I tell you, parenting teens is tough! So many emotions swirl around me when I consider the precious years I have left with my two youngest sons. I waver between relief and remorse that in only a few years they'll be out of our home. This limited amount of time is both a blessing and a challenge. How will I ever get these two prepared for the world they will enter when they leave us? How can I slow down time to savor each available moment?
Paul David Tripp's instructive book, Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, encourages parents not to view the teen years as something to survive, but to view them as an opportunity for investing growth. I love Tripp's perspective. He reminds parents that the very things that incense us about our teenagers reflect sin issues within ourselves. He asserts his core truth as "Our teenagers are more like us than they are unlike us.... All of the spiritual needs we will recognize in our teenagers are in some way identifiable in us." Yes, on plenty of occasions, I have approached my heavenly Father with the attitude that I know everything, including what is best for me.
I agreed wholeheartedly with Tripp's insights, especially in regard to parenting my particularly rebellious teenager. The other day, I read a post on Facebook about a respected psychologist whose teen son took one fatal experiment with a drug. She was an educated and informed parent. He was a good kid. Yet, still, the encounter with fentanyl stripped them both of the lives they expected to live. It incensed me when I read one particular commenter's callous remarks. This woman (from her vast realm of experience, obviously) blamed the parent. Her first comment was, "Why is a teen allowed access to drugs?" It was as if every response emboldened her further: "What [about] DARE... or good old-fashioned values of 'just say no' - so many parents are out of touch with their kids. 100 percent the parents' fault if the kid is underage." This commenter admitted her children are 9 and 4. May she never receive the boomerang from her insensitive and judgmental words.
As onlookers have watched our rebellion issues, they have asserted it is a matter of enforced rules and parental control. This author counters that argument and supports my perspective: "It is a short-term victory at best to control the behavior of a teen whose heart is not submissive to God.... The rules-and-regulations approach that focuses on keeping the teenager 'out of trouble' will ultimately fail because it does not deal with the heart.... All such parental interventions are attempts to produce what only God can produce. They... produce... fruit that decays as soon as the pressure is removed."
So what does Tripp suggest? Above all, we should demonstrate the grace that God bestows upon us when we sin. We should guide our children into biblically based views on life and culture. He also highlights three strategies: project parenting, constant conversation, and leading your teenager to repentance. John and I both continue to pray for godly heart changes in our sons, the changes only God can produce. The drives to and from my prodigal son's ranch job have been such a blessing. He is often a captive audience, and it allows me to pursue that constant conversation.
I loved that Tripp points the parent reader to reflect on their own sin-tendencies and to view every challenge as an opportunity to demonstrate and display God's grace. This was a reminder I needed to hear. It shifts anger at rebellion into calmer understanding and a more humble response. I recommend this book to anyone who struggles with parenting teens. Plus, here is a link to the video that first introduced me to Paul David Tripp - The Gospel Coalition presentation called "Mirror of Sin and Means of Grace: Parents Are Works in Progress, Too." Highly recommend it!
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