August 2025 Purging Momentum Restored

In my last purging update, I bemoaned my loss of minimizing mojo. The complications of our summer made concentration and purpose falter. May was a complete bust with not a second spent on purging. June only netted 2 hours of purging time (finally getting rid of old medals and trophies I won for music competitions back in my teen years). At the beginning of July, I knew something had to change. I decided to attack the problem earlier in the day. As soon as I completed my morning devotional time, I set out to spend at least 20 minutes in purging. Often, I ended up working longer. I guess that principle is correct, "Eat the frog." Here's a brief video, if you've never encountered that helpful productivity phrase.

I'm not sure what triggered my hoarding tendencies. In my family-of-origin, we moved frequently. My parents were Salvation Army officers and we moved every 2-3 years. Our orders arrived one month before the move. Thus, we usually moved unopened boxes from the previous move. Unable to find what we knew we had in the boxes, we often made duplicate purchases. The boxes grew and grew. For a family of seven, such multiplication was downright dangerous.

I also suffer from a scarcity mentality. It is second nature to worry if we will have enough. If something goes on sale, I feel compelled to buy it so we will have it when we might not have enough to cover that purchase later. My frugality plays in here, as well. If I think I'm saving, I'm more likely to buy and accumulate more than we need. I don't want to throw things out because I might need them at some point in the future.

I am only now beginning to recognize some of this as a sickness. In July, I focused efforts on whittling down my accumulation of craft supplies. Boy, did I like crafts! Now you should ask, "so, you're crafty?" Well, no, not really. In truth, the crafts I have completed are often pathetic. Early in our marriage, I used to give homemade gifts. It got to the point where I apologized, realizing it wasn't truly a gift if the thing looked like a two-year-old threw it together from pipe-cleaners and tissue paper. 

The only thing I really enjoyed and excelled at was cross-stitching. Even with that, I can only think of two cross-stitch gifts I gave that were appreciated. In college, I made a very basic (i.e, ugly... without color or appeal), framed cross-stitching of a verse from an Amy Grant song about "my precious family" being "more than an heirloom to me." My mother loved it and proudly displayed it. Then, I bought a kit for making a cross-stitch clock and gave that to my mother-in-law. Although I don't think she loved it, she did display it for many years in her kitchen.

I spent many hours purging my crafts supplies. Some of these were inherited supplies. My grandmother's sister made and sold crafts. Thus, upon her death, I was bequeathed loads of frames and mats. I don't think I ever used one. Here are four separate lots of supplies I had hoped to sell to some other crazed craft hoarder (Few must struggle as I do; I'm having no success at selling these supplies):

It was somewhat nostalgic to come across the crafts I made with my special education basic life skills classes. We made a variety of plastic canvas Christmas ornaments and fridge magnets. (Sadly, I sent the sparkly snowflake ornament and the balloon photo frame samples to Goodwill before I snapped the photo of our projects). We also used plastic canvas to sew a set of mug rugs. Another easy craft was a necklace made from bandanas, cotton balls, and beads. School colors were a big hit. I doubted anyone would bite at old-fashioned plastic canvas patterns, materials, or yarn. Those went to Goodwill.

Several of the crafts supplies (pipe-cleaners, bells, googly eyes, felt, fabric scraps, etc.) went to my local grade school. I think the teachers appreciated the donation (craft supplies, recess toys, games, puppets, and over 100 books, including a set of the Laura Ingalls Wilder series since we had two, the Origami Yoda series, and a variety of classic and vintage books):

In July, I purged on 84% of the days for a total of 12 hours. Besides the donation to the school, I worked on some bookshelves downstairs (oh, we have oodles of bookshelves and tons of books - this is a very hard category for me to purge from). I managed to cull almost 200 books. Parting with books is often like cutting off a digit. I still have half the downstairs bookshelf area to get to. 

I also spent a fair amount of time going through piles of magazines. When I taught high school, I often gave creative assignments asking the students to use magazine pictures to illustrate lines from literature (for example, one group found an image of a woman horrified to see her dog trailing in muddy steps on the carpet and paired that with Shakespeare's line, "Out d@mn spot!"). I probably should have merely thrown the stacks away, but instead skimmed through for ideas or recipes I might want to keep. 

In August, we also attempted to sort things in Sean's room. I think we sent 2 or 3 piles of clothes to Goodwill. Once football was over, Sean dropped a lot of weight and many items no longer fit. We attempted to donate some football gear (some even new with tags), but the high school athletic office never got back to me. Thus, in August, I purged on 20 days (66% of the days) for a total of 15 hours. While I do feel I'm making better progress now, I'm amazed at how much I still need to do. Thankfully, we do not plan to move until later in 2026, so hopefully my purging progress will persist. In the meantime, let me know if you're a crafter in search of hoarded supplies. Ha!

Jumping Off Into a New Future

Our family is jumping off into a new future. In many ways we are unprepared. While eager to see how the changes play out in our lives, there's an abiding hesitancy that is hard to push down. Change is uncomfortable, unwieldy. To a certain extent, none of us wanted to move into the new, the untried. Yet, I know it will be good for each of us in the end. For now, we feel discombobulated!

Last week, John and I became empty nesters. We loaded the car full to the brim with belongings and moved our youngest, Sean, into a tiny Purdue University dorm room. My Facebook feed, as usual, knew exactly what was going on, and inundated me with images of magazine-worthy dorm rooms, sentimental articles, and lists of what to bring. As if the emotions weren't already tender, I had to wade through the detritus of on-line advice and eloquent parental good-byes (one woman lined a whole hallway with her son's childhood toys saying good-bye).

When we took Bryce to Purdue, he ushered us out of the room as soon as the last item hit the floor. Perhaps it was because we had his 8 and 10-year-old brothers in tow. That transition was painless. Bryce was eager to go. We still had responsibilities at home. Thankfully, Purdue isn't far away (as my sister pointed out, since she was a 20-hour drive away from her college kids). Plus, Bryce had a girlfriend back home, so I drove to Purdue way too often to bring him home for weekend visits.

This time is different. Sean is our last to leave. I have always called him "my sweetness and light." Sure, he was busy with friends, school, activities, and work during his final year at home, but he moved in and out of our lives daily. Now, the house is far too quiet. My role is done. My identity is blurred.

I'd love to think this might jump-start me back into writing consistently. Somehow, I doubt it will. Neither noise nor time keeps me from the writing. I'd love to find a new activity. In a Facebook group, a woman asked for short story suggestions as she had just taken up a post leading a book club in an assisted living facility. Now that sounds perfect!

Perhaps I need to get a job. We will have expenses we were not anticipating and there's the Purdue bill, as well. Somehow, I doubt anyone will hire someone who has been out of the workforce for 18 years. My gig was good, even if it was unpaid, often had lousy hours, and sometimes felt thankless.

Of course, there's a freedom now, too. The first night, John and I window-shopped at a flea market. I've been wanting a vintage sewing box to store my now-minimized sewing supplies. Then, we popped into a bakery, hoping for a strawberry pie. Alas, they only had strawberry-rhubarb (too tart for me). Finally, we ate out for dinner. It was better than going home to the now-quiet-house.

We can make more effort to get away for a weekend. Perhaps we'll take that trip to Mackinac Island. Even if it is just away to our old standbys (Nashville, IN; Rockville, IN for the Covered Bridge Festival; or even closer towns), it will be good to travel and spend time in the couple identity we have reclaimed. I have a few friends I've wanted to visit or invite. The possibilities are endless, really. I should cling to that when loneliness and quiet threaten to overwhelm.

So far, all of this is focused on Sean, John, and me. But, Trevor is at his own crossroads. I try not to divulge much because his story is his own and sometimes isn't as tidy as people like to hear (or I like to tell). We continue to pray fervently for God to use him in a mighty way. At the end of July, we moved Trevor into a halfway house in Lafayette, so our younger two are living in sister cities. 

He has been on a long and challenging road this past year (one we have traveled both from a distance and alongside). Not a single day is assured. He told us once that he has skirted death at least ten different times. We try hard to fight the urge to protect him from his testimony. God has a plan and He is the only One capable of getting Trevor where he needs to go. God's plans are always for our good and His glory.

So, we are each heading off in new directions. We step into the unknown timidly, but with the assurance that God walks with us. An empty nest. A college education. A chance to transition into a life of sobriety, maturity, and purpose. 

My Wheaton College class selected a verse of scripture that I still know and embrace. I may be using it out of context, but I cling to this promise nonetheless:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 - NIV)

Book Review: Choosing to SEE

While Steven Curtis Chapman is a popular Christian artist, I only knew two songs well: one was "I Will Be Here," and another was his 2007 hit, "Cinderella." Despite only having sons, I could appreciate the wisdom of cherishing moments of youth before our children slip away into grown-up lives. This beautiful song became even more poignant in 2008, when his youngest daughter was, indeed, gone. The Chapman's youngest adopted daughter, Maria (age 5), died in a tragic accident at their home when her beloved brother, Will Franklin (age 17), hit her with a car. I cannot imagine the grief! The intense grief of a parent losing a child in an untimely manner. The even more painful grief of the son, knowing he played a part in this devastating loss. Our entire nation watched with empathy as they navigated this unfair and undesired journey with grace and faith.

Choosing to SEE is a memoir written by Steven's wife, Mary Beth, together with the outstanding biographer Ellen Vaughn (author of the Elisabeth Elliot books I read a few months back). She takes us step-by-step through the days leading up to Maria's adoption and then eventual departure to be with Jesus. Since I've been walking a difficult path, it was encouraging to listen to the words of faith communicated in this book. It was a fantastic reminder that even when life brings pain that feels like it might rip out our hearts, God is at work and has all things under His control. He only allows what is good and we must allow Him to bring our brokenness the glory due His holy name. While it will still be painful, clinging to hope is the only thing that helps me endure. 

Book Review: The Problem of Pain

I ventured away from prayer books in my extraneous devotional reading. I picked up my personal copy of C. S. Lewis' The Problem of Pain. Suffering is one of the chief arguments against believing in God. How do we reconcile suffering in this life if we believe in a good God? Lewis articulates his views with precision. He argues the two indeed co-exist without detracting from either side of the equation.

I didn't expect Lewis to advocate for evolution, but there is a section in this book where he speaks of our ape ancestors. Still, I found several arguments worth exploring and several well-known turns of phrases. One of my favorite poets, Randy Edwards, bases his Substack on Lewis' quote about "backward mutters." Also, there's the well-known quote, "God whispers to us in our pleasures... but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone." Another quote I loved: "We regard God as an airman regards his parachute; it's there for emergencies, but he hopes he'll never have to use it."

We often need pain's reminder that we are not self-sufficient. Pain encourages full surrender. God brings us to something we cannot endure without Him (how true in my life). Yet, we are still sometimes eager to return to our own sufficiency. Lewis writes, "The moment the threat is withdrawn, my whole nature leaps back to the toys.... I behave like the puppy when the hated bath is over - I shake myself as dry as I can and race off to reacquire my comfortable dirtiness, if not in the nearest manure heap, at least in the nearest flower bed." I praise God for my present pains! May they drive me to my knees and to total dependence upon God. Hopefully, I will not shake myself off when the crisis abates. I don't want to sink back into the false security of my sufficiency. Suffering remains God's powerful tool to draw us back to Him and remind us of His all-sufficient power.

Book Review: A Single Act of Kindness

While down in the dumps, I sought an uplifting, feel-good novel. I found one in A Single Act of Kindness, by Samantha Tonge, published by Boldwood Books. As my own life spirals into chaos and endless challenges, it feels like a ball in winter rolling down a hill, picking up more snow and growing as it goes. This book reminded me that the same can be true of kindness. One small kindness leads to others and the results can be life-affirming.

Tilda Wright has battled more demons than many are called to fight. She was sent off to boarding school while her mother fixated on her younger brother's football talents and aspiration. Thus, it is no surprise she severed all relationships with her family of origin. A near-death experience had propelled her into a sterile and controlled life. Then, she meets Milo, who is living on the street near her home. 

Milo faces his own demons. Yet, he folds into Tilda's life and the two begin to lift each other out of the mire. Tilda's mother's behavior is unfathomable and so wrong. Milo's dilemma is heart-wrenching and understandable. Then, that single act of kindness blurs into many small kindnesses along their paths. The book lifted my spirits, despite some cautionary content.

Content Caution: 📒

Mid-month Mention: Five Christian Author Interviews

I recently discovered a monthly giveaway from Kelly Jo Wilson and The Christian Romance Podcast. While not usually drawn to that genre, when life gets chaotic, I often find great comfort in seeking light-hearted, clean, Christian romance. The following five Christian authors have been on my radar lately. Each has published a new book within the last few months. Stay tuned for book reviews for a few I've read just days after their release. 

Nicole Deese: 

I first encountered Nicole Deese's writing in her book, The Words We Lost. It made my list of top dozen reads for 2023. I loved the depth of redemption in that story. Nicole writes contemporary Christian fiction with heart, hope, and humor. She has won multiple awards and has 15 titles to choose from. You can visit her author website here. Although it sounds like each book in this Fog Harbor Romance series could stand alone, I will seek out the second book, The Roads We Follow, before moving on to her latest installment.

🎤Kelly Jo Wilson interviewed Nicole Deese about that newest released book, The Voice We Find, on this episode of The Christian Romance Podcast.

Becca Kinzer: 

What fun it was to dive into Becca Kinzer's epistolary novel, Dear Henry, Love Edith. Sadly, I accidentally deleted my initial review and had to re-write it at a later date. I snatched up her second light-hearted, humorous tale, Love in Tandem. In July, I read and reviewed her third contemporary romance, First Love, Second Draft. You can learn more about Becca on her author website or in my author spotlight.

🎤Author Terri Gillespie also provides interviews and giveaways. Back in April, she interviewed Becca about First Love, Second Draft. While it is too late to win her giveaway, you can click here to view that interview.

Pepper Basham: 

I don't remember how I found Pepper Basham's delightful trilogy about the Edgewood cousins. Although listening is a challenge because of the epistolary style (lots of emails, text messages, etc.), I enjoy knowing the pronunciation for characters and locations. So far, I've listened to Authentically, Izzy and Positively, Penelope. I've also followed her on Facebook and enjoy watching the personable videos she posts. Click here to visit Pepper Basham's author website.

🎤Author Erin Mifflin interviewed Pepper Basham about her newest romantic comedy, Some Like It Scot on this episode of The Well-Read Llama.

Courtney Walsh: 

I fell hard for Courtney Walsh's book, The Happy Life of Isadora Bentley. Although I botched the spelling in the title of my book review (titles cannot be changed once posted), it was my favorite book of 2023. Oh, how I need more happiness in my life. Isadora's story was marvelous and led me to another Walsh title, The Summer of Yes. Keep an eye on my blog for my coming review of her newest release, a clean romance called Everything's Coming Up Rosie. I've purchased A Cross-Country Wedding in Kindle, but after learning it is a follow-up to A Cross-Country Christmas, have decided to hold off and read that book first when the holidays approach. Click here to visit Courtney Walsh's author website.

🎤Three popular authors join together for an interview with Courtney to discuss Everything's Coming Up Rosie on The 10 Minute Book Talk.  

Sara Brunsvold:

I'm living proof that author talks provide productive marketing. When I heard Sara Brunsvold was slated for an author talk near me, I scrambled to read her first two books (not romance, but Christian women's fiction). The Extraordinary Deaths of Mrs. Kip was delightful. The Divine Proverb of Streusel struck a nerve with my Missouri roots and German heritage and earned a mention in my top reads of 2024. This is another author I'm thrilled to follow on Facebook. She gives outstanding book suggestions and even posted a fun July photo challenge connected to her most recent book (my review is coming soon).

🎤Brett Nelson interviewed Sara Brunsvold about that new book, The Atlas of Untold Stories, on this episode of The Bookish Introverts Podcast.

Book Review: How to Keep House While Drowning

I've struggled with chronic depression for 3 decades. This book resonated because I have tried to keep house while drowning. The author, K. C. Davis, is a trained therapist and faces her own battles with depression. Every insight tenderly addresses details of cleaning and organizing that may present special challenges to those who struggle with mental illness. The main message I gleaned from How to Keep House While Drowning is that it is okay if you're not living in a tidy, immaculate home. Give yourself grace and focus on making your areas function for you.

Davis' first chapter addresses the core problem. "Care tasks are morally neutral." So often we think the state of our home reflects our goodness as a person. Davis is quick to point out, "when you view care tasks as moral, the motivation for completing them is often shame.... You are not a failure because you can't keep up with laundry." And, as she points out, "No one ever shamed themselves into better mental health."

How freeing to realize my tendency to feel paralyzed, unmotivated, and overwhelmed stems from personal shame about the state of my home. Someone else may easily follow the mantra of "put things away as you go," but it all depends on one's individual capacity and what challenges or barriers you face. Her suggestion to give one's self grace opens the door to freedom. She encourages the reader to "set a timer for the smallest increment you can stomach," because momentum builds momentum.

These challenges of individual capacity are so clear in my marital relationship. My mother-in-law, bless her, always considered me a tremendously lazy slob. Productivity was her god. She was type A and cleaning was her jam. My husband can be just like that. His organizational skills far outpace my wildest dreams. I get stymied because I don't know where to keep things, or even if I should keep things (we know I keep way too many things). Then, I launch into overwhelm and the whole process of organizing becomes so loaded emotionally. Davis suggests focusing on functionality and remembering that cleaning and organizing is a gift you give your future self. If I take the time to straighten the kitchen before bed, I will wake to a much brighter morning experience (unless, of course, a son sabotages said straightened kitchen before I get up). I want my belongings to serve me, not the opposite.

After reading the book, I looked up the author (who began by posting Tik Toks of her struggles with the house, only to have someone, from the anonymity of the internet, say she was merely lazy). I watched her 12-minute TED talk. Her story is a worthwhile exploration on why some people struggle more with care tasks than others. I'm also impressed that she is a recovered drug addict (sent to rehab for a year and a half when she was only 16). So if you're drowning, recognize that the state of your house does not reflect your worth as a person. Celebrate each victory. Build momentum and only tackle what you can. Let go of the rest. 

How Not to Celebrate Milestone Anniversaries

This week, my husband and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary. Well, that's not entirely true because we barely celebrated. To be honest, I cannot remember a single time we've done anything remotely significant to memorialize our milestones. Still, I'm blown away by the fact that we've reached these milestones and I'm grateful to God for getting us through obstacles and challenges that might have foiled other couples. Marriage is hard work, and we've seen our fair share of difficulties. I just wish we exhibited more gumption in celebrating that hard work. It deserves more than we give it. Don't make our mistakes!

At our 10th anniversary, we were fresh on the heels of a year and half long separation. I couldn't find a lick of evidence remaining on how we celebrated our 15th anniversary in 2005, between the births of our second and third sons. I know I was pining for a third child. I wanted to give our middle son a closer sibling, a shorter gap than the 8 years between our first two sons. For our 20th anniversary, I did not mark the occasion with a blog post. It seems we went away to our annual  Wisconsin Bible camp, CBLI. Often, John would drive out to the camp and we would go out for dinner while another camper kept an eye on our sons. It appears he did not drive up that year (a bit farther from IN than it was when we lived in IL - or perhaps that was the year he went to leave, only to find a flat tire on the truck).

I did recognize our 25th annniversary with this blog post, but cannot remember doing anything significant to celebrate it. Our 30th anniversary fell in 2020. Yes, you guessed it! We didn't do anything to celebrate. I made up this list of 30 small ways to observe our anniversary and we ended up not completing more than a handful of those 30 ideas. We have prayed together more in the past five years than ever before! (Praise God! That is more important than a wealth of celebrations!) We had dinner out and a trip to Dairy Queen. We exchanged cards and he filled my gas tank (fairly standard stuff). Finally, we watched one of our favorite romantic movies, Somewhere in Time, set in the location we had hoped to visit to mark our 25th (Mackinac Island).

At the beginning of this year, I sent John an email bursting with ideas for possible celebrations. I am mindful of the fact that he doesn't care for travelling. Indeed, as I age, even I'm finding long trips less and less appealing. I long for the comfort of my own home and dread hours in a car on highways. I outlined ideas for lengthier trips to Michigan and Ohio. I tried to find areas with special bird sanctuaries since that is something that appeals to my husband. There were smaller trips to Illinois or right within our state of Indiana.

Then, on May 1st, our lives turned upside down and complications at home made all efforts at planning a trip impossible. We still hope to get away at some point, but I fear, like the list of 30 small observances, in the end we will be proof to all of "how not to celebrate milestone anniversaries." I guess the key is SETTLE. Assume big outlandish efforts out of the question. Follow the path of least resistance.

A few days before our anniversary, we had an argument. I had visions of no celebration at all, but John made an effort, nonetheless. Thus, for our 35th, we drove to a small town a half hour away, stayed in an average hotel, and visited an expensive restaurant. Apart from the meatloaf (perhaps I should have selected that), I couldn't find anything appealing to me, so I settled for a burger and sweet potato fries. We did splurge on peanut butter pie for dessert and, even though we didn't need it, it was amazing!

I know I sound whiny. The disappointment is palpable. I had longed to take a trip to Barcelona, Spain, to see the La Sagrada Familia because it was expected to be completed in 2025. Alas, our passports have expired. International travel feels out of the question. (Sadly, even interstate travel feels out of the question.) Moreover, due to the pandemic, the deadline for completion of that landmark was pushed back. When I searched for the new completion date, AI gave me this as an answer:

"The Sagrada Familia in Barcelona is scheduled to be structurally completed in 2026. This completion will mark the end of over 140 years of construction, with the final touches being added to the Tower of Jesus Christ and the Chapel of the Assumption. While the main structure is slated for completion in 2026, some decorative elements and the controversial entranceway are expected to continue until 2034, according to Dezeen." 

For now, I'll have to settle for this 15-minute YouTube tour of this magnificent Basilica. Hey, in watching, I can forego the stressful flights, the expensive lodging and food, and the exhausting hassle of travel. Of course, I'm sure this is nothing like what my son exclaimed when I asked him his favorite destination from their European travels. He said the eye could not help but move upward and it had to be experienced in the flesh. 

Perhaps when our family crisis calms to a trickle we will make more of an effort to mark the momentous milestone many couples these days only dream of - 35 years of hard-fought matrimony. In this day and age of disposable relationships, we have much to thank God for! We cling to him with eyes on further milestones together. We just don't do well at celebrating these achievements. If you have any advice to counter our abysmal example, please feel free to share. Maybe we can make a go of it yet!

Book Review: Ordinary Time

I'm awestruck by how many endorsements this little debut book of essays has accumulated. Anne Bogel, author of I'd Rather Be Reading, writes of the book, "Ordinary Time feels like a long conversation with a good friend about the things in life that matter most, the kind of talk that leaves you feeling both grounded and inspired." Of course, I am unfamiliar with the author or her podcast, From the Front Porch. Several friends have tried to turn me into a podcast junkie, but I spend my days in other ways. Thus, I had never heard of Annie B. Jones or From the Front Porch. I'm glad to know them now.

I felt a kinship with Annie almost immediately, when I read that she and her best friend enjoyed playing boarding school. What? Really? In one of my parents' many Salvation Army appointments, I had a friend named Amy. Our favorite thing to do was plot starting our own boarding school. We planned out what the dorm rooms would look like (down to the furniture), who would attend, and what they would  study.

If only I had the wherewithal to develop and run a podcast about books. Alas, I realize, I'm not gifted in that way. Indeed, perhaps it is my age. I had to laugh when Annie is talking about people 20 or 30 years older than her (She seems to be in her mid-to-late-thirties) and she says she's always felt comfortable with "the elderly." Oh, my! I'm elderly. No wonder I'm falling on treadmills.

Getting all the references to the movies, shows, and books made my heart happy. I love the structure of the book. She breaks it down into 5 categories: Staying Friends, Staying Put, Staying Faithful, Staying Grounded, and Staying You. The writing is smooth and easy to follow. I could relate to many topics raised.

I had to note a quote I'd never encountered before. There's a different quote about friendship by C. S. Lewis, but this one says, "For a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, 'Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,' can truly say to every group of Christian friends, 'Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.' The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others." What a beautiful concept! I think Annie B. Jones and I could be friends in-real-life. Although I'm not much into "deconstructing one's faith," our shared love of books might carry us through.