In Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament, Mark Vroegop validates our need for lament and teaches how to lament. Pouring out our complaints to God is NOT sin when we are addressing Him and allowing those complaints to move us to affirm faith. As Vroegop asserts, "Lament is the transition between pain and promise, the path from heartbreak to hope." This book considers several Psalms that express lament and also the book of Lamentations. After studying Lamentations in my Bible Study Fellowship group, I devoured Vroegop's writing on this subject. David, Jeremiah, and other Bible greats pour out their agonies to God. So can I.
Sadly, I've been spurned by other Christians who believed my vehement "why?" was an affront to God's sovereignty. In my opinion, God is big enough to handle my questions. Yet, in two separate struggles with my children, when my parental heart wept and complained to God, others chastised me. They viewed my lament as talking back to God.
In the first struggle, I allowed my grief and anguish to dry up my complaints to God. I went silent. Oh, how I loved Vroegop's insistence that we not go silent. God's ear is the very place we need to bring our despair. He shared the exact feelings I used to have in church. Others sang about God's love, while I wondered why He didn't feel loving to me amid my trial. The silence led to distance. The distance would have remained... but God. He pursued and I returned.
In the second struggle, others again berated me for speaking my despair. They insisted I was allowing my circumstances to dictate my faith. Not so! Why are so many Christians unwilling to sit with another Christian in lament? My trial knocked me to my knees, but this time I did not go silent. I persisted in pouring out my heart's emotions to the Lord. I penned the poems in my book, Watching the Wayward. Even as I expressed deep agony, He wove it into declarations of dependence.
Two phrases will remain rooted in my head after reading this book. When Dr. John Piper heard of the Vroegops' trial, he wrote, "Keep trusting the One who keeps you trusting." So true! We cannot muster the faith and trust we need. We protest and He places our hand back in His own. In the dedication, Mark Vroegop introduces a quote they now live by: "Hard is hard; hard is not bad." May we learn to sit with the hard, speak with the Father, and side with the Sovereign.
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Addendum: I found this quote on a friend's Facebook page - so apt!
"When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." - Henri Nouwen
4 comments:
Your book, Watching the Wayward, is a beautiful example of godly lament. I learned a lot reading Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy and appreciate how the author gives readers specific steps that lead to healthy lament. Ditto your review - great book!
Gretchen - Thanks for your kind words about my book. Yes, I do think it is full of godly lament. Life's circumstances may flood us with anguish, but when we pour our woes out to the Father, He reminds us He has our best interests in mind and can handle even our darkest days. Glad you enjoyed Vroegop's book, too.
My mom asked a lot of questions especially why questions. She was also a woman of faith and I didn't really understand how the two fit together until I read this book. Now, I try to defend Christians who are lamenting from those who don't understand.
Sharon - Thanks for visiting the blog. Yes, I think both facts, that life is hard and God is good, can be acknowledged simultaneously. Thanks for standing alongside those who lament. I've been recommending this book to others repeatedly.
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