Book Review: A Marriage at Sea

A Marriage at Sea, a survival biography by Sophie Elmhirst, offers a fascinating look at circumstances that challenged a young British couple. The author divides the book into four sections. Section one focuses on this intrepid couple's courtship and voyage. Section two outlines their survival at sea after their yacht sinks. The third section covers the popular obsession with their rescue tale and the unique challenges of their rise to fame. In the final section, the couple moves on from the spotlight and must live out their days.

Maurice and Maralyn Bailey, two unique and interesting individuals, don't seem like a perfect match. He is awkward and unsociable. She is optimistic and independent. It is unusual that they end up together. Even more unusual, their differing personalities mesh and work when life throws significant challenges their way.

Maurice is hard to like, making Maralyn's devotion hard to understand. What a tale of contrasts! Maralyn is optimistic. She clings to the hope of reaching the Galapagos. Maurice, knowing about winds and currents, despairs. The author writes that Maurice "found himself wondering if they had enough gas in the canister to kill themselves." Maralyn encourages him to keep rowing, while he considers her delusional. She never questions their survival. Being alone at sea causes Maurice to contemplate his personality, his rough edges. He sincerely wants to be different. But is he capable of changing?

The book read like fiction. I enjoyed the first three sections. Although I couldn't understand their wanderlust (or their comfort with life at sea), it was fascinating. Sad to say, if in their shoes, I'd be more like Maurice, losing hope and giving in to despair. I loved watching how Maralyn's optimism bolstered Maurice's defeat. The rescue was riveting. The whirlwind media blitz was exhausting (almost more daunting than surviving life in the elements at sea).

I found section four depressing. Still, it was a provocative and gripping tale of personalities tested by trial. I appreciated the author's expansion, likening this survival tale to every marriage relationship. We are all tossed about in a dinghy, trying to survive the elements and waves of life together. We can make each other stronger, or we can pull each other down. Thus, I found much to contemplate from this intriguing survival story. Despite a scoffing tone toward faith, the book's outline of relational struggles encouraged me to contemplate my own faults. I want to be beneficial, not detrimental, in my relationships. 

I end this review with an illustration from the book. The author shares the story of a downed plane. The pilot left to seek help, only to return and find the two passengers dead. Elmhirst writes, "Able only to sit and wait, what could they do but die? It is not so much the feats of endurance that keep people alive as the absence of surrender. Maurice, lacking occupation, became desolate. There was no evidence to convince him that survival was likely, and he found it hard to believe in things he couldn't see. What was the point of trying?" May we strive to be like the pilot and Maralyn, focusing on hopes for the future, instead of fixing on frustrations and limitations of the present. 

Jumping Off Into a New Future

Our family is jumping off into a new future. In many ways we are unprepared. While eager to see how the changes play out in our lives, there's an abiding hesitancy that is hard to push down. Change is uncomfortable, unwieldy. To a certain extent, none of us wanted to move into the new, the untried. Yet, I know it will be good for each of us in the end. For now, we feel discombobulated!

Last week, John and I became empty nesters. We loaded the car full to the brim with belongings and moved our youngest, Sean, into a tiny Purdue University dorm room. My Facebook feed, as usual, knew exactly what was going on, and inundated me with images of magazine-worthy dorm rooms, sentimental articles, and lists of what to bring. As if the emotions weren't already tender, I had to wade through the detritus of on-line advice and eloquent parental good-byes (one woman lined a whole hallway with her son's childhood toys saying good-bye).

When we took Bryce to Purdue, he ushered us out of the room as soon as the last item hit the floor. Perhaps it was because we had his 8 and 10-year-old brothers in tow. That transition was painless. Bryce was eager to go. We still had responsibilities at home. Thankfully, Purdue isn't far away (as my sister pointed out, since she was a 20-hour drive away from her college kids). Plus, Bryce had a girlfriend back home, so I drove to Purdue way too often to bring him home for weekend visits.

This time is different. Sean is our last to leave. I have always called him "my sweetness and light." Sure, he was busy with friends, school, activities, and work during his final year at home, but he moved in and out of our lives daily. Now, the house is far too quiet. My role is done. My identity is blurred.

I'd love to think this might jump-start me back into writing consistently. Somehow, I doubt it will. Neither noise nor time keeps me from the writing. I'd love to find a new activity. In a Facebook group, a woman asked for short story suggestions as she had just taken up a post leading a book club in an assisted living facility. Now that sounds perfect!

Perhaps I need to get a job. We will have expenses we were not anticipating and there's the Purdue bill, as well. Somehow, I doubt anyone will hire someone who has been out of the workforce for 18 years. My gig was good, even if it was unpaid, often had lousy hours, and sometimes felt thankless.

Of course, there's a freedom now, too. The first night, John and I window-shopped at a flea market. I've been wanting a vintage sewing box to store my now-minimized sewing supplies. Then, we popped into a bakery, hoping for a strawberry pie. Alas, they only had strawberry-rhubarb (too tart for me). Finally, we ate out for dinner. It was better than going home to the now-quiet-house.

We can make more effort to get away for a weekend. Perhaps we'll take that trip to Mackinac Island. Even if it is just away to our old standbys (Nashville, IN; Rockville, IN for the Covered Bridge Festival; or even closer towns), it will be good to travel and spend time in the couple identity we have reclaimed. I have a few friends I've wanted to visit or invite. The possibilities are endless, really. I should cling to that when loneliness and quiet threaten to overwhelm.

So far, all of this is focused on Sean, John, and me. But, Trevor is at his own crossroads. I try not to divulge much because his story is his own and sometimes isn't as tidy as people like to hear (or I like to tell). We continue to pray fervently for God to use him in a mighty way. At the end of July, we moved Trevor into a halfway house in Lafayette, so our younger two are living in sister cities. 

He has been on a long and challenging road this past year (one we have traveled both from a distance and alongside). Not a single day is assured. He told us once that he has skirted death at least ten different times. We try hard to fight the urge to protect him from his testimony. God has a plan and He is the only One capable of getting Trevor where he needs to go. God's plans are always for our good and His glory.

So, we are each heading off in new directions. We step into the unknown timidly, but with the assurance that God walks with us. An empty nest. A college education. A chance to transition into a life of sobriety, maturity, and purpose. 

My Wheaton College class selected a verse of scripture that I still know and embrace. I may be using it out of context, but I cling to this promise nonetheless:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 - NIV)

How Not to Celebrate Milestone Anniversaries

This week, my husband and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary. Well, that's not entirely true because we barely celebrated. To be honest, I cannot remember a single time we've done anything remotely significant to memorialize our milestones. Still, I'm blown away by the fact that we've reached these milestones and I'm grateful to God for getting us through obstacles and challenges that might have foiled other couples. Marriage is hard work, and we've seen our fair share of difficulties. I just wish we exhibited more gumption in celebrating that hard work. It deserves more than we give it. Don't make our mistakes!

At our 10th anniversary, we were fresh on the heels of a year and half long separation. I couldn't find a lick of evidence remaining on how we celebrated our 15th anniversary in 2005, between the births of our second and third sons. I know I was pining for a third child. I wanted to give our middle son a closer sibling, a shorter gap than the 8 years between our first two sons. For our 20th anniversary, I did not mark the occasion with a blog post. It seems we went away to our annual  Wisconsin Bible camp, CBLI. Often, John would drive out to the camp and we would go out for dinner while another camper kept an eye on our sons. It appears he did not drive up that year (a bit farther from IN than it was when we lived in IL - or perhaps that was the year he went to leave, only to find a flat tire on the truck).

I did recognize our 25th annniversary with this blog post, but cannot remember doing anything significant to celebrate it. Our 30th anniversary fell in 2020. Yes, you guessed it! We didn't do anything to celebrate. I made up this list of 30 small ways to observe our anniversary and we ended up not completing more than a handful of those 30 ideas. We have prayed together more in the past five years than ever before! (Praise God! That is more important than a wealth of celebrations!) We had dinner out and a trip to Dairy Queen. We exchanged cards and he filled my gas tank (fairly standard stuff). Finally, we watched one of our favorite romantic movies, Somewhere in Time, set in the location we had hoped to visit to mark our 25th (Mackinac Island).

At the beginning of this year, I sent John an email bursting with ideas for possible celebrations. I am mindful of the fact that he doesn't care for travelling. Indeed, as I age, even I'm finding long trips less and less appealing. I long for the comfort of my own home and dread hours in a car on highways. I outlined ideas for lengthier trips to Michigan and Ohio. I tried to find areas with special bird sanctuaries since that is something that appeals to my husband. There were smaller trips to Illinois or right within our state of Indiana.

Then, on May 1st, our lives turned upside down and complications at home made all efforts at planning a trip impossible. We still hope to get away at some point, but I fear, like the list of 30 small observances, in the end we will be proof to all of "how not to celebrate milestone anniversaries." I guess the key is SETTLE. Assume big outlandish efforts out of the question. Follow the path of least resistance.

A few days before our anniversary, we had an argument. I had visions of no celebration at all, but John made an effort, nonetheless. Thus, for our 35th, we drove to a small town a half hour away, stayed in an average hotel, and visited an expensive restaurant. Apart from the meatloaf (perhaps I should have selected that), I couldn't find anything appealing to me, so I settled for a burger and sweet potato fries. We did splurge on peanut butter pie for dessert and, even though we didn't need it, it was amazing!

I know I sound whiny. The disappointment is palpable. I had longed to take a trip to Barcelona, Spain, to see the La Sagrada Familia because it was expected to be completed in 2025. Alas, our passports have expired. International travel feels out of the question. (Sadly, even interstate travel feels out of the question.) Moreover, due to the pandemic, the deadline for completion of that landmark was pushed back. When I searched for the new completion date, AI gave me this as an answer:

"The Sagrada Familia in Barcelona is scheduled to be structurally completed in 2026. This completion will mark the end of over 140 years of construction, with the final touches being added to the Tower of Jesus Christ and the Chapel of the Assumption. While the main structure is slated for completion in 2026, some decorative elements and the controversial entranceway are expected to continue until 2034, according to Dezeen." 

For now, I'll have to settle for this 15-minute YouTube tour of this magnificent Basilica. Hey, in watching, I can forego the stressful flights, the expensive lodging and food, and the exhausting hassle of travel. Of course, I'm sure this is nothing like what my son exclaimed when I asked him his favorite destination from their European travels. He said the eye could not help but move upward and it had to be experienced in the flesh. 

Perhaps when our family crisis calms to a trickle we will make more of an effort to mark the momentous milestone many couples these days only dream of - 35 years of hard-fought matrimony. In this day and age of disposable relationships, we have much to thank God for! We cling to him with eyes on further milestones together. We just don't do well at celebrating these achievements. If you have any advice to counter our abysmal example, please feel free to share. Maybe we can make a go of it yet!

Gaining a Daughter

Ever since May 2023, when our oldest son Bryce proposed to his girlfriend Elizabeth, we have been fixated on the final weekend in September 2024. The flurry of preparation was minimal for us (primarily, finding suitable mother-of-the-groom attire and losing weight before the event), but Elizabeth took on all the details with great care and calculation. She is a highly driven and organized person. I marvel at her skill for planning this elaborate event.

My anxiety level was intense. I worried about so many details. Would our prodigal be able to participate appropriately? (Due to recent events connected with his addiction, he did not attend.) Would I lose enough weight to be comfortable with the time-sealed photos of the event? (I lost 19 pounds between January and the wedding.) Could I find a dress comfortable enough for my dress-loathing personality? (Thanks to a kind Von Maur associate named Diedre, I found my very comfortable and flattering dress and knew it was "the dress.") Could I endure the dreaded mother-son dance, when all eyes would be on me and my lack of dancing skill would be evident? (My hairdresser suggested a strategy. I spent the whole time in riveted conversation with Bryce. It worked and eased my nerves.)

After years of cheap haircuts at Great Clips, I was determined to find a hairdresser I could afford and appreciate. Thankfully, I found that at a men's hair salon, of all places. I have been getting outstanding senior women's cuts from Amelia at Manscapes Salon. She gave me a sense of confidence I lacked and helped me settle on a style I was comfortable with and capable of maintaining. I tried to time the cut, but may have been off by a week (it looked best one week prior to the wedding, sob).

Formal events scare me. While I'm not a country bumpkin (despite living in a rural enclave), I'm not comfortable in high society. The wedding took place at the Hotel Crescent Court in Dallas, Texas. It was absolutely stunning and gorgeous. Elaborate glass sculptures hung from the ceiling. Large canvas art adorned the walls. I felt a bit like an imposter, an ugly duckling among swans, but was surprised by how much I enjoyed the proceedings.

We flew into Dallas on Thursday evening and, apart from our experience at a sketchy McDonalds nearby (sought for a close, quick, inexpensive meal), enjoyed our Home 2 Suites stay and breakfast. Friday morning, we took an Uber to the tux shop with luggage in tow (another ugly duckling among swans experience as we looked a bit homeless amid the grandeur of Culwell & Son). Next, we headed for Hotel Crescent Court. John waited for our room's availability and Sean and I attended groomsmen/bridesmaid luncheons. (My meal at Sixty Vines was so delicious that we ate there for lunch again on Saturday with my father.)

Now that my mother is deceased, my father is free to travel for weddings. He safely drove all the way from Florida to Texas for my nephew's wedding in July, so he felt confident in making the trek again for Bryce's wedding. This time around, however, he left on Wednesday 9/25, just a day ahead of the expected landfall for Hurricane Helene. I was nervous on his behalf, but he managed to get ahead of the storm. (Although, he did arrive later than I'd hoped and missed the initial moments of the rehearsal where we discussed his entrance, given his current use of a power wheelchair.)

After the rehearsal, we paused for photos (snapped by their outstanding professional photographer, Sami Kathryn Photography):

The rehearsal dinner took place at The Henry, a restaurant with a great patio view of the Dallas skyline. It was, perhaps, the best meal I've eaten in a very long time. The meal started with an appetizer of house made pretzel balls with fondue. This was followed by a Caesar salad. For the entree, I ordered the braised short rib with bourbon caramel, roasted mushroom, fourme d'ambert, and smashed potatoes. The meat was so tender it melted in my mouth. Just when I thought the meal couldn't get any better, they brought out the dessert: a chocolate fudge torte with peanut butter crunch, milk chocolate mousse, and candied peanut caramel. Knowing I needed to fit into my dress, I intended to only eat half, yet somehow bite after bite cleared the plate clean. If you're ever in Dallas, this dessert deserves a special trip!

Saturday's wedding was beautiful, memorable, and fun. Here's a family photo taken by the photographer:

Here are a few snapped with my camera:

The wedding was held in the courtyard with an expected crowd of around 100-125 people. I wanted Bryce and Elizabeth to be able to invite their Purdue and work friends. It was an adult only affair and there are 19 cousins/spouses on my side, several with small children. Thus, the only cousins invited were on my husband's side (4). Family members who were able to attend really had a great time! They enjoyed a delicious meal, wedding cake, and dancing. John and I sat watching most of the festivities and wondered how our youngest knew words to all the dance songs. He had a great time dancing in the ballroom with his brother and new sister-in-law. I enjoyed snatches of conversation with Bryce's two close high school friends, Cameron and Dylan.

At 10:30 p.m., Bryce and Elizabeth strode down a tunnel of guests for a fake send-off (my photo). 

Then everyone but us returned to the ballroom for an afterparty that ran until midnight. John and I were happily in bed in contented sleep by 11. And now, I have a daughter-in-law. Yippee!

(This beautiful bridal portrait was taken by the professional photographer, obviously)

Bryce sent this photo from their honeymoon in the Maldives:

Thanks to the storms in our area after Hurricane Helene, we were somewhat concerned we'd return home to find no power to open our garage door. We thanked God when we found our home safe and sound. The following morning, however, we looked out the window to this shocking sight:

You can see in the first photo how dreadful it could have been if it fell in another direction and hit the power line by the roof. The second photo barely shows the extensive destruction of the fence to John's garden. We are grateful to the Lord for a blessed weekend, safe flights, protection over our home in our absence, and for the joy of gaining a daughter-in-law.

Book Review: Catching Foxes - Highly Recommend

Several months back, I mentioned my desire to send my son and future daughter-in-law a pre-marital discussion guide. The one I wanted to send, written by Gary Thomas, was called Nine Essential Conversations Before You Say I Do. At the time, they were not seeking pre-marital counseling, but my husband urged me not to send the book. He argued they were both very busy and would not have the time to read the book. Moreover, I think he didn't want me inserting myself into the process. Fair!

Thanks to certain changes in their lives, they sought pre-marital counseling from a mentor couple in their church, the Eastside Community Church. I asked what book they were using and then went online to see if I could access it through my library. The book they worked through is called Catching Foxes: A Gospel-Guided Journey to Marriage by John Henderson. Now, I'm wondering if God intended the book as much for me as it was for their journey. I listened to this book during my treadmill time and completed it the day prior to our (my and John's) 34th wedding anniversary.

Amid a chaotic and stressful week with our prodigal, I requested prayer from my Facebook friends. Things did not go well. They played out the opposite of how I believed God willed. Mistakes were made, and I was angry that my opinions were ignored. I allowed resentment and bitterness to take hold of my heart and soul. It doesn't surprise me that God used this book, Catching Foxes, to draw me back and reveal the pride, arrogance, and sin within my own heart.

I was right in the sections on marital roles/responsibilities and resolving conflict. How timely! God used this book to open my eyes to my lack of trust in Christ. I went in thinking I knew exactly what should happen. When that didn't happen (and I felt part of this was due to the behavior/decisions of my husband), I justified my anger because if things had gone my way, it would have fallen out in God's will. This was believing somehow that my will was God's will. This was placing my trust (and then disappointment and discouragement) in my husband's ability to do what I felt he should in the situation. I had my trust centered in the wrong place. I asserted my will for my own desires, not in submission to what God allowed to play out.

Of course, I sometimes need a 2x4 upside the head. So, in my devotions, I came upon a passage in Matthew 12:25 - "a household divided against itself will not stand." In my personal Bible reading, I came to Psalm 112: 7 - "He shall not be afraid of evil tidings, his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord." Then, not even knowing the dynamics of my situation, my good friend, Anne, wrote to me:

"Our devotions lately have become so meaningful as we have been reminded of God's faithfulness, His work in us, and His weaving of our life story for His glory. I am not so good at the trusting part of this, but so often want to do things my way, and then pray for God to affirm the choices/decisions that ultimately I am making instead of relying on Him to meet all of my needs! (Ha! What an eye opener it is when I realize that I'm basically saying, 'I'll take the wheel on this one!')"

The Gary Thomas book I wanted to send is very good and practical. Catching Foxes is very gospel-focused. Indeed, the Nine Conversations book helps a couple think about how to prepare their relationship for marriage. Catching Foxes goes deeper and helps a couple recognize attitudes and positions in Christ necessary for the arduous task of staying married. Getting married is simple! Can be fun! Staying married depends upon a reliance on Christ and a dedication to live for His kingdom. It demands a self-sacrificing focus that fixes its gaze on Christ instead of self or spouse. I highly recommend this pre-marital workbook, not only for young couples starting out, but for us older folk, who just might need a brush-up course on surrendering one's will and one's marriage to the Lord.

Book Review: A Lifelong Love - Highly Recommend

Once I finished Gary Thomas' book, Loving Him Well, I searched Hoopla to check for another audio book I could listen to while I exercise. I enjoy listening to his books because they keep me focused on the words instead of the movement. Yet, I'm frustrated by the desire to stop and write things down. Thus, this is the second time that I have listened to a Gary Thomas book clear through, then sought the e-book to take notes for myself. I'm hoping, now that I've gone through A Lifelong Love twice, I will retain some of the valuable lessons. How I pray my marriage will improve and stand firm as I consider the biblical teaching in these books!

The subtitle captures the essence of this book's message: Discovering How Intimacy With God Breathes Passion into Your Marriage. We cannot be closer to our spouse if we do not seek closeness first with our heavenly Father. The book breaks the marriage foundation into three pillars: spiritual intimacy, relational intimacy, and devotional intimacy. Once again, Thomas flips things on their head by suggesting a new perspective. He recommends asking this simple question: "What if my son's wife treated him the way I treat my husband?" He entertains the idea of God in a father-in-law role. God is the spiritual Father of our spouse. He desires we treat his child with respect, love, and consideration. That simple question is so convicting. He suggests, "Make God clap today by honoring His son/daughter."

Another convicting thought Thomas raises:

"At the judgement seat we will be asked, 'Did we respond to… God’s mercy by sitting on our hands and soaking up His blessings while filling our days with worthless pursuits and selfish preoccupations? Or did we, like Paul, work with the urgency and understanding that we must give an account of our days to our Lord?'”

Finally, he recommends an attitude adjustment. Don't get hyper-focused on getting your needs met. Instead, make your goal to bless your spouse. I found it hard to list ways I had demonstrated kindness to my spouse in the past week. Here is one final bit of his sound advice:

"Be careful about demanding that your spouse speak your love language or meet your need… One goal of biblical love should be that our spouses are far more aware of what we like about them than they are of what they do that frustrates us.”

I am certainly not an MVP in marriage. But, I press on to the goal. I'm open to learning more about how God wants to grow my faith through the challenges my marriage presents. He wants me to be holy. Who knows, maybe in getting holier, I'll also get happier.

Book Review: Loving Him Well - Highly Recommend

Looking to improve your marriage? I highly recommend Loving Him Well: Practical Advice on Influencing Your Husband, by Gary Thomas. The main title drew me in more than the subtitle. Originally, I was seeking a book to suggest to my oldest son to prepare him for his impending marriage. Of the few I viewed, I favored one written by Gary Thomas, Nine Essential Conversations Before You Say I Do. Although I doubt they will follow my suggestion, I still think they should embark on these conversations (especially since they are not seeking pre-marital counseling as we did prior to our wedding). Frankly, marriage is hard. It requires two people willing to die to self and put the other person's needs above their own. While I try to love my husband well, I'm sure that I could improve in that area, and thus I sought this other book by Gary Thomas.

When my husband and I separated (for a time) years ago, I attended a conference where I heard some outstanding advice. The speaker challenged audience members to make a weekly list of beneficial actions. Instead of listing one's own beneficial activity, the focus is on your spouse. You list all the things your spouse did to bless and benefit your marriage; then you list all the things you did that may have harmed or challenged your marriage.

The advice in Gary Thomas' book seemed quite similar. If you want a better spouse, be a better spouse. If you want your spouse to follow harder after God, you must seek to follow hard after God. Thomas is famous for a specific well-toned phrase about marriage: "What if God designed marriage to make us holy even more than to make us happy?" It is a training ground. He writes, "What if your husband's faults are God's tools to shape you? What if the very thing that most bugs you about your spouse constitutes God's plan to teach you something new?" Indeed, he sees marriage as a spiritual gym. The work done in marriage makes you spiritually strong and fit. It may be grueling at times, but it is worth the pain to get to the gain. The book's theme is, "Change the equation of your marriage by remodeling yourself."

Finally, I came away with fodder for a similar list. Thomas suggests you thank God for your spouse's strengths and ask for His help to deal with your weaknesses. I have a host of them. I am eager to put the principles learned in this book into practice in 2024. This book was an outstanding primer for improving your marriage. Since I listened to this one on Hoopla, I believe I might just reread it in the original title, Sacred Marriage, that I can access in hardback form. Loving my husband well will not come automatically, and I could stand repeat lessons in that endeavor.

Book Review: Safe People

I struggle with boundaries. I run from conflict. To be honest, I'd rather pacify you with inauthenticity than confront difficulties I'm experiencing in relationship. This is something I need to work on. Ages ago, I read the Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend book on Boundaries. I have obviously allowed that wisdom to slip from my practice. In Safe People, this duo offers insight into the process of finding and engaging in relationships with safe people.

Safe People is a well-structured and easily followed book. The authors break down the problem. To begin with, they outline 20 traits of "unsafe" people. I must admit, some of those traits I see in the mirror. They discuss why we get into enmeshed relationships with unsafe people. Then, they provide encouragement and steps for establishing safer relationships in life. My opinion? This is all fine and dandy, but implementing, when you struggle with boundaries, is far harder than reading a book with tips and target behaviors. I'd love to find safe people. But, then again, I need to learn how to be a safe person myself first. Perhaps I would do well to seek the study guide for this book, or at least listen to the full-length version (my audio book was abridged).

Marvelous Local Romantic Getaway

We celebrated our 32nd wedding anniversary on August 4th. My husband and I never plan elaborate celebrations. He doesn't like to travel and parental responsibilities often keep us close to home. I have a friend who just returned from an anniversary-marking Alaskan cruise. Her photos left me jealous, yet something like that was out of the question for us. Back in 2020, the pandemic (and other things) foiled our Mackinac Island plans for our 30th anniversary getaway. Our feeble substitute flopped because we only tackled a third of our 30 celebratory activities. In 2021, we took a day trip to Indiana's largest waterfall and then attended our friend's play in Urbana, Illinois, fitting in a brief visit with my mother-in-law (such a blessing, because we didn't realize it would be our last visit with her).

This year, I searched the Visit Indiana website for a romantic getaway option. It will not surprise my regular readers that a coupon lured me in - ha! Cabins and Candlelight in Colfax, Indiana, offers the fixings for a steak dinner if you book a weeknight visit before December 22, 2022. I highly recommend this destination if you live in the Indianapolis area and crave a simple romantic getaway. We had a delightful time and marvel that we were unaware of this local opportunity (only 40 minutes away from us).

I was expecting a cabin similar to the one I visited in Southern Indiana ten years ago for a writing retreat. While that cabin was isolated and quiet, the Colfax cabin was far more luxurious and accommodating for a romantic getaway. Every minute detail inside enhances a couple's stay. The owners set soft music playing on the stereo system and arrange two place settings at the cozy table (with a candle, should you want a candle-lit dinner). 

The kitchen is well-stocked with food and cooking supplies.

Behind the small table, there's a reclining couch and a chair for relaxing. The armoire holds many romantic CDs and DVDs, plus puzzles, games, and previous visitor logs.

I would have loved to cozy up with the visitor logs and simply read about previous visitors. From the few I read, many were quite touching. They mentioned retreating from a myriad of responsibilities, trials, and challenges. What a blessing to get away from the daily burdens of jobs, child-rearing, or cancer treatments. Many couples referred to their annual visit to celebrate their anniversary. It is a place you want to visit again and again.

I can't wait to come back to take advantage of the many opportunities we missed. We didn't use the inviting hot tub, 

nor sit to watch the birds and chipmunks on the back porch (too hot).

We brought our own DVD (a faith-based movie, Summer Snow, I had picked up at a garage sale recently), but so many of their titles were enticing. If we had planned a two-day visit, I could have completed a puzzle. And again, my natural curiosity makes me want to explore all those visitor logs.

This was, by far, the best anniversary getaway in the last decade. My selfie might be bad, but we have happy faces!

We enjoyed our steak dinner, with baked potatoes, pears, and cheesecake for dessert. In the morning, John whipped up a batch of his famous cheesy scrambled eggs. They provided a list of all the amenities and supplies, so we knew to pack slices of American cheese (for our eggs) and my favorite hazelnut creamer (for my coffee). After cleaning up the kitchen, we took a hike along their trails to the Sugar Creek.

Before we left, we admired another element of the woodsy cabin décor: a moose business card holder:

and we purchased a souvenir coffee mug (isn't it classy?):

Although we regretted leaving this calming oasis, we had one more goal to achieve: a stop in Thorntown, Indiana, to visit Stookey's Restaurant, known for their onion rings. We placed an order for a small serving, along with some salads. The stack was enormous; we ended up taking half the rings home.

The only improvement to the trip would have been a stop at Donaldson's Chocolatier in Lebanon, Indiana. But, by then, we were eager to get home and make sure the boys had not neglected the house and dog.

Book Review: In an Instant

In an Instant: A Family's Journey of Love and Healing presents the dueling voices of Bob and Lee Woodruff. Together they share the tale of tragedy that befell their family when Bob suffered a traumatic brain injury after a bomb explosion in Iraq while reporting for ABC's World News Tonight. I enjoyed this honest exploration of emotions and expectations. It was an audio experience worth taking. From the outset, because Bob narrates too, we know it will end with remarkable survival and healing. But anyone who has had life change dramatically in a moment will understand how what was once easy and normal can shift into challenging and strange. The Woodruff family endured something many will never experience, yet their experience is universal when held against the challenges that can transpire "in an instant."

October Things That Made Me Happy

My dad used to lead the Kid's Club at our church in singing a little chorus called "Today I Will Be Happy." I can still hear him ringing out, "Today I will be happy, today I will be glad, today I'll make it the best day, that I have ever had." These days I need a fortifying song. I need a reminder to look for the things that bring joy.

We don't get out much. Indeed, our idea of a date these days is a trip to Sam's Club together and it is always colored by John's desire to browse and my conflicting desire to get in and out as quickly as possible. On one such occasion in October, John suggested we stop off at a local furniture resale shop that is soon going out of business (sob, I loved browsing that store). He spotted this lamp before I did and insisted on buying it for me for my book room. 

Yes, it brings me joy. Sometimes I sit in that room just to soak in the positive book vibes - ha! 

While we don't get out much, I was thrilled that my oldest son was able to take another trip, this time to Hawaii. He had a wonderful time and the photos he sent were so vivid I felt like I travelled with him:

So, even when life is restricted and uncertain, God gives blessings that make me smile.

August 2021 Recap

August has been an exhausting month. Lots going on emotionally. I've already written about the opportunities we had to celebrate our 31st anniversary. We didn't fathom, at the time, the true blessing. 

Besides our anniversary, my parents were due to celebrate their 60th anniversary in the middle of the month. Thus, my siblings and I tried to come up with an appropriate gift for such a significant achievement. My dad had talked about renting an RV and bringing my mom to visit each of us in our respective states. Despite his hunger to see all of us, it was a dangerous plan (given their recent health issues and my mom's dementia) and we prayed he would abandon the idea. In the end, we settled on a company that makes tribute videos for special occasions. 

It should have been an easy and effective idea. Not so! We dithered about who should start and supervise the project. I only balked because I'm horrible with technology, but every other sibling is far busier than me. My sister took charge. Then, despite almost daily reminders, participants held off on sending in videos, right up to the deadline. The actual recording was as easy as opening their email, hitting record, deciding if you wanted to keep or redo, then clicking on done. Even a technological moron, like me, could easily handle that. I submitted four brief videos - the first, a greeting from John and me with Sean and Toby (revealing Sean's height as a 6 foot 14-year-old); the second, of Trevor showing off his convertible; the third, riding in the back of the convertible as Trevor drove; and the fourth, showing my mom my book room (I know she would have loved it when in her normal mind). We didn't make the deadline, and they didn't receive the video on their anniversary.

My sister tried to make it special by sending balloons, banners, and a Giordano's pizza (one of their favorites), but I think that celebration triggered more difficulties for my mom. Their day held a load of chaos, and I don't think they enjoyed the celebration. I tried to call, but heard them battling another disturbing escape attempt (my mom is desperate to visit her parents and my dad, instead of following the "dementia rules," insists on giving her the truth). Between mom's hospital visit for a fractured spine and dad's cancer scares and knee injections, they had their own challenging August.

In the meantime, my mother-in-law anticipated her trip to Texas to meet her first great-grandbaby. They decided that John's older brother Rick would accompany her. They arrived on Monday, August 16th, and had a wonderful dinner together with John's sister and husband, Martha and Phil, Martha's daughter and son-in-law, Sarah and Saul, and the baby of honor, Sophie. Martha sent this adorable photo of mom holding Sophie:

On August 17th, they headed to Las Cruces, NM, to enjoy lunch out. They were all walking from the vehicles to the restaurant (Martha, a nurse, walking behind my mother-in-law) when my mother-in-law slumped to the ground. Martha caught her fall and began CPR, but she died in an instant.

It was so sudden and unexpected. Many might say, "but she was 92!" Still, she was in perfect health. Indeed, she proudly relayed the doctor's words from her recent appointment: "you're healthier than people half your age." Not a thing wrong with her. Her knees gave her trouble, but no heart issues or high blood pressure. One minute she was walking along, enjoying her family, and the next she was meeting her Maker.

Despite our shock and grief, there are so many reasons for gratitude. She didn't die alone. Family surrounded her. She didn't experience pain. There and then, gone. She had just visited with many of us: the Texas family, Rick, our visit in early August, her granddaughter in Illinois, who had lunch with her every week. We didn't visit her often enough, but visited in a tent with her at Thanksgiving. Plus, she had spent a delightful Christmas with our family, and then another visit when Bryce came in May. I'm grateful we included her. For each visit, I experienced hesitations (at Christmas, because I didn't want to share my family gift opening time - yet my prayers were answered as she felt included and I didn't mind at all; in May, because I wanted Bryce all to ourselves - yes, I'm selfish, like that).

The timing was also an ironic blessing. We have been attempting to sell some of the family property but have hit snag after snag. Extensive presentations met with rejections by the town council. John has put in hundreds of hours on this process, all to no avail. My mother-in-law loathed the sale of the property. It brought her to tears. She had hoped and prayed that it wouldn't sell until she died. The very day she left us, the town council finally approved a proposal. Now the details of the land sale have given way to the many details that come after a death. The family asked us to write her obituary. I've never written an obituary. 

I snagged this excellent FB photo of my mother-in-law, taken at her church the day after our August visit with her. Trevor replaced the distracting background with a neutral one. She was an extremely generous lady. Right until her death, she worked as a volunteer at the Daily Bread soup kitchen. She baked cookies to share with the men from the Salvation Army shelter. Her time, talents, and money, always spent in helping others. She never made you feel like anything was an imposition. For example, in April I found a beautiful sweater on clearance but it was too big. I bought it anyway (only a buck) and asked if she would alter it to fit me. She took it with her and had it ready for me when we visited her on August 7th. Whenever I wear it, I will smile and think of her.

Trevor experienced car issues in August. While driving home from his girlfriend's house, a fox ran alongside his car and then darted in front of him. With another car approaching, he couldn't swerve to miss impact. Here is the state of his car now:

Not long after that, the rear brake pads had to be replaced. Ugh!

August is ending on a pleasant note, though. Bryce had made plans to visit and attend one of Sean's football games for the last weekend in August. It was a real treat to have him home, even if only for a little over 50 hours. The game was a nail-biter. First the other team was up; then we scored but failed at the two-point-conversion. Then, each side managed another two touchdowns. At one point, they called Sean's name as having recovered a fumble (he later said he was merely on the pile). With only 4 minutes left in the game, our team pulled ahead. But the other team snuck in a long run, placing them ten yards from their goal with only seconds on the clock. Thankfully, we held them and our team won.

I'm so grateful that the coaches pray with the players. Few schools do that anymore. This is a photo (again from FB) after Friday night's game:

I took my own photo of Sean with Bryce, we returned home so Sean could clean up, and we all went out for lunch. Each of the boys headed off to gather with friends. John and I spent Saturday night watching the last installment of The Library Thief (a Swedish series, based on a true story, available on Hoopla) - a show I recommend, despite one compromising scene and a depressing ending. Very well done! Such a clear sign of what happens when a soul succumbs to greed and ambition.

We're still dealing with the fall-out of August 2021, but thankful for God's grace in the midst of it all.