Book Review: Desperate Prayers

When we discovered our prodigal son's journey, our prayer lives grew exponentially. I don't think I've ever prayed such desperate prayers as those lifted for my son! We rarely prayed together, as a couple, before the fallout of addiction drove us to our knees side-by-side. We have prayed desperate prayers to God. We have prayed importunate prayers, and seen answers that feel miraculous. We are currently in life's darkest moments and we continue to believe in the power of prayer.

This book, Desperate Prayers, by Rachel Wojo, outlines and encourages deep and abiding prayer principles. Rachel is no stranger to situations of desperation. Her daughter, Taylor, endured the neurological degeneration of Sanfilippo syndrome. Care for Taylor was demanding and her life threatened. During the pandemic, Rachel's husband lost his job and their finances were stretched while providing for many children.

Each chapter in the book addresses various desperate needs, with requests like, "God, see me," "God, heal me," "God, guide me," and "God, free me." Here's an example of the prayer principles she summarizes at the end of each chapter: "God will not allow your wilderness to go unnoticed. Prayer is the strongest weapon in your arsenal. Whatever your emergency, God is your eternal 9-1-1 Operator, always by your side.... No prayer is beyond God's reach or reply." She declares, "Desperate prayer is a wise admission, not a weak acceptance."

I found great encouragement in these pages when I read them prior to Trevor's death. I loved her reminder that sometimes God answers prayer, not for you, but for the sake of others (example: The bathing equipment, they petitioned repeatedly for, that finally arrived just before Taylor died. Taylor never even used it, but they were able to give it to another girl who faced significant challenges). Moreover, I loved her reference to that lovely chorus, "My Lord knows the way through the wilderness, all I have to do is follow." She, like Alistair Begg, encouraged me to "pray bigger." We cannot go to God with our "agenda" of what we think is best in these situations. But, we must recognize that He can do so much more than we can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). 

Indeed, we are now clinging to that promise that He knows exactly what we need. Perhaps God's decision to take Trevor in July was merciful! Perhaps he was spared tremendous challenges and difficulties. We have already seen his death spread the good news of God's saving grace to those who might not have listened in any other circumstance. May God bring a bountiful harvest from Trevor's short life!

Book Review: Pray Big

Alistair Begg's little book, Pray Big: Learn to Pray Like an Apostle, is chock-full of encouragement and inspiration for praying. If you have read my blog at all before, you will know I am a huge fan of importunate prayers. These are the kind of prayers that feel impossible, but for God's vast omnipotence. We have seen God answer prayers that seemed outlandish and overwhelming. He can accomplish what we cannot. We never have to fear that we have asked God for too much!

At first, I listened to this book on my library's Hoopla account. This was such a blessing because it is narrated by the author himself, with his delightful Scottish lilt. How I would love to hear Begg preach in person! For now, I settle for clips I find on Facebook. As I listened, I wanted to pause and take notes, but I was walking on the treadmill. Instead, I snagged a paperback copy from my local church library and took notes after listening.

Begg encourages the reader to pray with great scope and purpose. We don't want to merely bring God our shopping list of needs and requests. We pray out of dependence and out of strong trust in God's almighty abilities to intervene. We must recognize our great need of Him. We cannot fix problems in our lives on our own (I felt this deeply in our walk with an addict). Begg gives 5 qualities Paul prays for the Ephesians: focus, hope, riches (not wealth, but a spiritual inheritance), power, and love.

We need to see what we really have. He writes, "Too often, as Christians we live like someone who has been given a full-board ticket on a cruise ship, and who sits on their deckchair eating crackers and drinking water because they haven't realized that all the food is free with their ticket." Paul reminds the Ephesians that they have been given "every spiritual blessing." A bit further on, Begg writes, "There is nothing you can ask for, or think of asking for, about which he does not say, I am able to do better than that." 

Begg peppers these pages with lines from famous hymns. This was such a blessing. His words inspire my praying. I loved this line: "Small prayers betray a suspicion that we have a small God." But by bigger, Begg is not encouraging things like health, wealth, and happiness (your general wish list), but rather "to be filled with his fullness, to be able to grasp the unknowable love of Christ, to live for the treasures of your future inheritance. We must pray for our own sake, for the sake of others, and for His [God's] sake. May my prayers be big, bold, and importunate, revealing trust in a big God.

Book Review: Where Prayer Becomes Real

I struggled to get into this book on prayer, Where Prayer Becomes Real. Writers Kyle Strobel and John Coe present a sufficient argument that in order to be real with God, we must be honest in our prayer. After reading one hour, I set the book aside for almost a week. I couldn't bring myself to give up on a prayer book, though. They outline 5 types of prayers: praying the psalms, prayers of intention, prayers of recollection, prayers of examine, and prayers of intercession.

If ever one wanted to see an example of honest praying, you only need to visit the psalms in the Bible. David and others pour out their heart, their lament, their worship, and their praise. I think my favorite sections were on praying The Psalms, examining your days and life, and interceding for others. The authors identify a common struggle. "When tragedy strikes and we pray, sometimes it feels like the smallest possible gesture. But intercession is no mere gesture. Intercession is a prayer of faith, and we are present to another to carry them, in the Spirit, to the Father." They argue for the importance of being present to the individuals we are lifting to the throne. [I wrote this review in June, but I feel the significance of this deeply now!]

At the end of the book, Strobel and Coe present mini callings for prayer. They suggest, 1) you must intend to be with God as He really is; 2) resist turning to fantasy and prayers of magic; 3) be honest with God in about your heart's longings without cleaning them up to be more acceptable; and 4) live in the truth of who you are in Christ. While this wasn't my favorite book on prayer (probably J. C. Ryle's Do You Pray?), it did spur me on to greater honesty with God in the face of personal trials. 

Mid-month Mention: Hospitality and Building Community

I do not have the spiritual gift of hospitality. For several years, we invited my parents and sibling families to our spacious home just after Christmas. While I enjoyed the opportunity to see them all, the stress of making arrangements and meals always shattered me. One year, my sister attempted to alleviate that stress by insisting on making a huge meal of roast beef and yorkshire pudding. That year was even more stressful. I much preferred when we settled on an order from Papa Johns (although, one year, they assumed our large order of 8 or 9 pizzas was a prank call and we had to wait there while they actually filled the order).

Having said that, the Lord has been nudging me in this area. Not only did He direct me to my verse for the year (2 Corinthians 2:14: "Thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him."), but he is convicting me through others I'm encountering. I somehow stumbled upon a new-to-me author, Sue Donaldson, author of  Never Alone: The Power of Invitation and the Grace of Belonging in an Isolated World. I received a newsletter with a description of one of her "Wine Nights." It sounds amazing! She invites women into her home and stimulates conversation with great ice-breaker questions. You can purchase her question ideas in her book, Say Something Special: 252 Conversation Starters, The Ultimate Guide to Stimulating Table Talk. I hope to get a chance to read those books soon.

In the meantime, while I continue to pray for God's guidance on how He may be asking me to step out in faith, I keep discovering more encouragement. I recently followed a Rabbit Room substack article to a video lecture by Andy Patton (The Darkling Psalter). Patton's lecture, "The Lost Art of Community," is not only full of book recommendations and summaries, but also inspires hosptality and community building. I went in thinking I would skim the 28-minute lecture, but was riveted through the whole thing. He offers excellent analogies to flesh out his main points. He talks about subverting modernity, creating space with common agreement, accepting imposition for the sake of community, and the importance of propinquity (when circles of life overlap).

I am not at the point where I can foster a new community (many distractions of the unstable life with an addict), but I took note of his recommendations: 1) Start small, and 2) Gather around something. In brainstorming groups I would love to initiate, I think of several categories. The first obvious one is a desire to gather around books - perhaps start a new book club. The second, similar, is a desire to gather with other Christian writers - perhaps start a writer's group. The third, more practical and desperately needed on my end, gather with non-judgmental parents walking the difficult road with a wayward child. I realize all these categories already have groups in existence near me. However, that doesn't negate that niggle from the Lord. It may still be in developing stages within me. I may be too busy with the monumental task of preparing to downsize into a smaller residence. For now, I spend time in prayer and seek His wisdom and guidance.

If you're lonely and aching for stronger connections, if you're interested in building community, why not take a moment to explore Sue Donaldson's books or Andy Patton's lecture. They are sure to light a fire under any desires or convictions you might entertain. Who knows, this might be a tangible way to follow that verse from 2nd Corinthians. Every day, I pray to be a fragrance of the knowledge of Him. Maybe soon, he'll have me put feet and hands to the words.

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I wrote this post prior to our son's death. God has a sense of humor. He forced me to put feet and hands to words (although, I don't think anyone really expected much out of me - it is not like they were wanting me to stress about feeding all the relatives coming for the funeral, but even just making my home - so often in disarray - available for visiting is stressful to me). And, I suppose, he is giving me more time to focus on discerning where I could live out the verse in 2nd Corinthians.

Losing Our Precious Son

Parenting a wayward child is an exhausting and distressing role. We have gone back and forth trying to determine what is the best way to respond and help our addicted son, Trevor. I will admit, we have not always been in agreement. Much of this stems from my husband's personal experience with an addicted sibling who took his life. I think he was desperate to come to a different conclusion with his son.

From day one, Trevor was very much like his Uncle Rob. He did things with vehemence. Most recently, his driven, give-it-all mentality zeroed in on his bodybuilding. Here is a photo of him flexing:

Unfortunately, he relapsed at the end of May. At 2 a.m., there was no way to take him to a treatment center, so we took him to the ER. They would only release him into a residential treatment center (good for them!) At first, still under the influence of the drugs, he refused to stay for the 28-day treatment. He wanted to leave after the initial 7-day detox period. My husband wanted to let him come back home. In my opinion, that would only enable him to go back to using (our home is where this all began). I began to pray importunately for God to change their minds. Praise God! My husband told him he couldn't come home and Trevor decided he would stick out the program.

Of course, he had to detox from everything (including the Retitrutide weight loss drugs he was injecting and the steroids he was taking to enhance his bodybuilding). He said they had snacks available everywhere and he had to get some dopamine somehow, so he ate himself into a 60-pound weight gain. The relapse was a crushing blow! The loss of his intentions to participate in a bodybuilding competition in August was a devastating blow! From there, things continued to spiral.

He moved from the treatment center into a halfway house in Indianapolis. We knew this wasn't the best plan (after all, he knew where to access drugs in Indy), but he wasn't moving home, either. He was living in Indy, working at a Steak 'n Shake in Brownsburg, and visiting his girlfriend in Kirklin. Many miles driven at a time when gas prices are high. He couldn't even break even.

Then came some relationship difficulties. I think his girlfriend had made it very clear to him that she was clean and she would not remain with someone who uses. The friction and pain escalated. He responded in very unhealthy ways. When he posted something on Instagram saying, "Hope you all enjoyed the sh!t show," we were terrified he intended to find drugs.

Then, on July 3rd, he was coming to our home to pick up some food. He said he was crying and couldn't see clearly. He plowed into the front end of another vehicle that had turned into a subdivision just in front of him. His car was totaled and he knew we had vowed not to replace it (we'd already helped him purchase 3 vehicles). I'm sure his mind was reeling. No car. No way to get from Indy to his job or to visit his girlfriend. Not to mention, the possibility that the other driver might sue him for his fault in the accident. He was suicidal. He did not want to live. I took him in my arms and he just sobbed. We prayed with him. He agreed to go to a psych hospital as soon as his girlfriend could take him after she finished work. While waiting, he called and learned the commitment time was 7-14 days. He decided he didn't want to lose his bed, his job, or his upcoming court date, so he found an outpatient psych therapy that he could do in the halfway house from his phone.

On July 4th, he posted photos of himself at a party holding a beer can. His younger brother tried to tell him these decisions were unwise. On July 5th, I drove to his halfway house to take him to work. I bought him a pizza because his house meeting had gone long and he'd had no dinner. That's the last time I saw my beloved boy.

On July 6th, he took an Uber to work. While at work, he kept going to the bathroom. Finally, he went to the bathroom and did not come out. A coworker knew Sean's phone number because Sean used to work there. She called to tell him there was an incident with Trevor and they needed a family member there immediately. After my husband headed to the restaurant, the coworker called back. Sean said he knew it was bad when she couldn't talk. He then came in to gently wake me and share that "there was an incident at the Steak 'n Shake, and he's gone." I shot up. My initial thought was I wanted to see him and hold him one more time. I didn't think I could drive, so Sean drove me over. They would not let me near his body. We were there until midnight speaking with detectives, officers, and the coroner.

This week has been a whirlwind of planning and details. It feels like every minute I have something else to think about or address. I'm holding together fine (probably helped by the antidepressant medication I'm on), but my husband is grieving intensely. I'm glad Trevor is no longer in the intense emotional pain he was carrying. I'm glad he no longer has to struggle and fight this demon.

If you want to view his obituary, a photo slideshow, and a remembrance journal, you can follow this link. We also set up a Trevor Hill Addiction Memorial Fund. Now begins the dreadful process of learning to live without him. After picking our oldest son, Bryce, up from the airport, we stopped to get Chinese carry-out. As I went in to pick up the food, I realized we will never be able to eat inside that restaurant again. Trevor loved to eat there and ate with gusto. Then, on Thursday, I finally managed to get in a walk. I used to always spend most of my walks praying about Trevor. That was a crushing moment.

Please pray for our family as we walk this difficult road. Even though I had irrationally wanted to see him on the night of his death, I know that the most difficult moment will be when we come for the visitation and see him laid out, a shell of the person he once was, devoid of his spark. I have asked to speak a few words. I am praying I am not incapacitated with grief. Pray we will hold up as they lower his body into the ground, in a finality that cannot be erased. We are heart-sick and deeply saddened by the loss of our precious son.

Book Review: God's Smuggler - Highly Recommend

This was another book I chose from our shelves to supplement my devotional reading. My husband has been a long-time contributor to the ministry of Open Doors with Brother Andrew. What an inspiration for prayer and faith! Brother Andrew's book, God's Smuggler, was published in 1967. Our copy is a beautifully bound book from The Christian Library published by Barbour and Company, however I do love this cover shown at left.

Brother Andrew was an advocate for persecuted Christians and an intent missionary whose main goal was to smuggle Bibles into countries hostile to faith in God. He is best known for his singular prayer, "Lord, in my luggage I have Scripture that I want to take to Your children across this border. When You were on earth, You made blind eyes see. Now, I pray, make seeing eyes blind. Do not let the guards see those things You do not want them to see." Time after time, he tested and proved God's faithfulness. Oh, that I had faith like that!

The other day I was pondering this book and thought to myself, "How I want the faith of Brother Andrew (for provision of open doors for ministry) and George Muller (for provision of financial needs for ministry and daily life). These two relied entirely on the supply of God. Instead, so often, I want the life of Dave Ramsey. I want to figure out how to eliminate my debts and live such a lifestyle that I can have what I want and need, while still meeting the needs of others. 

This test of faith is pressing at the moment. My husband and I have a tendency to take on the consequences of irresponsible people (including our prodigal son). While I argue we should let true consequences fall and step out of the way of enabling, he fears the results of that and argues God will always meet our needs, even if we give away what little we have left to live on for our remaining years. Internally, I struggle. I see the verses commanding provision for the poor. Yet, I also see the truth that enabling does not help irresponsible people, it only encourages them to push their responsibilites onto anyone who will provide. It is the whole give a man a fish vs. teaching a man to fish illustration!

Thus, this book bolstered my weary faith. So, what lessons stood out? Apart from utter dependency on God, I was convicted by the author's statements about not labeling churches. So often, in his missionary trips, he saw the emasculated church (defused by government dictates) as a "puppet church." Yet, he wrote on page 156, "It is never safe to call a church a puppet--no matter how dead, no matter how subservient and temporizing it may appear on the surface. It is called by God's name, it has God's eye upon it, at any moment He may sweep the surface away with the purifying wind of His Spirit." From this, I took encouragement that God can work and win others, even in churches that put God in a box, even in churches where I don't necessarily fit.

I loved a challenging story on pages 165-166. Brother Andrew encountered a problem because of the language gap (neither spoke the other's language). To remedy this, he picked up a Bible and began having a conversation using various scripture verses, going from 1 Cor. 16:20 and Prov. 25:25 to Philemon. Oh, that I knew my Bible well enough to converse with foreigners simply by pointing to a passage. I long to be so Biblically fluent!

I took heart from the many examples of God's perfectly timed provision. Brother Andrew needed a car. God provided a VW. I loved his story (page 108) about that "Miracle Car." The roads of Yugoslavia kicked up tremendous dust and every morning they prayed, "Lord, we don't have either the time or the money for repairs on the car, so will You please keep it running?" Not long after, they encountered another driver who stopped and said, "I know who you are.. and this is the Miracle Car?" He had heard about this car maintained through prayer and asked if he could take a look at it. After looking over the engine, this man declared, "I have just become a believer. It is mechanically impossible for this engine to run." He was a mechanic and offered to take the car to his shop and cleaned every part of the engine for them. When, after driving it for almost 200k kilometers, it required a new engine, they found themselves 50 marks shy of the cost. Just then, they received a gift from a random stranger of 50 marks God wanted them to have.

When Brother Andrew's growing family needed a house, God led him to someone just convicted to sell and God provided the funds to cover the purchase. He writes on page 173, "Immediately, mysteriously, as soon as the house was paid for, the flow of excess funds stopped--and it remained dried up until there was a need for it again. In the years of living this life of faith, I have never known God's care to fail."

Later, Brother Andrew was convicted to purchase a large supply of pocket Bibles. He and his wife talked about selling their house. They prayed, expressing to God that the house belonged to Him but admitting their private struggle with the idea. "Lord, if You want us to sell the house for the Bibles, You will have to work a small miracle in our hearts to make us willing." I was moved by this example of faith, as well. I often don't want to give what God wants me to release.

When they got an appraisal on the house, it came to the very amount needed for the pocket Bibles. He writes on page 206, "How faithful God is, how utterly trustworthy, how good beyond imagining! He asks for so little in order to give us so much." Then, the Dutch Bible Society arranged to pay for the printing, only charging Brother Andrew for the supplies on an as-needed basis. His response is inspiring, "I could hardly wait to tell Corrie what God had done with the thimbleful of willingness we had offered Him."

Another story told of a time Brother Andrew accidentally changed more currency than he should have. He and his partner ended up having a car accident. The other driver agreed to let the incident go, and let them head off on their way, if they provided him with cash to cover the repairs. That amount was the exact amount they had!

If you are low on faith, if your trust in God needs bolstering, you will find inspiration and encouragement aplenty in Brother Andrew's life and testimony. God shows up with the exact provision at the exact moment in the exact power needed! Brother Andrew concludes, "God is never defeated. Though He may be opposed, attacked, resisted, still the ultimate outcome can never be in doubt. Every day we see fresh proof that indeed all things--even evil ones--work together for those who are called by His name."

"How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!" - Isaiah 52:7 (KJV)

Mid-month Mention: Prayer is the Best Support

I need to compose a mid-month mention post full of helpful and uplifting links. At this point, I cannot do so. I am still feeling numb from a hellish week we endured. Much of it, I cannot share. I will share what I can.

At 5:30 a.m., on the last Wednesday in May, I was downstairs having my devotions. After a large thwump, the power went out. I tried to fumble my way upstairs without spilling my coffee. I crept toward the bathroom (where I keep the candles), tripping over Toby (ugh!). Unfortunately, candles themselves are of no use if you can't find matches or a lighter. I also could not, for the life of me, find the flashlight on my phone (I never use it). Our large flashlight had dead batteries. Great!

Finally, John woke and immediately called the power company. All was still black outside so no indication of what we were dealing with. The sun rose, revealing the true scenario. Another limb had fallen from a tree out back. It took out the entire pole and unit in the back yard. The power company arrived to deal with the situation. My husband hooked a generator up to the kitchen refridgerator.

We waited and waited. Trucks filled the driveway, blocking the garage so we could not take our other cold food elsewhere to store. Here are some photos I snagged of the damage - again, I apologize as photography is not my strong suit (is anything?):

I sent out a prayer request to my family, acknowledging my gratitude that it wasn't worse because at least the limb did not, once again, take out portions of the roof like last May. In response, I received messages that sounded like, "Wendy is so put-upon, Lord; help her with yet another complication to her life." Or, advice as to what we should do: "Start cooking [um, no power!] or grilling as much as you can [much of the time it was pouring rain]."

Then, there was the biggest kicker: "Perhaps you should consider having a tree-trimming company come out to assess the property, if you can afford it." Hmm. If only we had thought of that. Wait, we did, long before this! We had tree-trimmers come. They cut down one perilous tree, but explained they cannot go near limbs near power lines. That is the jurisdiction of the power company. We had the power company come out and assess. They claimed there were troublesome areas, but they'd have to get to it later. Unfortunately for us, later was not soon enough. A new pole had to be put in and the power was not restored for 7-1/2 hours (we're grateful for their quick work and know it could have been out for longer than that). We lost some food from the garage fridge, which had climbed to 52 degrees.

Needless to say, when even greater difficulties descended at the end of the week, I did not feel warm fuzzies about sharing. Instead, I fasted and prayed on my own. I did not reach out with prayer requests to family members full of advice. We continue to cling to God, the only One who can do the impossible. In these other dire situations, we need miracles! [Praise God, we saw dynamic answers to two specific importunate prayers!] 

We continue to beg God to change hearts and transform lives. How I pray God will redeem the years the locusts are eating! Please, if you are a praying person, lift our family up in prayer. And if someone asks you for prayer, think twice before launching into advice 😉, just 🙏! After all, it's the BEST thing you can do!

Added 6/11/26: We woke to another tree down. It broke at the trunk. Ridiculous! Again, we are so grateful it did not damage the house. Nobody has come out yet to chop down and take away the other limb, so now that job is just bigger. You can see the ruts in the grass from where they took equipment back to extract the old power line and pole. That's 3 downed trees in a little over a year. Add in the limb that took out the garden fence while we were away at Bryce's wedding in September 2024, and it makes 4. Sheesh!

 

Book Review: Marked by Prayer

I usually fight the temptation to buy interesting books. I'm currently in a purging and downsizing mode. However, needing to rekindle my writing (stalling out again), I bought the 2026 Christian Writers Market Guide. To finagle free shipping, I purchased G. Dwayne McCrary's $5 book, Marked by Prayer: Five Traits of People Who Pray. I thought it might jump start my flagging prayer life in the same way as the marketing guide. The extra effort extended on prayer in past years has dwindled in these first months of 2026. Indeed, I am not currently marked by prayer (nor am I using the writers market guide).

McCrary posits that prayer warriors are people who have experienced helplessness (prodigal son scenario, check). They are grounded in scripture (check, that has not diminished in the slightest). Prayer warriors exhibit personal grief over sin (so easy to desire recognition of sin in others, while missing it in myself). I think my favorite chapter was on "deferred confidence." In mentioning this trait to my BSF group, one friend said she has a plaque in her home that says, "Godfidence!" Oh that this would be true of me. Too often I want the answers and solutions now, or at least on my timetable. Finally, prayerful people seek out the presence of God. This was convicting, too. Do I spend time actively listening for God's voice? Or do I rush to check off the various portions of my morning routine?

I want to be the reason people see God moving in their lives! I want my prayers to transform those I lift to His throne! I ask, with the author, "what keeps me from carrying these marks?" Am I unwilling to provide the time, effort, and transparency required? His reminder is true, "Anything worth doing is difficult and painful in some way."

Author Spotlight: Tami Winkelman

I knew from a very young age that I wanted to become a writer. My mother nurtured my love of story both by sharing great books and by her own storytelling (her Ronald Gibberhoffer tales were made up off the cuff while waiting for my dad to finish shopping in Radio Shack). I know she attended a writer's conference at Wheaton and decided she wanted one of her children to attend that college. Although I won a short story competition in elementary school and worked steadily on little tales, I lacked self-confidence. Thus, I chose a safe dual major at Wheaton College of English and Secondary Education. Instead of writing great literature, I hoped to teach others to love books as my mother had taught me.

Despite years of writing practice, it wasn't until the Lord gave me prayer poems about our journey with a prodigal child that I chose to publish a book. It felt too important to sit in a file. I'm no polished poet. And, indeed, my journey at the time of writing was only just begun. I don't have a large platform, nor do I covet speaking engagements. My son is still young and I try not to draw attention to his story. Thus, I struggle to market my book. 

Upon publication, I sought ministries focused on my intended audience. However, that is difficult, too. Most leaders have their own books to market and push. Indeed, one agent I pursued prior to publishing rejected my proposal suggesting to me that the market was glutted with prodigal parenting books. Yet, a few months later, her own prodigal parenting book came out. This stung!

I was pleasantly surprised when I found Tami Winkelman's ministry called Prayer for Prodigals. Over time, she has been such an encouragement to me and has become a true friend. Thus, I wish to highlight Tami and her books at this time. Her ministry is unique. Many ministries like this try to give an outlet for the anguish this path invokes. While there is a place for that, Tami's ministry is distinctive in its very positive and uplifting tone. Prayer for Prodigals sends out weekly updates of prodigals who are making strides. Tami calls these answers to prayer "raindrops,"  or "deluges." When the path threatens to drag you down, it is encouraging to receive Tami's newsletters with lists of God's movement in the lives of other prodigals. She nurtures hope in hearts with desperate needs.

Tami Winkelman is not only the founder of Prayer for Prodigals, but also the author of three books. Her first book, in 2019, was Fighting for Your Prodigal Through Prayer: Promises, Praises, and Prayers. I love the faint but powerful image of hands joined together on the cover of this book! In 2022, she published her second book, Encouragement in the Waiting (For Your Prodigal to Return to God). Her third book, published in 2024, was Trust God As: His Names and Attributes for Your Journey With a Prodigal. Her books offer light from God's Word to illuminate dark paths. If you are parenting a wayward child and need encouragement in the journey, I hope this interview will alert you to new avenues of encouragment and inspiration. Tami's books and newsletters have lifted me up and I hope they'll lift the spirits of others, as well. 

Q1: Some writers, like me, sense from childhood a deep yearning to write. I think others are given a story and a message from the Lord that drives them to write. What was your journey to the written page? Was it innate or were you led to it? Or perhaps a bit of both.

Tami: Despite having written a poem deemed a "masterpiece" by a schoolteacher, and a paper a university professor kept as an example to subsequent students, I never considered writing a book, much less three. My books grew from the Prayer for Prodigals ministry, from the words given to me by the Lord to minister to others who love a prodigal.

Q2: Yes, I've felt your words were from the Lord to soothe my soul. You clearly write from the heart to parents of prodigals. As I have processed my family's journey down a child's road of rebellion, I've struggled to stave off the darkness. There are three things that I, personally, do to combat this. I wondered if you'd discuss your experience with these weapons. First of all, I absolutely must write in my daily journaling pages. This is a way for me to flush some of the frustrations out, to kind of clean pipes that easily get backed up with the debris of addiction and rebellion. It helps me clarify my thinking and sort my emotions. Do you have any daily (or other) practices of writing you pursue? If so, is there a set time of day you do this or is it more a spontaneous reaction to the difficulties as they arise?

Tami: It is obvious to me that your book, Watching the Wayward: Psalms for Parents of Prodigals, is written from a mother's heart that has experienced this pain, a pain like no other. I don't journal daily, and I wouldn't say that my writing helps sort through specific situations in my own life (I usually go to prayer, praise, worship, thanksgiving, or quoting promises aloud to help sort through my thoughts) but I keep several different journals. I've just never thought of them as therapeutic.

Writing inspirations the Lord gives during prayer and/or Bible reading, organizing the thoughts, searching through Scripture for commonality, and then sharing through the ministry helps me remember and apply the things I've learned. I find writing those blog posts, social media posts, and email prayer starters builds my faith and increases my awareness of God's hand in my life and the lives of those I love enough to cover in prayer. Those reminders are handy when times are hard.

As for the set time, I try to keep my calendar clear for mornings so I can write after my time in the presence of the Lord, while both my mind and body are fresh. I do write often later in the day, after the 2:30 slump that happens most days, but find it much easier to write and edit in the mornings.

I would like to add that the things the Lord gives me, sometimes through things that come across my desk several times from different sources, usually strike a chord with those who follow the ministry, as if the Lord knew and was preparing what we would need! (Of course, He knew! He is amazing like that!)

Q3: Yes, He knows exactly what we need! The second thing I do is seek wisdom from the Lord through His Word. One thing I appreciate in your writing and your books is your heavy emphasis on the Bible. Have you always been a serious student of the Bible or did circumstances in life create a greater hunger for and reliance on God's Word? 

Tami: Thank you, Wendy, for the kind words about my writing. Without Scripture, I wouldn't have a solid foundation for any ideas, much less for writing. I am convinced the Bible is the truth, which is by definition unchanging, making it a rock on which I can stand.

I do think my hunger for God's Word came from both my upbringing and circumstances. My parents were saved when I was 8-years-old, and Daddy later became a pastor, so I call myself raised in a pastor's home, and 2 of my grandparents were called and licensed ministers. I remember marking verses during sermons when I was quite young. I was also challenged to memorize Scripture as well as the books of the Bible, and for that I'm thankful. I've sat under some amazing Bible teachers, professors, and pastors, people who challenged me and awakened questions which led to more and deeper study. I've read the Bible more times than I can count, but my daily ministry for those who pray for prodigals has taken me to more in-depth Bible study than anything else. When the Lord brings something to my attention or asks me to write a book, it makes me hunger for answers and causes me to seek answers in prayer more often.

Q4: I'm always curious how people go about securing wisdom from the Bible. Do you go to the Bible and happen upon passages that speak directly to your circumstances? This happens to me. For example, this week I've been hammered with the story of the Samaritan woman at the well (on 5 different occasions, I've been exposed to this passage with teaching). I believe God is shouting, "In your daily battles, make use of the living water I've provided!" and asking, "Are you spreading good news?" On other occasions, I go to the Word with a need and seek (through concordances and searches) what God's Word has to say about some word or topic. Is this true for you? Can you give examples of how and when God has led through His Word in your journey?

Tami: I love that the Lord brought the story of the Samaritan woman to you five different ways and the direction you received from it. We are similar in how we go about finding answers in the Bible. First, by reading my Bible every day, I open myself up to happening upon passages that speak directly to my circumstances. Many times, I then start digging for supporting passages. While in prayer, I've been reminded of memorized verses or phrases in prayer and urged to search for deeper meaning or better understanding. In sermons, a verse will challenge me and lead me to deeper study. All of this contributes to notes and reminders on little pieces of paper, in my phone and email until I can start a computer document. I place other verses as I come across them until I am ready to study it out. Strong's Concordance is a faithful friend, as are cross references in Bibles and Bible apps.

Once, while intending to read Psalm 150, the first verse stopped me because I'd never researched "firmament." I turned to my trusted Strong's Concordance and found one meaning is "expanse." Living in Huntsville, Alabama, with NASA and The Space and Rocket Center, the discussion of the reality of the expanse of space is more prevalent than anywhere else I've ever lived. The verses that say God reveals Himself to man through His creation came to mind (Psalm 19:1, 97:6; Romans 1:20), and the infinity of God came to life for me! God's superiority in power, might, authority, and sufficiency permeated my faith. Nothing is a true contest to God! He outranks everything, including the enemy of our souls.

Q5: Though I'm calling prayer the third thing, each is equally important, so I'm not slating them in order of importance. Indeed, this is often the very first thing I do when facing another obstacle in my journey with a prodigal son. When I first realized my son was overdosing, I dropped to my knees and cried out to the Lord to save him. Praise God, He heard and intervened! Could you share your thoughts on this weapon of prayer?

Tami: There's so much, but I'll dive in. I am so thankful the Lord heard and intervened for your son! I, too, believe that prayer is another important part of all of this, and it is difficult for me to place the parts in order of importance. That being said, prayer is a mighty weapon necessary in this fight for the salvation of prodigals. I don't know why God ordained prayer to affect His will on earth, but in His infinite sovereignty and wisdom He did. And what a privilege it is! To boldy go into the throne room of the one and only true God, the creator of all things, is a privilege we don't deserve, yet He promises to hear every prayer prayed by His righteous children (Proverbs 15:29; James 5:16; 1 Peter 3:12). He encourages us to cast our cares on Him because He cares for us. What matters to us and affects us, matters to Him (1 Peter 5:7). 

I've asked some pretty big things of Him and witnessed His answers to some of them already, but He tells us in Ephesians 3:20 that we can't ask for or even think of things as great as He can and will do! Also, Revelation 5:8 tells us the prayers stay before His throne! Nothing else changes things like prayer does. Praise and thanksgiving change the atmosphere, fasting changes our awareness of and sensitivity to God, but prayer changes lives, things, outcomes, situations, and circumstances. Miracles happen, hearts and bodies are healed, minds and hearts are changed, faith increases, and eternities are changed through prayer, not to mention closeness with God.

Q6: I love your observation that fasting changes our awareness of and sensitivity to God. My blog readers know I spent a fair amount of time fasting and praying for my prodigal last year. At the end of the year, this became a struggle. It felt like the more I mourned and cried out for His intervention, the darker my darkness felt and the more overwhelming it all seemed. It has been a while since I read your Encouragement in the Waiting book, but I'm wishing I had used it as a guide to direct me to more positive sentiments in that process. Have you ever been overwhelmed by the intensity of a problem? What led/leads you to a more positive place?

Tami: Even though the Lord has saved many of my family members, there are still unsaved others, beloved prodigals. At times the weight of the grief of lost time, fear of what might come next, and heaviness of the burden overwhelms me and consumes my thoughts and life, including my health. Several things led me to a more positive place at different times and situations.

Remembering that the Lord's yoke is easy and light, and He is in the yoke with me, reminds me that the bulk of the burden isn't mine. It's His and He is more suited to handle it. In fact, I can do nothing to fix situations other than call on God and follow His lead in prayer, fasting, Bible reading, and obedience. There are times I take the yoke back up again, but getting back to a better place gets easier with practice. It is comforting to know He can and will handle things, that He alone is the God of salvation and The LORD our healer, and I don't have to save prodigals or heal people I love.

However, recently I was faced with the mortality of my Daddy. He became gravely ill and we almost lost him two or three times. I mourned. Hard. When a wave would hit me, I would go to prayer, or put on praise and worship music and let it remind me of who God is and of His love. A few other times, I read the promises only in Fighting for Your Prodigal Through Prayer. One day, the Lord gave me a bunch of promises from His Word; they just flowed, and I noted them. After that, for days and days, promises kept coming, and they are still coming from time to time. I am sharing them in the ministry as Reminder Verses on social media. They ministered to me, and still do, so I revisit them. Bit by bit, the Lord brought me out. Daddy is now getting stronger, and for that we are very grateful!

As for the prodigals I love, there have been heavy showers of raindrops, and I am just waiting for the deluges!

In His Word, God has already given us the way back to peace: keep our minds on Him (Isaiah 26:3), and "in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let [our] requests be made known to God" (Philippians 4:6 NKJV). God didn't leave us without weapons. Prayer, thanksgiving, reading His Word, praise, worship, and fasting are mighty weapons when the battle is hot and the burden is overwhelming.

You mentioned Encouragement in the Waiting, and I have a funny story about a difficult time in my life. Once, I was telling a friend about a problem, and she told me she knew someone who wrote a book about encouragment. She meant me. A bit later, Daddy told me the same thing. I got a chuckle out of it, but I read it, and it truly helped me.

Q7: I realize now it would have been better to begin each of my prayer sessions (while fasting) with song and specific promises from the Bible. This is exactly what you provide in your book, Trust God As, because you explore the attributes of God. What did your research for that book look like? Moreover, what did you experience personally while researching those attributes?

Tami: Wendy, I, too, often start my prayer time with singing and/or playing the piano. That book really developed as a personal challenge while praying with Moms in Touch, which is now Moms in Prayer International. Praying with them exposed me to the names of God, which led me to write a roughly-put-together "book" about the names of God. It was never published, but it eventually served as a chunk of the research and collection of Scripture passages I needed to write my third book, Trust God As: His Names and Attributes for Your Journey With a Prodigal.

During the writing process, I learned about God. I learned more about who He is and is not and what He will and will not do. I learned the depth of His love for me and His devotion to prodigals. I understand more about His power, might, wisdom, knowledge, sufficiency, authority, and infinity because of the studying necessary for finishing that book. I also understand that because He is infinite, there are simply things I do not have enough time left in my earthly life to study and understand Him completely, which makes me fear and reverence Him more.

Q8: Oh, how I wish I could play the piano! I listed the three things that help me in my journey. Do you have any others you have relied upon?

Tami: Two things that go hand-in-hand to change the atmosphere quickly are praise and worship.

Q9:  What led to the founding of your Prayer for Prodigals ministry? What are some comments you've received from those blessed by this ministry? Also, how can my readers give to or pray for your ministry?

Tami: The Prayer for Prodigals ministry grew organically. My husband and I moved back to Huntsville, and a friend invited us to visit her church. When I asked if they had a group who prayed for prodigals, she told me they did not. Without my knowing, she asked her pastor if we could start a group and he agreed. We met on a Monday night and had 30 in attendance. Because I prayed with Moms in Touch, I modified their prayer prompts for our prayer time to include a Scriptural promise, a name of attribute of God for praise, and a prayer based on a verse of Scripture. I printed one for each person.

We continued to meet and I continued to print the prayer starters. One week, someone couldn't attend but wanted the prayer starter, so I sent it via email. That started the weekly email prayer starters that now include raindrops (praise for answered prayers in prodigals' lives) and deluges (praise for the salvation of a prodigal). Hundreds of people receive them weekly.

Someone suggested the prayer starters were so good I should save them. So I did. Later, someone suggested I should put them in a book, and Fighting for Your Prodigal Through Prayer was born. The miracle of that book's publication is a story in and of itself, some of which is shared below.

The email list grew. It became obvious rather quickly that people who loved and prayed for prodigals needed support. I had no idea what I was doing, but my daughter followed several ministries and she suggested I needed a website. I had no clue about it, so she set it up for me, and the blog and the rest of the website came into being.

She also suggested the social media pages and helped me set those up. Later, Darlene Vice, who helps with the ministry and has a women's ministry page asked if I would do a weekly live prayer on her page, and the weekly live prayers began. They are now posted on her ministry page as well as the Prayer for Prodigals page, and she prays live when I can't. All along the way, God has put people in my path to help when He was ready for the next step.

As for comments, I received one just today from a follower of the ministry in reply to the email prayer starter I sent: "Thank you, Sister Tami, for these updates. They really keep me encouraged as I pray for others." A mom of an addicted prodigal daughter reached out for prayer when her daughter was on her death bed and she was saved. I later received this comment, "[Y]ou will always have a special place in my heart!" She reached out and we prayed. The comments seem written to me, but God is the one doing the work. I encourage. I pray. I have others pray. I simply try to obey what God wants me to do. The pray-ers do the planting, and we water by praying in agreement with them, but it is God who saves. The glory and the thanks belong to Him!

As for giving to the ministry, the story of my going into the ministry full-time is another story revealing God's hand in all of this. I was working at our church and trying to write Fighting for Your Prodigal Through Prayer. By the time I would get home, I would be emotionally and mentally spent. About the second year of working on the manuscript, my husband was approached to work for another company. They asked his salary requirements. He took his then salary plus my salary, added ten percent, and gave  that figure to the new company. Without hesitation, they accepted his offer and he told me to quit my job and finish the book. That is when the ministry went full-time. Even then, God did it. He has worked things out all along the way. Because of that I've never asked for donations, and no one has ever offered until you, so thank you for asking. God is still providing.

I will, however, be happy for others to pray for the ministry. My prayer points are that prodigals will be saved, that I will follow God's will for the ministry always, that the people who need to be connected will be connected, that the books and other resources will get into the hands of people who need them, and that, through the ministry, people who are in journeys with prodigals will be encouraged in their prayers, their lives, and their own ministries and callings, and be able to have rest, peace, and joy despite what they see in front of them.

Q10. Your reliance on God sounds very much like the ministry structure used by George Muller, as mentioned in my last book review. When we depend wholly on Him, He provides in mighty ways! Finally, are you thinking of or working on another book? Do you see yourself primarily as a nonfiction writer, or would you ever consider working on a novel?

Tami: I just this week asked God if an idea He gave me was to be in a book, because it is extensive, and I felt the answer was "No," that I am to share it through social media part by part, at least for now. There may be a testimony book at some time in the future, but right now, I am just working to keep up with all God pours into me to be shared through the ministry.

As for fiction, I simply do not have it in me. I should say I do not have it in me right now. Darlene Vice, who prays in my place on Facebook Live, writes fiction and I edit for her. I am always in awe of how the story evolves and resolves. The process is amazing and elusive to me. If God gives it to me, though, I hope I will say yes anyway and let Him guide me through the process, just like He has through all of this and still is. He is so faithful. He has been with me every step of the way, He still is, and I know He will be.

In conclusion, writing and the writing process cause me to internalize the Word of God, to learn more about Him, and put the truths found in the Bible within reach when I need them at a moment's notice. There is nothing like the process to teach me and causes what I learn to stick. Writing is a distinct and powerful part of my life and my walk with the Lord.

I want to thank Tami for taking time out of her busy schedule to field these questions. Her answers are so very thoughtful and thought-provoking. What a joy to have fellow writers to bounce ideas off of and to encourage along the way! What a blessing her support is in my ongoing journey with my prodigal son! May God bless Tami and her ministry. May He get her books into hands that desperately need them. 

Book Review: Answers to Prayer from George Muller's Narratives

One of my favorite things to do during my time at the U of I graduate school was to wander and explore the stacks. This is the part of the library where so many books are shelved that they must be moved by conveyor belt to open one set of shelves at a time. Because the shelves slide back and forth, the books can be stored more compactly. I love researching, first and foremost. Then, I love reading. And finally, I love writing papers about what I've researched and/or read.

I was assessing whether there would be enough resources to write a graduate paper on orphans in Victorian England. While hunkered down with a pile of books, I opened one about George Muller. (His true name is Georg Muller, with an umlaut over the "u," but I don't know how to add the umlaut.) I had never heard of him before. His life, his faith, his prayer walk stunned me. It is true he had a heart for orphans, but what is even more striking is that he had a heart for total dependence upon God. I can remember the first story I read in the book. It told of a day when they had no food and the children were hungry. George prayed. The doorbell rang. Food was donated. Over and over again, his unwavering faith was rewarded with God's provision and miraculous intervention. How I long for the staunch faith and certitude Muller exhibited throughout his life!

In Answers to Prayer from George Muller's Narratives, the reader finds example upon example of Muller's faith and God's faithfulness. Muller put down these narratives of prayers answered in order to bolster and encourage others to believe and claim as he did. He writes, "I longed to set something before the children of God, whereby they might see, that He does not forsake, even in our day, those who rely upon Him." He knew what he asked for, he had no way of obtaining, yet he trusted God's capability and desire to meet those needs that align with His will. So, Muller prayed for every item/person/pound/building he required in his campaign to meet the needs of orphans. He prayed importunate prayers (here is a post about the meaning of "importunate" and examples of God's answers to my own importunate prayers). He never gave in to discouragement if the answers were slow in coming. Sometimes he prayed long and hard.

“It is now 14 months and 3 weeks since day by day have uttered my petitions to God on behalf of this work. I rose from my knees this morning in full confidence, not only that God could, but also would, send the means, and that soon. Never… have I had the least doubt, that I should have all that which is requisite.—And now, dear believing reader, rejoice and praise with me. About an hour, after I had prayed thus, there was given to me the sum of Two Thousand Pounds for the Building Fund…. How great is the blessing which the soul obtains by trusting in God, and by waiting patiently.” 

He encourages readers not to give in to despair. Instead of distrusting God or charging Him with unfaithfulness, Muller merely hunkered down, increasing the number of times they prayed together daily over these needs and concerns. When the orphanage boiler failed, he prayed for God to change the north wind to a south wind and to give the workmen a mind to work (as workers had in rebuilding the wall in Nehemiah). Indeed, the wind changed direction and the men insisted on working through the night.

Muller also offers, in an appendix, "Five Conditions of Prevailing Prayer." 1) Entire dependency on God's mediation, 2) "Separation from all known sin," 3) Faith in God's promise (here he writes something of my guilt: "Not to believe Him is to make Him both a liar and a perjurer."), 4) "Asking in accordance with His will," and 5) importunity in requests.

This small ebook, available through Hoopla, is a dense compendium of Muller's faith and God's faithfulness. If you are wanting something more accessible, seek either the video or book called The Robber of the Cruel Streets. My husband and I watched this several years ago. It shares George Muller's testimony in a very engaging and inspiring way.

2025 Recap

My writing friend, Amy Weinland Daughters, posted this hilarious spoof on the goals we set and the ones we actually achieve. I acknowledge my recap post will be somewhat like this. It won't really interest my readers (no offense if you skip it). I'm primarily writing it for personal reflection on my year's goals. 

Hoping to be intentional in 2025, I started a progress file where I tracked various things daily. I kept stats on my exercise, purging, letter-writing, fasting, and (towards the end) writing for publication. Although this was very helpful in many ways, I still failed to be as productive as I would have liked. You can set the goal. You can track the progress. But, you still have to put in the work to have something to write down. Ha! Sadly, I'm not the most disciplined person.

Exercise: I do believe tracking helps me stay committed to exercise. I'm not a huge walker. Many people put in 10,000 steps a day. I'm far too sendentary, but don't see that changing any time soon. Still, I try to get my treadmill time (or outdoor walks) in every morning. I exercised on 90% of the days (327/365) this year. My mileage declined when I got a new and more narrow treadmill. It declined further after I fell on that treadmill. Still, I walked over 400 miles and averaged 1.25 miles. As I threw out my 2024-2025 planner, I noted that in 2024 I consistently walked 295 out of 366 days (81% of days) for 472-1/3 miles (ave. 1.6 miles). Of course, that was when I was trying to lose weight for my son's wedding.

Purging: I'm a hoarder. I've always admitted this freely. However, I really had hoped to be more successful in my purging efforts. There are so many negative emotions associated with purging. While I enjoyed going through the minutia of past letters and school files, the actual process of getting rid of many items was draining. My year-end total was 102-2/3 hours. I only worked on purging for 51% [186/365] days. On those days, I averaged 33 minutes/day. It is better than nothing, but still feels like diddly-squat. Now that my husband has reduced the estimated time we have left living in this home, I'm wishing I had been far more diligent. May was a total wash, as was December. February was my most productive month (24 hours of purging in 25/28 days).

Fasting: My goal was to fast every Monday in 2025. I only missed the Monday of the spring break trip and the Monday of our 35th anniversary, but I made up for those dates by fasting on another day in those weeks. At the beginning, I started slowly with partial days (fasting until 2 p.m., then 4 p.m., then 6 p.m., then 8 p.m.). But in February, I aimed for mostly full days. By the end of the year, I had fasted 54 days (21 partial days and 33 full days). 

I am not well-suited for fasting. It was difficult in the usual ways, but was also difficult emotionally. It seemed like the full day fasts left me overwhelmed with despair rather than trust. As I poured out my groanings over difficult situations in our family/friends' lives, the focus on the darkness of our tunnel drowned out the consolation of the light God offers. I think, in my clinical depression, I struggle with staying positive and observing the light more than the darkness. I'm a glass half-empty kinda gal. 

Struggles with our prodigal, family tensions, the loss of my mother and subsequent new love my father is fixated on, health questions, the state of our world... it gets to be too much. I think I would have done far better if I had spent my fasting time in singing scriptural promises rather than outlining the various weights and burdens we carry. If I had it to do over again (and I'm not planning on this rigorous fasting in 2026), I would have taken more of the approach I used with my 2023 prayer project. I would incorporate scripture, pray for requests but also praise for answers, and spend more time focused on God's enduring attributes than on the encompassing obstacles before us.  

Writing: I'm not sure I kept accurate records for correspondence. I mostly charted letters sent by snail mail or from my personal email. By not recording letters sent from my author email, I know these stats are incomplete. In all, I mailed 21 letters or packages (sometimes with my book), and sent 51 personal emails.

The biggest victory was resuming writing projects after a stroke of luck with my first goal in September of just putting in 20 minutes finding markets. I wrote and submitted 2 pieces in September (1 of those was published in a digital magazine). I spent 12 hours writing on 13/30 days in that month. In October, I worked on writing research for 100 minutes. I worked on 2 separate projects on 15/31 days for a total of 11.5 hours (8786 words). In November, I spent an hour on writing research. I participated in the Rabbit Room's Poem-a-Day challenge, completing 20 poems from the 30 prompts. Plus, I started a non-fiction book project, working on 22/30 days for a total of 23-1/3 hours (24,867 words). This was nowhere close to the 50 thousand-plus words of Novembers past, but still an accomplishment. Then, as soon as Thanksgiving hit, I petered out to 1 writing day and 1 day reviewing the non-fiction work to date.

I set out to fast and pray, and to purge hoarded belongings. I suppose I met those goals, but wish I had done far better. If only I had known, at the outset of the year, that my husband hopes to move by fall of 2026. Yikes!

For the coming year, I'm not setting hard and fast goals (quantitative goals). At the end of 2025, I read an outstanding essay on Substack by Suleika Jaouad, called "Against Resolutions." The author argues that rituals are more effective than resolutions. "Where resolutions chase outcomes, rituals attend to process." Resolutions lead to all-or-nothing thinking. Michael Bierut said it is like walking a tightrope, where peril increases with each step, until you become convinced you'll never make it across. 

The author ends with this observation, "That's what ritual gives me now. Not a guarantee, not an outcome, not a transformation on a deadline, but a means of staying in motion without hardening, to keep my balance without gripping so tightly... no grand reinvention here--only the patient work of showing up, again and again, nudging myself millimeter by millimeter toward the person I'm becoming."

While I think I've already been focused on ritual, this year I am leaning into 3 words (not an annual word, but a word progression):

WATCH 🠊 WITNESS 🠊 SPREAD

WATCH, as in the sense of expectant anticipation. I want to watch for the return of Christ. I want to watch for God's intervention in our lives (and especially in the life of my prodigal son).

"The end of all things is at hand; be ye therefore sober, and watch unto prayer." - 1 Peter 4:7

"Therefore let us not sleep, as others; but let us watch and be sober." - 1 Thessalonians 5:6

"Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving." - Colossians 4:2

"Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man." - Luke 21:36

WITNESS, as in what you see when you watch. I want to witness God's moving and transforming power.

"Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will shew to you today." - Exodus 14:13

WITNESS, as in give a testimony of the gospel's power transforming my life. I want to seize more opportunities (whatever He gives) to share my faith.

"Shew how great things God hath done unto thee." - Luke 8:39

"And with great power gave the apostles witness of the resurrection of the Lord Jesus: and great grace was upon them all." - Acts 4:33

"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death." - Revelation 12:11

SPREAD, as in disseminate God's Word into the world. I started this year's devotions adding a book by Cheryl Ford, called Triumphs of the Heart: The Pursuit of Joyful Living. In one of the first sections, she considers the watchful heart of Anna in the Bible. From this chapter, I found my verse for 2026:

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him." - 2 Corinthians 2:14

Mid-month Mention: Substack Fare

Since Just Between Us published my article, "When the Journey Becomes the Gift," on their Substack-based site, I have been frequenting Substack more than usual. It appears this is where all the creatives hang out. Although I don't like to be out of the loop, I'm not technologically savvy, so I feel mystified by some of what goes on. I gather writers post notes and articles and some people access this on a free basis, while others pay the writer to subscribe for more content. Personally, I cannot afford to subscribe to every writer I wish to read (thus, my great love of the library). 

I get it! As a writer, I want people to find my words. My main struggle has always been with that drive that seems imperative for writers, to establish "platform." Oh, how I hate that word. To me, it is like waving a flag that says, "Look at me! Look at me! Look at what I can do" (to quote a Saturday Night Live sketch with the obnoxious child who is always drawing attention to himself). When I put the Substack app on my phone, it began to offer up categories I might wish to explore. Through that, I have indeed found writers I enjoy.

I think I entered Substack Land originally to access the poetry of Randy Edwards, writings of Jeanine Joyner, and The Rabbit Room. Now, I have signed on for some Spurgeon. Spurgeon, in turn, recommended a new page with Advent content from one of my favorite prayer writers, J. C. Ryle (author of the outstanding pamphlet, Do You Pray?). This new Substack with J. C. Ryle content can be found here.

What blew me away, earlier this month, was finding a writer who understands and articulates the discomfort I feel with the marketing side of writing. Grant Herbel's Substack, called "The Writer's Calling," is another recommended site that I am so grateful to have found. He posted a two-part article on "How Christian Writers Can Use Substack Notes." In the first segment, he expressed my internal thoughts on how icky marketing makes me feel. 

He writes, "On the one hand, we feel the pressure of the internet age: the demand to be loud, to be everywhere, to build a platform, to 'stop the scroll.' Honestly, it feels exhausting. It often feels like the opposite of the quiet work we are called to do. On the other hand, we carry a fire.... You have been given a message that could help someone. And lighting a lamp just to hide it under a bowl doesn't feel right, either.... The answer lies in shifting our perspective from promotion to stewardship.... When we view visibility as stewardship--as faithfully carrying the bread to the hungry--all of that changes. We stop trying to be 'famous' and start trying to be findable."

His words articulate the internal struggle I have battled. His advice rings true. I hope to glean encouragement from his writing, so that my writing doesn't remain hidden under a bushel. I want to shine whatever light God has placed within me into a dying world, desperate for His light, and witness to His transforming power.

Of course, I don't even fully understand how all of this works, but am eager to learn. I really wanted to pay for a full subscription to Herbel's writing, but with lots of money going out for our prodigal and his needs, I will hold off on that for now. Still, I wanted to provide a link for my readers. If you follow this link to The Writer's Calling, I will receive a free month subscription for every 3 individuals who subscribe (paid or free). Win for you! Win for me! 

After so many months without writing, I am back to caring about where my words (the words God plants in me to bloom for others) land and grow. I am back to praying about my calling to write. If you are a regular reader, you know that I dedicated 2025 to fasting and prayer for my prodigal and other needs of friends and family. It has been rough going. Often, the extra time spent focused on the many impossibilities we face stirs exhaustion and defeat. Throwing a spotlight on the challenge, in spite of full belief that God's got this, tends to make me introspective and low.

This morning, I found a small note on Substack from Chloe Elizabeth. It is a Corrie ten Boom quote. She writes, "If you look at the world, you'll be distressed. If you look within, you'll be depressed. If you look at Christ, you'll be at rest." Words to live by, indeed! And a fine example of how these notes/words on Substack provide something of value to the reader.

Book Review: Coming Clean - Highly Recommend

Did someone highly recommend Seth Haines' Coming Clean to me? I don't recall. Someone should have! This book, once read, demands passing along to others. It resonated to my core! 

Although it chronicles his first 90 days of sobriety, it is not merely a book for addicts. It is for anyone who has wrestled with the Lord over the pains and trials of this life. Seth paints vivid pictures of the searing despair that drove him to the bottle. Why do we seek our petty pleasures and diversions instead of allowing God to lance our wounds and heal our soul-sickness? It is easier to numb the pain than to bring it to the altar. 

And besides, pain has a way of giving rise to doubts... about God's goodness, will, presence, and purpose. It is much harder to turn to One you worry has betrayed you or abandoned you. Seth's raw honesty hit me between the eyes. It reverberated in my soul! If life has battered you, if you've sought artificial alleviations, or doubted the very One you claim to love, you need to read this book. Even better, try to find it in audio form because Seth's lyrical prose is breathtaking when read by the author.

How did I miss the buzz about this book? Coming Clean: A Story of Faith was published ten years ago and won a Christianity Today Book Award. I'm certain I wasn't ready for this book in 2015. God knew when my soul needed to hear the poetic words this author weaves about faith and forgiveness. Not only am I more familiar now with an addict's journey, but I recognize my own tendencies to wrestle with faith and seek comfort in clumsy coping mechanisms.

When Seth's infant son, Titus, fails to thrive and literally shrinks, faith and prayer feel insufficient while alcohol promises to numb the pain. He writes, "Is God with us? If faith starts as a mustard seed, maybe doubt does too.... Anyone who's felt the sting of unanswered prayer, shares the same searing question. Where did our God go?" This book is a journal of his process toward sobriety, his coming clean. He apologizes for his swirl of memories and metaphors, but that is the exact reason it packs such a powerful punch. That, and its honesty.

Seth seeks to identify the genesis of his pain and doubt. It seems to go back to a faith healer in his youth who promised God's cure for his severe asthma if he had enough faith. When the cure didn't come, his family moved on to a rigid church that shunned the miraculous and opted for personal holiness. Systems became the idol of choice. In the middle of his ruminations on the various theological approaches (and the inevitable pain they inspire), he poses this passionate question: "If you are not a people that believes in healing, what framework is there to reconcile a sick world?" Jesus didn't come for those who have it all together; He came to save sinners like me.

As Seth attempts to avoid relapse, he often relies on The Jesus Prayer: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." In brutal honesty, he observes, "If he doesn't act in accordance with our felt need, we see him as absentee, capricious, or a predestining God of sorrow." In our desperate groaning for redemption, we must submit our will to the will of God, just as Christ did in the Garden of Gethsemane, when he felt abandoned. We must forgive the kind-hearted people with their burning words, their platitudes of "it's all to bring God glory." Seth outlines his journey, "moving from doubt to belief, from drunk to sober, from prodigal to unified with the Christ of my youth." Who knows, his thoughts while coming clean might just fortify you on your journey.

Jumping Off Into a New Future

Our family is jumping off into a new future. In many ways we are unprepared. While eager to see how the changes play out in our lives, there's an abiding hesitancy that is hard to push down. Change is uncomfortable, unwieldy. To a certain extent, none of us wanted to move into the new, the untried. Yet, I know it will be good for each of us in the end. For now, we feel discombobulated!

Last week, John and I became empty nesters. We loaded the car full to the brim with belongings and moved our youngest, Sean, into a tiny Purdue University dorm room. My Facebook feed, as usual, knew exactly what was going on, and inundated me with images of magazine-worthy dorm rooms, sentimental articles, and lists of what to bring. As if the emotions weren't already tender, I had to wade through the detritus of on-line advice and eloquent parental good-byes (one woman lined a whole hallway with her son's childhood toys saying good-bye).

When we took Bryce to Purdue, he ushered us out of the room as soon as the last item hit the floor. Perhaps it was because we had his 8 and 10-year-old brothers in tow. That transition was painless. Bryce was eager to go. We still had responsibilities at home. Thankfully, Purdue isn't far away (as my sister pointed out, since she was a 20-hour drive away from her college kids). Plus, Bryce had a girlfriend back home, so I drove to Purdue way too often to bring him home for weekend visits.

This time is different. Sean is our last to leave. I have always called him "my sweetness and light." Sure, he was busy with friends, school, activities, and work during his final year at home, but he moved in and out of our lives daily. Now, the house is far too quiet. My role is done. My identity is blurred.

I'd love to think this might jump-start me back into writing consistently. Somehow, I doubt it will. Neither noise nor time keeps me from the writing. I'd love to find a new activity. In a Facebook group, a woman asked for short story suggestions as she had just taken up a post leading a book club in an assisted living facility. Now that sounds perfect!

Perhaps I need to get a job. We will have expenses we were not anticipating and there's the Purdue bill, as well. Somehow, I doubt anyone will hire someone who has been out of the workforce for 18 years. My gig was good, even if it was unpaid, often had lousy hours, and sometimes felt thankless.

Of course, there's a freedom now, too. The first night, John and I window-shopped at a flea market. I've been wanting a vintage sewing box to store my now-minimized sewing supplies. Then, we popped into a bakery, hoping for a strawberry pie. Alas, they only had strawberry-rhubarb (too tart for me). Finally, we ate out for dinner. It was better than going home to the now-quiet-house.

We can make more effort to get away for a weekend. Perhaps we'll take that trip to Mackinac Island. Even if it is just away to our old standbys (Nashville, IN; Rockville, IN for the Covered Bridge Festival; or even closer towns), it will be good to travel and spend time in the couple identity we have reclaimed. I have a few friends I've wanted to visit or invite. The possibilities are endless, really. I should cling to that when loneliness and quiet threaten to overwhelm.

So far, all of this is focused on Sean, John, and me. But, Trevor is at his own crossroads. I try not to divulge much because his story is his own and sometimes isn't as tidy as people like to hear (or I like to tell). We continue to pray fervently for God to use him in a mighty way. At the end of July, we moved Trevor into a halfway house in Lafayette, so our younger two are living in sister cities. 

He has been on a long and challenging road this past year (one we have traveled both from a distance and alongside). Not a single day is assured. He told us once that he has skirted death at least ten different times. We try hard to fight the urge to protect him from his testimony. God has a plan and He is the only One capable of getting Trevor where he needs to go. God's plans are always for our good and His glory.

So, we are each heading off in new directions. We step into the unknown timidly, but with the assurance that God walks with us. An empty nest. A college education. A chance to transition into a life of sobriety, maturity, and purpose. 

My Wheaton College class selected a verse of scripture that I still know and embrace. I may be using it out of context, but I cling to this promise nonetheless:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 - NIV)