Book Review: Loving Him Well - Highly Recommend

Looking to improve your marriage? I highly recommend Loving Him Well: Practical Advice on Influencing Your Husband, by Gary Thomas. The main title drew me in more than the subtitle. Originally, I was seeking a book to suggest to my oldest son to prepare him for his impending marriage. Of the few I viewed, I favored one written by Gary Thomas, Nine Essential Conversations Before You Say I Do. Although I doubt they will follow my suggestion, I still think they should embark on these conversations (especially since they are not seeking pre-marital counseling as we did prior to our wedding). Frankly, marriage is hard. It requires two people willing to die to self and put the other person's needs above their own. While I try to love my husband well, I'm sure that I could improve in that area, and thus I sought this other book by Gary Thomas.

When my husband and I separated (for a time) years ago, I attended a conference where I heard some outstanding advice. The speaker challenged audience members to make a weekly list of beneficial actions. Instead of listing one's own beneficial activity, the focus is on your spouse. You list all the things your spouse did to bless and benefit your marriage; then you list all the things you did that may have harmed or challenged your marriage.

The advice in Gary Thomas' book seemed quite similar. If you want a better spouse, be a better spouse. If you want your spouse to follow harder after God, you must seek to follow hard after God. Thomas is famous for a specific well-toned phrase about marriage: "What if God designed marriage to make us holy even more than to make us happy?" It is a training ground. He writes, "What if your husband's faults are God's tools to shape you? What if the very thing that most bugs you about your spouse constitutes God's plan to teach you something new?" Indeed, he sees marriage as a spiritual gym. The work done in marriage makes you spiritually strong and fit. It may be grueling at times, but it is worth the pain to get to the gain. The book's theme is, "Change the equation of your marriage by remodeling yourself."

Finally, I came away with fodder for a similar list. Thomas suggests you thank God for your spouse's strengths and ask for His help to deal with your weaknesses. I have a host of them. I am eager to put the principles learned in this book into practice in 2024. This book was an outstanding primer for improving your marriage. Since I listened to this one on Hoopla, I believe I might just reread it in the original title, Sacred Marriage, that I can access in hardback form. Loving my husband well will not come automatically, and I could stand repeat lessons in that endeavor.