Book Review: Honeycomb Kids

I found Honeycomb Kids: Big Picture Parenting for a Changing World ... and to Change the World on the shelves of recent acquisitions at our library.  The endorsements and book descriptions on the back and inside the front cover hooked me.  It says the author, Anna M. Campbell, is "a sustainable living educator, public speaker and beekeeper who has helped thousands of people discover the joy of sustainable living.  She and her husband are having loads of fun and facing lots of challenges raising their kids 'honeycomb' style."

The premise of this book is good.  We live in a rapidly changing world where our future holds many questions.  My husband and I are equally concerned about the lives our children will be asked to lead when the current economy looks shaky and politicians and big companies are more interested in the bottom-line than in the health and well-being of individuals.  Like the author, we wish to do our best to prepare our children for the future.  We wish to raise citizens, instead of consumers.

The author presents her ideas in the context of examples from beekeeping.  She encourages the reader to confront the "stark realities our children are confronting now (the power of advertising, instant gratification, poor nutrition, toxins, terrorism, etc") and will confront in the coming years (global population growth, technology issues, resource depletion and more)."  I agreed with everything presented in the first section of this book, which presented the big issues.  Our world is indeed facing a variety of challenges like population growth, climate changes, food shortages, energy supply issues, health issues (like the genetically modified corn I mentioned in a recent post), and technology-driven issues.

It was when I got to the second half of the book, the primer for raising 'honeycomb kids,' where I began to feel both overwhelmed and a bit put-off.  On the one hand, I began to hold my own family up against these examples of endless conversation starters and recognized my own shortcomings in preparing my family to live sustainable lives or lives free of the traps of persistent use of technology. 

It brought to mind many families that I admire.  These families have made drastic changes in their diet (focusing primarily on raw foods and avoiding processed, packaged foods) - a goal I embrace but seem to find difficult to fully put into practice.  These families encourage their children to take responsibility for benefiting their community - another thing I would like to do, but somehow fail to really pull off with my own children.  These families also respond to life's issues as a never-ending opportunity for conversation about how one should live.  I fail and fail again.

But, the book also seemed quite unrealistic.  I don't think many families fall into that ideal frame.  Most families, like mine, recognize the areas for improvement, but are also realistic about expectations.  This book lacked a healthy dose of realistic expectations.  My biggest beef had to be the endless suggestions offered at the end of each chapter.

I'll give you an example of several of the ones I felt went over-the-top:

- "Have an electronic-game free month at least a couple of times a year.  Leave your children to their own devices without their devices!  Plan some fun family activities.  After they go cold turkey and the whining stops, notice the changes in your children and the mood of the house - you might just make it an electronic-game free year after that!"

- "Take a month off to travel as a family to find out who you all are free of the influences of TV, computers, work, school and peers.  Don't head to a fancy resort and throw the kids in childminding; travel frugally within a three-day radius of your home.  Try rock climbing, gold fossicking, hiking.... Visit all the libraries you come across.  Along the way apprentice your family to an indigenous person, woodworker, farmer or artist.  Volunteer at old peoples' homes and animal shelters and see where the road takes you."

All I can say is "Yeah, right!  Dream on!"  Plus, the suggestions began to take on an air of arrogance.  The author seemed to imply that now that she had altered her own way of living and parenting, she had found life's solution and it was her duty to share that with the world-at-large so that everyone else could benefit from her boundless knowledge of improvements that can be made.  It is not that the suggestions for conversation starters were bad, it was just that the presentation was a bit offensive and over-the-top.

I still hope to do a better job at preparing my children for a changing world.  I will look for areas where I can find teachable moments.  But, this book, in the end, left me with a bad taste in my mouth and a lingering question: "Who takes care of her bees while she is gone from the home for a month teaching her children to bond and develop greater community perspectives?"

Book Review: Whitethorn Woods

Many years ago, my mother introduced me to a beloved writer, Maeve Binchy.  She is a wonderful story weaver who is able to make a reader feel like they have literally stepped into the lives and locations of the characters.  Like the stories of Alexander McCall Smith, where the story itself is made more rich when you can listen to someone read it in the intended dialect, Binchy's books are perfect when consumed in an audio format.  Thus, after learning of Binchy's recent death, I made a point of selecting one of her novels for my listening pleasure recently.

Whitethorn Woods, like so many of Binchy's books, introduces the reader to a cast of interesting characters all connected to the tiny town of Rossmore, Ireland.  A new road is set to run through Rossmore, cutting through Whitethorn Woods and threatening a local shrine to St. Ann.  Opinions are divided on the merits of the road and the importance of the shrine.  Various characters are introduced in one story line after the next until they all become a full-fledged community and take on a larger-than-life feel for the reader.

Binchy has certainly maintained her trademark skills in this novel (although some may find it a bit more difficult to get into than some of her other novels since each character is almost a separate entity or short story, linked together by the common attachment to this local shrine).  I am saddened to think that we will no longer have access to further stories from this master storyteller.  One more novel, A Week in Winter, is set to be released in 2013, but after that, Binchy's repertoire has been set.  Thankfully, I haven't exhausted her entire repertoire yet, but fully intend to.

Beaming 'Cuz the Boy Can't Wait to Read

My last post about Trevor was one of embarrassment.  This post is one of pride.  He has made me one happy momma this morning.

Last night, I was beat.  I had stayed up until almost midnight the night before helping Bryce type up a paper for his American History class.  Thus, I left hubby in charge and headed to bed early (around 8).

This morning, John informed me that Trevor did two things that would make me smile.  First, he drew a picture for his big brother (who was away playing football last night).  It was a picture of Bryce in his football uniform, with his number and name on the jersey, throwing a football.  He left it, along with a note wishing him luck, on big brother's desk.

But the biggest thing involved getting in trouble.  John put the boys to bed at 8:45, but when he popped in to check on them at 9:45 he found Trevor reading a book under the light of a Halloween decoration behind his bed.  The name of the compelling book?  The Strange Case Of  Origami Yoda.  (He's really feeling his oats this morning, because he just came by and corrected me, telling me that instead of italics, I must underline it because it is a book!)

I cannot begin to tell how happy and proud this makes my momma heart feel.  I love books.  I have craved the experience of having a child who loves books with equal passion.  Bryce has nothing but disdain for books.  He cannot begin to tell how much he loathes them.  Groan.

Praise God for books that are enticing to boys!  Praise God for a child who knows the thrill of hiding under dim light to finish a book that is just aching to be read!  May this wonderful experience happen again and again, perhaps without the disobedience next time.

Accepting Parental Failure

Trevor is knee-deep in Cub Scout popcorn sales right now.  I have actually been amazed at how much he's been able to sell, since we don't really know very many people to approach and we're not the kind to run out going door-to-door.  We won't make the $600 goal, but we're over half-way there already (after two weeks of selling, mostly to family and people at our church).

So, last night I went to a storage shed to pick up some more product from the director of the sales, a woman who calls herself the "Popcorn Queen."  They are very serious about this fund-raiser.  I think she and her husband and sons have sold around $1000 each week.  They will be getting the cool prizes.  Us ... not so much.

As I checked-out, she informed me that they have a nick-name for Trevor.  They call him "Blow-torch Boy."  I asked why and she said that they came to our house to sell popcorn two years ago (when Trevor was 6) and Trevor came walking out of the garage carrying a blow-torch, followed by his father.  (When I mentioned this to my husband, he remembered the day and said that they were just getting ready to start a bon-fire.)  I went on to tell her that we have another blow-torch story for Trevor as well.

From the time I started driving home and all through the night, I have been kicking myself for sharing the extra story.  Will she report us to someone for neglectful parenting?  Will my children be taken away from me because he slipped out of my realm of supervision for a moment and gave us such an intense scare?

I was agonizing over my parental failures.  In fact, I've been reading a book about raising "resilient, capable, caring kids" (book review soon to follow).  This book offers a myriad of suggestions of ways to turn everyday events into teachable moments and I can see how far I fall from that ideal.  We are not bringing up conversation starters every time we turn around.  We are not doing our best to raise well-rounded, responsible kids.  We are not teaching our children "the joy of sustainable living."  I know that we could be doing a better job.  I know that we have failed our kids in so many ways.

But, it doesn't help to get down on myself and to berate every little failure I have made in the parenting department.  The blow-torch incident wasn't the first time I've failed to provide enough supervision and it probably won't be the last.  Frankly, it's hard to supervise so thoroughly that nothing harmful ever befalls your child without hovering like a helicopter parent.

Now, my job is to stop being so obsessed with how other parents might be judging me and to focus on doing it better, if I can.  I will continue to read books with parenting insights (even when I think the writers go over the top a bit and take examples to extremes).  I will continue to recognize my failures and to make efforts to correct those failures.  But I will also try to cut myself some slack.  What parent doesn't make failures in this all-important role from time to time.  No parent is perfect.

As we reflected back on the blow-torch story, we marvelled again at how blessed we are that God chose to protect Trevor from his curiousity and errant behavior, and from our failure to supervise better and keep dangerous tools properly stored.  We are indeed fortunate that nothing worse happened.

I still have a niggling worry in the back of my head over what others think of me, but I'm trying hard to turn the worry into proactive steps to guide and direct my sons in a better way.  I'm human.  I fail in so many ways.  Thankfully, as others have said, "God's not finished with me yet," and when I do fail, He very often fills in the gaps.  (Here's another blogger who really nailed what I'm trying to say.)

Book Review: Bloom

I remember being especially moved when I first discovered Kelle Hampton's blog back in the beginning of 2010.  I followed a link to her birth story for her daughter, Nella, who was born with Down Syndrome.  It was so beautifully written and full of raw emotion.  I also remember being completely perplexed when I happened upon some Kelle-Hampton-haters out there in the blogosphere.  These women had nothing but ill-will towards a woman who attempts to "find beauty in the unexpected."

This is the subtitle to Kelle Hampton's memoir, Bloom: Finding Beauty in the Unexpected.  Kelle Hampton has several things going for her (well, let's be honest, she has a whole heck of a lot going for her).  She is an excellent writer and an equally excellent photographer.  This memoir was beautifully compelling because of both the writing and the awesome photos.  In fact, those are the two reasons I continue to check in on Kelle's blog from time to time.

Bloom gives a more comprehensive telling to Kelle's life and the first year of her life with her unexpected and beautiful daughter.  I still think I prefer the birth story as found on her blog.  It is perfect.  I went back over and over to read it again and to listen to the perfect music she had paired with it (that track no longer plays in the background of her blog - but it was the essense of what she was writing and moved one just as much as the words).

The memoir is chock full of excellent photographs of this beautiful family.  The stories are riveting.  The lessons are inspirational.  It is a wonderful memoir and I'm thrilled that Kelle put the time into capturing this important story.  It will, no doubt, minister to many who walk in similar shoes.

Having said that, I hesitate to voice some of my negative sentiments towards the book.  I don't want to be a hater.  I don't want to say anything to detract from the lovely story of a woman who expected to give her daughter a close sibling relationship and wondered if that would be compromised by the presence of an extra chromosome.  She writes with honesty and that should be honored.

However, here are a few things that stand out in my mind when I contemplate this memoir: Life has not gone from "perfect" to "less than perfect" for this family.  They still have an abundance of blessings and thus, with countless blessings it is easy to find beauty and constantly view a glass as half-full.  Indeed, is it hard to see a glass half-full when in reality it is a glass full to almost a hair from the top?  This woman has so much.  She has a wonderful husband, two loving step-sons, two gorgeous daughters, a beautiful home with a pool in an idyllic part of the country (Naples, Florida), a wide circle of cherished friends who gather around and buoy her up whenever she is slightly down, talents that are above and beyond the norm, creativity ... the list could go on and on.  Why shouldn't she be able to find beauty?  There is beauty in abundance. 

I can sympathize with those women who state that she is a little too perfect for comfort.  When I read of someone's life, I want the good, the bad and the ugly because, frankly, all lives are full of good, bad and ugly.  It is just that Kelle's ugly never seems ugly enough.  Her blog is perfect.  Her photos are stunning.  Her following is wide. Even though imperfections are mentioned (she is supposedly a messy housekeeper with clutter that probably rivals my own), the photos and words present too pristine an image.  I think that is what some women find unnerving.

Enough negativity.  The book is well worth the time spent reading it.  It is a human story worth telling.  It is full of raw emotion and a fair amount of frivolity (perhaps too fair an amount of alcohol intake).  It is one woman's journey to acceptance and love for the child she didn't expect to have.  She has come around to seeing this beautiful baby for the blessing she is.  She is, indeed, able to find beauty in the unexpected.  And so should we! 

Book Review: Talking Back to Facebook

The cover says it all for this book by James P. Steyer, the founder of Common Sense Media.  Titled, Talking Back to Facebook: The Common Sense Guide to Raising Kids in the Digital Age, this book addresses a myriad of questions parents might have.  "Will TV corrupt my toddler?  Should I ban violent video games? Who is my child texting all the time? Did the Internet give my kid ADHD? When should kids get on Facebook? and Does privacy exist for kids online?"

I found this book disturbing.  I know I should already be aware of the dangers outlined in the book (Bryce kept saying 'Duh' when I would mention another fact gleaned from the book about technology and the tracking of our every click), but reading about them really filled me with apprehension and a desire to disengage from digital devices.  I'm not all that technologically savvy, but I do have a Facebook account and a blog.  As Steyer points out, I'm leaving a digital trail for both myself and my children.  That is what I find scary.

Everything I post puts me out there on the web for all to see.  I know that, but the magnitude of that reality really hit me while reading this book.  It almost made me want to stop writing my blog.  Basically, anyone can know quite a bit about me just from reading my blog posts.  Of course, I did remind myself that apart from one stalker (from Allendale, Michigan??? who are you and why do you open my blog every couple of hours?), not many individuals are interested in knowing more about me.  Most of my hits come from people searching for a book review.  But still, I do post photos of my children and I am creating a digital fingerprint for them often without giving it enough thought. It is hard to balance the desire for readership and documentation of a life that is speeding by with the desire to maintain privacy.

Steyer outlines three major pitfalls relating to kids' use of the all-encompassing web: relationship issues, attention/addiction problems and the lack of privacy.  It was the lack of privacy that hit home with me most significantly.  I don't want my children to be tracked for their every consumer-related click.  I don't want them to be targeted simply for their spending capacities.  I don't want information about their political views and religious perspectives to be documented and one day used against them.

We are already fighting the battle of keeping our children off the computer and limiting their screen time (an extremely difficult discipline to follow and we seldom manage to limit it to two hours a day as Steyer suggests).  I recognized every danger highlighted in this book.  These dangers applied to both myself and my children.

Thankfully, the book also included a section of common sense advice for parents, broken down by age group and addressing common questions for each stage.  Moreover, the book didn't lionize technology as completely evil, but realistically addressed some of the issues which have arisen as we have made rapid advancements in this area.  It is difficult for parents to keep abreast of new technology and even to know how to confront the completely new dilemmas technology poses today.

It seems every day this world is looming with more dangers.  Government and social networking organizations continue to head towards the direction of the Big Brother society.  My husband was telling me about the genetically-modified corn which is being used in many of our food products despite full knowledge that rats tested are developing large cancerous tumors.  The bottom line is more important than the privacy or health of individuals.  All of this is scary.  Maintaining a healthy life in today's world requires both knowledge and diligence. Hopefully, this book has made me more aware of pitfalls and dangers in the digital world, so that I can take every step available to safeguard myself and my children.  .

Book Review: A Tale of Two Cities

For this month's fare, my book club selected Charles Dickens' classic, A Tale of Two Cities.  I was thrilled, since I have been such an intense Dickens-lover in the past.  From the time I was in high school, through college and graduate school, I researched Charles Dickens' life and works and wrote countless papers focused on Dickens.  After going on the Wheaton-in-England program, I even prepared a tour guide to cover the various locations in England associated with Dickens and his writing (wonder if any use was ever made of it).

Yet, I found the re-reading of this book to be hard-going.  I suppose I am too used to modern writing and the popular fiction of the day.  It was work to follow the words and get at the heart of what Dickens was trying to communicate.  The first fifty pages made me wonder how I could have changed so because I really wasn't enjoying it at all.

Thankfully, the further I read, the closer I got to those old sentiments (although, I will admit, I never got back to the full-out love I used to hold for this writer).  Having finished the book, I can see again why his works were so appealing.  Dickens is a master at weaving together various characters and wrapping them all up into a neat little package in the end.  This is something Maeve Binchy also mastered (I was sad to discover recently that she has passed away and we will no longer be able to look forward to further novels chock full of Irish characters and intensely vivid settings from her hand).

He is also a master at social commentary.  He took the ills of society and portrayed them fully enough to cause a reader to think about what should be done to rectify these situations (whether it be rote-learning in education, long drawn-out legal cases, or revolutions where the revolutionaries become as despicable as those they are revolting against).

If you haven't ever read A Tale of Two Cities, I would encourage you to read without giving up because once you are fully drawn into the story and the characters, you will not regret slogging along to get to the gold.  The book tells the story of two men, Charles Darnay and Sydney Carton, who both love the same woman, Lucie Manette.  It is set in two cities, London and Paris, during the time of the French Revolution. At the beginning of the tale, we are introduced to Doctor Manette who is "recalled to life," after a lengthy imprisonment in the Bastille.  By the end, we are introduced to an even larger concept of resurrection and redemption.

Of course, the novel is best known for it's two famous passages at the beginning and end of the book.  Both of these passages show an intense dichotomy and both stir immense feeling in the reader.  The first sentence: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity ...."  And the final sentence of Sydney Carton's: "It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known."

There were images I could easily recall from when I read the book almost thirty years ago: the wine spilling like blood in the beginning of the book, the women of the French Revolution knitting away while heads are chopped off by La Guillotine, Madame Defarge knitting in the names of those she deems deserving of La Guillotine, and the final moments of heroic sacrifice.  This is evidence of the book's enduring qualities.  So, even though the language is old and sometimes difficult to follow, the story is timeless and beautiful and well worth the work involved.