Book Review: Desperate Prayers

When we discovered our prodigal son's journey, our prayer lives grew exponentially. I don't think I've ever prayed such desperate prayers as those lifted for my son! We rarely prayed together, as a couple, before the fallout of addiction drove us to our knees side-by-side. We have prayed desperate prayers to God. We have prayed importunate prayers, and seen answers that feel miraculous. We are currently in life's darkest moments and we continue to believe in the power of prayer.

This book, Desperate Prayers, by Rachel Wojo, outlines and encourages deep and abiding prayer principles. Rachel is no stranger to situations of desperation. Her daughter, Taylor, endured the neurological degeneration of Sanfilippo syndrome. Care for Taylor was demanding and her life threatened. During the pandemic, Rachel's husband lost his job and their finances were stretched while providing for many children.

Each chapter in the book addresses various desperate needs, with requests like, "God, see me," "God, heal me," "God, guide me," and "God, free me." Here's an example of the prayer principles she summarizes at the end of each chapter: "God will not allow your wilderness to go unnoticed. Prayer is the strongest weapon in your arsenal. Whatever your emergency, God is your eternal 9-1-1 Operator, always by your side.... No prayer is beyond God's reach or reply." She declares, "Desperate prayer is a wise admission, not a weak acceptance."

I found great encouragement in these pages when I read them prior to Trevor's death. I loved her reminder that sometimes God answers prayer, not for you, but for the sake of others (example: The bathing equipment, they petitioned repeatedly for, that finally arrived just before Taylor died. Taylor never even used it, but they were able to give it to another girl who faced significant challenges). Moreover, I loved her reference to that lovely chorus, "My Lord knows the way through the wilderness, all I have to do is follow." She, like Alistair Begg, encouraged me to "pray bigger." We cannot go to God with our "agenda" of what we think is best in these situations. But, we must recognize that He can do so much more than we can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). 

Indeed, we are now clinging to that promise that He knows exactly what we need. Perhaps God's decision to take Trevor in July was merciful! Perhaps he was spared tremendous challenges and difficulties. We have already seen his death spread the good news of God's saving grace to those who might not have listened in any other circumstance. May God bring a bountiful harvest from Trevor's short life!

2026 Baby Bucket List - August Progress

 

(Photo by Jeff Kingma on Unsplash)

At the end of 2025, I made a small bucket list of easy-to-achieve goals. The original list included 23 restaurants, 3 festivals, 4 destinations, and 7 movies. By the end of February, I had only checked off 3 items. By the end of May, I'd completed an additional 7 (mostly movies).

Now I would say I feel less motivated to tackle anything, but have more opportunity to do so. Getting away was always hard, given our struggle with our son's addiction. You never knew when crisis might strike. Somehow, we managed to take two small trips to Bedford, Indiana. The first time, in June, we got dinner and treated ourselves to a visit to Jiffy Treet (an amazing ice cream shop that would have been on my initial list if I'd thought of heading down that way). We stayed overnight, so we could pick Trevor up from the treatment center first thing in the morning. Then we took him home, transferred his car into his name (had been in my husband's name), and moved him into his Indy halfway house. 

The second time we went to Bedford, it was in our own interest (as an anniversary getaway). We drove to Blue Springs Caverns and took an hour-long cave boat tour. Yikes! That was interesting! We survived a potential overturned boat, a minute of total darkness, and then a terrifying minute when the tour guide couldn't get the boat re-started. I had visions of being stuck down there indefinitely. The motor had gotten lodged on a piece of rock. Thankfully, once the tour guide shifted it off that, the boat started up again and we were on our way out of that confining space.

We checked into our hotel, had an excellent dinner out, and then met friends at Jiffy Treet for another special dessert. The following morning, we headed back to the treatment center doubting anyone would be able to take the time to speak with us. What a blessing to find we were wrong! The director took time out of her busy schedule to meet with us for an hour to discuss Trevor. She shared details about his time there and things about what he indicated as struggles. It was so comforting to talk about him. She was empathetic and personable, sharing how addiction has affected her life.

I ended up seeing one additional movie between May and August. Sean wanted me to experience The Odyssey. He had gone and really enjoyed it. I, on the other hand, regret it. I thought it was far too violent, disturbing, and crass. Oh, well. Each to his own. 

As for restaurants, early in July, before Trevor's death, John and I made it to Cheddars. After Trevor's death, a friend took me out for lunch at a favorite of mine, Boulder Creek. We also went to Olive Garden for an anniversary dinner on that date. Toward the end of August, I went with a group of women to Rockstar Pizza. All of those were on the original list. Combined with the addition of the two trips to Jiffy Treat, we made it to six restaurants from the list between the end of May and the end of August.

We missed the Amo Fish Fry Festival in June. To be honest, I don't even know where Amo is. Ha! Who knows? Perhaps we'll make it to Danville's Fair-on-the-Square and Plainfield's Quaker Days next month. We may have to force ourselves to get out and about, but it is probably good for us in the midst of grieving.

Overdose Prevention and Awareness Day 2026

Yesterday was Overdose Prevention and Awareness Day. I went back and forth on whether I should upload my son's photo and information to pages I saw on my Facebook feed (oh, how they target you for what they know about you). I'm leery of proclaiming too much about him or his experience, especially on Facebook. I distrust Meta.

However, this week we received the coroner's report on Trevor's death. It was determined he died of "acute fent@nyl and coc@aine toxicity." There was so much in his system it would not have mattered if help had arrived sooner. Unable to determine whether or not it was intentional, they labelled it "undetermined." We will never know if he was simply looking for a temporary release, or if he was overwhelmed with all the uncertainties and shifting realities in his life and decided to seek more permanent release. 

Regardless of intent or not, the access to these drugs decimating families is abominable! Something must be done! It is too easy for others to look on and say, "That would never happen to my child because I'm a better parent... because I have better control over what they do... because my child would never seek out drugs." Unfortunately, many young people who are dying today think they are taking a harmless X@n@x pill or something else, with no idea it may be laced with the super small amounts of fent needed to kill one. Seriously! It is equivalent to two grains of salt! Yet, others look on and look away because it has not affected them.

I agree with all those things I have seen proclaimed for Overdose Prevention and Awareness Day. My son was gone too soon! He was deeply loved! He mattered! We need to end the stigma and address the problem. We need to fight this unconscionable evil!

(Wichita, KS billboard)

Mid-month Mention: Overdose Awareness Month

August 2026 marks the 25th anniversary of International Overdose Awareness Day (August 31). Sadly, this campaign to raise awareness is needed now more than ever. The fent@nyl epidemic is taking lives left and right. Something must be done. 

You can go to Overdose Day to find events in your area (if you click on USA it will bring up cities in alphabetical order and highlight events near you). If you are near Indianapolis, there will be an event held by Overdose Lifeline on August 23rd. Click here for that information.

In light of our own tragic loss, I ask that you say a prayer for these efforts to raise awareness and seek prevention.

Here are some images I gleaned from Facebook highlighting more information and events related to this:

 

Book Review: By Design

Susan Hunt's By Design was on my personal shelves. I used this as supplemental reading with my morning devotions. The book was written in 1994. If feminism was encroaching at the time of publication, it has since exploded. Indeed, many women will be angered if they pick this up today. I, however, am a complimentarian. I believe in God's design for men and women. I embrace this call to complement one another as He prescribed.

Susan Hunt writes first to define women's distinctiveness and society's distortions. Secondly, she outlines the various aspects of a woman's role as helper. Each chapter begins with a mini-biography of a godly, role-fulfilling woman. These are engaging and inspiring vignettes. We read of Sarah Martin's prison ministry, Ann Hamilton's legacy, and Elizabeth Fry's Newgate prison transformation. The most stirring mini-biography provides the story of Valetta Steel, author of Thrice Through the Valley (a book I'd love to find and read). Her faith in the midst of abundant trials and tragedies encourages me to press on through my own trials and tragedies. I will keep this book, if for this mini-biography alone.

I needed Hunt's words about the role of helper-supporter. Marriage can bring its own trials. Hunt reminds the reader, "When you get married, you step to the front lines of a war zone, and the enemy is not your mate... the real enemy of your marriage knows the effectiveness of the 'divide and conquer' strategy.... The only way you will survive this conflict is to recognize and stand together against your common enemy and to embrace... the original American Dream of propagating and advancing the Gospel of the Kingdom of Christ in every remote neighborhood, apartment building, suburb, mobile home park, condominium, and retirement village in our country." Oh, how the enemy is seeking to divide and conquer in the midst of our grief. We covet your prayers.

I loved, too, that the author honed in on my verse of the year, 2 Corinthians 2:14. In this section, she mentions a scene from Pilgrim's Progress when Christian and Hopeful approach the River of Death before the gates of the Celestial City. When they step in, Christian begins to sink and cries out, "I sink in deep water; the billows go over my head; all His waves go over me." But Hopeful replies, "Be of good cheer. I feel the bottom and it is good." (This same passage was emphasized in the book about depression, Companions in the Darkness.) Those times (some I'm enduring now) when God knocks the props out from under us, cause us to hit bottom and recognize God's strength and solid foundation.

Author Spotlight - Sarah Trent

Several months ago, I began noticing Sarah Trent's writings on Facebook. She always nails emotions I have experienced. Her expressive writing communicates deep emotional anguish beside steady foundational faith. Readers come away encouraged and inspired. My faith has been invigorated by Sarah's writings. I think her words will minister to you, as well.

Sarah's writing is heartfelt and deeply moving. I have shared several of her pieces on my Facebook wall. She touches on grief and doubt, comfort and faith. 

On March 26th, I prefaced her post with a quote used in my book, Watching the Wayward: Psalms for Parents of Prodigals. I wrote, "Doubt and questions do not negate faith - they express it with tears and hope - as Sue Bohlin expresses, '[God] receives more glory through limping people who are dependent on Him, than healthy people who breeze through life independent of Him.'" 

Here is the devotional Sarah shared that day:

"You believe God is good…

but your heart still trembles at what His goodness has allowed.

You say it with your mouth, He is faithful, He is kind, He is just, but your chest tightens when you trace the outline of your own story.

Because somewhere between what you know

and what you’ve lived, there is a tension that feels like it might tear you in two.

You have seen too much to call this easy.

You have buried things you never thought would die. You have watched prayers fall to the ground like shattered glass,

sharp enough to cut you when you try to pick them back up again.

And still, you whisper, God is good.

But it doesn’t come out like a shout.

It comes out like a question wrapped in trembling.

You are not faithless.

You are wounded.

Because there is a difference between doubting His character

and struggling to reconcile His permission.

You don’t question who He is,

you question why He allowed this.

Why He stood still

when everything in you was breaking.

Why He remained silent

when one word could have stopped it all.

Why His hands, that formed galaxies,

did not reach down and interrupt the unraveling of your life.

And somewhere deep inside,

you wrestle with the quiet ache of it:

If You are good… why did this happen?

But this ache does not disqualify your faith.

It reveals it.

Because real faith does not exist in the absence of pain—it is forged in the presence of questions

that have not yet been answered.

It is the kind of faith that sits in the ashes

and still turns its face toward heaven,

even when heaven feels unbearably still.

It is the kind of faith that weeps at the feet of Jesus and says, I know You could have stopped this…and I still don’t understand why You didn’t.

And yet, it does not walk away.

Listen…

God is not threatened by your grief.

He is not offended by your confusion.

He does not recoil at your questions.

He steps into them.

The same God you call good

is the God who entered suffering Himself,

who did not explain pain from a distance,

but wore it in His own body.

He knows what it is to cry out,

to feel the weight of what was allowed,

to carry a story that looks like loss

before it ever looks like redemption.

So when you say,

“I believe You are good, but I don’t know how to be okay with what You allowed…”

He does not silence you.

He draws nearer.

Because somewhere in the sacred space

between your belief and your breaking,

He is doing something you cannot yet see—

Not wasting.

Not overlooking.

Not ignoring.

But weaving.

Thread by thread,

through tears you did not choose,

through nights you could not escape,

through pain that felt unnecessary and cruel,

He is crafting a redemption

that will one day make your trembling voice steady again.

Not because you will forget what happened,

but because you will see what He was doing

in the parts you thought were abandoned.

And one day, not today, maybe not soon,

but one day, your voice will rise again,

not as a question,

but as a knowing:

He was good… even there.

Until then, you are allowed to grieve what has happened while still clinging to who He is.

You are allowed to say,

“I trust You… but this hurts.”

And that is not the absence of faith.

That is faith, with tears in its eyes

and heaven still in its sight."

I had no way of knowing, at that time, that the words would ring even truer after my son's untimely death. How apt the above devotional is for the emotions I'm currently battling. I take great comfort in Sarah's words and thoughts. They reflect my struggles well and fix my gaze back on God. That is why I snapped up her devotional book, Launch Out into the Deep, when it became available in early April. You can read my book review of her book here. Her effective writing drove me to seek an interview for an author spotlight and she kindly agreed.

Q1: I've been following your inspiring pieces on Facebook for 6 months. I'm trying to place them in a category. Would you call them poems? Micro-essays? Devotionals? Or merely social media posts?

Sarah: I have always called them devotions, but I’m not sure what the perfect term would be! Most of them are simply love notes from the Lord.

Q2: Your writing clearly reveals that you have endured great losses and challenges in your young life. If comfortable, can you share the deep waters you've survived? What helps you endure? What is key to rising above challenges, in your view?

Sarah: I have had 4 miscarriages. Several of those have been extremely traumatic, and one of them almost took my life as well. Those are things I NEVER would’ve chosen. And honestly, some days, I still battle with WHY? What is the purpose? Although I would never have chosen this road, this grief, for myself…I have been able to reach people I never would’ve been able to otherwise. One of my most traumatic miscarriages, I remember begging the Lord for this to not happen, this to not be my reality. And he said, “if it has to be Gethsemane, will you love me anyway?” And to be honest, I didn’t always love him. I would be angry, and hurt, and frustrated with the things he had allowed. But there came a point in time where I had to decide that either God was God or he was not. He was either good, or he was not. He was either faithful, or he was not. Sometimes in those deep, dark places…we have to decide whether we are going to believe he is God or not. Even if nothing feels right, nothing is right, nothing looks good. I have to choose him. I have to choose whether “though he slay me, yet I will trust in him.” That’s a hard place to be, but if you’re going to make it out of the darkness, I truly believe you have to come to that place where you choose him anyways.

Q3: Such true insights! Even when the outcome is not what we believed God's will would bring, we must choose Him anyway! For years I kept my writing mostly to myself. In my own deep waters, with our prodigal son, God gave words (prayers) to articulate the struggle and I felt convicted that others might find blessing in their expression. Can you tell us what started your writing journey?

Sarah: I started writing “devotions” in high school. I loved to study, and I loved to write. I didn’t have social media at the time, but I had a little email list that would read them. My dad printed them all and has kept them.💛 I slowed down on writing when I began working full time and got married. When I experienced my first miscarriage, I stopped altogether. I had no desire to read my Bible for myself, much less to write for someone else. I had my first live birth, and had PPD. During that season, I began to write again, and share them on Facebook. I was a little concerned about what people would think or say, but I desperately needed an outlet. During my second miscarriage, I began to write more. And I stopped caring what anyone thought. Everything was raw and real. And it has increased since that point.

Q4: Pain certainly drives us to prayer and writing. You are a mother of small children and a photographer. How do you carve out time to write? What is your greatest writing challenge, and how has God carried you through that?

Sarah: None of my kids have been good sleepers! They have all been rough through the night. But that is when the Lord usually helps me the most, in the night, when no one else is aware, and I’m sitting up with a baby or toddler who hates sleep. One thing I do struggle with is burn out, just being exhausted all together. So I am trying to do better with “breaks” and realizing that I don’t HAVE to show up every day if it’s too much. The people I live with have to come first💛

Q5: Your posts receive great response and interaction. Did the following come quickly for you?

Sarah: No, the following was NOT quick. I posted for several years with very little engagement. But that was fine, I was doing what I knew I needed to do, and that was enough. I remember the post that really grew my page, was one about Mary’s mother. And how she likely raised Mary to be who she was. My following went from a few people that I knew for the most part, to over 10 k over night! With that came A LOT of trolls and nasty comments as well. Even a few death threats (people are insane). But that’s when my page began to grow some💛

Q6: That's crazy! Another impressive aspect is your depth of dependence on God's Word. Each piece draws heavily on biblical verses and principles. Can you tell us about the process between the Word and the writings? Are you in a passage that triggers a response? Do you begin with an idea and find support from God's Word?

Sarah: It’s a bit of both! Sometimes I draw from what I’m reading in God’s Word and begin writing from a passage, other times I’m driving down the road or up in the night and I have a thought and then I search for evidence from God's Word. My opinion means nothing unless it has God’s Word to back it up!

Q7: That's exactly the same process I followed in writing the prayer poems in my book. Sometimes God prompts something in response to God's Word. Sometimes God prompts ideas and provides wisdom from His Word. I think your words resonate with many. We all carry burdens. Do you feel "called to create" (as Jordan Raynor puts it)? What do you want your words to accomplish as you post them on Facebook?

Sarah: The Lord has opened a huge door for me, as far as posting on social media. I feel like I need to steward that opportunity well, and that’s why I definitely think it is an avenue of ministry. Especially in this season of my life!

Q8: I've been blessed by your ministry and believe you are stewarding well! Your first book, Launch Out into the Deep, was published by Redemption Press in April. It is a collection of devotional thoughts. I was a happy winner of a physical copy. Since I had already purchased the e-book, I sent my copy off to a very good friend whose burdens are unusually heavy. What led to the publication of that book? How did you determine its framework and what pieces to include?

Sarah: They actually reached out to me about publishing! That book was a total God thing and an answer to prayers I had prayed for quite a while about wanting to have a book in print. I cannot say enough good things about the team I worked with, and how they individually walked with the Lord. They were so kind and patient with me in my ignorance of the publishing process. Yet they took my mission and goal with my book so seriously!

Q9: I love how your writing honestly addresses lament, while leading to worship. Some consider the expression of lament as something sinful, a distrust of God in some way. I'm with Mark Vroegop (author of Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy), who views lament as evidence of faith when it leads to worship. What helps you move from loss and grief to praise and worship? Is it a saturation of scripture? A shift in perspective? The prayers of others?

Sarah: We have an entire book of our Bible called LAMENTATIONS, yet most people don’t know anything about lament. It’s such a taboo topic. Even Job’s friends thought he must’ve sinned somehow to experience such pain. Job’s story ends with the latter end being better than the beginning. But the whole book is included. The whole story is there, the good, the bad, and the ugly parts. We need more people who are willing to say, “yes, this isn’t great, this STINKS. But the latter end is coming. This is not the end.” Instead of a bunch of platitudes that don’t actually help. I think lament is a beautiful thing, and a necessary thing. It’s worship, and it’s inviting God into where you are. I hope the things I write encourage people to be more open, and hide less. Because God is the God of good times, and bad. The latter end is coming, just like Job’s, so I can worship Him here.

Q10: As you continue writing on Facebook, do you have plans to publish another book in the future? What topic might you choose for such a book? What is the best way for my blog readers to find your writing?

Sarah: I would love to write more books! I’m just waiting for the Lord to open doors. I have several “in mind,” but I would love to do one from the perspectives of biblical characters. I have written several devotionals on those topics and I think I have enough for a solid book! But whenever, and whatever doors the Lord opens…I want to be ready to walk through them. I have Facebook, Instagram, and a substack as well! A lot of people who enjoy reading, subscribe to my substack, because it’s sent to their email and no socials are required! I would love to have any one follow along💛

Many thanks to Sarah for fielding my questions and sharing her inspiring work. I hope you take a moment to read some of her writings and follow her on Facebook, Instagram, or Substack. I encourage you to purchase her book. The beauty of the paperback copy is that you can interact with the pieces by writing in the allotted space after each devotional. However, the e-book allows easy access on your phone or Kindle, while out and about, needing some words to bolster and inspire. Thanks again, Sarah! May God continue to bless and multiply your gifts.

==========

8/22/26 Addendum: Someone informed me that Sarah's work had disappeared from Facebook. I contacted her and she shared this infuriating news:

"Hi Wendy

On Tuesday, meta removed my ENTIRE page on instagram and Facebook (including photography pages) with no warning. I never received an email or any kind of notification that it was coming. I also never received a reason as to why. I’ve appealed the decision, of course, but still have not received any response at all. I was devastated. And heartbroken, because I had no way to let people know what had happened.

I created new pages last night, and I’m having to start from scratch. Meta wouldn’t even allow me to use my regular email to create a new account, nor would they allow me to simply use Sarah Trent as my Name. I had to put my middle name in as well, to trigger them to allow me to make a new page. It’s under Sarah Elaine Trent on Facebook, and taming_trentss on instagram! Thankfully my substack was untouched. So all the content is still there! 

Please pray for me as I try to start over"

Laying Our Son to Rest

God, in His mercy, numbed my feelings and emotions for the first few weeks in the shock of my middle son's unexpected death. Outwardly, it looked as if I wasn't grieving. Inwardly, disbelief reverberated. Now that the funeral is over, my emotions are coming to the surface more. But, the time leading up to the funeral was so busy, we hardly had time to think or emote. 

We were blessed by countless people who came forward to love and support us in this trial. I kept wishing Trevor could see all the expressions of love and appreciation others felt for him and for us, through him. My friend, Heidi, told me she's convinced he does know. She wrote, "After my mom died, I had a vision/visitation of her sitting next to me and telling me that the pain she went through was gone and that ALL was known - she was SO happy! I believe ALL is now known to Trevor, including the love people have expressed during the last week and the love and support you and family gave during his life." This was such a comforting thought to share!

The day after Trevor's death, our oldest son, Bryce, flew from Dallas to be with us. What a comfort and blessing his presence brought! Somehow, it made the grief more bearable. Plus, he was invaluable to us. He set to work on a photo slideshow to put up on the funeral home's obituary page. He scoured my phone and my computer for images. He must have asked John, as well, because he used an impressive photo of Trevor's bodybuilding physique (some wondered if it was AI).

I'm sure Bryce emphasized photos from his earlier years, happy years before the drug associations and drug use. He was our exuberant little boy, and we have many fond memories of those carefree days. It was a big help and huge blessing to have Bryce handle that important piece. He was also helpful during the necessary meetings. When we met with the funeral director, Bryce took notes. He compiled and sent us a file of things to do (it all would have disappeared from my consciousness quickly). He accompanied us to select and purchase a gravesite (near his grandmother's headstone). He, again, took notes throughout our meeting with the pastor, as we arranged the funeral service songs and order.

God brought me to the wonderful songs that we used for his service. I came across "Approach, My Soul," by John Newton, in the Sing Hymnal I received for Mother's Day. We printed this inside the memory folder passed out to those in attendance. The words emphasize our desperate need of God's salvation and His gift of eternal life: "Bowed down beneath a load of sin, by Satan sorely pressed, by wars without and fears within, I come to Thee for rest... guilty sinners such as I might plead Thy gracious name!"

We used "It is Well," by Horatio Spafford, to signal the start of the service. This hymn was written in great grief after the unexpected deaths of his four daughters in a shipwreck. Crossing the exact site of their drowning, Spafford penned words to affirm his deep trust in God amid inexplicable loss. For the condensed slideshow, we selected Casting Crowns' song, "Scars in Heaven." The lyrics gutted me: "If I had only known the last time would be the last time." "What I'd give for one more day with you." "I know you're in a place where all your wounds have been erased, and knowing yours are healed is healing mine."

"He Will Hold Me Fast" was supposed to play after the family reflections, but it came after the eulogy. I love these lyrics, as well: "When the tempter would prevail, He will hold me fast. I could never keep my hold through life's fearful path, for my love is often cold. He must hold me fast... He'll not let my soul be lost, his promises shall last. Bought by Him at such great cost, He will hold me fast." What a beautiful arrangement by Kristyn and Keith Getty! What a solid proclamation of God's unending grace!

I doubt people really took in the lyrics to the departing song, "Christ is Mine Forevermore." This was another one found in The Sing Hymnal with poignant lyrics: "Mine are days that God has numbered. I was made to walk with Him; yet, I look for worldly treasure and forsake the King of Kings... Christ has paid for every failing, I am His forevermore... Mine are tears in times of sorrow, darkness not yet understood. Through the valley I must travel where I see no earthly good... I know my pain will not be wasted."

My sister-in-law, Miriam, was a great help for the family fellowship prior to the funeral. As I said, I'm not a gifted hostess. I don't easily whip up meals on command, even on a normal day, let alone a stressful one. After Miriam arrived and set out a spread of desserts and drinks, she agreed to look over my outfit choices. We ended up running back to Kohl's to exchange a top for a smaller size (I tend to seek very roomy clothes). I so appreciated her time and attention to these needs.

The time together in our home with family was beneficial and comforting. We talked about old times and memories of Trevor. Thankfully, Bryce and Elizabeth ran to get a large quantity of Chik-fil-A, so meal needs were met and I was able to set out the spread of veggies and snacks I had purchased for the gathering. On one end of our table, all the engineers talked engineering and the other end rehashed stories and spoke of my youngest brother's architectural projects. Many family members did not arrive until late the night before the funeral and my brother Mark's family drove up from Kentucky for the day. We had family come in from many other corners: Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Texas.

Blogger that I am, I wanted photos, but knew I'd be preoccupied and unable. My sister agreed to help. I'm sure it was uncomfortable trying to snap images in a room of grieving guests. She did an outstanding job, as evidenced by the photos accompanying this funeral recap post.

The hardest part was viewing his empty body. Trevor, of course, did not look like Trevor. He was not there. It was a vessel devoid of his spark and spirit. I could not have captured an image of his body. Dawn delicately snapped this shot:

We said our good-byes and let the grief wash over us. I told him, "I wanted more time!" Then, we allowed his girlfriend time to say her good-byes. 

Next, came a blur of greeting people who attended the visitation. A member of my BSF group came by briefly to bring flowers and give a hug. Four friends from the Women Forming Friendships in West Indy Facebook group came to offer comfort. Five of our friends drove all the way from Champaign-Urbana, IL. My college best friend, Anne, came all the way from Lombard, IL. I was sad that I only snagged a few moments with her as the press of people kept coming. Both Bryce's and Sean's friends came. Trevor had probably 7 or 8 friends from middle and high school years who came. A few of the girls in that group were kind enough to come express condolences. 

Trevor's 2nd grade teacher came up to tell me how sad she was because he had shown such great potential. Many individuals came from Pittsboro Baptist Church. Here are some images of family members who came:

I was blown away by Trevor's halfway house leader, Damien, who took an Uber all the way from Indianapolis to our little rural enclave. He had only known Trevor for less than two weeks (and knowing Trevor, he probably hadn't interacted much). We gave Damien a ride to the burial and learned that he, too, (like my husband) is from Champaign-Urbana.

Thanks to the funeral director's wife, you can view a video of the funeral here. After the condensed slideshow and a welcome, John's sister Martha read John's comments and shared some of her own memories of Trevor. I wasn't sure I'd make it through mine, but the humorous bits helped me stay composed.

The burial was a brief affair (good, since it was 95 degrees out) with prayer and committal. 

Then, Pittsboro Baptist Church provided a marvelous meal for family and friends. After the meal, my sister and brother-in-law treated many family members and Damien to ice cream at the local Dairy Bar. 

We got Damien into an Uber back to the halfway house and many descended back into our home for further fellowship. I relished time with Trevor's cousins. Now, the grief is truly descending and intensifying. 

Some may question my son's walk with God, because he used drugs. One even shared a prayer, "What joy it will be IF we get to heaven and discover Trevor is there.... We pray that Trevor in some way... [had] things straight with You [God] before this terrible occasion." I know my son's spiritual foundation was not built on what he did, but on what Christ did for him. I liken it to my mother's Alzheimer's. She raged and cursed. That was not my mother; it was her diseased brain. Drugs had altered Trevor's brain, rewiring to tell him drugs were his best solution to his pain. He responded physiologically, not spiritually. 

Every day, I wake with the realization that my son is no longer with us here on earth. I take comfort, because of his trust in Christ's atoning act on the cross, and believe we will be reunited one day in Heaven. Others may scoff and weep for his lost soul; I claim the atoning cross of Christ and His promise of eternal life. If you have not trusted in Christ, consider the gospel message (proclaimed in Trevor's funeral) and accept the free gift of eternal life. May Trevor, in death, reach more than we had hoped and prayed in life.

Losing Our Precious Son

Parenting a wayward child is an exhausting and distressing role. We have gone back and forth trying to determine what is the best way to respond and help our addicted son, Trevor. I will admit, we have not always been in agreement. Much of this stems from my husband's personal experience with an addicted sibling who took his life. I think he was desperate to come to a different conclusion with his son.

From day one, Trevor was very much like his Uncle Rob. He did things with vehemence. Most recently, his driven, give-it-all mentality zeroed in on his bodybuilding. Here is a photo of him flexing:

Unfortunately, he relapsed at the end of May. At 2 a.m., there was no way to take him to a treatment center, so we took him to the ER. They would only release him into a residential treatment center (good for them!) At first, still under the influence of the drugs, he refused to stay for the 28-day treatment. He wanted to leave after the initial 7-day detox period. My husband wanted to let him come back home. In my opinion, that would only enable him to go back to using (our home is where this all began). I began to pray importunately for God to change their minds. Praise God! My husband told him he couldn't come home and Trevor decided he would stick out the program.

Of course, he had to detox from everything (including the Retitrutide weight loss drugs he was injecting and the steroids he was taking to enhance his bodybuilding). He said they had snacks available everywhere and he had to get some dopamine somehow, so he ate himself into a 60-pound weight gain. The relapse was a crushing blow! The loss of his intentions to participate in a bodybuilding competition in August was a devastating blow! From there, things continued to spiral.

He moved from the treatment center into a halfway house in Indianapolis. We knew this wasn't the best plan (after all, he knew where to access drugs in Indy), but he wasn't moving home, either. He was living in Indy, working at a Steak 'n Shake in Brownsburg, and visiting his girlfriend in Kirklin. Many miles driven at a time when gas prices are high. He couldn't even break even.

Then came some relationship difficulties. I think his girlfriend had made it very clear to him that she was clean and she would not remain with someone who uses. The friction and pain escalated. He responded in very unhealthy ways. When he posted something on Instagram saying, "Hope you all enjoyed the sh!t show," we were terrified he intended to find drugs.

Then, on July 3rd, he was coming to our home to pick up some food. He said he was crying and couldn't see clearly. He plowed into the front end of another vehicle that had turned into a subdivision just in front of him. His car was totaled and he knew we had vowed not to replace it (we'd already helped him purchase 3 vehicles). I'm sure his mind was reeling. No car. No way to get from Indy to his job or to visit his girlfriend. Not to mention, the possibility that the other driver might sue him for his fault in the accident. He was suicidal. He did not want to live. I took him in my arms and he just sobbed. We prayed with him. He agreed to go to a psych hospital as soon as his girlfriend could take him after she finished work. While waiting, he called and learned the commitment time was 7-14 days. He decided he didn't want to lose his bed, his job, or his upcoming court date, so he found an outpatient psych therapy that he could do in the halfway house from his phone.

On July 4th, he posted photos of himself at a party holding a beer can. His younger brother tried to tell him these decisions were unwise. On July 5th, I drove to his halfway house to take him to work. I bought him a pizza because his house meeting had gone long and he'd had no dinner. That's the last time I saw my beloved boy.

On July 6th, he took an Uber to work. While at work, he kept going to the bathroom. Finally, he went to the bathroom and did not come out. A coworker knew Sean's phone number because Sean used to work there. She called to tell him there was an incident with Trevor and they needed a family member there immediately. After my husband headed to the restaurant, the coworker called back. Sean said he knew it was bad when she couldn't talk. He then came in to gently wake me and share that "there was an incident at the Steak 'n Shake, and he's gone." I shot up. My initial thought was I wanted to see him and hold him one more time. I didn't think I could drive, so Sean drove me over. They would not let me near his body. We were there until midnight speaking with detectives, officers, and the coroner.

This week has been a whirlwind of planning and details. It feels like every minute I have something else to think about or address. I'm holding together fine (probably helped by the antidepressant medication I'm on), but my husband is grieving intensely. I'm glad Trevor is no longer in the intense emotional pain he was carrying. I'm glad he no longer has to struggle and fight this demon.

If you want to view his obituary, a photo slideshow, and a remembrance journal, you can follow this link. We also set up a Trevor Hill Addiction Memorial Fund. Now begins the dreadful process of learning to live without him. After picking our oldest son, Bryce, up from the airport, we stopped to get Chinese carry-out. As I went in to pick up the food, I realized we will never be able to eat inside that restaurant again. Trevor loved to eat there and ate with gusto. Then, on Thursday, I finally managed to get in a walk. I used to always spend most of my walks praying about Trevor. That was a crushing moment.

Please pray for our family as we walk this difficult road. Even though I had irrationally wanted to see him on the night of his death, I know that the most difficult moment will be when we come for the visitation and see him laid out, a shell of the person he once was, devoid of his spark. I have asked to speak a few words. I am praying I am not incapacitated with grief. Pray we will hold up as they lower his body into the ground, in a finality that cannot be erased. We are heart-sick and deeply saddened by the loss of our precious son.

Book Review: This Book Made Me Think of You - Highly Recommend

This book made me think of why I love books! They can meet you right where you are and tap into your most intimate wishes, hopes, and dreams. They can soothe sorrows! I don't know if I was merely ripe for this book by Libby Page (daughter to author Sally Page). Perhaps, This Book Made Me Think of You is merely brilliant for anyone and everyone. Oh, how I adored it! The characters are relatable. The premise is perfect. Plus, the book is brimming with book recommendations. Like I said, it is a brilliant book! My favorite read of 2026!

Listen to this outstanding first line: "The right book in the hands of the right person at exactly the right moment can change their life forever." That's what Alfie, the owner of Book Lane believes. When Alfie calls Matilda Nightingale to tell her she has a book to pick up at the bookstore, she insists she didn't order anything. Alfie explains her late husband scheduled a year's worth of monthly books to get her through the first full year without him. Of course, ever since his death six months ago, Tilly hasn't been able to read. What follows is a year-long adventure as Tilly regains her reading mojo and learns to live again without the love of her life.

I immediately thought, "Man, if my husband died and left me twelve selected books, I would be utterly blown away by the gesture." Like Tilly's husband, my husband is not really a book reader (he does read some, but only in his slim selected categories and, primarily, God's Word) so I know I'll never experience this scenario. Ah, but because of this book, I was able to live through it vicariously, through Tilly. Even though it deals with grief, it is incredibly life-affirming.

It took some time but I jotted down all 96 book titles mentioned in this book. Probably half to two-thirds are titles I've heard of or know. I have only read 19 of the books listed. So, now that I have the whole list, I have much to add to my endless file of books to read. Book recommendations are always welcome, as are books that feature a bookshop. And how can you not be sucked in by characters who love books?

I adored Tilly! She and I would be friends IRL. We would be two peas in a pod. Here's a line that could describe me: "After reading, crafting has always been her way of relaxing, but what she has in enthusiasm she does not possess in skill." Ha, too true! Like Tilly, I took a leap and visited Paris on my own. What fun when she explores Shakespeare and Company and finds this quote: "I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being." So many parts of her story gutted me.

I also want bookish friends like Alfie and Rachel. Everyone should have a special bookstore, and a special bookseller, like Alfie. His role in this book is tremendously touching. Rachel's part of the story made me squirm. If Tilly can forgive Rachel and restore friendship, I know I should be able to forgive and restore a friendship with a "Rachel" in my life. Bookish friends have a value beyond expression.

Indeed, this is a love song for books, both in the long recommendation lists and in the way individual books meet Tilly's need at just the right moment. Here's another line that resonated: "Maybe this is what books do, she thinks, whether stories real or imagined or poems compiled in one place for people to flick through in search of what they need. They offer something universal but allow you to find your own meaning among the words. They are for everyone and yet they are for you too." At the end, Tilly says, "I am the person I am because of the books I have read. My reading history is a map that shows the path of my life." I want to be like Tilly, a "bookish soul eager to help steer you on your way." Indeed, I wish I could read this for the first time all over again!

Word of caution: The emotions in this book are very raw and real. If you've recently lost a loved one, the story might be bookish cryptonite for you - just a place you cannot go for the moment. Still, there is merit in following Tilly's journey as she heals from the grief and finds solace in books. Moreover, I did mark this as a clean read, but should note that there are one or two curse words and a few times the Lord's name is taken in vain.

Book Review: The Elsewhere Express

I'm not much into fantasy books. While I can deal with magical realism, the really out there fantasy novels elude me. The Elsewhere Express is such a beautiful physical book, that I couldn't help but pick it up. Stencils of colorful luggage appear around the edges of the pages. The cover is dreamy and enticing. It is billed as a train that takes you to your life purpose. How intriguing!

Hiraya Sia's parents conceived her to provide organs for their ailing son. This idea is fraught with internal conflicts. Quentin Chen Phillips Jr. is an artist on the cusp of losing his eyesight. This is another conflicting experience. These are the two passengers readers follow onto The Elsewhere Express, an imaginary train built "by the hours people have spent staring out of the window, wishing they were somewhere else. It is in constant motion, fueled by a steady stream of wandering thoughts. Every inch of the train writhes with reveries and vibrates with the constant chatter of conversations people have with themselves." Neither character knows why they have landed on this imaginary train. Raya wants off. Quentin, with restored sight on the train, is desperate to stay on the train.

I will admit, it was a bit too philosophical and woo-woo for me. But, it was a quick and absorbing read. And in the process of watching these two try to find their way and their place on this mythical train, the reader considers lots of scenarios of loss, grief, purpose, life fulfillment, and creativity. I was intrigued to learn that the author is from the Philippines (a place I served in missionary work in the summer of 1987). The writing is good and the premise is promising. Pages fly by. While I wouldn't want to land on the Elsewhere Express myself, it was interesting to visit for a few hours over several days. 

Mid-month Mention: Must-See Movies of 2026

I'm not generally a movie-goer, but this year, I've viewed 3 movies (2 in theaters) I highly recommend. All 3 were on my 2026 bucket list. Last month, I wrote up a whole movie review for my favorite movie of the year, A Great Awakening. It was powerful! Definitely a must-see! I saw it twice in the theater and would have happily gone again, if it had remained in our local theaters longer. To be honest, I might even consider purchasing the DVD eventually. 

I was anxiously awaiting May 8th, the release day for the Netflix movie adaptation of Shelby Van Pelt's outstanding book, Remarkably Bright Creatures. The big draw was Sally Field playing the main human character, Tova Sullivan. Man-oh! Man-oh! It did not disappoint. When I wasn't laughing, I was wrecked with tears. Once again, I found myself raving about the movie to anyone who would listen. I watched it again on Wednesday night with my youngest son. He loved it! I hope to watch it some weekend with my husband (a very reluctant movie-goer).

Sometimes readers worry that a movie will not live up to the book (because so many don't deliver). This fit those rare occasions when the movie actually hones the book and conveys the essence clearly. The movie cut away much of the background information for the drifter character, Cameron. But, in doing so, it gained strength for the bond between Tova and Cameron. My heart ached with the grief they each carried (Tova for her dead son and Cameron for his dead mother), grief that deepened their friendship. Add in the excellent narration of Marcellus, a giant Pacific octopus, and the relationships resonated abundantly. I did see a few readers on Facebook mourning the loss of things like the missing house key, but the majority are raving about how well the adaptation communicated Van Pelt's intended story. The emotional impact is strong, characters well-developed, and take-away profound.

My third favorite movie of the year is another unexpected one. When I first heard the premise of Remarkably Bright Creatures, I didn't think I'd like the novel because it includes, well... a talking animal. Seriously. But some storytellers can pull off talking animals. On Tuesday ($6 day), Sean and I went to see The Sheep Detectives. Sean's girlfriend was bummed when she found out because she had wanted to see it, too. Thankfully, it will show later at the $5 theater near her.

I was expecting a humorous little talking animal tale about a flock of sheep solving the mystery of their shepherd's murder. I loved the idea that the shepherd read to his sheep each night from mystery novels, assuming they couldn't understand because they were only sheep. This movie was fun and entertaining, yes. But, it also led to a great deal of deeper thought about biblical metaphors. The movie stirred reflection on how we, as sheep (sometimes as shunned winter lambs), often go astray. The shepherd saves us from danger and destruction. He calls us by name.

The movie addresses deep concepts amid animal hijinks. The sheep must contemplate leaving the safety of the fold, consider death and grief, and wrap their heads around the concept of God. Sean and I tried to communicate the clever scene discussing God, but couldn't remember it enough to do it justice when regaling my husband. I found a movie reviewer who captured the scene well. I didn't feel like it made light of God or led to nonsensical views. Personally, the whole movie made me think about God and our relationship to Him. Here's how Daniel Blackaby reviewed the God-explanation scene:

"There is a humorous moment in which the sheep walk through the church grounds, and one sheep tries to explain God to the other. God is a shepherd, but also a lamb. He also “damns people”, but this only leads the other sheep to assume God must be giant beaver. God is invisible, but he is also bread, and people eat him every Sunday, says the one sheep to his increasingly confused friend. Some viewers may feel this dialogue makes light of God or equates faith in him with nonsense, but I found the honest questions endearing."

The movie is family friendly and could open up conversation about the deep scriptural metaphors portrayed in the movie. God is, indeed, "complicated," but I welcome even humorous tales that drive home spiritual truths. The writing is incredibly clever and witty. It holds appeal to children and adults alike. Good shepherds, bad shepherds, beloved sheep, wayward rejected sheep - we each can find God and ourselves in this story. May I be an attentive sheep and listen to my Shepherd.   

Book Review: Between the Mountain and the Sky

Now that I have read Between the Mountain and the Sky, I would love to see the documentary. Maggie Doyne's story of her gap year and mission to meet the needs of young Nepali children is inspiring. Would that every young woman identified and chased their dreams with abandon! Maggie is an extraordinary example of love's driving force for good. The number of lives she touched is probably immeasurable.

Maggie Doyne was drawn to the plight of a child banging a rock in the river in Nepal. Her dream of helping that child go to school grew into a vision for a children's home and school. With the help of Nepali friends and guides, Maggie spent her life's savings and began to tackle the dream bit by bit. When funds ran dry, she held a garage sale, sparking the attention of the media. Who knew she would end up adopting over 50 children. Over the years, her dream has been embraced by several philanthropic organizations eager to highlight her cause.

This is a deeply human story. It is not just about money thrown at a problem. Maggie invested her all into this dream. She loved, even when love cost much pain. Her story is heart-rending and motivating at the same time. Full of ups and downs, her journey is fascinating to read. If you've read the book or seen the documentary, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Book Review: Companions in the Darkness

There are some who, having had the blues, feel they understand clinical depression. From their perspective, especially if they consider themselves Christians, they see it as a lack of faith. Too often, Christians with clinical depression are given well-meaning advice like, "choose joy," "just pray," or, "just read the Word more." Indeed, I watched a video by Millicent Sedra touting a "name it, claim it" perspective. She is a new internet sensation and ends with that very advice, "get your eyes off yourself and onto the Lord." I don't wish clinical depression on anyone, but those who have never known the depth seem all too quick to cast judgement on those who walk in darkness. This book, Companions in the Darkness, highlights seven saints who battled severe depression. I can't imagine anyone turning to Spurgeon and saying, "You choose your identity. Get your eyes off yourself, man!"

Diana Gruver has written a book that is highly important and a must-read if you're a Christian battling clinical depression. Companions in the Darkness: Seven Saints Who Struggled with Depression and Doubt yells with a megaphone, "You are not alone! You are not useless!" Diana Gruver outlines the lives and strategies of seven key figures like Charles Spurgeon, Martin Luther, and Mother Teresa. Many of the seminal hymns we sing were written by individuals familiar with this battle. It is possible to face doubt and despair in the midst of strong faith in God.

Indeed, I can see Gruver writing a follow-up book with the same message, focusing on greats of the Bible. There is a place for lament (Lamentations, David's psalms of lament). Prophets expressed depths of despair to the point of no longer wanting to live. Moses, in Numbers 11:15, declared to God, "I'd rather you kill me!" Job was perfect and upright. He feared God and eschewed evil. He was considered such a threat that Satan was determined to break him. In the midst of his physical, emotional, and spiritual battle, Job wished his life would end (Chapters 3, 7, 10). Can you see a self-righteous Christian today saying to Ezekiel, "Stop being self-indulgent! Gain some spiritual maturity, will you? You're looking at your circumstances and lacking in your faith. Your doubt is sin."

From Martin Luther's life, the reader learns the spiritual lesson of looking to the wounds of Christ. (Indeed, too many Christians seem to forget that Christ himself was despairing to the point of sweating drops of blood. Should the disciples have chastized him with, "Get your eyes off yourself?") If Christ bore wounds and the intense separation from the Father to atone for our sin debt, we can look to those wounds to help us endure the abyss. Luther also advised others to flee solitude and chase the smallest glimmers of joy that can be found.

From Hannah Allen's life we learn the imporance of journaling. This reminds us how God has intervened in the past. It also helps us recall the truths of the faith. Hannah's life encourages us to change our surroundings, as this sometimes helps. Sometimes, like David Brainerd, you must "choose to go, rather than stay." Forcing yourself to do what feels impossible, the next thing, moves you closer to healing. With Brainerd, may we say, "May every breath bring God glory and leave a legacy of faithful weakness."

The great hymn-writer William Cooper was incapacitated by depression and felt himself "on the rack." He, too, encourages us to seek a change of scenery and keep busy. His story reminds us to exercise, get outdoors, and be merry by force. Another great lesson I learn from Cooper's story is to "cling to the people God has brought into your life."

What a testimony Charles Spurgeon's life was. Gruver writes, "He also would not tolerate the accusation that good Christians do not get depressed. 'God's people sometimes walk in darkness and see no light.'" He was incredibly useful in spite of suffering physical pain and mental anguish. He preached thousands of sermons and sent countless letters. He was a wounded healer. I love that Gruver emphasized Isaiah 48:10, "I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." At the end of this section, Gruver shared a letter she received in the midst of a dark spell. Her friend wrote these powerful words,"You are brave! You stand in the dark, whispering truth to yourself!"

In the section on Mother Teresa, Gruver comments on why depressed individuals often cannot take in the well-meaning reminder that God is close to the brokenhearted. She says, "That truth doesn't resonate in our icy hearts... prayer is different in the dark. It is filled with pain and longing." Mother Teresa walked with an unseen limp, a spiritual burden of feeling like God was absent. Yet, we must be obedient even in the limping, because like Gruver says, "He created you... with a beautiful way only you can image Him to the world." What a great reminder!

Finally, Gruver highlights Martin Luther King, Jr. He did not speak of his depression and did not seek any treatment, but those close to him recognized his despair and anguish. He battled sleeplessness. Exhaustion often exacerbates depression. He tapped four reservoirs: 1) the reservoir of resilience (press ahead regardless of opposition); 2) the reservoir of humor (laughter is a coping mechanism that keeps the demons at bay); 3) the reservoir of song (spirituals and songs like "Joshua Fit the Battle" inspired hope); and 4) the reservoir of spirituality (cosmic companionship - he said, "God's companionship does not stop at the cell door; God is your cell mate.").

Don't think this book is not for you if you've never battled depression. Chances are great that you know or have met someone who has. In the first appendix, Gruver offers ten useful steps to take when helping a friend/loved one who is depressed. In the second appendix, she provides brief biographies of each of the seven key figures. I probably took notes more intensely than usual. I need to return to these reminders and strategies when my own clinical depression pulls me under. Indeed, I may return to this book when life hits extra hard and, in spite of sound faith, my emotions and feelings threaten to overwhelm. It is a treasure chest of encouragement.