an aunt and uncle. Then Elizabeth and Bryce whisked me off for an intensive walking tour of Dallas - ha! Well, I don't think they intended a walking tour, but it was quite a bit of walking for me. We drove to the Sixth Floor Museum (getting a view of the spot of J.F.K.'s assassination). Then, we walked across Dallas to the Immersive Monet Experience. (On our way, they stopped to show me the giant eye - a landmark:)

I had wondered about the immersive experience when the Van Gogh one came to Indianapolis, but found no one to accompany me. Although I was pretty sure you were supposed to walk through the rooms, we stayed put in the first room for an entire cycle of the experience. My favorite part was a section paired with a shortened version of Ravel's Bolero. As we attempted to depart from the curtained door where we had entered, an attendant explained and then we walked through the other rooms to see various methods of experiencing the show.

Next, they wanted to give me a good view of the city, so we went in search of the Petroleum Club in the Chase Building (Elizabeth's father could get us permitted entrance) but discovered, upon arrival (and after much walking) that the Petroleum Club had recently moved to their new building. We walked to that building, but it was closed (although we saw an interesting pendulum swinging in the entrance area). So, we departed and trekked to our dinner location in the interesting Klyde Warren Park, a park built right over the Woodall Rodgers Freeway. The park looked like a fabulous place to bring children - interesting climbing and play structures. We dined at Mi Cocina (yes, Mexican again, but no complaints from me) and called an Uber to take us back to the Sixth Floor Museum parking lot. I was exhausted, but full of fond memories.

Sunday morning, Bryce and Elizabeth wanted to watch the Purdue basketball game, so we went to The Ice House, intending to sit outdoors and view it on the overhead screens. Alas, it was absolutely arctic that morning, so we retreated indoors. I had a delicious BLT and mostly listened to the conversation between Bryce, Elizabeth, and her parents instead of watching the game. From there, we went back to Elizabeth's parent's house and played several rousing hands of Monopoly Deal while watching a few football games. 

On the drive back to Bryce's apartment, I received a text saying they had cancelled my Monday morning flight and re-booked me on the 8 p.m. flight. This was alarming news since they expected an ice storm to begin sometime on Monday or Tuesday. Thankfully, Bryce's workplace closed down early for the day and he drove me to the airport. Despite cancellation of 2/3rds of all flights out of Dallas Love's Field, my 8 p.m. flight took off as scheduled and I landed in Indianapolis at 11 p.m. that night. If I hadn't been able to catch that flight, Bryce would have been stuck with me until Friday since the ice storm lasted 3 days (thankfully, Bryce could work from home). While it was a good trip, full of excellent visits with loved ones, I so appreciate getting home and back into my routines (especially my prayer routine, disrupted the day we walked all over Dallas and made up the following day with an extra prayer slot).

Book Review: Intermittent Fasting for Women Over 60

One problem with receiving so many e-mail book recommendations (Bargain Booksy, BookBub, etc.) is that I jump quickly and purchase, then ignore the books in my Kindle for PC app. This book, Intermittent Fasting for Women Over 60: The Ultimate Guide to Lose Weight, Boost Metabolism, and Increase Energy, by Lauren Grant, was an exception. Despite not reaching 60 yet, I've been reeling again from verbal blips and mental lapses. The need to resume my anti-Alzheimer protocol (Dr. Dale Bredesen, The End of Alzheimer's) is strong. What I lack is willpower. Even when I know resistance is the best thing for me, I succumb to the lure of the foods I enjoy eating. Thus, I was eager and ready for a pep-talk. Lauren Grant's book came at just the right moment. While it is not "the ultimate guide," it is certainly a perfect pep-talk if you want to resume time-restricted eating.

The book was a quick read. Nothing new to line my arsenal but encouraging to get back into the swing of things. I bookmarked a few of the recipes at the end of the book: Italian Keto Meatballs with Mozzarella Cheese, Pizza Omelet, Keto Tuna Salad (surprised by this one since I normally ignore tuna recipes), Keto Salmon Quiche, and Egg Cups. At the end of the book, the author offers free resources to help you begin your lifestyle changes. Although I didn't copy many of these, I intend to use "The Food and Fasting Log," "The Habit Tracker," and "The Monthly Sleep Tracker." Those forms will be helpful as I begin anew to alter my lifestyle with healthier food and fasting choices.

Book Review: Remember

After watching Still Alice again and reading Every Note Played, someone mentioned Lisa Genova's book, Remember: The Science of Memory and the Art of Forgetting. I must not be alone in my fears over dementia's beckoning call. It felt like Genova was specifically trying to put readers' minds at ease over the normal memory glitches we all routinely experience. In this book, she shares tips and pointers, things like pay attention, make a mental picture to accompany what you are trying to remember, enhance the meaning, and attach a location to the memory. 

Furthermore, she encourages practical steps (many I had heard before): fuel the body with appropriate foods, get sufficient sleep, learn new things, and reduce stress when you can. Over and over, she differentiates between normal memory lapses and dementia-level lapses. I still think I exhibit some dementia-level lapses, but I will try to keep positive. I'm doing what I can to stave it off, but God knows whether I will succumb to the same end as my mother.

Compilation: 15 Books About Dementia

Even prior to my mother's dementia diagnosis, I sought books on that topic. I suppose it began with a book club selection, Still Alice. Many in my book club could relate to the story by Lisa Genova. I did not know I would one day be able to relate as well. Although it can be a quite depressing topic, it is not without hope. Some of these books are non-fiction. Some are fiction. Each offers something to hold on to in order to get through the darkness. Here are 15 books I have read and reviewed (in chronological order to when I read them, earliest to most recent):

1. Still Alice by Lisa Genova - novel
2. Dancing With Rose by Lauren Kessler - memoir
3. The Patient's Playbook by Leslie D. Michelson  - non-fiction
4. Brain Maker by Dr. David Perlmutter - non-fiction
5. Switch by Ingrid Law - middle-grade novel
6. Before I Forget by B. Smith and Dan Gasby - memoir
7. Where the Light Gets In by Kimberly Williams-Paisley - memoir
8. The Forgetting Time by Sharon Guskin  - novel
9. Goodbye Vitamin by Rachel Khong  - novel
10. The Aging Brain by Dr. Timothy Jennings - non-fiction
11. The End of Alzheimer's and The E. of A. Program by Dr. Dale E. Bredesen - non-fiction
12. How to Forget by Kate Mulgrew - memoir
13. Walking Through Twilight by Douglas Groothuis - memoir
14. Four Umbrellas by June Hutton and Tony Wanless - memoir
15. Biohack Your Brain by Kristen Willeumier, PhD - non-fiction 

We decided to watch Still Alice on Saturday night. Given all of my recent brain blunders and speech slips, it was hard to watch. Just yesterday, I was trying to say "egg shell" and could only get out "egg thingie." My siblings have asked if I will take the genetic testing to see if I'm a carrier of the Alzheimer gene, but frankly that terrifies me. I'd rather not know. Plus, the movie indicated if one tests positive, it is a 100 percent chance the individual will present with dementia at some point in the future. To be given that finality is, perhaps, more than I could bear. Whatever happens, it is in God's hands.

Book Review: Biohack Your Brain

With due date looming, I skimmed this book one afternoon. I continue to make verbal mistakes and brain blunders. It is hard not to see dementia hiding in every corner when such things happen. The other day, after putting down a new rug in Sean's room, I quipped, "Now we need to iron it." Of course, I meant "vacuum" it, but the faux pas made us snort with laughter. Underneath the laughter lies the terrifying question of a future similar to my mother's. If anyone is eager to "biohack" the brain, it's me.

Kristen Willeumier is a neuroscientist who studied NFL football players and the results of concussion. Even those most debilitated were able to reinvigorate their mental faculties. Willeumier declares that no matter what your age, there are easy steps you can take in the hopes of better brain health. She includes several excellent lists, like 10 ways to change your brain in 10 minutes: walk, eat dark chocolate (okay, I'm game), sit up straight, write with your non-dominant hand, eat blueberries, learn a new word, visualize ways to improve your day, spend 10 minutes away from devices, breathe essential oils, and keep a gratitude journal. Then there's a list of 10 brain games for a sharper mind: read, learn a new word a day, computer brain games, learn a new language, create art, volunteer, write creatively, do crossword/jigsaw puzzles, vary your way to work, and try something new.

Willeumier's book is full of dietary advice, exercise encouragement, supplement suggestions, and hydration advocacy. While I already follow much of her advice, I could be more intentional. She gears these steps toward the everyday individual. You don't have to shift everything in your life, but small steps will lead to change. As she exhorts: set realistic incremental goals, track your progress, have an accountability partner, and - most of all - enjoy it!

Book Review: A Molecule Away from Madness

A Molecule Away from Madness, by Sara Manning Peskin, reminded me of Oliver Sacks' books. Peskin is a competent cognitive neurologist who weaves stories of individuals suffering from a crisis in the brain. Although not quite as delightful as his books, her stories were interesting and the scientific explanations easy enough to understand. Peskin discusses a variety of illnesses brought on by errant molecules in the brain. She explains what went wrong and what doctors are doing to research and correct these problems.

Peskin argues that molecules in the brain can turn into mutants, rebels, invaders and evaders. In this way, a normal college student can wake one morning unable to remember what she had for breakfast and, by the end of the day, assume she is in a zombie apocalypse. Mutants are altered strands of DNA that bring illnesses into families. Rebels are proteins, meant to defend us, that aim at the brain and attack. Peskin writes that using a "locomotive analogy, you can think of small molecules either as obstacles that block the train tracks (invaders) or as fuel required for the train to move in the first place (evaders)." If you are interested in the brain, this book might appeal to you. Since my own brain feels hijacked, I could definitely relate to living just a molecule away from madness. I just pray I can find a way to stave off any mutants, rebels, invaders and evaders attacking my brain. 

Book Review: Four Umbrellas

This is the review that almost wasn't - not thanks to my cognitive impairment necessarily, but thanks to my careless elbow landing on the trash button of my phone. I have taken to writing some of my book reviews on my phone while waiting for my son at his ranch job. I would be sunk if it weren't for my technologically savvy and cognitively healthy sons - ha! Sean immediately showed me how to retrieve the recently deleted note full of my book reviews. Shwew!

Four Umbrellas is a memoir of a couple's experience with early-onset Alzheimer's. It was very difficult to read, in light of many recognizable traits. I'm probably magnifying my risks because of my mother's diagnosis, but when multiple episodes cluster, I grow anxious. For example, someone hit our mailbox and knocked off one number. John asked me to make the simple fix, but I put the one on the wrong end, making it say 1011 instead of 1101. He worried we may have missed a package delivery before he noticed and fixed it. I felt guilty, frustrated, and scared. I have also had mishaps with our coffee maker (granted, it is early morning - often 4 a.m., but still ...) One day, I ran the individual coffee side without a mug (coffee all over the counter and dripping onto the floor). Then, I ran the carafe side without water another day. I forgot to add sugar to my zucchini loaves (thankfully, I taste-tested our loaf before gifting the second loaf). Hopefully, John's birds enjoyed those dry loaves. I could laugh off one incident, but many leave me cringing.

The title of the book comes from an incident where the husband packed four umbrellas. It also could symbolize the four over-arching cognitive decline severity stages (NCI, SCI, MCI, and dementia) or four types of dementia (Alzheimer's, Lewy Body Dementia, Vascular Dementia, and Fronto Temporal Dementia). Since both the husband and the wife are writers (should I say "was" for him), they divide the segments into storytelling from the wife's perspective and insights from the husband's. The structure jumps around a bit, but it tells a heart-wrenching tale of loss. From a sharp acuity with words to rambling tangents, the husband's own involvement clearly reveals how devastating the process toward dementia can be. These are shoes I would rather only walk in through memoir, but will I have a choice?

Book Review: The End of Alzheimer's Program

I’m experiencing a renewed interest in battling the potential enemy of dementia. Hard to fight an enemy if you’re not sure it truly exists yet, but I can certainly take steps to fortify and protect my personal home, my body. Dr. Dale Bredesen’s End of Alzheimer’s book was on mylist of top reads last year. Reading the book mobilized me to begin the protocol. I followed a make-shift regimen, based on what I had read, from March or April of last year until Christmas. In January, I attempted to go back on the plan. Alas, my father broke his arm, and I went to Florida to provide care. It seemed too difficult to maintain while in someone else’s house. Then, with the initial lockdown, I lost sight of the goal. I gained back the lost pounds and resumed some memory issues.

Bredesen’s plan works. I will say that at the outset. When I follow the plan, I notice a marked change in my well-being. While it requires devotion, he never says you have to follow his protocol 100 percent. You can make your own attempt and do what works for you. So just what is this plan? He calls it a KetoFLEX 12/3 diet. But it is so much more than a diet. It is a lifestyle shift. The plan involves 12 hour fasting (16 hours recommended for those with the Alzheimer’s gene) and recommends finishing your evening meal at least 3 hours before bedtime. Although it is ketogenic, it provides room for flexibility. Bredesen encourages readers to identify what triggers and risk factors they face so they know what to emphasize. The disease stems from a myriad of factors (diet, toxins, dental habits, inflammation, infection, etc.). Thus, the battle plans vary.

Here are some of his suggestions I’d like to attack while going back on the lower carb/plant-based diet. I’ve already resumed the fasting periods. I am attempting to break my fast in the morning with a cup of black coffee containing a small spoonful of coconut oil. This is a real challenge. I hate black coffee (crave my Coffee Mate hazelnut creamer – groan) and hate coconut. Thankfully, the oil is tasteless, just leaves an oily shimmer on the coffee. I now take milk thistle. I’m trying to focus on things I like: spinach, broccoli, pistachios, eggs, strawberries and blueberries, beets (yep, I like ‘em), avocados, and Brussel sprouts.

Although I would love to take the cognitive tests, I am still loathe to enter a doctor’s office. Besides, I'm unsure how I would respond if I learned I carry the Alzheimer’s gene. It would be great to purchase a pulse oximeter and rule out sleep apnea (I’m certain my oxygen levels are declining during sleep). If I knew how to go about it, or even if it would be valuable, I would look into having our home tested for toxins. I believe that the mold in my parent’s home led to some of my mother’s dementia. Purchasing a HEPA filter is another goal.

Don’t feel overwhelmed. You can attack as much or as little as you like and track your improvements over the weeks and months. This book is easy to digest (although the original End of Alzheimer’s book was easier). The only thing I would have liked to have seen in this book would have been a meal plan guide (but there was a small version in the original book and I purchased that, so I could review it). All in all, I’m a big believer in Dr. Bredesen and this plan. I think he is onto something. Anyone experiencing cognitive decline would do well to give it a whirl. There’s nothing to lose (well, weight) and much to gain.

Book Review: The XX Brain

I looked forward to this book when I put my name on the library hold list. The sub-title reveals why it might appeal to me: The Groundbreaking Science Empowering Women to Maximize Cognitive Health and Prevent Alzheimer's Disease. I'm all about brain study. I'm deeply interested in preventing the Alzheimer's that plagues my mother. Yet, I completed this book with no sense of empowerment or vision of a secret unveiled for staving off cognitive decline.

Lisa Mosconi, PhD, is the director of the Women's Brain Initiative at Weill Cornell Medical College. She's an expert. As the title hints, the book's major thrust decries how medicine has treated women up to this point, failing to recognize that a woman's brain differs from a man's brain. It's not that I'm arguing her point, but I expected more emphasis on practical steps for women to boost their brain health than on a political analysis of the medical establishment. Give me the facts, ma'am! I finally arrived at Chapter 9, 150 pages in, where the book begins with advice about diet, stress, sleep, etc. Yet, I still couldn't seem to engage with the material.

I skimmed through the rest and briefly glanced at a handful of recommended recipes (none interesting enough to copy). The most significant benefit was a reminder to make better food choices when ice cream calls and the fruit looks insipid. Ha - this makes me think of my mother-in-law, who always offers fruit for dessert, and I stare in wonder because I don't consider fruit a "dessert!" Dessert is something sweet and tasty and bad for you (cake, pie, ice cream, cookies). Then again, she is almost 92 years old, so fruit as a dessert is probably not a bad call!

Book Review: Walking Through Twilight

What a gorgeous, apt cover for this tragic and tender book about a man's experience losing his brilliant wife to a rare form of dementia. I love the blackness of the bottom half - the ground; I love the hazy purple twilight and the stark outline of the living trees against it on the top half. The book opens with a George Herbert poem, "Bitter Sweet," addressed to the Lord:

"Since thou dost love, yet strike;
Cast down, yet help afford;
Sure I will do the like.
I will complain, yet praise;
I will bewail, approve;
And all my sour-sweet days
I will lament and love."

As Job 2:10  says, "We take the good days from God—why not also the bad days?" Indeed, the foreword identifies the author's aim: "to understand something of the hand of God in this valley of suffering and to discern how to live lovingly and faithfully in this shadowy place." I think we all need this lesson. We all encounter our shadowy places and struggle to accept the meaning in the pain.

I appreciated the author's words on lament, giving permission and offering the understanding that there is a time for lament. He writes, "If the perfect Son of God can lament and not sin, so may we." I have been on the receiving end of well-meaning Christian expectations to cast off lament quickly and get back to doing what God would have you do. But, indeed, there is a time to weep.

While this book is definitely a difficult read - such intense sorrow for the loss of an articulate individual's ability to form words and ideas - it offers the author's truth with candor and faith. He is not a sunny Pollyanna, but a realistic climber who only wants to see the slope and make the wisest steps to trek the mountain. How do we live well amid suffering? I think with integrity, honesty, and faith. Somehow, we allow God to hold our hand and surrender the journey to His control.

Book Review: The Body

If you've never read Bill Bryson, you must remedy that! He is a delightful and funny writer. His breadth of knowledge on various subjects is astounding. I first discovered his books when a CBLI speaker mentioned his book, I'm a Stranger Here Myself (about being an American returning to live in the States after years spent living in England). Then, I chuckled my way through A Walk in the Woods, while waiting for Bryce to compete in YuGiOh tournaments back when we lived in Illinois, laughing out loud by myself in the car. This new book, The Body: A Guide for Occupants, is in the same vein as his entertaining book, At Home (reviewed here).

The back cover declares, "Bill Bryson, bestselling author of A Short History of Nearly Everything, takes us on a head-to-toe tour of the marvel that is the human body. As addictive as it is comprehensive, this is Bryson at his very best, a must-read owner's manual for everyone." However, I don't believe this book is for "everyone." In my humble opinion, if you wish to read outstanding books about the phenomenal nature of the body, I would recommend Dr. Paul Brand and Philip Yancey's books, Fearfully and Wonderfully Made, and In His Image. The biggest hang-up for me with this book was that Bryson presents all of this knowledge from a perspective I cannot embrace (evolution and random design). How can anyone digest all this intricate information about the body and maintain that we evolved from chimps to stand upright now and that it was all a meaningless venture that happened out of thin air? Blinded eyes admit the grand design but refuse to acknowledge the grand designer.

However, although I could not embrace Bryson's world-view or his lens, I enjoyed learning so many facts about the body. I attempted to share some unusual discoveries with my sons: cacosmia is a disorder of the sense of smell where, for the afflicted individual, everything smells like feces. Or how about this tidbit: "you can remove two-thirds of a liver and it will grow back to its original size in just a few weeks.... We don't know how a liver knows to grow back to just the right size and then stop growing, but it is lucky for some of us that it does." Or how about the power of flatus "tragically demonstrated in Nancy, France, in 1978 when surgeons stuck an electrically heated wire up the rectum of a sixty-nine-year-old man to cauterize a polyp and caused an explosion that literally tore the patient apart." I wriggled with discomfort reading about Samuel Pepys and his 1658 lithotomy - yikes, couldn't even read that one to the boys because it was beyond the scope!

I still highly recommend Bill Bryson as an entertaining and knowledgeable writer. Everyone should experience his wry wit and his extensive compendium of facts. How I would love to meet the man! Although, I dare say, I'd be greatly tempted to share the gospel with him in the hope he might catch a glimpse of the Creator behind the amazing creation.