A Very Quiet Birthday

This weekend, my husband decided to give me the best birthday gift I could desire these days - some peace and quiet and downtime from my intense boys. Originally, he was supposed to take only the two little boys on a trip to visit my in-laws for Memorial Day weekend. ES planned to remain here to hang out with friends.

Friday was ES's first official day of his summer break. I wanted to make it a good one, so I took the boys out for Pizza Hut. The two little boys had earned a free pizza from the Book-It program through their preschool. I had a coupon for the lunch buffet, but I wasn't sure it would be honored in conjunction with the Book-It certificates. Still, I went ahead and asked my waitress anyway. She told me that she would check.

The little boys were able to get the buffet (instead of a small personal pan). ES ate 10 pieces of pizza (no stomach issues rearing an ugly head these days, thankfully). They were all well-behaved (except for one moment, when I was up at the buffet and MS yelled out for all to hear "Mo-om, B----- spit on me!"). It was really a lovely experience.

Then, our waitress went and made it even lovelier. She brought me the bill and attempted to explain what she had done. I still don't really understand it. She handed the buffet coupon back to me and said "Use that next time, dear." Our bill came to $8.52.

I left the little boys home with ES and went to two local garage sales (hoping to find a twin bed frame for ES, who is getting a bit lanky for the loft bed). I was thrilled to find an extra booster for MS for only $5 (now we won't have to swap the car seats out of the van and into the car when hubby drives them) and a turtle sandbox, with lid, for only $5. (I had hoped to upload a photo of a twin bed frame being offered for $50 on one of our country side-roads, but first I must learn how to blur the phone number.)

At some point, on my drive the tire pressure light came on. Later that night, when hubby checked it over, he couldn't find a puncture so he merely refilled the tire.

O.K. That was our lovely Friday. Enter not-so-lovely Saturday. I woke to a note from hubby, informing me that the tire on the van was flat again and that he would have to take the car to my in-laws' house. He didn't think anything would be open for fixing it since it was a holiday weekend. I had visions of a weekend stuck at home with my ES and his social agenda. (Thankfully, I asked hubby to refill the tire before they left and I drove it to Wal-mart and they had it patched in a little over an hour - ya-rah!)

It would be nice if I could blame the little boys Saturday morning behavior on the pop-tarts I allowed them to have for breakfast, but alas, I would only be fooling myself (they behave this way even on whole grain cereal). They were whirling dervishes of disaster. They trashed literally every room in our house. They pulled all the costumes out of the costume boxes. They pulled the cushions off the couches. They dumped every container of toys. They sent a push toy hurtling down the stairs and ... surprise, the wheel broke off.

When ES called from his friend's house (after a sleep-over), I had to tell him to walk home. The minute he got in the door he wanted to invite friends over and wanted my camera. On Friday, ES and a friend had begged my camera off of me, saying they wanted to make videos of themselves doing stupid things. For some reason Saturday morning (little boy behavior??), I just didn't want to hand the camera over. The more he begged, the more suspicious I felt.

When I viewed the camera footage, I began to understand exactly what they had been up to. I was livid. So livid, in fact, that when hubby returned home from work, I informed him that ES would be joining them on the visit to my in-laws. I won't upload the videos, but I'm pretty sure he was thinking he was going to upload them to You Tube at some point. I don't think so.

In one video, ES has shoved two small balls into his shirt to provide a make-shift bust. He is standing by the side of the road, holding a sign which says "Honk if you like my b@@bs!" In another, he has a basketball under his shirt, with a sign reading "Honk if you support teen pregnancy!" In another video, he is beating himself on the legs with a prickly plant to reveal the large welts and boils which quickly pop up as a result. The most infuriating one, shows him offering a suggestion for curing a stomach ache. He sprays his stomach with AXE (hmm, shall I now confiscate all AXE and allow him to smell like the ripe teenager he is au' natural?) and then lights it on FIRE!

Oh my word. This is the very start of summer, for crying out loud. Of course, I wanted to tell him that he will now be spending the rest of his summer in his room reading a thousand pages (which could feasibly take that boy far longer than one summer to complete). Instead, my camera and the lighters have all been hidden. The signs have been shredded into the trash. He won a free trip to Grandma's house for Memorial Day Weekend.

What did I win? A very quiet birthday. Today, I slept in this morning. I lit into the house with an enthusiasm that only comes when I am home alone without whirling dervishes to destroy every effort I make at cleaning this house. I spent 7 hours cleaning. Then, I took myself out to dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant and ordered a cheese and a spinach quesadilla (yum-yum). I sat in the booth, ignoring the Indy 500 coverage and reading a good fiction book (forget those darn non-fiction ones I keep trying to complete). It was an odd, but truly wonderful, relaxing and productive birthday. And did I mention it was QUIET?? Oh, the bliss!