Although I am not as much a bird-lover as my husband, I do enjoy watching the blue-jays, cardinals, orioles, and goldfinches that congregate outside the window where I write at my computer. My mother-in-law teases that my husband spends more money feeding his birds and critters than he does feeding his sons, however that is not true, as my boys are always in the kitchen ferreting out snacks. I think my favorite sighting this summer was an indigo bunting. I favor blue birds. Thus, my interest in this book about a woman's effort to rescue an abandoned blue-jay.
Julie Zickefoose must be a common name in birding books because as soon as my husband saw the cover he recognized her name. This tale was touching. In Saving Jemima: Life and Love with a Hard-Luck Jay, Zickefoose chronicles the journey from discovery, release, migration, and return. Alongside the bird's growth, she reveals her own passage through the difficult path of divorce. She may have saved the bird, but the bird also saved her.
Hard won wisdom emerges: mother birds often have logical reasons for abandoning their offspring. In this case, an infection Jemima caught from the egg-stage hindered her ability to fly. Still, with Zickefoose's help and application of antibiotics, the bird's chance of survival increased. I enjoyed reading about the process. The book is full of photos and sketches (both gifts I envy). If you love birds, you will enjoy this tale. I feel sorry for the author's losses and grateful for the distraction offered in her attention to Jemima. She writes well and shares her love for nature and birds.
In finding the Enneagram book, The Road Back to You, I discovered Suzanne Stabile's follow-up book, The Path Between Us. The first book emphasizes identifying your own personality type. The second book emphasizes using your understanding of the various personality types to aid in relationship building. Reading them back to back was repetitive. Of the two, The Road Back to You is more accessible. Still, I benefited from the second book's focus on how to relate to other personalities.
Sadly, I'm often socially inept. I didn't take the advice to heart well enough. After reading the chapter on Ones (what I assume is my husband's personality), I was eager to share with him why he fits that pattern. In sharing my opinion, I flouted the book's clear advice. It warns not to be critical of individuals who are already overly critical of themselves. It would have been great if I had incorporated an understanding of his perspective and used that knowledge to bridge a gap. Instead, I drove a wedge further by pointing out my idea of why he fits in the Perfectionists category.
If you plan on reading these books, try to not only understand but also carry out the gentle suggestions for improving relationships. Understanding is great; incorporation of ideas is greater still. I will try to heed the warnings better, but sadly it may take more than reading books to improve my relationships.
Again, I resonated with many insights into my type - Nines - Peacemakers. This book highlighted why communication often fails. As a Nine, fearing conflict, I say what you want me to say or say nothing because I think I'm protecting the relationship. Then, when I speak up, it sometimes blindsides others because my silence led them to believe nothing was wrong. I must learn to "manage the tension between regretting being compliant and being afraid of being non-compliant." In addition, I have to recognize that sometimes I must assert myself, regardless of the cost or conflict it might bring.
The book offered great suggestions for nurturing relationships. With Nines: "Focus on what Nines do as opposed to what they forget or fail to do," "Encourage Nines to share their grievances with you," and "Nines want clear, direct communication regarding what's expected of them." With Ones: "They will likely be more verbal about what you do wrong than about the things you get right," "Be careful and gentle when you point out their mistakes - it can easily be overwhelming for the One (my failure)," "Admit your mistakes in the relationship," and "They work hard and they expect the same from you." I doubt I'll convince my husband to study the Enneagram framework, but I will try to use the tools I've gained.
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Wishing I had been a more discerning reader from the start. There's no problem with attempting to heal relationships, but anything that substitutes another method instead of the gospel of Christ's atonement is HERESY. Must watch this video:
This audio book's cover blurb lured me: "Downton Abbey fans should flock to this charming tale." I'd say this is for Downton Abbey fans who wish for a more wholesome version of the upstairs/downstairs story. I enjoyed this historical tale very much. The author uses her imagination to explain the shift in Andrew Carnegie's perspectives. She weaves a believable and entertaining possibility. A servant might have impressed Carnegie to reach out to the lower classes and provide them with access to libraries and schools.
Imagine landing alone on American soil and hearing your name called for passage to a job in Pittsburgh, a job that rightfully belongs to someone else who shares your name. Clara Kelley cannot pass up this opportunity. And if the real Clara died on the ship's crossing, what harm could it do to impersonate a lady's maid and secure a station in her new life. Clara is a quick learner and steps into the shoes of this other Clara well enough to keep the job. Her family depends on the income she sends back to Ireland, so Clara cannot risk stepping out of line. But the allure of Andrew Carnegie's affections, his desire to treat her as an equal, his recognition of her business sense, all overwhelm her.
The book explores democracy, education, class conflict, and philanthropy. While Carnegie's business ventures succeed, they harm the poor. Clara forces Andrew to face the implications of his involvement with merging companies and widespread layoffs. Will the two become a team on equal footing or will Clara's past catch up with her? Marie Benedict offers a plausible fictional scenario for Carnegie's rise in philanthropy.
I've been longing to read this book, The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary, by Simon Winchester. I have fond memories of using the OED in my job at the Wade Center (the collected writings of 7 British, Christian authors). It was a remarkable reference tool - a multi-volume treasury of words! I never gave one thought to the lengthy process required to compile all those words and sentences. Having grown up with dictionaries, I couldn't conceive of a world without one.
What a fascinating tale! The seventy-year project (1857 to 1927) required many hours of research and investigation. Its editor, Professor James Murray, sent out a bid for volunteers. These individuals scoured books for early references and sentences that might articulate and support the meanings of various terms. One volunteer was an American, Dr. William Chester Minor. The good doctor's story was every bit as interesting as the illustrative quotes accumulated.
I'm still pondering the implications of the timing. If Dr. Minor hadn't served in the American Civil War, would his insanity have taken hold? Did he merely have a genetic predisposition for his paranoid mental instability? Without his insane act of murder, would he have had the freedom and time to devote to his thorough scouring of books for source material? What a sad life. Yet what a grand accomplishment!
Although the movie version received mixed reviews (trailer here), I will probably watch it at some point if it comes to Netflix or my library.
I survived a near-death case of double pneumonia at age three. From that point on, I heard assertions of divine intentions. "God must have had a reason for sparing your life." "You will achieve something significant for Him." But was it a burden to carry such weight of expectation? When it turns out I'm quite ordinary, does that negate all those clear declarations of God's will?
The main character in Robert Dugoni's The Extraordinary Life of Sam Hell could well relate. Born with red eyes, from ocular albinism, Sam Hill's mother asserts that it is "God's will" because He intends Sam to have an extraordinary life. Given the public reaction to his condition, he needs her constant reminders. The nuns don't want him at the local Catholic grade school because his presence might be disruptive. Other kids call him "the devil's son" or "Sam Hell." His worst bully is a boy named David Bateman. Sam watches as his mother's faith never wavers, but he struggles to believe with her fervor. To him, saying "It's God's will," and "God has a plan," rings like a hollow excuse.
Because of Sam's skepticism, I worried that it would veer into typical modern ridicule of faith. However, by the end, I felt the novel was quite faith-affirming. If anything, it showed a realistic struggle with faith in the face of trial and tragedy. I should warn, the book includes sex scenes (it follows his life from birth, through grade school, and adolescence, into adulthood). I enjoyed the parallel time structure (a chronological progression, alongside his present struggles as an opthamologist). Sam Hill is a likeable character, and I sympathized with his dilemma. Even though he had two devoted friends (also misfits), he's on his own to face his demons when he encounters David Bateman again as an adult.
Throughout this well-written book, the author's portrayal of life rings true. If you pick up the novel, be sure to read the acknowledgements section. In it, the author explains how the story took hold of him and grew from his experience of having a sibling with Downs Syndrome. His own mother's fierce defense of his brother taught him to value all forms of life, because even in the ordinary, life can be extraordinary.
Two birds, one stone: necessary audio book, and current fascination with Downton Abbey. I couldn't go wrong. Well, actually, I could. Not every Countess is skilled enough to pull off historical storytelling. The eighth Countess of Carnarvon did so splendidly! This book, Lady Almina and the Real Downton Abbey: The Lost Legacy of Highclere Castle, reads like an engaging novel rather than a stilted history book.
Highclere is the real-life inspiration and setting for the PBS blockbuster series Downton Abbey. The current Countess of Carnarvon used the castle archives (diaries, letters, and photographs) to paint her literary portrait of this famous predecessor. When Lady Almina (daughter of the wealthy Alfred de Rothschild) married the fifth Earl of Carnarvon, her dowry helped secure Highclere Castle. Almina's love of nursing, and access to necessary funding, led her to transform Highclere Castle into a war hospital during the First World War. They hosted royalty, just as the Downton Abbey movie portrays.
If you love Downton Abbey, you'll love reading about the castle where it was filmed and where many aspects of its story originated. Of course, the lives of the real occupants held little scandal. Still, it is a fascinating story, full of challenges, struggles, and relationships. The Earl of Carnarvon was most renown for his archeological explorations in Egypt. Before his death, he discovered the tomb of Tutankhamun, but didn't live long enough to enjoy the thrill of discovery. Still, the Countess has also written another historical book about that, Carnarvon & Carter: The Story of the Two Englishmen Who Discovered the Tomb of Tutankhamun. She also continues the Highclere story with Lady Catherine, the Earl, and the Real Downton Abbey.
This book is reminiscent of Sarah's Key (by Tatiana de Rosnay). It progresses with parallel plot lines, following a modern American woman in Paris teasing out the story of a Parisian Jew during WWII. In All the Flowers in Paris we meet Caroline, racing away from a Paris cafe on her bicycle, head full of indignation at a man seeking her forgiveness. When she swerves to miss pedestrians and plows into an oncoming truck, the hook intensifies as she wakens with amnesia. They can only piece together the bare minimum. She returns to her ornate apartment on the Rue Cler almost paralyzed by questions. How had she come to live there? Why is there an untouched room within the apartment? Why had she led such a sad, isolated life before her accident? As Caroline uncovers more of who she is, she also unearths the story of an earlier tenant, Celine, who ran a flower shop with her father during wartime. Celine and her young daughter, Cosette, bravely faced the atrocities of war. Fans of Sarah's Key and The Nightingale will enjoy this novel.
I had such high hopes for my return to the Downton Abbey splendor. Perhaps, my too-recent immersion in the six season television show dampened my movie-going experience. From the outset, it felt off. I understand that the actors have moved on and lived many years now off the Downton Abbey set. Nonetheless, the portrayal of the characters felt stiff and stilted, as if they had difficulty plunging back into their past personas. The lines that used to zing and crackle, now fell flat. There were a few moments when Violet and Isobel returned to their typical sparring modes, but it wasn't a seamless jump from the television version to the big screen.
The story line lacked intrigue and substance, as well. It seemed they tried to cram the two-hour movie with at least ten minutes devoted to each character, but at the cost of plotting. Yes, the king and queen's arrival, with the inevitable scramble to impress, caused wrinkles. But the wrinkles were minor and not significant enough to make me care or even get excited.
While I loved the costumes, they didn't appear to be any more special than the ones from the six-season show. It was grand to see the aerial shots of the castle again and John Lunn's music still tugged at my emotional heart for Downton. Mostly, I thrilled in the story line that provided Tom Branson with a suitable match (my greatest hope from the movie). While not truly from the servant class, she wasn't from the privileged upbringing of a peer's family either. She met the criteria well. The romance developed too quickly for my taste, in the space of a few frames. Still, she seemed a wise choice to settle my heart's desire for a love interest for the widower.
All in all, the movie disappointed. I'm not sure what would have saved it. Better writing? Better acting? A longer script (the two-hour romp felt like an over-large body crammed into a shrunken garment)? I certainly won't anticipate another Downton Abbey movie with equal vigor. It is clear, any future episode will not include Dame Maggie Smith (and even her lines did not carry their usual intensity). Lady Edith and Lady Mary have secured the truce I assumed I wanted, but I missed the spark and intrigue of their barbed relationship. How would they all go forward? They obviously need new characters and new challenges. I will bid Downton Abbey adieu. It was nice while it lasted, but the attempt to rekindle the old flame seemed more like a Bic lighter than a blazing bonfire. So sad!
I come late to many parties. I resist joining the crowd in following a particular movement. This was true for Downton Abbey. I heard the buzz and even considered, given it was British and Masterpiece Theater, that I would probably enjoy it, yet I resisted mightily. Once I gave in, I was hooked. I binge watched the whole six-season show not once, but twice. I immersed myself in Downton Abbey books and anxiously awaited the release of the movie.
The same is true about Enneagram theories. Loads of people were talking about Enneagrams, referencing it in cute little add-ons to their Facebook posts, proclaiming where they fall on the Enneagram scale. Oh, how I resisted. Until ... a new friend mentioned a Christian book outlining the nine personality types on the Enneagram scale and recommended it to help improve some of my fractured relationships. She suggested it couldn't hurt to see where the other individual is coming from, what makes them behave the way they do, and how I might respond in a way that brings out their best instead of their worst. If nothing else, I could identify my own perspectives with more clarity and understand what makes me tick.
The Road Back to You, by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile, outlines nine personality types. It identifies what each one looks like when healthy, average, and unhealthy. Moreover, the book identifies the fear that drives each type. I really enjoyed the close of each chapter, where the authors presented ten strategies for individuals who identify with that personality type.
I loved the author's funny illustrations and analogies. For example, when describing his mother: "is so spry and mentally acute you'd think nicotine and inactivity were the keys to a long and happy life." When outlining his own mistakes, he wrote "I made more missteps than a guy running through a minefield wearing clown shoes." His descriptions are colorful and clear. The book is well-structured and accessible. Surely, you will see yourself in one or two of the personality types.
Oh, how I recognized myself in the list of "What it feels like to be a #9, Peacemaker." I will, indeed, do almost anything to avoid conflict. I procrastinate, have trouble being decisive, and numb myself to life's pain by avoidance. I choose the path of least resistance and avoid ruffling feathers, downplaying my true feelings about things. "I'm a 'what you see is what you get' person." Although, I don't find the outdoors soothing and I rarely worry about being selfish while doing what I want to do. Still, several sentences hit me square between the eyes: "harbor resentments going back to childhood," "drop their healthy boundaries," and "will cling to relationships long past their expiration dates."
The application section for Nines was quite helpful, beginning with the suggestion to journal "What is my calling? and Am I pursuing it or postponing it to keep the peace?" I might benefit from an app to keep me on task and productive. I need to recognize the numbing strategies used to avoid having to deal with life and resist passive-aggressive behaviors like procrastination and avoidance. When angry, I need to be honest and open (oh, that's a hard one for me). A normal disagreement might feel/seem like intense, terrible conflict. When paralyzed, I need to find someone who can help me tease out what I want to do.
Then, I reached the chapter about Ones, Perfectionists, and it was my husband personified. He is, indeed, critical and judgmental, beats himself up for mistakes, cannot relax because so much needs doing, relishes detail, clings to resentment, is very self-disciplined, careful and thoughtful with money, sees things as either right or wrong, rigidly follows routine, resents when he has to redo someone else's work (i.e. re-clean a room someone else hasn't tidied to his standards). Thankfully, our years of counseling had already opened my eyes to the way he sees and experiences the world. Indeed, they opened his eyes, as well, and he is much better at attacking his perfectionism than he ever was before (however, there are still areas where he demands so much and sees things in such black and white ways that I struggle).
The great thing about studying the Enneagram patterns of personality is that it gives you a chance to see how your own perspectives and life history could cause you to have a distorted view of reality. Others see things differently and experience situations from their own life lens. I believe I greatly benefited from understanding what drives the various individuals who approach life from a different perspective and frame of mind than my own. Hopefully, I will use that understanding to build bridges. Indeed, I hope I will work on some of my own distorted views and strive to be my best self.
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Addendum: Heresy can be so subtle. I was swept in. This podcast opened my eyes to the New Age aspects of "Christian" Enneagram theories. This is a must watch video:
