Compared to ES's Week

Perhaps last week was a bit too much for me to sit down and blog about. But, tonight, after sharing YS's relatively difficult day, I must fill you in on ES's difficult week. Only four more months until we have a teenager in our home. I feel so anxious and unprepared.

I always feel a bit leery when ES begins to hang with a new friend. It is not because I am worried that the new friend will be a harmful influence. Rather, I know the stages my son goes through when courting a new friend. In the beginning, it seems, he is overly-eager to impress. Given that I know this trend, you would think I would have been more alert to possible outcomes last week. Alas, though I know my child, I remained clueless.

Last weekend, Robert had called to say he wanted to go hunting in our woods (I believe he said it is the last weekend in the season???). On Sunday of that weekend, ES begged to have a new friend come over. He wanted to show him our woods and take a walk back to the barn. Where was my mother antennae? It should have been screaming, "Warning! Warning! Red Alert! Red Alert! Danger! Danger!"

We attempted to call Robert, but couldn't reach him. Hubby decided to let the older boys go for their walk anyway. When the boys returned my antennae was trying to pick up some sort of message. They seemed to be chuckling over something and I did enquire, but they passed it off as nothing. They decided to head over to the friend's house.

Just after they left, Robert called. He wanted me to know that some kids must have been messin' around near our barn and knocked out one of the windows with a brick or a 2 x 4. I immediately said, "Or perhaps my kid ... since he was just back there for a walk with his friend ..."

Robert said, "I'm not wantin' ta get anyone inta trouble." He explained that he had gone into the woods around 10:30 that morning and when he returned to his truck around 3 p.m., he noticed the damage to the window. We were truly thankful for his keen observation!

My husband called ES to see when he planned on coming home. When I heard him begin to question ES, my first thought was "Oh, what are you doing? We should question him here, where we can watch his body language while he answers!"

Sure, enough, I could tell that ES was claiming ignorance and innocence. My husband persisted in probing and encouraging honesty. Finally, I think he threw in the tid-bit of information that Robert had called and the damage occurred some time between his arrival and his departure. I'm guessing that is what suddenly made honesty seem more appealing than dishonesty.

As we sat him down for a parent-child heart-to-heart, we explained that his attempted deceit bothers us far more than the broken window. With our new distrust, came a new set of restrictions and boundaries. We reminded him that he would need to re-establish our trust by behaving in a trustworthy manner. In addition, he is required to pay for the cost of the repair.

I must say his pre-teen perspective is a little hard to understand. He admitted that he was trying to show off. Furthermore, he felt that damaging a window on his own property shouldn't be considered vandalism. "Besides, it is just an old barn full of old equipment," he quipped. We were pretty sure the man who farms this land and stores his equipment in our old barn wouldn't agree (thankfully, he also raised sons).

How quickly parent-child conversations fade from their memory! On Saturday, he begged to go over to a different friend's house. I reluctantly agreed, figuring he'd had a whole week indoors and they would probably spend time playing the friend's Wii.

A few hours later, my husband answered the phone. I could tell it wasn't a good conversation. When he hung up, he said, "Here's the address to (the new friend's) house. ES needs you to bring him dry clothes and shoes. I'm not goin' to pick him up."

I'm pretty sure ES expected to see me pull up instead of his father. I squirmed as I introduced myself to the other boy's father. He was in the same frame of mind as my husband - livid! As ES took the clothes from me, he handed over his ruined cell phone - a recent Christmas present.

On the drive home, I asked what had happened and why he called from the other boy's house.

"Well, we were at C's house, but then his mom kicked us out. I knew we didn't want to all go to my house because you guys don't trust me would make us stay in the house and do boring stuff. So we were walking around K's neighborhood. We went to the pond and I walked across to the middle. The other guys were all like 'Dude, man, how can you do that? Dude?' C. wouldn't even go on the ice. He said, 'I'm not retarded!' D. only walked on the edge. Then, I said,'Somebody's gotta come out here with me,' so K. did. At first, he was right behind me, but then he went back. When I got to the middle this time, the ice broke and I went in. The water was up to my neck and I couldn't feel the bottom at all. K. thought I was gonna die, so he came back over by me to try to help out, but the ice broke under him, too. But, where he was, the water only went up to his waist. I pulled myself up and out of the ice."

Of course, I had plenty of questions. I asked where the pond is in relation to K's house and why they walked all the way there when he was only wearing a sopping wet t-shirt, hoodie and jeans? His explanation?

"Well, we were gonna go to E's house cuz' she's the closest, but then, I knew I had to get out of my clothes and they wouldn't have any boy clothes I could change into. I asked D, if we could go to his house, but he said, 'No way. My mom would freak if she knew we were on the pond.' K. and I had to walk to his house, since my cell-phone was soaked in my pocket."

His final thoughts were clinchers, too. He said, "Man, I'm never walking across ice with my cell phone in my pocket again. I should have handed it to C. He was the only one who wouldn't get on the ice."

I can't remember my responses too well. I remember saying something like, "I don't think that's going to be a problem for you, since you won't have a cell phone to worry about." I also remember informing him that this wasn't exactly the best way to earn back our trust.

He tried to ask if he could buy a new cell phone with his own money. I remember my response to that one. "What money? All your money is going to pay for the repair to the barn window/s (I still haven't seen it, so I'm not sure if it was one or two)." He didn't think it would require ALL of his money. I said, "You'd be surprised!"

So, ES is still alive and didn't end up contracting pneumonia. YS merely had an ER trip for croup and a small steam burn. I have three sons and at least sixteen more years before they become entirely responsible for themselves. SIXTEEN YEARS! Whoever said "Children keep you young?"