Book Review: The Gifts of Imperfection

Who hasn't heard the buzz surrounding Brene' Brown? As the back cover proclaims, "Her TED talks have been viewed by millions, and her work has been featured on PBS, NPR, CNN, and OWN's 'Super Soul Sunday' with Oprah Winfrey." I think I've avoided her books because of the hype (This was selected for my on-line book club, but I failed to secure a copy of the book in time). Plus, with The Gifts of Imperfection, the subtitle (Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are) made me suspicious from the outset that it would be another encouragement to "love yourself" more.

I'm very skeptical of this movement to embrace self. I believe it is a far better practice to focus on others and diminish attention to oneself. What seems like an inability to love yourself often stems from loving yourself too much and thereby thinking you should have more or be more or gain more attention. I just don't buy the whole argument that you cannot love others unless you first love yourself. Perhaps it is because I was raised on the JOY chorus: Jesus first, Yourself last, and Others in-between. When individuals are driven to be themselves more, love themselves more, and prove to the world how worthy they are of love and recognition, it seems to me that everyone around them suffers from their imbalanced emphasis on self.

True to my expectations, within the first few pages the argument begins for tossing aside our feelings of unworthiness so that we will "discover the infinite power of our light," and "cultivate worthiness." Brown attempts to encourage her readers to live wholeheartedly, to be their authentic selves, and to accept their imperfections. While those goals are noble (who wants to befriend someone who is ingenuine? or for that matter, perfect?), I keep coming back to the idea that our worth is not found in ourselves but in living for God and for others. We cannot measure our worth by what we accomplish or what we've accumulated. Moreover, I don't want to be striving for self-worth. I'm sure I would do well to have more of God and less of me.

Brown does mention faith and prayer, but in a very general way. Still, I felt the structure was sound. In each chapter, she focuses on something to cultivate and something to let go. I cannot fault her for stressing the need to cultivate authenticity, resilience, gratitude, creativity, and meaningful work and play. I thoroughly agree with her assertion that "our imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we're all in this together. Imperfectly, but together." And, in my writing, I'm always practicing the mantra she prescribes, "Today, I'm going to believe that showing up is enough."

I loved the vowel checklist she mentioned from a Twelve Step meeting: A- Have I been Abstinant? E- Have I Exercised? I- What have I done for myself today? O- What have I done for Others? U- Am I carrying Unexpressed emotions? Y- Yeah! What is something good that's happened today? Reflection is good for the soul.

I appreciated the bit on the importance of play and rest. I live with someone who was raised to think the measure of a person's worth is tied up in their productivity. Wholehearted living certainly demands time to simply enjoy life. Just like in one of my favorite books, The Gift of Pain, by Dr. Paul Brand and Philip Yancey, imperfection is also a gift. We tend to want to avoid it or explain it away, yet it can and should be embraced. So, I do think Brene' Brown hit the nail on the head with the title of this book and there is certainly value in exploring and embracing our imperfections.