December 2024 This and That

Somehow I didn't finish a re-cap of events in December in time to post at the end of the year, so bear with me as I look back now.

POEM:

Early in December, my sister (who is an officer in The Salvation Army) requested I write up a poem for her to use for her 3rd Sunday in Advent when she would preach on the wise men and the shepherds seeking. Initially, it was merely a poem. But just before I sent it to her, my devotional mentioned the song, "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing." What good fortune! It fit the meter and rhythm perfectly. So, they sang my poem, "Longing for Christmas," to that tune on the 3rd Advent Sunday.

I posted the lyrics on Facebook. A friend who lives in another country took me to task, saying I only shared part of the story. This person argued the emphasis should not be on the birth, but always upon the death of Christ, because that provides atonement. They said the Bible doesn't emphasize Christ's birth or provide a date. While I agree that atonement only was possible because our Savior died on the cross, I celebrate His birth, because without it, we would still be in darkness (and indeed, it often feels as if we are still in darkness in the current state of this world). I will give this more thought (couldn't during preparations for Bryce and Elizabeth's Christmas visit). Perhaps I will add a fifth verse to emphasize the Light willingly entered darkness and separation from the Father on our behalf to reconcile us to God when we trust Him and accept His gift of salvation from sin (as purchased through His death on the cross).

PURCHASES

Our old navy couch set was becoming unbearable because the pressure of reclining had caused the foundation to sag. In 2023, a friend and her chiropractor husband visited. He couldn't even bear to sit in our loveseat. He jumped up and made an excuse to stand during the visit. Thus, on Black Friday, we snagged a holiday deal. I'm thinking now, the pressure for a snap decision, within the sale window, was detrimental. 

I went in with two options in mind, but neither were available to sit in and try out (no floor models for those less expensive sets, of course). The sales clerk led us to the pricier models and encouraged us to buy a set with power reclining (our previous was a manual recliner). When I sat on the loveseat of the one we settled on, I could not believe the softness of the fabric. It was a lighter color than I'd wanted and more expensive than I wanted. Still, the window was closing, and we needed to decide. Because of the extra expense, my husband vetoed the protection plan. I'm a catastrophizer. The whole drive home, I had images of the dog vomiting on the couch or someone spilling a drink on the loveseat. But what's done is done.

The set was due for delivery on Friday the 13th. Hmm. What a fright we received when only the couch arrived. I again jumped to worry, envisioning our holiday visit with only seating availability for 3 people. Thankfully, my husband called and arranged the loveseat delivery on the Thursday prior to Bryce and Elizabeth's arrival. Once both pieces were in place, we realized the set didn't blend well with our carpet. We ordered an area rug, but it did not arrive until after Bryce and Elizabeth returned to Dallas. I'd love to say I feel no regrets, but I'm not sold on this new arrangement. Since the couch is so tall, my feet cannot touch the ground when I sit on it. The power reclining requires longer to right itself than when you just pull a lever. The color is not what I had hoped for. Again, what's done is done, sadly.

PUZZLES

In December, with extra time out of school, Sean and Claire and I worked on two puzzles. The first was a 1000-piece one with cereal boxes. Claire has wicked puzzling skills! If I couldn't figure out where a piece belonged, I'd hand it to her and within seconds she'd be popping it into place.

Our second puzzle was 3-dimensional and more difficult (I hardly helped at all). Here's the box and the final product of the Harry Potter Knight Bus:

PRESENTS

I received some fun presents this year. My husband gave me 2 purple t-shirts with phrases about reading, a book about C.S. Lewis's brother Warnie, and gift cards to my favorite fast-food restaurants. Bryce and Elizabeth gave me a wedding memento mouse pad, and a beautiful framed family photo (plus some chocolate - yum). Sean gave me a Harry Potter puzzle, so I see more puzzling on the horizon, but maybe not until spring break. Claire gave me a Harry Potter Monopoly game, which we played one day during the break (Sean won, but we all had fun, I think).

PARTIES

After Christmas, I went to a birthday party at a tea shop about a half hour away. They offer a British high tea and other such options. How thrilling to get a scone with clotted cream. We all wore tiaras, which was fun!

PROJECTS

I have gone back and forth about a project for the year. It feels empty, not picking up the prayer project I tackled two years in a row. I decided against printing out the whole Bible. My wrists can barely manage my morning pages (daily free association writing/journaling I do after my devotions each morning). Perhaps I could type a Psalm a day. That idea falls flat for me, too. 

Another goal is to spend time in fasting and prayer for my sons. I am starting slow, with liquid fasting (allowing only liquids). Then, I plan to build into more complete food fasting, until I'm fasting one day a week for the whole day. Again, I'm not sure I have the discipline and fortitude to see it through, but I hold the goal, nonetheless. Nothing is more important than lifting my children to the Lord.

I guess my primary goal is to purge excess junk throughout the year. I started off the first 3 days well and then fell off the wagon, forgetting to find 10 to 20 items to purge. On day 6, I managed my goal, only because I purged items as I put away the Christmas decorations. This is why a plan with structure is so important. I am trying to note how many items each day, so perhaps that will help me maintain the momentum.

How about you? Favorite presents? Puzzle exploits? Writing accomplishments? Goals or projects for 2025? I'd love to hear them. It might jumpstart my discipline and commitment.

Midmonth Mention - 5 Songs for a Weary Soul

I'm in a dark place these days. God's presence continues, but it feels more like a nightlight than a shining sun. What stupidity! I'm opening old wounds and traumas through EMDR therapy. Not the right moment to free myself from a decades-long regimen of chronic depression medication. Sadly, at my follow-up psychiatrist appointment, it was obviously imperative I resume those meds. While I'm disgruntled, I am grateful for the medicine that seems to put me on a more even keel. No idea how long it will take for the two-month hiatus to be rectified by the reinstitution.

In addition to lancing wounds, I've diminished two things that were structural supports in my life: writing and reading. Although I haven't abandoned either, the diminished activity leaves a gaping hole. I continue to do personal writing in my daily pages and send notes to people for my ongoing Facebook prayer project. I listen to an audio book when driving in my car. While I miss those foundational activities, I cannot seem to resume them.

As if personal problems and extended sleep issues wasn't enough to bear, we woke several days this week to find no water. We had visions of a week-long stint in a hotel, waiting for the workers to fix this. I'm so grateful to God. At first, we were told they needed to remove the failed pump for our well, but if they couldn't get it out, they might need to dig a whole new well (tens of thousands of dollars). Praise God, they were able to replace the old one.  It was 61-years old! The guy said most pumps nowadays last ten years. They sure don't make things like they used to! Still, it was a day or two of upheaval and taxing on the emotions.

Last week's counseling appointment homework? Listen to some music to fill the gaping hole left by the reduction in writing and reading. My counselor also recommended two books: Hurt People Hurt People, and Safe People. I only managed one, and that, abridged. Instead, I am compiling a list of soothing songs to address the weariness in my soul. I mention them here, in case you are needing comfort as well.

"Abide With Me," sung by my niece, Kirsten, with The Singing Company:

This song cuts across all the worries and clamor attacking my heart these days. It reminds me of His presence. "When the darkness deepens, Lord, with me abide! Though my fears are strong, Your voice surrounds me."

Early in our marriage, John and I were both big fans of Steve Green's music. Often when I'm facing trials associated with the consequences of my son's choices, I turn to this calming song:

"Rest," by Steve Green, from his Christmas Joy to the World album (love the Salvation Army band with him on the cover)

"Refuse to fear! Enjoy His love! The Lord is near!" Two great commands based on one great reminder! "There is no need for needless worry. With such a Savior, you have no cause to ever doubt."

Another oldie, but goodie. Keith Green's lyrics in this song comfort my heart:

"Make My Life a Prayer to You," by Keith Green, from his No Compromise album

"Save us from ourselves and our despair. It comforts me to know You're really there." "It's so hard to see when my eyes are on me." Oh, how my obstacles obscure my vision!

Chris Rice provides another voice that soothes my soul when facing deep despair:

"My Prayer," by Chris Rice on his Smell the Color Nine album

"Words fail. Tears come. I need someone to take the thoughts I almost think and carry them to God for me." "Long sigh. I'm still numb. Is there anyone who can find the things I'm barely feeling and give them wings beyond my ceiling?" "Sorry, I forgot. You're right here. I cup my hands around Your ear. I feel You smile; You feel my breath. You listen while I whisper nonsense." And, as always, the end is submission to His will.

Finally, another affirmation of submission to His will, this song by Mercy Me:

"Even If," by Mercy Me, from their Lifer album

"Right now I'm losing bad." "It's easy to sing when there's nothing to bring me down. What will I say when I'm held to the flame like I am right now." "God when You choose to leave mountains unmoveable, give me the strength to be able to sing, 'It is well with my soul.'" I so want that resolution! My fingers falter, but still I cling.

I have been thinking again of the passage in 2 Kings 6. The prophet Elisha is aware of the vast opponent approaching. Yet, instead of quaking in his boots, he prays for God to open the eyes of his servant Gehazi. I am praying, too. "Open my eyes to see the armies of angels fighting on Your behalf to bring about Your will, despite how harrowing the odds feel. Instead of fixating on the obstacles, the fears, the failures, I must allow my spiritual eyes to see His hand, even where it doesn't seem present or effective. There are things going on in the spiritual realm that my human eyes and mind cannot comprehend."

So, I pray, "Lord, abide with me. Help me rest, assured of Your power to intervene. May my feeble life be a prayer to You. In my prayer, may I fill the silence with Your smile, Your breath, Your ear. And, even if things don't turn around, if life continues to compound trials, keep my soul content in You."

October Things That Made Me Happy

My dad used to lead the Kid's Club at our church in singing a little chorus called "Today I Will Be Happy." I can still hear him ringing out, "Today I will be happy, today I will be glad, today I'll make it the best day, that I have ever had." These days I need a fortifying song. I need a reminder to look for the things that bring joy.

We don't get out much. Indeed, our idea of a date these days is a trip to Sam's Club together and it is always colored by John's desire to browse and my conflicting desire to get in and out as quickly as possible. On one such occasion in October, John suggested we stop off at a local furniture resale shop that is soon going out of business (sob, I loved browsing that store). He spotted this lamp before I did and insisted on buying it for me for my book room. 

Yes, it brings me joy. Sometimes I sit in that room just to soak in the positive book vibes - ha! 

While we don't get out much, I was thrilled that my oldest son was able to take another trip, this time to Hawaii. He had a wonderful time and the photos he sent were so vivid I felt like I travelled with him:

So, even when life is restricted and uncertain, God gives blessings that make me smile.

Memories Stirred by Song

Cardiogirl, has once again, taken me down memory lane. On Friday, she wrote a post about singing. Although, she claims to be not much of a singer herself, in her reply to comments she did mention a song they sing at her church. As soon as I read the lyrics she shared, I welled up with marvelous memories.

The song is "How Can I Keep From Singing" and you can view the lyrics here. Cardiogirl only mentioned a brief refrain, and those are the lines that stand out in my memory as well:

No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that rock I'm clinging,
If love is lord of heaven and earth,
How can I keep from singing.

The lyrics I found on-line, articulate "Christ" instead of "love" in that third line, but I seem to remember singing the word "love" as well.

This was a song we used to sing during the praise time in our old University of Illinois graduate school Bible study. That particular group meant quite a bit to me and my husband. It was known for all the couples produced (some of whom we are still in contact with). I have such fond memories of those evenings together and the wonderful friendships we shared. Sadly, we fell out of touch with some of them, but this song still reminds me of our singing sessions.

Of course, those memories led me to look for a video version of this song on You Tube. Alas, most of what I found were current songs by Chris Tomlin. Not to knock Chris Tomlin, or anything, but I was searching for the older version.

Then, I stumbled upon this:




Now, the memories are really streaming in. When I graduated from college, I had the opportunity to spend six months working in London, England. While there, I became friends with a wonderful family - the Mitchell family. I don't even remember all the details surrounding this, but I know that I wanted to visit Highgate Cemetery. David Mitchell, the father in the family, took me to Highgate one day.

As soon as this video began, I welled up with emotion remembering that day and remembering my wonderful friend and father-figure, David Mitchell. He was such a sweet, caring, loving individual. There are several places and things that will always bring back memories of the Mitchells.

Of course, even if I had heard this, without knowing it was filmed in Highgate, it would have made me think of the Mitchells. Another wonderful memory involves the time they took me to see the Vienna Boy's Choir perform at some auditorium along the Embankment (I remember it holds my favorite tea spot in London). Boys choir voices and the sound of The King's Singers will always stir memories of the Mitchells.

Now David is singing with the angels and we can't make any more memories together here on this earth (even if my husband would relent and let me visit England again). But one day, I will join him in that choir and I think I'll ask for this song, "How Can I Keep from Singing."

I Still Love You

As I was cleaning the house this past Thursday morning, I was jamming to an old tape I love: Bryan Duncan's the last time i was here. When I heard the third song, on Side one, I thought to myself, "I have to post these lyrics for my Valentine post!" (yeah, yeah, I know! Easier to post someone else's words than to come up with my own!)

I looked up the lyrics on the computer and copied them. Before I got a chance to paste them into my blog, I began to wonder what Bryan Duncan is up to these days. The last time I heard him sing was at a recovery conference of some sort about a decade back (we were all recovering from a variety of addictions and dysfunctions). It was a wonderful evening and I felt so fortunate to hear his testimony and more of his songs. At the same conference, I had the wonderful opportunity to hear Brennan Manning speak (his talk was about Don Quixote and was exceptional, also).

I discovered his most recent release in September of 2008 with a band called The NehoSoul Band . As I skimmed the lyrics and the credits, I began to realize that Bryan has moved into a new chapter in his life. I read that his marriage ended.

Immediately, I thought, "Do I still post lyrics from a song written by a guy whose marriage has since collapsed?" Just as quickly, I thought, "Yeah, I do, because those words ring true for me right now. Who's to say whether my marriage will still be intact ten years down the road. It looked doubtful as little as six years ago."

That is the beauty of this journey of life. In some ways, I wish I could see what tomorrow holds, but in a lot of ways, I'm glad I can look at life from the perspective of this day only. What Satan means for evil, God can and will use for good. That doesn't mean all marriages will be restored and we will love perfectly, as He loves us. But it does mean that God will redeem whatever we hand to Him.

I handed him my marriage a long time ago. For a while, it seemed (perplexingly so) that God wasn't going to redeem it by restoring it, and yet, here we are, one year away from our 20th anniversary.

So here are those lyrics to the chorus of Duncan's song, "I Still Love You - Simple as That":

"In all we've been through
I still love you
Simple as that
Simple as that fact
No regret and no revision
I'm not looking back
I'm not looking back, no
I'm sayin' I made the right decision
And I'm gonna stand by you
As long as you'll have me, too."

It is interesting. I always thought that the chorus ended with, "as long as You'd have me to," directed at God. I don't know anything about Bryan Duncan's marriage or divorce. I feel bad because divorce always brings pain. He has my best wishes.

You can check out his blog and read about what he's doing these days (some pretty funny comments - laughed out loud about his pastor's name and his "Dear God" letters). As for me, on this Valentine's Day, I'm thankful for my marriage relationship. Even more, I'm thankful that God is absolutely perfect and faithful!