Book Review: Catching Foxes - Highly Recommend

Several months back, I mentioned my desire to send my son and future daughter-in-law a pre-marital discussion guide. The one I wanted to send, written by Gary Thomas, was called Nine Essential Conversations Before You Say I Do. At the time, they were not seeking pre-marital counseling, but my husband urged me not to send the book. He argued they were both very busy and would not have the time to read the book. Moreover, I think he didn't want me inserting myself into the process. Fair!

Thanks to certain changes in their lives, they sought pre-marital counseling from a mentor couple in their church, the Eastside Community Church. I asked what book they were using and then went online to see if I could access it through my library. The book they worked through is called Catching Foxes: A Gospel-Guided Journey to Marriage by John Henderson. Now, I'm wondering if God intended the book as much for me as it was for their journey. I listened to this book during my treadmill time and completed it the day prior to our (my and John's) 34th wedding anniversary.

Amid a chaotic and stressful week with our prodigal, I requested prayer from my Facebook friends. Things did not go well. They played out the opposite of how I believed God willed. Mistakes were made, and I was angry that my opinions were ignored. I allowed resentment and bitterness to take hold of my heart and soul. It doesn't surprise me that God used this book, Catching Foxes, to draw me back and reveal the pride, arrogance, and sin within my own heart.

I was right in the sections on marital roles/responsibilities and resolving conflict. How timely! God used this book to open my eyes to my lack of trust in Christ. I went in thinking I knew exactly what should happen. When that didn't happen (and I felt part of this was due to the behavior/decisions of my husband), I justified my anger because if things had gone my way, it would have fallen out in God's will. This was believing somehow that my will was God's will. This was placing my trust (and then disappointment and discouragement) in my husband's ability to do what I felt he should in the situation. I had my trust centered in the wrong place. I asserted my will for my own desires, not in submission to what God allowed to play out.

Of course, I sometimes need a 2x4 upside the head. So, in my devotions, I came upon a passage in Matthew 12:25 - "a household divided against itself will not stand." In my personal Bible reading, I came to Psalm 112: 7 - "He shall not be afraid of evil tidings, his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord." Then, not even knowing the dynamics of my situation, my good friend, Anne, wrote to me:

"Our devotions lately have become so meaningful as we have been reminded of God's faithfulness, His work in us, and His weaving of our life story for His glory. I am not so good at the trusting part of this, but so often want to do things my way, and then pray for God to affirm the choices/decisions that ultimately I am making instead of relying on Him to meet all of my needs! (Ha! What an eye opener it is when I realize that I'm basically saying, 'I'll take the wheel on this one!')"

The Gary Thomas book I wanted to send is very good and practical. Catching Foxes is very gospel-focused. Indeed, the Nine Conversations book helps a couple think about how to prepare their relationship for marriage. Catching Foxes goes deeper and helps a couple recognize attitudes and positions in Christ necessary for the arduous task of staying married. Getting married is simple! Can be fun! Staying married depends upon a reliance on Christ and a dedication to live for His kingdom. It demands a self-sacrificing focus that fixes its gaze on Christ instead of self or spouse. I highly recommend this pre-marital workbook, not only for young couples starting out, but for us older folk, who just might need a brush-up course on surrendering one's will and one's marriage to the Lord.