I took our old camcorder videos to have them transferred to DVDs (am supposed to get them back today, in fact). Our library offers use of a machine for transferring VHS to DVD for free, but it has been closed since the lockdown started and besides, you must sit there at the machine throughout the lengthy process. While viewing the mini-camcorder tapes to discern chronological order, I viewed a bit of Bryce's birth video (not the actual birthing process, of course, but the preliminary days as my belly expanded and the initial days of his welcome home). John taped me on my 31st birthday, with infant Bryce lying on my chest and me piping up with "This is the best birthday present - to hold my newborn."
This past weekend, I celebrated my 55th birthday. Again, the best birthday present? Having my 24-year-old son home from Texas for a week-long visit! He drove all the way from Houston to see us and brought gifts: a set of my favorite colored pens for journaling and a copy of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins. I was tardy in placing my name on the library's hold list and dreaded waiting for 30 others to use their 3 week turn. Both Sean and I will enjoy the book. I also appreciated John's gifts (a t-shirt that reads "At times I think to myself, 'Drop the book and get stuff done!' Then, I laugh and turn the page." Plus, a new Sony CD player - much needed for my treadmill listening). We had a cook-out and DQ ice cream cake for dessert. It was fun to combine our celebrations, as we gave Bryce his belated birthday gifts.
We're laughing because I had to stand on the hearthstone in order to get my face close enough to his (he's almost 6'2") - ha!
Virtual Viewing:
Carey Nieuwhof wrote an interesting article outlining 7 new disruptive church trends. I can attest to 1 detail. Instead of viewing my home church's service, I tend to view Salvation Army services (often the Oakbrook Terrace corps service, where my brother and his family attend and where my nephew and his wife serve on the worship team). In addition, I seek the sermons of great preachers and apologists. This week, I've sought the convicting and inspiring words of Ravi Zacharias. A brilliant and articulate champion of the faith, Ravi died of cancer last week. If you have the time, I highly recommend this 12 minute video sharing some of his final thoughts:
Two longer (35-40 minute), but worthy investments of time: His Passion conference sermon and a sermon from Gateway Church, both from January 2020. I've also been watching the sermons of Dr. David Jeremiah. This 4 minute snippet of Dr. Jeremiah's sermon outlining all the positive results from past times of sheltering is encouraging:
When not listening to sermons, I relish Salvation Army brass banding fare. Here's a virtual performance of the Salvation Army song, "I'll Stand for Christ":
And I don't know if this Facebook video link will work (not sure what the poster has for privacy settings), but an outstanding performance of "Day by Day".
Close-up Viewing:
I bought a cedar bluebird feeder for John and he put it up in his bird sanctuary behind the house:
For days, it sat untouched, so John removed the plexiglass. Although I've seen a bird or two swoop in, grab seed, and fly away, this is primarily what I see when I sit at my upstairs desk (not the new desk), gazing out the window:
We get plenty of goldfinches, house finches, indigo buntings, bluejays, cardinals, orioles, hummingbirds, and woodpeckers:
I've also seen a fox (didn't capture photos) and a brown baby mink right up on the stones, catching a chipmunk, but the photo is unclear, and when I tried to crop it (mink in mddle of photo), it only blurred:
Thankfully, he came back (just now) and I captured some clearer shots:
Usually, we only see raccoons, skunks, opossums, and deer. Plus, I noticed a part-albino squirrel that lives in a nearby tree (full white tail, white underbelly, and four white paws - again no photos).
Purging:
Despite the sentiment on my new t-shirt, I applied myself to get something done and weeded through Sean's and my clothes. I know they were favorites, but did I really think I'd get back into those size 8 pants someday? We sent about ten bags to Goodwill, much to my husband's delight (oh, how that man loves to purge and re-organize).
Pondering:
After viewing videos of my days in DeKalb (prior to our move to IN when Bryce was 10) and reminiscing on my days in Oxford (thanks to a gentle stirring from a memoir), I've been pondering the irretrievable loss of my former self. I used to be intrepid: flew to NY without a job or housing lined up, walked across Harlem alone on a Saturday morning, seized whatever opportunities came my way, including the Wheaton-in-England program where I studied at Oxford). I used to be unflappable, handling unexpected changes with grace and understanding. Aggressive and driven, I had so many goals and dreams and wasn't the slightest bit intimidated by any of them. I handled any shifting path. Now, as John likes to say, I'm fragile. I don't rebound when difficulties arise, or handle stresses or changes in expectations. I'm nervous and easily irritated. I'm fearful and pessimistic.
At the beginning of the pandemic, I worried shortages might limit access to the medication for my clinical depression, so I began taking it every other day, until John insisted I go back to my normal dosage. All of that to say, I'm deeply saddened by my altered personality. Yet, no matter how much I wish to go back to the person I once was, I can see she's gone for good. If I had to pinpoint the alteration, it coincided with the isolation and identity-shift stemming from our move to Indiana and the birth of my last son at age 41. After almost fourteen years of this altered reality, I may never go back to being more adventurous than anxious, more driven than despairing, or more fearless than fragile. If I had known I was crossing the Rubicon, would I have entered the boat? R.I.P., old Wendy. Just know, you are sorely missed!
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