Book Review: Beauty in the Broken Places

My favorite thing about reading memoirs is that they give you a chance to walk a mile in someone else's shoes without having to fully experience what they have faced and (most often) triumphed over. It is kind of like living someone else's life for a day or two and fully familiarizing yourself with their reality. And what a reality Allison Pataki endured!

Alison and her husband were headed for a last vacation prior to the birth of their first child. As they boarded the plane, they had no idea their lives were about to change dramatically. Dave, a thirty-year-old, physically-fit, surgical resident, turned to Alison to ask if his eye looked strange because he couldn't see out of it. It was indeed widely dilated and a moment later, he lost consciousness and suffered a rare, life-threatening stroke.

Alison's story, Beauty in the Broken Places, tells not only of how they met and fell in love, but also how that love endured through the aftermath of his traumatic brain injury. She manages to find the blessings in the midst of tragedy. Statistically, the odds were against them in many ways, but love, faith, and resilience brought them through deep waters. In the end, Alison is able to reflect once again on how lucky they were to have found one another and to have weathered the storms of life together.

The book will also appeal to anyone interested in the remarkable plasticity of the brain. It is truly amazing how the body can heal itself. Through the power of prayer and the awe-inspiring resiliency of the body (a mark of God's great craftsmanship), Dave's brain is working towards a full recovery. I appreciated the epilogue providing Dave's perspective. He is expected to return to his career as a surgeon. Moreover, he will certainly live a life of deeper gratitude after walking through his harrowing experience.

With Boys Come Broken Limbs, Yet Again

Boys are an active, rough-and-tumble breed! They play hard and when they break, they break hard. I wrote a similar post back in October of 2012 when Sean broke his arm while playing on the playground equipment at his school. His break was serious enough to require surgery and the placement of a pin. But, his break was a walk in the park, looking back on it now from today's perspective.

On Tuesday of this week, during the drive to school, I realized I had failed to pack a small snack for Trevor to consume after school before departing on the bus for the football team's first game of the season (an away game). I drove over to the school at 3:30 with a sandwich, mandarin oranges, and a bottle of water. He stood dressed in a new jersey and I am wishing now that I had snapped a photo because he looked so sharp all dressed out in his football uniform (thankfully, they had just taken team photos, so I will get a fridge magnet to commemorate the day).

Although the away game was near enough, John decided against attending (something we now regret) and I had to take Sean to his 6th grade team football practice. While sitting in the car waiting for the practice to end, I received the phone call no mother wants to get. John called to say that Trevor had been injured at his game and he needed to head to that school to rush Trevor to the emergency room. At the time, I didn't know the extent of the injury and I was filled with dread. I snatched Sean from his practice, hoping to race to the emergency room whenever John called again to give a location. Sadly, when he did call, he explained that they felt they couldn't wait for John to arrive and an ambulance had taken Trevor to Riley Children's Hospital (a hospital closer to the away game location). Since John was already there and Sean needed a shower, dinner, and someone to stay with him, we decided I would stay put (also frustrating, because with John's phone almost dead, the last word I heard was that they were still waiting to be taken to x-ray).

They finally arrived home at 7:30 the following morning, having been up all night in the process (and bored out of their minds because neither of them had functioning phones with them). Trevor was on crutches and sporting an ankle-to-groin cast. The first obstacle: the steps leading from the garage into the guest room. He couldn't seem to navigate them on the crutches, so we eventually got under each arm and lifted him up into the house. They were both sleep-deprived and in quite a frazzled state (Trevor upset because he felt Dad hadn't been patient enough with him; John upset because Trevor had snapped at those trying to help him every step of the way, due to the pain). Thankfully, I was able to get Sean to school and retrieve Trevor's belongings (including his phone - ha) while they both attempted to make up for some of the lost sleep.

It has been rough going, so far. He is fine as long as he is lying in bed, or sitting in his desk chair with his leg propped up, but the minute he tries to get vertical, he complains that it feels like the bone is popping all over again and pulling apart. His toes turn purple and he winces in pain every time he attempts to lift the leg. The doctor has assured us that this is all within the range of normal and that he needs to take the pain medicine prescribed (we hadn't filled it because John was concerned about the constipating nature of the medicine, but pain relief is more important than the digestive system function). I took this photo in the hallway, however it doesn't really show the extent of the cast or the fact that he is barely able to remain upright:

Apparently, and somehow I had forgotten this, Trevor had a pre-existing bone cyst on his right tibia. A few years back (8/2014), we had x-rays done because of ankle pain and the doctor noted the cyst, but said it was benign. I don't remember them counseling us to avoid contact sports. I don't recall any warning that he would be more susceptible to fractures in that spot. After looking up information on bone cysts, I'm wondering why they didn't perform a biopsy (didn't realize benign tumors could transform into malignant ones, either). When I called our primary physician's office, they stated that we were told to follow up after the x-rays with an orthopedic specialist if the pain persisted (it must have abated because we never pursued the follow up).

Now, we're at a crossroads of sorts. I'm anxious to hear what the orthopedic specialist will tell us when Trevor returns to Riley for his one-week follow-up appointment. Will we be told that he should no longer participate in football or any other contact sport? Will they decide to remove the bone tumor? Is he susceptible to further fractures as a result of this one? Ruling out high school football will not only devastate Trevor, but several other people, as well (Bryce is already reeling from the news and the coaches will not be happy either). He has the build and the ability to be a real asset to a team. Moreover, he receives vital affirmation, essential inclusion, and critical kinship from his participation. I really believe Trevor might become a different person if his involvement is curtailed at this point.

But, all of that speculation is putting the cart before the horse because we haven't even tackled the first week of post-injury. We purchased a special bag to aid in keeping the cast dry during showers (something he will eventually have to attempt, although we've been making do with spit baths - perhaps not sufficient given his sweaty state after playing the game). I battled scalp oil with dry shampoo until I finally managed a hair wash in the sink this morning. He's supposed to have the cast for at least six weeks, so it should be quite interesting and challenging. But then again, when you have boys, broken limbs seem to come with the territory!

How about you? Ever had a full leg cast? What tips can you provide to make the adjustment easier? Moreover, if it were your son, would you pull him from contact sports for good or risk another external injury in order to glean the extensive internal benefits of participation? I'd love to hear your take in the comments.

Book Review: The Aging Brain

Dr. Timothy Jennings is a new author to me, but he hooked me with the subtitle of this book: The Aging Brain: Proven Steps to Prevent Dementia and Sharpen Your Mind. If I had flipped the book over, I would have recognized the publisher's Christian affiliation (Baker Books) and read about two of the author's other books, The God-Shaped Brain and The God-Shaped Heart. But I didn't, so I was pleasantly surprised when the author began talking about "design law" and arguing against evolutionary theories (He writes: "Evolutionary theory states that systems become more ordered, more organized, and more advanced simply by means of random chance causing mutations and natural selection.... But any scientist can ... recognize quite quickly that without intelligent input of energy, systems decay." Truly, things naturally lead to decline and deterioration.) Moreover, I was thrilled to read his assertion that our belief systems impact our health and risk of dementia. However, despite loads of really great information about delaying or preventing mental decline, I couldn't get behind the author's perspectives about belief systems entirely.

The Aging Brain is a highly practical book for enhancing your health and well-being. Jennings examines how genetics, stress, and lifestyle all influence our level of health. To have a healthy brain, you must nurture a healthy body. Even simple things like regular care of your teeth will reduce your dementia risk. Jennings states that in order to make healthy life choices you must appreciate the importance of "design law," the "parameters, protocols, and principles on which life is constructed to operate." He emphatically asserts: "It is not possible to be healthy outside the laws of health."

I eagerly devoured Chapter 3, "Epigenetics and Aging: The Impact from Our Ancestors." What your parents and grandparents experienced will often alter your genes. Jennings discusses how famine, low-calorie diets, smoking, alcohol consumption, stress, and early childhood learning environments all impact our genetic leanings. He writes: "If a mother is highly stressed while pregnant, which may be no fault of her own, then her child will be born with a brain more vulnerable to anxiety and depression." We need not despair, however, because every day offers a new start to rewiring our circuitry through better health choices.

For the most part, the book is a clarion call for making daily choices that lead to health. It is all the standard stuff we've heard and read before: eat a healthy plant-based diet, exercise regularly, avoid substances that increase inflammation, seek mental stimulation, and get 7-8 hours of sleep each night. What Jennings adds is the importance of a sound belief system. Apparently, his book, The God-Shaped Brain goes into further detail about the impact of religious views on the brain. He writes: "God-concepts that promote love, forgiveness, compassion, beneficence, reasoning, thinking, and the pursuit of truth and evidence while respecting the freedom of conscience are healing to the brain. God-concepts that incite fear; promote hostility, intolerance, conflict, and resentment; shut down thinking; undermine reasoning; minimize truth and evidence; and lead to the coercion of others are damaging to the brain."

And here is where I began to feel a creeping doubt about the author's perspectives. While God is a benevolent God, all-loving, desiring our very best, and His laws are set in place to keep the world in harmony and peace, He is also just and whether we want to admit it or not, there is such a thing as sin in the world. If we do not recognize our need for a Savior (as Jennings clearly disputes the need of Christ's act on the cross in order to atone for sin), then God becomes some hippy-dippy, free-wheeling entity who has no power to change our lives for the better. For Jennings, the key is simply to believe in God's love and leave it at that.

Indeed, he goes so far as to say that a loving God would not require His son to atone for sins on a man-made cross: "If the God concept one holds is of a deity from whom we need to be protected (perhaps by offering him sacrifices - even offering the sinless blood of his son), then it is impossible to trust the future to such a being." In my opinion, that is a heretical thought. The God I believe in and trust can fully be trusted because His love extended to that very important act of the death of Christ on the cross to cancel out the sins I am beset with. I don't fear Him or worry about His righteous judgment. I don't believe that my brain is suffering because I believe in a God who has a clear standard of right and wrong and who, while relentlessly pursuing us to atone for the chasm between us, also will be just if that free gift is rejected. You cannot force someone to seek reconciliation in any relationship, let alone one with the almighty God. But Jennings sets people on a path to believing there is no need for reconciliation, only the good vibes of God's endless love. He presents a God who is only interested in our happiness and well-being, not in our holiness and redemption.

If you ask me, Jennings is creating a God he feels comfortable with, one in his own image. In our adult Bible study at CBLI, the leader talked about "would-be Jesus." Would-be Jesus is a Jesus who agrees with your belief system, who likes what you like and hates what you hate, who accepts what you accept and rejects what you reject. But that is no different than fashioning an idol out of wood or stone. We don't get to call the shots. Indeed, I wouldn't want to because I recognize how fallible I am. I'm not God and I don't want to fashion God in my image.

So, while the book holds a great deal of value for the prescriptive advice about enriching health, I think I cannot recommend the book fully without caution about his spiritual foundation. It is a foundation of sinking sand, not the solid rock of Christ's atonement. And if I am destined for dementia because I believe in the God of the Bible, the God who Jennings wants to call a "punishing dictator God," but who is really the only supreme being capable of reconciling sinful man to his holy maker, then bring it on. God can carry me through that, as well.

Book Review: The Business of Being a Writer

I'm your typical disorganized, creative, right-brain-focused individual. While I might have scientific interests (how the brain functions; the rudiments of psychology), I certainly don't revel in mathematical exercises. I try to avoid topics of economics and such. Thus, Jane Friedman's The Business of Being a Writer was a bit of a stretch for me. I much prefer to read books that emphasize the creative aspects of writing. But, there is a time and place for thinking about the business side and Friedman does a decent job of outlining how the business side of writing works.

It was a tad dry - but then, the topic is business-related, so I expected as much. Moreover, I already knew quite a bit of the content (the steps you must take to get published). Still, if you are considering quitting your job and devoting your life to the goal of a lucrative writing career, Friedman will certainly open your eyes to the difficulties you might encounter. Plus, if you are just starting out as a writer, she will walk you through the process. For me, the most beneficial gain was a small section on author platform that emphasized creating a newsletter mailing list. This is something I've been thinking about for a while. I took a few notes and jotted down some on-line resources for help in that area. It's not a book I will return to again, but it was worth the time invested.

Book Review: Great American Humor

What a fun little book! Great American Humor provides 1000 funny jokes, clever one-liners, and witty sayings. It makes a perfect companion for brief intervals of reading opportunity. I took this book along to read while waiting for my sons at their dentist appointments. I had to stifle quite a few chuckles and pass the book to one son or the other on a variety of occasions. Here are a few of my favorites:

"Never say 'oops' in the operating room." - Leo Troy
"Don't ever send a man window-shopping. He'll come back carrying a window." - Diana Jordan
"Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors." - Tom Snyder
"All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand." - Emo Philips
"Retirement: twice as much husband for half as much money." - Bette Midler
"I went to the missing person's bureau. No one was there." - George Carlin

Speaking of the missing person's bureau. Fun fact: I worked at The Salvation Army Central Territory's Missing Person's Bureau one summer during my college years. Every time an individual was found, we rang a bell that pealed through the building. It was very interesting and rewarding work.

CBLI 2018 - Contemplating Possible Finality

2018 marks the twentieth consecutive year of our family attendance at Central Bible and Leadership Institute, our annual Bible camp with The Salvation Army. I'm really kicking myself for not insisting that Sean attend (camp is more challenging for him, given his shyness). Trevor and I both had a wonderful time. We battled dueling feelings of joy and sorrow because we approached the week feeling it would be our last CBLI encampment (next year, when Trevor will finally be old enough to attend the teen track alone, he will probably be on the football team and the high school coaches do not tolerate absence for the week of football camp - it always falls on the week of CBLI). It added a touch of gloom as we continually thought, "Will this be our last?"

I was thrilled to learn that two friends from my teen years would be attending for the first time in many years. Lori Dalberg Gjovig came to work in the jr. high track (had no photo of Lori) and Tina Carlson Fewell came to spend the week with her son, Blake. Here's a photo of Tina (on the left) with another friend, Susan (who has attended CBLI for several years):

This provided two more individuals for me to eat meals with (especially important now that Trevor eats most of his meals with his friends instead of with me).

We were housed this year in Robin (a cabin I haven't been in since the first two or three years of attendance when Bryce was 3-5 years old). Although they were working on re-siding the cabin (lots of afternoon sawing and pounding), I still managed to nap through it due to my early rising. My 5 a.m. Eastern time waking hour translated to 4 a.m. Central time, but my body refused to give up its circadian rhythm. I happily rose early, showered, and headed over to the lodge lounge to carry out my typical morning Bible and writing routines.

A curious new space at camp provided a perfect setting for my annual photo with my friend, Laura. The tiny room was located outside the chapel, but I'm still unclear what purpose it was meant to serve (apart from photo ops):

The adult track enjoyed the Christian comedy team, Bean and Bailey, on the first Sunday night:

Other activities included a concert by Joseph Solomon, a dog presentation by Extreme Obedience, and a celebration of 50 years of teen track leadership by the inimitable Barb Higgins. But, I think my favorite part of the adult track, was the Bible study led by Capt. Marion Platt. He taught about the character of God, focusing on such attributes as immutability, omnipresence, holiness, sovereignty, faithfulness, justice, mercy, and love. I was deeply moved by his words about God's unchanging character when he introduced the concept of "would-be Jesus," a Jesus we're more comfortable with because he is made, by us, in our own image. His words hit home so much that I feel I must share them (available to listen to in the link above on the You Tube video for the second day of the study, at the 37:30 minute mark):

"We'd rather have, sometimes, 'Would-Be-Jesus.' Do you know who W-B Jesus is? It's a kinda, but not-quite Jesus. It's based-on-a-true-story Jesus. It's the kind of Jesus you create, not of wood or gold, but in your own image. W-B Jesus takes cues and gets counsel from you. W-B Jesus hates the stuff you hate, permits the stuff you permit, omits what you omit, condones what you condone and pets the doctrines you pet. W-B Jesus only ever votes the way you would vote and can't believe that other people vote any different. W-B Jesus ... prefers your preferences, is outraged by what you are outraged by, and when your ideas, opinions, views, and values change, as they often do, so do the ideas, opinions, views, and values of W-B Jesus change. W-B Jesus is made in your image. If you are a disgruntled, disillusioned person, so is W-B Jesus. If you're an angry person who screams at the TV at every shift in culture, then your W-B Jesus screams at the TV beside you. If you're a hard-core permissive, hemp-wearing flower child, your W-B Jesus strums a harp on the lowest branch of the oldest oak tree. W-B Jesus tolerates other churches, but likes your church the best....

"It would shock you how similar W-B Jesus is to you. He walks with you, He talks with you, and you tell Him 'You are my own.' And if you look closely, if you conduct a comparative analysis of W-B Jesus to the middle-Eastern, middle-aged Jesus of history and Scripture, you will find that you have hung a carefully cultivated scarecrow in the garden of your heart. W-B Jesus might keep the crows of culture away, but W-B Jesus can never save you or make you holy. Why? Because W-B Jesus is too busy changing. And you know what? The fact that W-B Jesus changes is proof that W-B Jesus is not Jesus at all.

"We find a complete character profile of God between the gospels... My main point for this entire week is that God will be who He will be, unchanging, omnipresent, holy, faithful, just, merciful, and loving independent of the culture or our political preferences. And we learn that from turning our eyes upon the actual, real-life Jesus, who is the same yesterday, today, and forever."

From my own notes, I gleaned some powerful observations: 1) Despite the sensation of loneliness, we are never alone because God stands outside of time and is geographically and chronologically ever-present; 2) We can talk about holiness but still be empty until we interact with the source; 3) God wants us to be the "spittin' image" of Him; 4) Our biggest problem in imitating His level of faithfulness comes from our contract-thinking instead of covenant-thinking; and 5) Righteousness includes not just loving God in a proper way but others in a provisional way.

But my notes were haphazard at best, compared to the beautifully illustrated notes Valerie Carr took and shared:

While I was soaking up the spiritual nourishment of the Bible study (and insight from my elective class on spiritual gifts), Trevor was studying wisdom in the jr. high track (especially fun for him because he was able to play drums for the praise band in his track:

He spent a bit of time down at the lakefront fishing, but gave up on his usual goal of winning the largest fish competition.

Instead, he spent most of his free time hanging with his buddies, Ethan and Emmet (sometimes literally hanging):

(Another crazy glasses purchase at our favorite Antioch, IL joke, magic, and costume shop, J.J. Blinkers - a fun annual tradition.)

By the end of the week, despite our eagerness to get home to our own beds and showers, we were both fairly sad that our possible final encampment was over. I keep trying to come up with some way to salvage plans to make it work again. Perhaps I can insist Sean go with me next year. Perhaps Trevor will decide against playing high school football. Or perhaps I will simply go on my own. A year without CBLI would be, well, a year with a gaping hole during the month of July. Only time will tell, but my heart hopes CBLI will be in our future again, somehow, some way.

=======

I only took the photos of our private room in Robin. All other photos came from those who attended the camp with me, so special thanks to Jennifer Minter, Laura Allen, Emily Southfield, Tina Fewell, Kim Suydam, Brenna Lee, and Valerie Carr for use of their photos.

Book Review: Letters About Literature (2016)

I can't recall how I stumbled onto these books, but I really enjoyed reading these letters from students to authors whose books have impacted their lives. In this 2016 collection, there are the typical front runners: letters to J.K. Rowling for the Harry Potter books, to R.J. Palacio for Wonder, Lois Lowry for The Giver, and Sharon Draper for Out of My Mind. But I really enjoyed the unexpected letters. One girl wrote a heart-wrenching letter to Bethany Hamilton explaining how she could relate to Bethany's loss of an arm in Soul Surfer because her family's trust and security were stolen by a home intruder. Another told of the relief in finding she was not alone in her struggle with her brother's autism by reading Ginny Rorby's How to Speak Dolphin. Several told of their personal experiences with the loss of a sibling to either suicide or natural causes. Plus, I once again found a book recommendation through reading these letters. I will seek out the one called Wrap-Up List because the student made it sound so enticing. Reading someone else's letter always feels like eavesdropping on their life. Pair that with books and it is a recipe for an interesting read.