Midmonth Mention - 5 Songs for a Weary Soul

I'm in a dark place these days. God's presence continues, but it feels more like a nightlight than a shining sun. What stupidity! I'm opening old wounds and traumas through EMDR therapy. Not the right moment to free myself from a decades-long regimen of chronic depression medication. Sadly, at my follow-up psychiatrist appointment, it was obviously imperative I resume those meds. While I'm disgruntled, I am grateful for the medicine that seems to put me on a more even keel. No idea how long it will take for the two-month hiatus to be rectified by the reinstitution.

In addition to lancing wounds, I've diminished two things that were structural supports in my life: writing and reading. Although I haven't abandoned either, the diminished activity leaves a gaping hole. I continue to do personal writing in my daily pages and send notes to people for my ongoing Facebook prayer project. I listen to an audio book when driving in my car. While I miss those foundational activities, I cannot seem to resume them.

As if personal problems and extended sleep issues wasn't enough to bear, we woke several days this week to find no water. We had visions of a week-long stint in a hotel, waiting for the workers to fix this. I'm so grateful to God. At first, we were told they needed to remove the failed pump for our well, but if they couldn't get it out, they might need to dig a whole new well (tens of thousands of dollars). Praise God, they were able to replace the old one.  It was 61-years old! The guy said most pumps nowadays last ten years. They sure don't make things like they used to! Still, it was a day or two of upheaval and taxing on the emotions.

Last week's counseling appointment homework? Listen to some music to fill the gaping hole left by the reduction in writing and reading. My counselor also recommended two books: Hurt People Hurt People, and Safe People. I only managed one, and that, abridged. Instead, I am compiling a list of soothing songs to address the weariness in my soul. I mention them here, in case you are needing comfort as well.

"Abide With Me," sung by my niece, Kirsten, with The Singing Company:

This song cuts across all the worries and clamor attacking my heart these days. It reminds me of His presence. "When the darkness deepens, Lord, with me abide! Though my fears are strong, Your voice surrounds me."

Early in our marriage, John and I were both big fans of Steve Green's music. Often when I'm facing trials associated with the consequences of my son's choices, I turn to this calming song:

"Rest," by Steve Green, from his Christmas Joy to the World album (love the Salvation Army band with him on the cover)

"Refuse to fear! Enjoy His love! The Lord is near!" Two great commands based on one great reminder! "There is no need for needless worry. With such a Savior, you have no cause to ever doubt."

Another oldie, but goodie. Keith Green's lyrics in this song comfort my heart:

"Make My Life a Prayer to You," by Keith Green, from his No Compromise album

"Save us from ourselves and our despair. It comforts me to know You're really there." "It's so hard to see when my eyes are on me." Oh, how my obstacles obscure my vision!

Chris Rice provides another voice that soothes my soul when facing deep despair:

"My Prayer," by Chris Rice on his Smell the Color Nine album

"Words fail. Tears come. I need someone to take the thoughts I almost think and carry them to God for me." "Long sigh. I'm still numb. Is there anyone who can find the things I'm barely feeling and give them wings beyond my ceiling?" "Sorry, I forgot. You're right here. I cup my hands around Your ear. I feel You smile; You feel my breath. You listen while I whisper nonsense." And, as always, the end is submission to His will.

Finally, another affirmation of submission to His will, this song by Mercy Me:

"Even If," by Mercy Me, from their Lifer album

"Right now I'm losing bad." "It's easy to sing when there's nothing to bring me down. What will I say when I'm held to the flame like I am right now." "God when You choose to leave mountains unmoveable, give me the strength to be able to sing, 'It is well with my soul.'" I so want that resolution! My fingers falter, but still I cling.

I have been thinking again of the passage in 2 Kings 6. The prophet Elisha is aware of the vast opponent approaching. Yet, instead of quaking in his boots, he prays for God to open the eyes of his servant Gehazi. I am praying, too. "Open my eyes to see the armies of angels fighting on Your behalf to bring about Your will, despite how harrowing the odds feel. Instead of fixating on the obstacles, the fears, the failures, I must allow my spiritual eyes to see His hand, even where it doesn't seem present or effective. There are things going on in the spiritual realm that my human eyes and mind cannot comprehend."

So, I pray, "Lord, abide with me. Help me rest, assured of Your power to intervene. May my feeble life be a prayer to You. In my prayer, may I fill the silence with Your smile, Your breath, Your ear. And, even if things don't turn around, if life continues to compound trials, keep my soul content in You."