Book Review: You're Not Listening

A quick library search for new audio fare led me to Kate Murphy's You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why it Matters. Like many respondents to her driving question of "Who listens to you?" I would probably struggle to answer. And, I would admit that I am not a wonderful listener. My brain outpaces the conversation, looking for what I might add. Plus, I jump to articulate what I think people are trying to say, sometimes finishing their sentences. I should remain silent until they summon the words they desire. As she points out, "Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is listening or even knows how."

Murphy does an excellent job of dissecting the problem and suggesting ways to improve our listening skills. Plus, she talks to a variety of researchers and people whose jobs require listening. I love the analogy she shared from one researcher who likened conversation to a game of catch with a lump of clay. "Each person catches it and molds it with their perceptions before tossing it back. Things like education, race, gender, age, relationship with the other person, frame of mind, connotations of words and distractions all influence how the clay is shaped. Add more people to the game of catch and the complexity and range of meanings increases."

The true test will be whether I listened well enough to improve my conversational and listening skills. Did I gain conversational sensitivity? Will I pause more frequently to allow others to complete their thoughts? This may have been a better book to read visually to retain the lessons included. While I tried to pay attention, I may not remember enough to implement what I heard. Still, better listening is a noble goal. So, if I cut you off to share my related insights or to finish your sentence for you, tell me to take a breath and give you time. I'll know exactly what you're saying.