Book Review: Listen to the Marriage

Listen to the Marriage by John Jay Osborn is a book I had planned to read regardless of whether it ended up being a book club selection. I'm so glad they chose the book, though, because I am looking forward to the group discussion. Still, I'm not sure about my opinion. I considered the book well done. It blew by quickly because I was fully engaged with the characters and their dilemmas. I loved the opportunity to be a fly on the wall in the middle of marriage counseling sessions - someone else's marriage counseling sessions.

Although those days are long gone for me, I did a stint myself. My husband and I separated for a year and a half during my oldest son's toddler years (two decades ago). During that time, we not only fought our way through marital counseling, but we each had individual sessions, and I also took part in group therapy. I suppose my own experience colors my feelings about this book. I was dissatisfied with the ending. It felt incomplete. I wondered whether the characters would have ended up in the final circumstances as they played out in the book.

The whole book takes place in the confines of Sandy's marriage counseling office. The couple, Gretchen and Steve, come to sessions hoping to fix the rift caused by problems with trust, communication, honesty and fidelity. Although Sandy's goal is to listen to the marriage, she is not a passive bystander asking "how do you feel?" (though she uses that question from time to time). I've had those counselors and they accomplish very little in opening your eyes to the internal problems that have led to the external conflicts. The counselor who assisted us in weaving our marriage back together was hard-nosed and intense, even confrontational. Sandy plays a similar role. She prods the two to look at themselves and each other with fresh eyes and to own up to their own part in the dance of their partnership. While I didn't agree with some of Sandy's assessments, it was interesting to watch the couple bend and weave, punch and deflect.

Although I cannot nail down my exact opinion, I can say I enjoyed the read. It is the kind of book that leaves you thinking about it for a while after you've put it down. It will be an excellent sounding board for discussion. While the book is not likely to solve your own marital issues, should you have them (after all, it is not an application-based book), it will give you a bird's-eye view of someone else's issues. You might just come away eager to listen more to your own marriage and what it is saying.