Boys Thrive on Love, Discipline and High Expectations

Last night, after being woken by YS at 4 a.m., I could not get back to sleep. Isn't that a kicker - even when the boys aren't crying, or needing comforting, my brain latches onto an idea and won't let it go. What was I thinking about for an hour? My son's wrestling coach. Now, before you run off to all sorts of silly conclusions, let me explain ...

Last night, I attended a parental meeting for my son's wrestling team. The coach wanted to go over the basics before the meets and conferences begin. It was primarily a discussion of requests for donations of snacks, food allergy questions, meet dismissal instructions and the like. However, what I came away with, was an hour-long-middle-of-the-night-rumination on why I'm pleased with my son's wrestling coach. I have only met the man twice, first when I ran in to deliver the mandatory physical form to one of the earlier practices and second, last night at the meeting. But, I have experienced the results of his great character. After the first practice, my son got into our vehicle and looked like he had been run over by a truck. In fact, he barely spoke after each of the first three practices. Apparently, they did a whole lot of running and sprinting and leg lifts and push ups, etc. The first practice he attended was on a Friday evening. The following Thursday night, ES informed me that he had lost 3 pounds (He's not even 100 lbs., so 3 does make a difference). After one practice, ES informed me that they certainly don't want to make the coach try to beat the push-up record (which is 600 push-ups in one two hour practice). That particular evening, the team had to do 250 push-ups. They did these in 10 sets of 25 throughout the evening and with every push-up they called out "Thank you, John Doe (o.k. - it was a kid's name, but I thought he should remain anonymous to my readers)." You see, John Doe had mouthed off to a teacher in class that day. Another method I've heard of, is the educational questioning during leg lifts. They have to hold the leg lift until some member of the team can answer the particular question posed. Education in the midst of training - I love it!!

This guy is really working these kids to whip them into shape. At the end of the meeting, I mentioned to the coach that my son is really impressed with the hard work they do. In fact, my son was laughing because a few days ago, their gym class was asked to do some light running and every other student was complaining except for the two who happen to be on the wrestling team. Both of them hadn't even broken a sweat. When I shared this, another parent piped in, "Oh yeah, my son goes out for wrestling and soccer, but he always says soccer is a walk in the park compared to the wrestling training."

The team practices four nights a week for two hours and then on Sat. mornings for two and a half hours. The coach invited us to observe a practice. He warned us that he yells a lot and pushes them hard. The coach also wanted to clarify one of his big pet peeves. He explained that he will not allow his wrestlers to flinch, whisper, or move during the national anthem. He expects them to show respect and he has been disappointed in the past when a few parents have tried to speak with their boys during such times. High expectations and discipline are great and boys really do appreciate the men who hold them to high standards. But, I also know that love is an essential ingredient here as well. If the coach were yelling at them and berating them and throwing chairs - it would accomplish nothing. During the entire meeting, the coach's 5 year old son was standing at his side and the coach repeatedly rubbed his shoulder and stroked him. He spoke affectionately of the students and his desire to protect them from injury. You have heard of "speaking the truth, in love," well, it is clear, in watching him and in hearing my son speak of him, that this coach works-them-to-the-bone, in love.

It made me think of one of my favorite teachers in high school - "Harsh Ms. Karsh," as we called her. I had her for English and Creative Writing. She expected a lot and gave tons of homework. Yet, she was one of my favorite teachers and the one who first inspired me to become a teacher. So many of her assignments had a distinctive creative flair. When studying call and response poetry ("Come Live With Me and Be My Love, and We Will All Earth's Pleasures Prove"), we had to write our own call and response poems. I remember somebody wrote call and response poems between Superman and Lois Lane. For Creative Writing, these poems had to be set to music and I wrote mine as one gang inviting another gang to a rumble and presented it to some West Side Story music (that was too funny because my classmates were shocked by my poems ... not what they expected from a reserved, pastor's kid). I suppose Ms. Karsh, like the wrestling coach, knew that to get the best, you must expect the best.

I've been pleased to see my ES rise to the occasion of this vigorous training. He is working hard and enjoying his accomplishments. I found myself thinking that I want to be sure to consistently demonstrate these three ingredients to my son as well, in my parenting. I want him to know that he will be loved, disciplined and held to a high standard. If he wins some meets, too, why that will be just "extra."