Sick at Heart

I don't often get on the computer before 9 p.m. at night. However, yesterday, I had logged on to quickly locate a recipe I wanted to make for my hubby for Valentine's day. It was about 4 in the afternoon and my little boys were sleeping and ES was at a wrestling meet. After printing out the recipe, I decided to quickly peek at my mail to see if there was anything interesting. Sadly, I did have an e-mail which drew my attention. One of the workers with Campus Crusade for Christ, back in DeKalb, IL, where we used to live, had sent an e-mail regarding "Gunman on campus." This was sent in the midst of the chaos which exploded at Northern Illinois University yesterday and he explained that all the buildings were still on lock-down. I immediately called my hubby to tell him.

I have to say, I have been thinking about this horrendous situation ever since I opened that e-mail. My heart is sick with a longing to embrace all in DeKalb who are dealing with this tragedy. I think about the school I used to work for and wonder how they are discussing this with their students today. I feel for the father of the gunman both in the loss of his son and in the difficulty of sitting with the knowledge that his own son took the lives of innocent bystanders on his final day. I wonder how and why these type of events continue to occur in our world. I wonder how best to respond. I want to send words of sympathy to the families of these college students, even to the family of the perpetrator, to share in their grief. I offer up my prayers for these families and for the wider rippling effect that this event will have on so many people.

It also makes me reflect on the fact that there are so many things I will not be able to shelter my children from. I will send them off to school hoping that they have a good day and learn much, but I cannot know what evil might befall them. I can seek the best for my boys, but will always have to submit to the fact that life may and probably will bring them into some difficulties unforeseen. I can pray for their protection, but I cannot, by any means, guarantee it. I have to leave them in the hands of God and trust that, should evil befall them, He will either protect them or give grace to deal with the outcome.

I have no way of making sense of this senseless crime. I pray that good will triumph over evil, that more good than bad will come out of this tragedy. I believe that is possible. Campus Crusade for Christ hopes to distribute copies of Philip Yancey's book, Where Is God When It Hurts? I can think of no better author to point students to at a time like this. In the presence of evil or pain in my life, I have had to choose my reaction. Either, a) there is no God, b) God has abandoned me, or c) evil is inevitable in a fallen world but God can work around it to bring grace and peace. At moments of tragedy in my life, I have often succumbed to the second reaction, but come around to the third. It is my prayer that those intimately involved in this situation will know God's grace and peace, despite this evil.