Book Review: The Path Between Us

In finding the Enneagram book, The Road Back to You, I discovered Suzanne Stabile's follow-up book, The Path Between Us. The first book emphasizes identifying your own personality type. The second book emphasizes using your understanding of the various personality types to aid in relationship building. Reading them back to back was repetitive. Of the two, The Road Back to You is more accessible. Still, I benefited from the second book's focus on how to relate to other personalities.

Sadly, I'm often socially inept. I didn't take the advice to heart well enough. After reading the chapter on Ones (what I assume is my husband's personality), I was eager to share with him why he fits that pattern. In sharing my opinion, I flouted the book's clear advice. It warns not to be critical of individuals who are already overly critical of themselves. It would have been great if I had incorporated an understanding of his perspective and used that knowledge to bridge a gap. Instead, I drove a wedge further by pointing out my idea of why he fits in the Perfectionists category.

If you plan on reading these books, try to not only understand but also carry out the gentle suggestions for improving relationships. Understanding is great; incorporation of ideas is greater still. I will try to heed the warnings better, but sadly it may take more than reading books to improve my relationships.

Again, I resonated with many insights into my type - Nines - Peacemakers. This book highlighted why communication often fails. As a Nine, fearing conflict, I say what you want me to say or say nothing because I think I'm protecting the relationship. Then, when I speak up, it sometimes blindsides others because my silence led them to believe nothing was wrong. I must learn to "manage the tension between regretting being compliant and being afraid of being non-compliant." In addition, I have to recognize that sometimes I must assert myself, regardless of the cost or conflict it might bring.

The book offered great suggestions for nurturing relationships. With Nines: "Focus on what Nines do as opposed to what they forget or fail to do," "Encourage Nines to share their grievances with you," and "Nines want clear, direct communication regarding what's expected of them." With Ones: "They will likely be more verbal about what you do wrong than about the things you get right," "Be careful and gentle when you point out their mistakes - it can easily be overwhelming for the One (my failure)," "Admit your mistakes in the relationship," and "They work hard and they expect the same from you." I doubt I'll convince my husband to study the Enneagram framework, but I will try to use the tools I've gained.

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Wishing I had been a more discerning reader from the start. There's no problem with attempting to heal relationships, but anything that substitutes another method instead of the gospel of Christ's atonement is HERESY. Must watch this video: