For now, I read Dr. Meg Meeker's fine book, Boys Should Be Boys: 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons. This was an outstanding book on raising boys, better than many of the other "raising boys" books I have read. For one thing, it included God in the equation.
My response to the book was a combination of confidence and conviction. Dr. Meeker makes it simple and clear that the most important thing your son needs is YOU. In that, I feel like I am doing an adequate job raising my boy brood. I am there for all three of them in the ways that they need. There were many areas where I felt I could pat myself on the back. I have wonderful communication with my teenage son. There is no friction between us and I am grateful to God for that. He is very open with us and we work through issues fairly well.
There are only two areas where I would desire better from my oldest son. The first is in his woefully low level of empathy. I'm not sure this is just a boy thing. I think it is perhaps just a Bryce thing. He doesn't genuinely care for the needs and feelings of others. The second area I would love to see improve is in his relationship with Trevor. He doesn't pick on Sean at all, but he picks on Trevor mercilessly. When Trevor continues to lick his lips (I have mentioned his lip licker's dermatitis issues which we have been battling since April and also for a stretch back when he was four), Bryce is convinced that he can harass Trevor into stopping. Those are the two things I have long felt concern over with Bryce.
But, there were plenty of other areas of this book, where I felt that I fall far too short. She is adamant about how our boys need far less computer and television time. I fail miserably in this area (as my mother-in-law is quick to point out when she visits and sees them at the computer instead of reading). I understand and agree that they are confronted with a hostile world from these sources. I want to do better, but when push comes to shove, I cannot seem to extricate them from the technological toys they enjoy. My younger boys do enjoy being read to, but it is still an effort to pull them away from the computer when it comes time to read. I feel that I need to offer far more incentives for spending time in good books and in spirited outdoor play. It is probably laziness on my part, because pulling them away from their favored activities is work and painful work at that, usually.
I also worry that I have not instilled enough strong character into my sons. My husband reads a wonderful set of books to the little boys called Uncle Arthur's Bedtime Stories. We have two volumes of these fantastic books and they provide excellent opportunities for my husband to discuss virtues and character. We didn't have those books when Bryce was in his formative years.
As I read Dr. Meeker's words, encouraging the intentional building of character in sons, I worried that I haven't done a good enough job instilling character in Bryce. For these last two years that we have Bryce with us (prior to college), the poor kid is probably going to be beaten over the head with these virtue and character instructions that I feel I need to give to make up for lost time. Today, he and I went to the hair salon and it was crowded (13 people on the waiting list and only one chair available in the waiting area). A woman entered with two small children. I motioned to Bryce to stand up and give her his chair. Before he could figure out what I was implying (he thought I meant he should stand up to go get his hair cut), the woman sat in the one available chair and her two little ones dropped to the floor to play with a bin of toys. On the way home, I explained that it would have been honorable to give up his chair so the woman could sit down with her children.
Anyway, back to the book. This is one of the better books concerning parenting of sons. Dr. Meeker recognizes the challenges and obstacles boys encounter in today's world and she rallies for their enrichment and toughening. She wants boys to be encouraged to grow into fine men, to be held to high standards and to be schooled in what it means to be strong for the role they will take on as men.
She provides a few helpful, concise lists. The seven secrets to raising healthy boys? - Encourage your son - Understand what he needs - Send him outdoors - Provide rules - Encourage virtue - Teach him about the big questions of life - Remember that the most important person in his life is YOU.
Ten basic principles successful parents follow: 1) Know that you change his world. 2) Raise him from the inside out. 3) Help his masculinity explode. 4) Help him find purpose and passion. 5) Teach him to serve. 6) Insist on self-respect. 7) Persevere. 8) Be his hero. 9) Watch, then watch again. 10) Give him the best of yourself.
I feel challenged to do better as a parent of boys. I sincerely want to raise great men ... men who love God, serve others, and fulfill their life's calling. I don't want to offer up my sons to the mainstream media to raise. I want to be intentional about instilling character and virtue in their lives. And, most of all, I want to give them back to God, knowing that He wants even better for them than I do. In reality, I'm not enough to raise them to be the men they need to be. I'll need His help and the help of others, for sure.
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