Dragging My Heels in Nanowrimoland

Yes, yes I am participating.  No, no I'm not feeling very confident about it.  It is not the word count that is shattering my confidence.  No, on day 9, I am already almost 21,000 words into the goal.  It is just that I cannot get a really solid good feeling about the novel I'm writing.  I am experiencing a great deal of self-doubt throughout this endeavor.  The writing is coming.  It isn't that.  It is just that I don't know where the story is going and I don't know how to get the main character where I want her to go, which is to the point of forgiveness.

So what am I writing about?  It is a story about a girl whose father has gone to prison and she refuses to speak to him on the phone or communicate with him in any way.  Something needs to happen to her to get her to the place where she can open her heart back up to her father, but I'm at a total loss as to what it is that is going to happen.  I think in the past, I've always had somewhat of an idea of what brings about the final resolution in my story.  This time, I am flying by the seat of my pants and not liking it one bit.

Plus, there's all this emotional static in my life threatening to distract me.  My sister is going through a particularly difficult time and that is difficult for me to watch or to stand by not knowing where the resolution will come in that situation either.  My niece, who has battled leukemia and been in remission for a long time has a new worrisome spot that must be removed.  In a similar vein, I don't really know much about the details or the prognosis or anything and that leaves me feeling uncomfortable and emotionally stressed.  Then, personally, I'm addressing some issues that have been long-standing and are quite all-consuming in my psyche these days.  I wish I could see the resolution there, as well.

Alas, I am wandering in the dark, trudging on the best I know how and merely filling in the words as they come.  The other stuff ... well, I'll have to take that as it comes, as well.