What if my ES had been a girl instead of a boy?
I would have been bummed. I had longed for a blond haired, blue eyed baby boy for as long as I can remember. In fact, when I was in high school, we had to carry around egg babies. I say egg babies because I got twins (score - if I had to have the work of twins, I'm glad it was in the round where they were as light as eggs and only remained in my care for a week). My egg babies were girls and I think I named them Collette Nicole and Courtney Lynn. Caring for children must have even felt burdensome back then, because when the assignment was over, my little brother and I took those eggs outside and shot them with dart guns.
All through my pregnancy with ES, I was convinced the baby was a girl. Every dream included my arms bundled with a girl baby. Hubby was convinced it was a boy and he said he was hoping for a girl. He was right. I was happy.
What if MS had been a girl?
Up until a year before MS was conceived, I felt completely happy with the idea of all boys. Then, something shifted (I'm not sure why) and I began to hope for a girl. If MS had been a girl, I might not have been sad at the time, but looking back I would be bummed. If MS had been a girl then we would have most likely been done and I would have missed out on all the joy that is YS. I would never have been able to observe two siblings who are close in age (nerve-wracking, at times, but also endearing).
What if YS had been a girl?
When we discovered that YS would be a third boy, I did cry. I felt such a loss of dreams. No beautiful dresses. No opportunities to french braid hair. No mother-daughter excursions. No bride to beam at (or share my wedding dress with). No chick-flicks with popcorn on a weekend night.
But, man, I would have been bummed now. YS is such an adorable, sweet, tender-hearted little guy. He and MS have such a close bond - at one moment hugging and being the very best of buddies and the next moment slugging one another over some minor infraction. I would have missed out on watching these three boys build such a strong bond of solidarity with each other.
Tonight, ES was in his room playing Rock Band and the two little boys recognized the song and ran in to join him (MS sang into the microphone and YS pretended to play the guitar). These are the moments when three boys feels so right and perfect. Or when they all three head outside to sled or snowboard down the hill in the back yard. I watch them from the window and my heart nearly bursts with joy at their camaraderie. So, we're really quite fine here with three boys.
MS has been begging for a sister, but I think he does that because he knows that my heart used to pine intensely for a girl. I tell him that we are done with babies and besides, he can give me a granddaughter. His reply really irks me. He always quickly says, "But, you'll be dead by then." Thanks a lot, mister. Maybe I'd better head back up to review that second question again. Hee-hee.
Seriously, though, I would have missed out on these three wonderful boys if they had been girls. I'm pretty sure now that God knew exactly what he was doing. I'm not a girly girl. I would have truly been lost with daughters. Moreover, the friction could have been more intense than I'd like to experience. I'm feeling quite blessed that God's plan worked out the way it did.
How about you? What if your children had been girls instead of boys, or vice versa? Could that plan have felt just as comfortable? Do you still pine for something that never was?
As for me, my blog title wouldn't have worked as well. Of Books and Girls just doesn't have the same ring does it?