Book Review: Dear Emmie Blue

I loved this novel's premise. Girl sends off balloon bearing secret into the world. Boy finds balloon and responds. Deep and abiding friendship develops. Girl hopes for something more. Her hopes begin to slip away like the balloon, with no destination.

I loved the setting - popping back and forth between England and France. I loved the conflict - will they/won't they end up together? The main character was delightful. What a conflicted, yet optimistic young woman. So glad she could send her baggage packing. I loved her best friend, right until he acts like less than a friend. An incident at the end left me shaking my head, disbelieving this character would do such a thing (probably included to keep tension levels high). Plus, why must all new books include sexual comment/content that I find undesirable? Do these authors write clean books and someone dictates that they must add filthy language, sexual discussion, etc., to achieve publication? Oh, how I despair! Lovely little romance book, apart from that. 

Gratitude in a Pandemic Year

What a year this has been! Unlike any other year I've experienced. Last November we discovered our son's prodigal path. Then, at the start of 2020, my dad broke his arm, necessitating my stay with them in Florida, where I watched my mother almost shrivel away into death. In March, the pandemic arrived with lockdowns, inconveniences, and uncertainty. Month by month, as I've kept my own chart of the pandemic statistics for Indiana, I've watched the numbers climb. 

August brought schooling decisions. Sean wanted to play football (amid my worry that such an activity would be unsafe), so we selected in-person schooling for him. For Trevor, wanting to continue his morning hours at his ranch internship, we selected at-home learning. That has been extremely challenging. I think his teachers were unprepared for providing both in-person and remote learning options. So many glitches. For his engineering class, the students in the classroom have access to software and programs for completing their assignments, while Trevor is told to draw sketches of the work (a far more time-intensive method and so he just neglects it). He also tanked on his Algebra class. Without in-person instruction, he felt unprepared to tackle the many assignments. Plus, once you are behind in a math course, catching up is hard because concepts build on one another. It has been difficult to determine if his failure is due to insufficient preparation for requirements or lack of motivation. He has always been in the honors courses and is thankfully far ahead because his middle school courses counted for high school credit. Still, quite difficult to see a gifted student fail classes.

Isolating and avoiding exposure is less challenging for us, since my husband works from home and I only leave to get groceries (and books from the library - 😉 - but use curbside pickup for that). Nonetheless, in October, John grew sick. He had barely been anywhere and always wears a mask. However, he had been working in the attic where we thought mouse droppings may have exposed him to hantavirus (a very serious lung infection that leads to death in over half the cases). He had chills, fever, headache, cough, difficulty breathing without coughing. Of course, the minute he suggested this as a possibility, I began envisioning my life, especially parenting my prodigal, without the support of my husband. To say terror overtook me is putting it lightly.

We also wondered if bird droppings might be responsible. We still have our friends, the turkeys, hanging around, and John has been raking damp leaves full of bird droppings. Thus, we thought it might be histoplasmosis. When he at last went to see a doctor, they insisted on a COVID test and also performed a chest x-ray. The x-ray revealed bacterial pneumonia. They gave him antibiotics, and the symptoms vanished.

Then, his test results returned - positive. We were in disbelief, mostly because his symptoms cleared with antibiotics (antibiotics do not kill viruses). Also, he had hardly isolated himself from us (made many of our meals), yet none of the rest of us had any symptoms or difficulty. Still, Trevor's job required a test before he could return to work, and the CDC required us to quarantine for two weeks beyond when John's symptoms cleared. Sean became a remote learner, much to his dismay (and he also had difficulty - for example, for one test on "The Ride of Paul Revere," the teacher included questions with specific verse references, yet he could not leave the test page to seek those verses - the students probably had the poem printed out at their desks - he brought up the poem on his phone, but still had to count down the verses to get to the appropriate designated sections). Trevor's test returned negative, as expected, and they allowed him to return to work.

Bryce had planned a two-week Thanksgiving visit (working from home for the first week). Even though our quarantine would have ended the day of his arrival, he changed his plans to stay at his best friend's house for the first week in case we came down with the virus. The day of his flight, he learned his best friend had tested positive for COVID. So, he ended up at our house after all. Praise God! He learned the results prior to his flight and not after he had already gone to stay with the friend.

He also planned to attend a small birthday party/getaway in KY with several other friends the weekend before Thanksgiving. This filled us with dread, because his 92-year-old grandmother intended to come here for Thanksgiving. Not wanting to chance exposure, or infect his grandmother, he canceled those plans (praise God). Almost as soon as he cancelled, we learned that his grandmother's retirement center would not allow her to travel here (relieving some of my stress over preparing a big Thanksgiving dinner - although I roasted a turkey for the first time and, despite my lack of kitchen skills, succeeded).

Thus, I am settled into a deep state of gratitude this weekend. My prodigal son has improved some. My father and mother moved into an assisted living facility just prior to this whole pandemic explosion, and I have more peace of mind, knowing they receive thorough care. God has protected us from the pandemic virus and a worse virus (hantavirus). We drove over to Illinois on Friday and had an outdoor visit with Grandma in a heated tent (she has been desperate to see us all; she's a social individual, so the restrictions are excruciating for her).

Bryce and Sean have spent time together playing Rock Band (always a blessing to see them share this experience). Here is a photo of one of their stellar performances - 98% each with a score passing 1 million:

Later, they roped in Trevor:

Finally, they even called on me to participate. I took vocals on easy, but managed to help them get a score over 2 million.

Though challenges abound, God's grace and mercy abound ever more.

Gratitude in a Pandemic Year by Wendy Gorton Hill

G – od has given many things that I do not deserve

R – ight relationship with Him and freedom through His Word

A – nd with that firm foundation, amid this crazy year,

T – rials simply reinforce that He alone is dear

I – need not fear tomorrow, with all its troubling woe

T – rusting His protection is the only way to go

U – nworthy, though I may be, His promises are true

D – espite uncertainty, He’ll surely see me through

E – ach detail ever subject to His command and view.

Book Review: Out of my Mind

I saw Sharon Draper's Out of my Mind highlighted in a child's letter about their favorite literature in the 2016 Letters About Literature book. I added it to my lengthy list. It reminded me of Cynthia Lord's book Rules, because it portrays a handicapped individual who can neither walk nor talk. Both books will appeal to tween readers and foster greater understanding and empathy for special needs children.

Despite eleven-year-old Melody's vast intelligence and photographic memory, most kids think she is mentally defective. They shy away from her wheelchair. They stare when she drools. If only she could communicate! Countless words and thoughts spring to life in her brain but cannot make it to her lips. Trapped in a body racked with cerebral palsy, Melody outlines the frustrations of limitations she cannot override. Like the goldfish in her fish bowl, Melody longs to escape her imprisoned world. She is ecstatic when a computer allows her to find her voice. Will her newfound ability to communicate solidify or squelch acceptance from others?

I enjoyed this tender tale. Draper has experience parenting a special needs child. Thus, she portrays a believable and gutsy protagonist. The conflicts that arise propel the story into unexpected territory. Any reader will identify with Melody's feelings and frustrations. Moreover, nurturing acceptance for those who are different is always a timely task.

Book Review: They Do It With Mirrors

Finally, a clean audio book! I waded two discs into another one - groan - before giving up and returning to the library to find this decent Agatha Christie novel. In this mystery, Miss Marple is invited to a childhood friend's estate. She must piece together the clues to solve the mystery of the murder of another visitor. Was it the unhinged schizophrenic patient? Who is trying to poison Miss Marple's friend? Where were the various individuals when the lights went out? My only complaint for this audio book was that the reader was very difficult to understand (an older woman whose voice and inflections hindered the clarity of the experience so I couldn't listen while walking on the treadmill and had to reserve listening sessions for my trips back and forth with the boys to school and work). Still, so grateful for a clean read!

Book Review: Evvie Drake Starts Over

If you are looking for a light-hearted romance, Evvie Drake Starts Over is a good place to start. The author, Linda Holmes, is the host of NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast. Although not a big NPR listener, I look to them for book recommendations sometimes. This feel-good, sweet novel was an easy read and explored themes of guilt, love, and second chances.

Evvie Drake was all prepared to start over. With luggage packed in her car, she never expected the call that announced her husband's death in a car crash. So, why can't she start over now that the universe has given her a pass to go card? She feels wracked with guilt for a step she never even took. Meanwhile, Dean Tenney is forced to start over when his pitching arm suddenly malfunctions. What neurosis keeps him from taking the steps his body should know by heart? When Dean moves into Evvie's rental apartment, both explore what is holding them back from their second chance at life. Do they have what it takes to wipe the slate clean and seek something new?

In the novel, Evvie talks about grieving her first call status. I had never thought in terms like that. How difficult it is to accept that a relationship has changed and you are no longer the first person your best friend would call when they receive significant news. I've been there. Indeed, I tried to imagine who I would call first. Certainly my husband would hear my news, but who would be my first call? I have no idea. That, in itself, is rather sad. Lots to think about in this book. Can a man be a woman's best friend without hinting at sparks of anything else? Why do we present a false front to the world, afraid to show our life truths? How important is it to forgive ourselves before we forgive others? Hmm. Like I said, lots to ponder. 

Book Review: The Five

Crime in Victorian England fascinates me. I have never really focused on the Jack the Ripper cases, however. During my 2017 European trip, I passed on an opportunity to take a guided walk along Jack the Ripper's London. Instead, I chose a museum walking tour. This book, The Five, details the lives of the five victims of this notorious criminal. While many assume that all the victims were prostitutes, that was not true.

Historian Hallie Rubenhold introduces Polly, Annie, Elizabeth, Catherine, and Mary-Jane. She intersperses their tales with historical details to bring the Victorian era and the plight of the poor to life. Instead of being selected for selling sex, Rubenhold argues the Ripper likely chose these women because they were sleeping rough. Mary-Jane was the only one murdered in her bed. The rest of the women were lying in some hidden alleyway, some too drunk to register danger. What a sad, gruesome story. Evil manifests in every age and poverty renders far too many vulnerable.

Politics, Pandemics, and Prodigals, Oh My!

Photo by Nicole Wreyford on Unsplash

It is November 2020. I am sick to death of my Facebook feed, exploding daily with fomentation of conflicting perspectives. Back and forth, each side insists that their man will lead them to the healing this land needs. "If only So and so is in power, we will see humankind improve." I don't buy it. 

Human effort can never eradicate the ramifications of spiritual illness. No matter who sits in the White House, America remains threatened by wholesale acceptance of sin and sin's infectious disease. This is the true pandemic. The insidious, invisible illness. Are you infected? Is anyone else infected by your actions, your movements? We are free to move about the country, passing along the virus indiscriminately. We are free to place our trust wherever political argument moves us the most. Why do we seek a political cure for a spiritual disease? Arguing a political perspective rarely changes human action.

If plagued by butting heads in our nation, I'm also tormented by butting heads in my home. I've been living in the parable of the prodigal son. Camped there for a season. Fully frustrated with my child's rebellious choices. Equally frustrated that the loving father in the parable does not force his child's compliance. God knows what man needs, yet allows him to choose the very action that creates the chasm. God, in His sovereignty, knows the consequences of our choices. Despite concern for our best interest, He will not dictate our way. There's an old Salvation Army chorus that declares, "His way is best you see... I'm in His hands." (Take a moment, it is worth the listen. Or view the full lyrics, with verses.) But, alas, we can ignore His commands, walk away from the Father, follow the road signs that declare "Happiness... ten miles down the road." Many say, "Get Your hands off me! This is my body! This is my life!"

It is like my child is on a train. The tracks have been blown to smithereens further down... is it over a flat surface or over a catastrophic abyss? Will the end bring minimal damage or maximum devastation? I can't guess the end, but I believe the One who knows and sees the impending danger. And so I post my signs, offer my arguments. Stop! These tracks are not reliable. Danger up ahead! Get off the train before it is too late.

But other signs stand posted, and he persists in following those. They read: "This is the answer to your problems. This will bring you the happiness and comfort you desire. Don't listen to the naysayers. They just want to spoil your fun. You have a perfect right to live as you choose. Stay on the train. Enjoy the view."

Relativists say, "You have your truth. I have mine. You believe what you want and I will believe what I want." I don't buy relativism either. Absolute truth exists. Both sides cannot be right at the same time. Yet, even when truth is crystal clear, man will rationalize and justify his departure.

For example, I've been listening to Siddhartha Mukherjee's excellent biography of cancer. The current chapters describe studies with incontrovertible evidence that smoking causes lung cancer. Yet the tobacco companies, eager for profit, spun advertising campaigns to minimize the evidence or call it into question. One man, disturbed by the one-sided advertising petitioned that truths from the other perspective deserved equal time so that an individual could parse through the evidence and make an educated decision about their actions. But here's the dilemma. Even when faced with evidence that smoking causes cancer, people continue to light up a cigarette. Their perceived benefits outweigh the arguments against use. As the book highlighted, some will walk away from chemotherapy and insist on having a smoke. You could post a sign saying "The bridge is out!" and they puff away, smile and say, "Just look at that view!"

Alas, I am a prime example of this. I'm knee-deep in a book about the protocol for Dr. Dale Bredesen's End of Alzheimer's program. As if to set the signs aglow in neon, I had a most troubling experience the other day. We sat at the table. I was disturbed because John had added pepper to the corn (flavoring he desires and I do not). As the others started eating, I said, "Aren't we going to pray?" They looked at me as if I had sprouted a second head. "Mom, we just prayed. You even bowed your head." It brought me to tears. I had no recollection of the moment they insisted had just occurred. Of course, wanting to reassure me, John said it happened because I was perseverating about the pepper on the corn. True, but I saw the sign.

For all the research into better diet and the books about lessening my chances of disease and difficulty, I continue to eat foods I know harm my health. I'd rather enjoy the taste of my cream cheese squares than begin again to rein in my out-of-control eating habits. Argue all you want. I'm going to disregard what I know to be true and eat what I know to be unhealthy.

As for my child, he may persist too. We can argue our perspective until the end of time, but he is free to choose what he will. When we present evidence, he pooh-poohs it and points to articles that support his position. He can find someone to defend his beliefs. He can say, "Get your rules off me! This is my life, my future, my decision." As Proverbs 21:2 says, "Every way of a man is right in his own eyes."

Given the inadequacy of argument, I should despair. If reason does not show the way and if reason, even when admitted, doesn't slow the way, what are we to do? But there I am clear. Arguments will not alter hearts. Superior debating will not affect change. God, in His wisdom, shows me the way. Philippians 4:6 - "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Luke 18:1 - "He told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart." Only by the grace of God will spiritual eyes open and physical lives mend.

This is the only viable solution for our country, as well. A president will neither make America great again nor make America nice again. It is only a man behind the curtain with no magical powers. As long as we refuse to turn from our wicked ways, we can expect the outcome in which we sit. We cannot contact trace this disease of sin. And God will not allow sin to reign forever. Even His patience has an end. But, His solution again? 2 Chronicles 7:14 - "If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." Romans 12:12 - "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." I beg God to root out the pride and pigheadedness within me and remind me of His sovereignty. As Charles Spurgeon wrote, "When you go through a trial, the sovereignty of God is the pillow upon which you lay your head." I'm on my knees for my nation, for my family, for my son. Our solution? Repent of sin, accept His grace, and follow God's biblical road.

Book Review: The Return of the Prodigal Son

One blessing of walking a path with a prodigal child is the clear correlation in Scripture. Since I find my trial in the Bible, I am assured God is familiar with what I am facing. He is the original parent of a prodigal. This book, The Return of the Prodigal Son, grew out of Henri Nouwen's viewing and contemplation of Rembrandt's painting by the same name. The cover of my copy bears this famous painting.

Nouwen walks through the parable from the perspective of each participant: father, prodigal, and elder son. He points out how we can relate to each in some measure. Indeed, I have been wayward, seeking anything but the love and authority of the Father. Who hasn't wanted their own way instead of God's way? I have resented the favor God grants others. Finally, I'm called to love with His level of unconditional love, something most challenging.

In one of my favorite passages, Nouwen addresses the unexpected expression of God's love. We think the Father should not allow the son to go his own way. Surely, knowing the outcome, he would do better to force the child to accept his home and his love. Yet, God doesn't.

Nouwen writes: "How much would he have liked to pull them back with his fatherly authority and hold them close to himself so that they would not get hurt. But his love is too great to do any of that. It cannot force, constrain, push, or pull. It offers freedom to reject that love.... That freedom includes the possibility of their leaving home, going to a 'distant country,' and losing everything.... From the beginning of creation, [He] has stretched out his arms in merciful blessing, never forcing himself on anyone, but always waiting; never letting his arms drop down in despair, but always hoping that his children will return so that he can speak words of love to them and let his tired arms rest on their shoulders. His only desire is to bless."

Would that I could show that level of love. If only I did not give way to despair. Clinging to hope is not possible without the Father's intervention. My arms grow weary. They droop, and I experience anger at my child for not living according to my dictates and authority. I want to demand compliance. I want to control the outcome. As I experience the compassionate love of God, I move forward attempting to live that love to my son. I must ignore the rejection and focus on the return, waiting to bless.

Book Review: Open Heart

This brief audio book, Open Heart, by Elie Wiesel is a poetic venture into a health crisis. Wiesel, well-known as a survivor of Auschwitz, underwent emergency surgery in 2011. As I listened, I thought of a member of my book club whose husband had open heart surgery a month ago. Facing down this significant surgery (and the depression they say follows) is no small thing. Wiesel expresses, once again, his response to unfathomable trial. This open look at life-threatening circumstances reflects his past and his writing career. He wrestles with God's place in it all and reaffirms his trust, despite the threat. Articulating his Jewish background, he reveals his emotional and spiritual response to this emergency surgery situation.

Book Review: Open and Unafraid

In these days of confusion and chaos, I have taken to reading the psalms. They express similar angst to what I experience. They praise in equal measure. W. David O. Taylor's book, Open and Unafraid: The Psalms as a Guide to Life, explores the psalms thoroughly. Divided into 14 chapters, breaking down categories such as Honesty, Prayer, Poetry, Anger, Joy, Enemies, Justice, and Death, the book outlines how we need not filter and gentrify our expressions to God. We can express all facets of our feelings. He is worthy of our praise, and He hears our desperate cries. I appreciated the questions for reflection and suggested exercises at the end of each chapter. Even though I only took part in a few of these activities, I jotted down some questions to explore in my daily writing pages. Here are a few I hope to explore further:

• "What things are more difficult for you to be honest about?"
• "What are you afraid will happen if you are fully honest to God and others?"
• Listen to "40," by U-2 and watch "Bono & Eugene Peterson: The Psalms"
• Write your own psalm
• "In what specific way do you wish for God, or for others, to be present to you in your lament today?"
• Study a psalm of lament and write your own psalm of lament
• "Write down specific things that have caused you to become upset or angry.... Write down in as much detail as you can how these experiences have made you feel.... Welcome God into this process."
• "What things make it hard for you to practice joy?"
• "What are the things in your life that help you feel God's pleasure when you're doing them?"

While this was not a book I could absorb well when I attempted it in audio form, I fared much better with time and opportunity to reflect. I will strive to be open and honest with God and with others. Full vulnerability is difficult and intimidating, but valuable. At least with God, I believe complete openness allows the chance to unload what burdens without fear of rejection or judgment. Opportunities for that with people are few; with God, it is always possible. And when words escape me, I can always pray the psalms.

Book Review: Lady in Waiting

I am always searching for two things: decent, wholesome audio books to fill my treadmill time and entertaining, quality television series to watch in the evenings. I recently binged on the five seasons of PBS's Poldark. Before watching Downton Abbey twice, I watched The Crown. I loved their choice of Helena Bonham Carter to play Princess Margaret. She did an excellent job portraying the firebrand sister to the queen. Thus, I thought I would enjoy Anne Glenconner's memoir, Lady in Waiting: My Extraordinary Life in the Shadow of the Crown. Although it was interesting and very colorful, it veered away from decent, wholesome territory. I eagerly awaited bits about the royal family, but the book focused primarily on the author's life and only tangents on her time and work as Princess Margaret's Lady in Waiting.

Earls are often disappointed when they sire only girls. Thus, despite being the eldest, the author could not inherit the family estate. Living near the royal family's country estate of Sandringham, Anne grew up playing with the royal sisters, Elizabeth and Margaret. I enjoyed hearing the more down-to-earth bits. As a teen, she took her family pottery business to America to sell their wares. She talked of the strange events where one month she was travelling on Greyhound buses across the United States, and the next month she was preparing to serve as Maid of Honor for Queen Elizabeth's Coronation. Her colorful family life exuded flamboyance and flair. They bought a Caribbean island, hosted parties, and even bought an elephant at one point. She endured much sadness. Her volatile husband was unpredictable (left his estate to his manservant). Her sons were fraught with conflict (the eldest addicted to drugs, the second battled AIDS, and the third was nursed back to life after a motorcycle accident left him in a prolonged coma). Despite rubbing shoulders with many famous individuals, the author still struck me as unpretentious and genuine.

The most puzzling thing about my audio experience with the book: at the end, the announcer declares it has been a book of fiction and any resemblance to real persons is a coincidence. I could find nothing online to corroborate this assertion. Billed as a memoir, it seems to portray genuine relationships and events. Glenconner's life story will certainly entertain anyone who enjoys reading about royalty or aristocracy.