A True Friend

Since my move to Indiana, I have been faced with a relatively new problem in my life - lack of friendship and, especially, companionship. I'm an extrovert. I love people! I love being around people. But, I've been thrust into an introvert's paradise - seclusion from people. What is paradise to an introvert can often feel like hell to an extrovert.

Several things contribute to my isolation:

• a house in the country
• two small toddlers who require a lion's share of my time
• an inability to get away due to lack of known, trustworthy baby-sitters
• attending a church where there are few other women my age
• attending a church at some distance, so that any extra contact becomes problematic.

It has often felt like travelling in a desert. When I do meet someone (like my closest neighbor), I worry about coming on too strong because of my desperate need. Will I drive them away because I appear over-enthusiastic? Will they understand that my parched social life has created an insatiable thirst for human contact (and believe me, sometimes all the boys in my family seem other-than-human!)?

Even as I attended CBLI (our family Bible camp), I found myself feeling very isolated. Opportunities to freely fellowship were rare because when I wasn't in class or at a meeting, I was shuttling around my anxious toddlers (who were having their own share of anxiety adjusting to the new environment and to the temporary separations from Mommy, their normally-constant companion). Thank goodness for the adult banquet on Thursday evening. It was the only meal where I experienced free adult conversation, unencumbered by frantic leaps for straws for milk, napkins for spills or dives for YS who would attempt to exit the stroller or high-chair on his own.

But mid-way through camp, I made arrangements to visit a college friend, who now lives in a town close to our camp. I haven't seen Mary in twenty years. We only re-connected recently when we found each other on Facebook. I took the two little boys (since ES went to Great America with others from camp) and arrived at her house around noon. We had lunch, talked and parted ways at 5 p.m., when I had to return to camp and she had to shuttle her eldest daughter to a piano lesson. But, in those five hours, somehow I managed to drink deeply. I fully believe that God was orchestrating our visit. I left feeling thoroughly refreshed and a bit surprised.

The amazing thing, too, is that we were never really best friends. We lived across the hall from one another in a dorm during our freshman year at Wheaton College. Yet, I would characterize Mary as a true friend.

First of all, she offered availability when it was clearly a busy time. Her mother is ill. Her husband's busiest business months are July and August (and she handles the phone). A housekeeper was scheduled to clean that afternoon. A refrigerator repairman was due. And the recycling crew failed to pick up all of her recycling, so arrangements were being made for them to return, as well.

She was approachable. She didn't put on any airs. She acknowledged her lack of make-up and the state of her house and then went on. She made me feel right at home and was genuinely interested in my life. I clearly felt as if I could let my hair down and be entirely myself around Mary. In fact, I found myself giving her a far more in-depth portrait than I expected. She was easy to talk to and I didn't wonder how she would react. That was very refreshing.

She listened and asked questions to draw out more. But, she also shared some of her own struggles, so I didn't feel as isolated in my issues. We were amazed at some parallel pathways we have been travelling. I was eager and willing to hear her advice.

Finally, instead of moralizing (which is what some Christian friends feel led to do when you open up and share a weakness or problem), she offered resources. She immediately began to look on the Internet for other church options for our family. She said my struggles sounded like some she had recently encountered. And she sent me off with some books to read and return. She offered encouragement without a sermon or a lecture. She didn't condescend with spiritual arrogance, despite the fact that she is clearly on more solid spiritual ground than I have been treading.

Mary gave me her time, her self, her support and her encouragement. I came away feeling fully blessed. I came away thanking God for our crossed paths. Moreover, I really thank God for a true friend (she wasn't a mirage - hurray!). When I swung by her house on Sunday afternoon, to return her books, I found a letter and two cd's Mary made for me. Included were special notes with each song, words of encouragement and challenge. I had headed to CBLI, hoping for rest and refreshment and my time at Mary's house was probably the best dose I received all week.