Sometimes When You Get What You Want, it Doesn't Work Out as Planned

This morning, as I was making my bed, I glanced out the window to see a FedEx truck backing into our driveway. I ran to ES's room and said, "Hey, buddy. I think Christmas just came for you again! There's a FedEx delivery."

It is amazing how expensive Christmas gets when your children hit the pre-teen years. Somehow, their wishes are more extravagent, more definite. ES had only three wishes this year - each of them were big-ticket items. He wanted a set of cymbals, Rock Band 2 (which only came out for Playstation 2 on December 18th) and Guitar Hero World Tour.

Thankfully, his paternal grandparents have always been interested in nurturing any musical interests, so they purchased him a beautiful set of Zildjian cymbals. The cymbals arrived before Christmas and we let him open them early. He has been like a crazy man ever since.

When the cymbals arrived, there was a special catalog tucked in the box offering a $20 discount on any $100 order. Hubby and I decided to spring for a bit more musical equipment and ordered a double-bass drum pedal for him.

What joy to watch his enthusiasm as he opened the box today. My joy gave way to amazement as I watched him figure out on his own (since it came with no instructions) how to put the thing together. I helped him carry the pedal downstairs to his drum set and left him to his revelry.

Unfortunately, amazement soon gave way to discouragement. I wish I knew how to nurture patience and temperance in my sons. Both my ES and MS seem to grow easily frustrated. MS tends to respond with tears and vocalization. ES, on the other hand, tends to pair "flinging" with his vocalization.

Soon, he was upstairs complaining that the thing was "a piece of crap!" I sensed the danger of his possible response and headed back downstairs with him. I tried to encourage him that perhaps he needed some assistance in calibrating the thing. I offered to take the pedal to a local music store and have them look it over to make sure he assembled it correctly. He pointed out his dissatisfaction (the pedal doesn't stay grounded on the floor well - perhaps he needs to put it on carpeting???). Then, he threw the drum key (a tightening device) across the room.

I sent him upstairs - away from the drums. I knew, even as I was praying for patience for him, that patience is only learned through experiences which require patience. He stewed for quite a while. I stewed for quite a while. Then, he came out and apologized for his outburst. I explained that I understood his frustration, but don't appreciate his present reactions to frustrations. I assured him that there was no way in the world that we were going to turn around now and buy him something else. We would have to figure out a way to get the drum pedal working properly. In the meantime, I expected him to avoid the drums and clean his room.

After spending most of my day organizing and straightening, I happily logged on to check my mail. There were quite a few CarePages and Caringbridge updates. In the midst of checking (and hoping to hear more concerning Coleman's recent struggles), I received an e-mail from Renee, telling me to check her blog.

Yay! Christmas came for me today, as well. My number was randomly chosen and I won one of the four recording ornaments. I have asked Renee to send it to Coleman's family and I'm praying that Coleman has enough feisty moments left within him to record a special message for his family this Christmas-time.

Continue to keep Team Larson in your prayers. When Renee wrote back, she informed me that Coleman was Life Flighted to the hospital Christmas Day and has been given 1 or 2 days to live.

I find myself wondering how God decides which kids with cancer survive and which ones join him in heaven. I don't want Coleman to die! I want a miracle. I want something to change for the better so he can walk out of that hospital and live a long full life with his precious family.

But, I know God, too. Sometimes that doesn't happen. Sometimes His will allows a child to succumb to the demon that is cancer. I think of the many people around the world, who are sharing my grief and the fears and intense feelings of all who count themselves one of Team Larson, a team that "Neva Divs Up!"

I want to scream, "Why, God? Why did you allow him to be born only to die? Why did you allow him to be afflicted? Why did you bring each of us to his CarePage to fall in love with these beautiful twin boys, only to feel our hearts break in two?" I don't want to think about the pain and loss Caden and Peggy and Scott are on the threshold of.

My mind keeps hearing the phrase, "Born to Die." Of course, that phrase is meant to describe Christ. We celebrate his birth, knowing full-well that from the outset he was born to die. His birth and death accomplished something miraculous on our behalf. He was born to share in our earthly trials and sufferings and He died to carry the penalty for our sins. How I pray that Coleman's life, however long it is lived, will bring great glory to God. How I pray that God would reach down and give Team Larson the strength to "Neva Div Up." I pray that God would let them know that He understands their pain, having borne the loss of His son, Jesus Christ. I pray that he would bear them along in this journey - carry them when the going gets rough.

Renee is going to try to next day air the recording ornament. I don't know if it will arrive in time or if Coleman will be able to speak even. For now, I celebrate the chance that I was given to walk alongside this family. I am grateful that there is more than just life and death. There is purpose and eternity. Life is precious. Tomorrow I will hug my two little boys again (they have been with Daddy at my in-laws) and will recognize the precious gift of my YS's second birthday. Children are a treasure from the Lord. Hold yours close tonight!